SWNOVELS Queens and Monsters: Chapter 42
Turns out lying to Dray’s face was harder than I expected. Luckily he was exhausted.
“Here,” was all he said as he patted his chest, the word almost slurring.
I crawled into the bed and snuggled into his side, resting my cheek against the hard muscle of his chest. We were both warm and sleepy from the ritual drinking everyone performed to prepare for tomorrow’s battle. I still expected us to have our own little party when we got home, but it turns out the combination of constant worry, planning, and drinking, is pretty exhausting. I could barely keep my eyes open.
Dray held me tight for a moment, then relaxed, his breath almost immediately falling into a rhythm. Sleep was close. “I love you, Rhysa.”
“I love you, too.” But I’m also going to do the exact thing you asked me not to do. Please don’t hate me.
“Promise me you’ll stay safe.” His arms tightened around me again.
I pushed up so I could look at him–which turned out to be a terrible idea because it made me want to confess. “The last thing I want is to distract you. I will stay safe.”
He grumbled.
“I will! You want to know why?”
That caught his interest. He lifted his chin. “Why?”
“Because I need you to stay safe. And I know if you’re worrying about me you’ll be distracted. I can’t have you distracted. Not even for a moment. So I’ll stay safe so you don’t have to worry about anything other than winning.”
“Fine.” He grunted and pulled me back in for another crushing hug. “But if anything happens–anything at all–reach out through the Plane. I’ll come for you.”
And abandon his place in the battle? I think not. “I will remain safe or shift to safety before I allow myself to be compromised.” All true. Maybe this lying thing wasn’t so hard after all.
“Good. Now no more talking. I want to feel you fall asleep.”
“Bossy.”
“Can’t help that I find sleeping beside you more comforting than sex or blood.”
That was really sweet. I snuggled back in, memorizing how it felt to be held by Dray. Would we ever do this again? Even if we both survived, would we be the same? I somehow doubted it. I had so much hope for the future, but none of it was guaranteed.
Not Dray’s warmth or the way his skin seemed to sizzle when it met mine. His grunts. Especially when they really meant he loved me. Even that big overprotective urge to keep me safe would be different after tomorrow.
“What are you thinking about?”
I froze. Busted. “I’m memorizing you.”
He gave a faint grunt of acknowledgement. “I could tell. You’re barely breathing.”
And he was super attuned to every one of my breaths. I better fall asleep before I started confessing. I closed my eyes and redoubled my efforts. The high of fresh blood and Dray’s warmth helped lull me closer to sleep.
Until he spoke. “I’m memorizing you too. I’m—I’m afraid you won’t feel the same about me after tomorrow.”
What on earth? “Why?”
“Battle is ugly. Death even uglier. If you see me…you might not like me.”
“I’ve seen you as a dragon. That was pretty damn terrifying, but it never changed how I felt about you. Not even a little.”
“I don’t think it’s the same Rhysa. Not even a little.”
“Perhaps not.” I ran my fingertips over the dips and curves of his body, appreciating how much they looked like art in the moonlight. “But it would have to be something quite profound to change this.” I rested my palm against his heart. “There’s a human poem about having the heart of the people we love inside us. I’ve always been fascinated by the idea but never understood it until I met you.”
Dray was part of me now. I felt him with me every second. And not just in the Fated kind of way, but in an emotional, trusting, I’ve taken your heart and am responsible for it, kind of way. “We both just need to acknowledge that tomorrow we’ll make choices we wouldn’t have in different circumstances and be forgiving of that.” Were my motives here selfish.
Yes. Yes, they were.
“Wielding Dreadnought will automatically change me. I’ll be more aggressive. More powerful. More…ready to kill.”
“It’s a war, Dray. I don’t expect it to be a bloodless battle. Why are you so concerned how this will affect me?” I sat up again, searching his eyes for clues to this sudden fear.
He glanced away, avoiding my gaze, stared out the window at the trees on the mountainside lit by the crescent moon. “When I transform I lose control. It’s similar to how I feel when Dreadnought is in my hands for a long period of time. Like it hijacks my mind. I don’t like it.”
And for a male who always likes to be in control… “It’s not controlling you. It’s…it’s enhancing you.” There were some benefits to having a connection to the sword. Things I knew without knowing why I knew them.
Dray turned back; his eyes full of questions. “Did you feel it? When you wielded the sword?”
I shrugged a little. “Echoes of it maybe? There’s a synergy there. The way it connects to your blood and hums along with your heartbeat and the electricity moving from atom to atom, cell to cell.” But it was different for me. Those echoes were from Dray and his ancestors. I didn’t feel them connected to my bloodstream.
“What do you feel then? When you hold Dreadnought?”
“The Plane. It feels like I’m holding the Plane in my hands. Moving with the currents and the air. It’s the dragon’s egg that gets me.” Touching the stone embedded in the hilt felt like tapping into an electrical source I could control at my will.
Dray grunted again, using his strong arms to urge me back down against his chest. I complied, sleep pulling at me even harder. “Maybe,” I whispered into the dark, “it connects us both to the sword. There has to be a reason you shift into something that no longer exists, something that connects to me.”
Maybe one day the Plane would reveal her secrets to us. Living in a mystery wasn’t as much fun as I hoped it would be.