Queen of the Freaks

The next night I was excitedly getting ready to go to the party with my tunes cranked and my cat quietly observing. It was the Fourth of July and I was going to one of THE parties of the summer and meeting up with a smoking hot guy so I had to look good. I assessed myself in the mirror.

Hair perfectly straightened (and still blonde)…check.

Smokey eye makeup with lots of mascara…check.

Push up bra, cute tank top, denim cutoffs and flip flops…check.

One last look to make sure my wings were safely tucked away and fangs were retracted and then grabbed my sweater and keys. I was feeling pretty confident that I had the magical powers under control and could totally balance both lifestyles.

Finn and I had come to an agreement. He was going to stay away from the party but I was to keep my cell phone on me at all times so he could track my location on his laptop. We had installed a tracking software and he would immediately know if I wandered (or was taken) away from the party location. Being a vampire, he could run at super speed to get to me if he needed to. Not that I was worried about anything bad happening, but it made Finn somewhat less crabby.

I had my music blasting the entire drive through the bumpy back road, ignoring the spot where Finn and I had seen Jim’s creepy eyes for the first time. I got to the party and saw lots of unlit fireworks and red, white and blue plastic cups everywhere. It looked very patriotic. I grabbed one of the white cups and tried some of the red punch that was sitting on a nearby table alongside a box of wine and keg of beer. The punch was so strong that it burned my throat on the way down. Excellent! I chugged the entire cup and re-filled it, hoping the alcohol kicked in fast. I walked around the party, stopping to mingle with a few people I knew and avoiding some of my former co-workers. I didn’t see Josh (aka my hot date!) anywhere.

At least two hours and four cups of punch later, I was starting to feel bored. The alcohol wasn’t really kicking in. I didn’t feel any buzz, which was weird because it literally burned my throat every time I took a drink. Usually after five drinks I was stumbling and slurring. Neither was happening. Everyone else looked like they were having a good time though. There was lots of dancing, laughing and a few make out sessions going on. I spent some time with some people I knew from work and school but really I just wanted to find Josh. I kept looking around for him and he didn’t seem to be anywhere. I was starting to feel frustrated and—even worse—rejected.

I texted Amy again and wished that she could have been at the party. I hadn’t heard from her in days, which was odd considering how many times she had tried contacting me since my birthday.

It was nice to be out with normal people again but I felt like something was missing. It wasn’t as fun as I was expecting it to be. I walked around one more time, looking for Josh, before heading towards my Jeep. I had my keys in one hand and my phone in the other. My brain told me that five drinks was way too many to be driving and that I should be calling Finn to come pick me up, but my body felt annoyingly sober and completely competent to drive.

My brain won the internal battle. I pressed Finn’s number on my contact list and then felt the hand on my arm.

“You can’t leave before the fireworks,” he whispered into my ear. I hung up my phone and turned to face him.

“Where were you? I looked all over for you?”

“Did you miss me sweetheart?” He touched my neck again with his finger. My anger quickly disappeared.

“Come on, I know the perfect place to watch the fireworks.” His hand grabbed my keys and he jumped in the driver’s seat of my Jeep. Finally, my night was getting more exciting! I hopped in the passenger seat and we took off down the road. We were going a little faster than I felt comfortable going, especially in the dark and in the woods, but I felt like I could trust Josh. I was pretty sure this wasn’t his first time driving top speed down this road.

We reached a clearing that was to the right of the main road and he pulled the Jeep to an abrupt stop. The headlights let me see that it was a very pretty area with lots of moss under three big trees that were near an edge of a steep hill. He turned the lights off and I was momentarily blind until my vampire night vision kicked in. I hoped it was the only power that kicked in tonight and that my wings continued to stay in their hiding spot.

I got out of the Jeep and took in my surroundings. It was very quiet compared to the loud party. I could only barely hear a bit of the music and laughter in the distance.

I felt Josh’s arms wrap around my waist and his breath against my hair.

