SWNOVELS Pucking Around: Chapter 54
I take a shaky breath, glancing between the boys. Sudden death. We’re leaving it all on the ice.
Jake looks to Caleb. “Cay? Sudden death?”
His jaw clenched tight, Caleb nods.
“Great…well, who goes first?” Jake tucks his hands in the pockets of his grey sweats. “Do we flip for it or—”
“I kissed Mars,” I say. “Well, technically, he kissed me but—”
“When?” Jake growls, his expression darkening. “Where?”
“Penguins game. He was coming off the ice and I held him back to tell him I was pulling him. I think he did it just to shut me up,” I add. “He was angry, and he took it out on me. He apologized. But now, between you guys ribbing me, and Tess, I…I think he meant to do it. I think he wanted to—”
“Of course, he did,” Caleb jabs. “He wants to fuck you, Rachel. Our question is does he get to. Is this three-way about to become a four-way? Because we’d kind of like a say in that.”
Sudden death. Nowhere to hide.
“I don’t know yet, and that’s my honest answer.”
Both boys fold their arms tight again. They share wonderfully well together, but the idea of sharing with someone else is clearly a non-starter.
“How would that work?” says Jake. “Mars is a goalie. They’re not team players, you know what I mean? No way would he be cool sharing you. Does he even know about us yet?”
“No, of course, he doesn’t. Up until that kiss, everything has been strictly professional. Even with that kiss, I really think part of it was him just not knowing how else to handle his frustration.”
Jake narrows his hazel eyes. “And what happens when he finally sweeps you off your feet with his Viking charm and his monster cock? What