“You look amazing tonight, definitely the prettiest girl at the party,” I was about to ask again where he was all night but he moved my hair to the side and started to kiss my neck. I closed my eyes and let out a low moan each time his lips touched my bare skin. Each time he kissed me it felt like my neck was on fire. I wasn’t sure if the alcohol was finally kicking in or if this was some enhanced vampire/fairy power feeling but I liked it. Really, really liked it.

My back started to tingle and my eyes popped open. I quickly turned around to face him, hoping he hadn’t felt or seen anything unusual on my back. He seemed to take my quick turnaround as a good sign because he smiled and cupped my face in his hands. I knew he was about to kiss me so I leaned in towards him. I could hear the high pitched whistle of a firework being set off in the distance and momentarily thought “what perfect timing” before I felt the heat of his lips and—

HOLY SHIT!

Pain seared through my upper chest and I staggered back, gasping for air. I swear to God I was on fire! I looked down but didn’t see anything on my skin. No flames, no stake was sticking out of my chest, no scars. The fireworks were starting to go off in the sky and Josh was looking at me strangely.

“I’m sorry. The um…fireworks just ah…startled me a bit that’s all,” I half laughed and stepped towards him again to show him I was okay. I was so angry at myself for acting like a spaz. He must’ve thought I was a freak. Oh wait, I was.

I stepped even closer to him, bringing my face close to his again and smiled, silently encouraging him to continue on towards our kiss while the fireworks were still going off. He looked a little less eager this time, but tilted his head down nonetheless. His face kept getting closer and I could feel his breath on mine and then—

WHAT THE FUCK?

The searing pain shot through my chest and throat and I thought I was going to burst into a ball of fire. I stumbled backwards again and this time I tripped over a tree root and fell smack on my ass.

That’s when I saw the yellow eyes behind Josh.

“Josh, look out!” He heard me but it was too late. The goblin slammed a log across Josh’s head and he was out cold on the mossy ground.

The fireworks were still going off but all I noticed was Jim’s slow, creepy smile.

“All right green-assed bastard, you’re going down.” I took off my flip flops to show him I meant business.

I leapt up and towards his left side. He was prepared this time with a rolling tuck so I didn’t get to smack him. Huh. He didn’t seem this fast last time I fought him. I tried again, this time charging his right side and preparing to give him a kick to the kidneys but again he dodged my foot and jumped to the side. Remembering my fancy-schmancy move from last time, I jumped over him again but to my surprise, mid-way through my airtime he hauled out a long handmade spear and ripped a line of skin off my right leg.

“Ow! You asshole, that hurt!” I glanced at my leg and thought about the scar that would most likely be left there for the whole world to see when I wore shorts or skirts. How dare he tarnish one of my best features! Anger built up inside of me and I grabbed a nearby branch, ripping it off the tree. I acted like I was going to try to whack his head with the branch so that all of his attention went to where the branch was headed, but instead I kicked him straight in the nads. Hard. Assuming goblins had nads, which I assumed he did by the way he doubled over in extreme pain and agony, cradling his crotch in his grubby little hands.

“That’s for ruining my date, you little fucker,” I smacked him as hard as I could over the head with the tree branch and watched as he crumpled to the ground. “And that’s for being an annoying son of a bitch.”

“Ti?” Finn came running out from the trees but stopped when he saw the two bodies laying on the ground in front of me.

“You’re a little late for the party Finn. As you can see I took care of things quite well by myself,” I motioned with my hand to Jim’s unconscious body. “Now, if you’ll give me a hand we can get these two in the Jeep and get out of here.”

“What exactly happened?” Finn asked for the third time on our way back to my apartment, which I was starting to think of as a headquarters for crazies. I mean, when was the last time something normal and strictly-human happened at my place? I went from living solo to having three weirdo semi-roommates. Yes, I counted Ginger-the-talking-cat in that count.

“Ti?”

“I’ve already explained it to you Finn.” I was getting very tired as the adrenaline wore off. “Party. Drove off with hot guy. Fireworks and lack of kissing. Pain. Goblin arrived. I kicked ass. Bodyguard arrived too late. End of story.”

“I got there as soon as I could. Why did you hang up when you called me? You could’ve said you were in trouble or something.”

“I wasn’t in trouble at that point. I was calling you to come pick me up and drive me home because I was too drunk to drive,” I remembered my lack of drunkenness and had to ask. “Except I wasn’t drunk at all. How come I didn’t feel drunk after five drinks? I mean, logically I should’ve been stumbling around like a damn fool but I felt as sober as I did before I arrived.”

“I thought you had that one figured out after the last party. Alcohol has no affect on you anymore, it’s a vampire thing. Our blood just sort of filters it out.”

Faaaaantastic! There went the end of my social life for reals. This queen shit kept getting better and better.

“But what was this pain that you said you felt?” Finn continued on like being sober for the rest of my life wasn’t a big deal. “It doesn’t make sense. You’re sure no one staked you?”

I turned my head to glare at him.

“Dude, I’m pretty sure I would know if there was a piece of wood sticking out of my chest.”

“Well you are a blonde now.” He looked over and grinned. I didn’t even bother to smack him this time.

“Didn’t Bob say that a wooden stake would kill me?”

He nodded. “It would if it went right through your heart, but if it stabbed you anywhere else it would just hurt like hell. Or so I’ve been told.”

I guess it made sense but I really didn’t want to think about it. I was so tired and just wanted to get home and to my nice warm bed. I was just about to close my eyes for a quick nap when I felt my cell phone vibrate in my pocket.

I unlocked my screen and saw it was a text from Amy. Finally! It read:

“Extending travel…will chat soon”

That’s it?? It felt like a virtual slap in the face. She didn’t even say where she was going. Usually she updated me on which country she was in and which high-end stores had sales and what boys had asked her out (yum, foreign boys!). She didn’t even ask how I was doing. No texts for days and then I get this totally un-personal five word update? She didn’t respond when I texted her that I lost my job, she didn’t seem to care I was at the party tonight. Maybe she met a bunch of new friends and I was on the bottom of her priority list. My future of becoming a crazy old cat lady seemed to be becoming more of a reality.

I slumped down into the seat of the Jeep, feeling like a big old pile of poo. I ignored Finn’s babbling and when we got to my place I didn’t say anything while we unloaded the bodies. Unloaded the bodies. Geesh. My life was starting to sound like a really bad magical mob movie.

Once we got settled inside I looked around my living room. A gnome pacing the floor, a vampire sipping on a bag of blood in the kitchen while he re-told my story of the evening, a green goblin tied to my Pottery Barn dining chair and my date laying unconscious on the couch.

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I decided to just hide instead.

“I’m going to my room for a nap.” No one seemed to notice, or at least they didn’t say anything.

I closed the bedroom door and laid down on my bed. Ginger crept up beside me.

“Tianna sad?” She curled in a ball next to my head.

“Yes Ginger, I’m sad. I’m all emo right now. I don’t know what the hell is going on. I wish things would all go back to normal.”

“Tianna miss friends?”

“Yeah, I do.” I thought of Amy as a single tear escaped my eyelid and I gave Ginger a quick pat on the head before I closed my eyes.

“Tianna, Jim’s awake.” Finn shook my shoulder. I had no idea how long I had been napping for. “Thought you might want to try talking to him.” Images of the party came flooding back into my mind. I sighed.

“Fine. I’ll be out in a sec.”

I got out of my bed and grabbed an elastic from my nightstand. While I was tying my hair back into a ponytail I noticed I had a missed text message on my phone. I was certain it must’ve been Amy, apologizing for her last crappy message.

I unlocked the phone and read it.

“U haven’t felt tru pane yet. But u will.”

My heart started racing and my knees felt like they were going to give out. It definitely wasn’t from Amy.

I ran into the living room and slapped Jim across his cheek. The shocked look on his face only gave me a slight feeling of satisfaction.

“What is this all about?” I yelled as I held my cell phone out for him to read.

“Miss Tianna, what is going on?” Bob came over and gently touched my arm. I spun around and held the phone out to him so he could read it. The confused look returned to his face as he read the text.

“Why do you keep threatening me?” I slapped Jim’s face again, this time the other cheek.

“Wait, when did you get that?” Finn grabbed the phone from my hands. “Tianna, this text was sent ten minutes ago. Jim was unconscious and tied to the chair in this very room at that time so he couldn’t have sent it.”

I paused for a moment to consider.

“He must’ve used magic to telepath his message to a cell phone!” I was brilliant, truly, I could almost see the lightbulb that was lit above my head.

“It doesn’t work that way my lady,” Bob explained. “We can only use telepathy between living persons and we cannot manipulate modern technological devices from a distance. My personal opinion is that it was not Jim who sent you that text. Perhaps you have friends who are fond of pranks?”

The ‘I’m-brilliant’ lightbulb quickly disappeared. I rolled my eyes. “No Bob, I do not have friends who are fond of pranks. This idiot is threatening me and I want to know why.” I glared at Jim and he smiled in response.

“Your stubbornness will not help us succeed,” Bob continued. “As a leader you must learn how to push aside your personal squabbles and look at the bigger picture. Other people are depending on you to do so.”

I looked around the room at the three pairs of eyes staring at me. Bob looked angry. Jim looked amused. Finn looked sympathetic.

“Wait, where’s Josh?” I asked. The couch was empty.

“Oh, he woke up awhile ago and I influenced him to forget what happened tonight and sent him on his way. Sorry, I couldn’t let you say goodbye to him because it would’ve screwed up the influencing.” He still looked sympathetic.

“Fine.” I held my chin up and tried to hide my disappointment.

“Miss Tianna, we must focus on the situation at hand.” Bob pointed with his head to the goblin in the middle of the room.

I gritted my teeth and silently cursed this whole being a leader and queen nonsense. Jim might’ve been threatening me but at least now he was tied up and unable to do much damage. I took a deep breath and tried to control my anger. How did those guys do it in the movies? Good cop, bad cop. Well I’d already tried bad cop and it didn’t work so now it was time for good cop.

I grabbed another chair from my table and sat down in front of Jim so that my face was only a foot away from his face. He was still smiling so I smiled back at him.

“Hi Jim. Let’s start over. I’m Tianna. I’m not going to rip your arms off or anything, I just want some questions answered. If you play nice you might even get a reward for your cooperation.”

His eyes widened when I said the word reward, but otherwise his face didn’t give away any emotions.

“So, obviously you are interested in me. What I’m not sure about is if you’re working alone or for someone else. Did anyone hire you to stalk and attack me?”

My voice was calm and sweet, but it had a firmness that let him know I meant business.

Jim blinked and kept smiling. He wasn’t caving. I had to threaten him. I was so not looking forward to ripping his arms off.

I was about to start slapping him around and going all bad cop again when I thought about his reaction to the idea of a reward and changed my mind. Instead of hurting him, maybe I had to bribe him.

“Hey Bob, what do goblins like?” I asked as I turned around to face the gnome.

“I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”

“What do they go weak in the knees for, what do they crave? What is the one thing goblins can’t resist?”

Bob tilted his head for a moment like he was trying to figure out if I was serious or not and then he answered.

“Well, I have yet to meet a goblin that does not have a very strong desire for wine.”

I snorted. Goblins were alcoholics. Brilliant!

I got up from the chair and walked into the kitchen. I grabbed a bottle of red wine from my pantry while I dialed my parents’ number on my cell. Having parents in the wine industry was definitely a perk, especially when you were still underage. The phone rang three times before my dad picked up. I wasn’t sure what time it was in France with the major time difference but I honestly didn’t care.

“Hi Dad. Look, I don’t have much time to chat right now but I have a question for you,” There was silence on the other end and I was grateful it was my father that picked up and not my mother because he wouldn’t interrogate me the way that she would have. “I need to know the best wines in the world. I mean, the very best.”

“Um, well,” He paused for a few seconds, probably trying to process the utter strangeness of the phone call. “Screaming Eagle is among the most expensive American wines. It has a pretty good reputation. Or were you looking for something international?”

“If you recommend it, I’ll take your word for it. Thanks Dad, I’ll talk to you soon!”

I hung up the phone and took the bottle of wine, a corkscrew and wine glass into the living room.

“Bob I have a task for you.” I said as I started to uncork the bottle, which was from my parents’ vineyard. “I want you to take some of that unlimited trust fund that you said I have stored away somewhere and buy a caseload of wine called Screaming Eagle. The most expensive year they have.”

Jim’s eyes were as wide as saucers and he was practically drooling over the wine I was pouring into the glass. I heard the POOF of Bob leaving the room and was grateful he had a task to do that interrupted his lecture to me about being a leader.

“Okay Jimbo, here’s the deal. You spill the beans on everything and you get some wine.” I held the glass up to his nose and swished the wine around.

He licked his lips and I thought for sure he was going to talk, but he turned his head away instead.

“You don’t like my parent’s wine? It’s not vintage but I assure you it’s excellent. Really whets the whistle,” I took a sip from the glass. “So what’s the deal Jimmy? Don’t want to be a tattle tale? Scared your boss will track you down and rip you apart for being a weasel?” He kept his head turned away from me and I was growing impatient. I took another sip of the wine and then put the glass on the table beside him.

“Either you’ve tracked me down by yourself and enjoy spending your free time torturing me like it’s a hobby or you’re working for someone else. My money is on option B.” I paused for a moment as a thought entered my head. “Is it possible that you could you be working for,” I paused again, this time for dramatic effect. “Tristan?”

That got his attention.

“I assure you I do not know who you’re talking about.” This voice sounded braver than his face looked. If it was possible for a green goblin to go pale, Jimmy was the equivalent of being white as a ghost. I could see the fear in his eyes as soon as I mentioned Tristan’s name.

“So I’ll take that as a yes then. What did he promise to give you in return for killing me? Money? Power?” I leaned in close to him. I could smell the rank stench from his disgusting mouth as he breathed heavily. “I will give you all of the Screaming Eagle wine collection, plus an unlimited lifetime supply of my parents’ wine, if you play nice and tell me everything you know.”

I could tell he was conflicted. Actually, he was scared out of his mind. That Tristan dude must be a real controlling asshole.

I heard my phone vibrate on the kitchen counter where I left it. I had to see if it was another threatening text so I left Jim and went over to have a look.

“need 2 chat, meet @ park?” It was from Amy. I was confused. Didn’t she just text that she was extending her travels? Something serious must have happened for her to not be on a plane to another country. I looked over at the clock on the stove, which told me it was well past midnight. Well, when a friend needs to chat, a friend needs to chat. Maybe she had her heart broken while traveling and needed a shoulder to cry on in private, or maybe her elderly grandfather had passed away. All I knew for sure was that Amy needed to see me and I was her BFF, so Jimbo and all the rest of the scooby gang would just have to wait until I got back.

“Finn, keep an eye on Jimmy here. 911 call and I need to go. Bob should be back soon.” Finn looked like he wanted to give me a piece of his mind so I quickly added, “I’ll have my cell phone on me at all times so you can track me if need be but I promise you I’ll be okay.” He looked doubtful. “Honest, I’ll be fine. My mortal enemy is tied up in this very room so I need you to make sure he doesn’t escape.”

“Ti, I really think you should just stay home for the night. I don’t think it’s safe out there for you. Where are you going at this hour anyways? I really don’t think Josh is up for a booty call after the knock to his head tonight.”

I snorted.

“This is not a booty call you moron, although if it was it really wouldn’t be any of your business. The most important thing is to keep the jolly green giant here where he can’t do any more damage. I’ll be back later.”

I grabbed my keys and headed out to my Jeep.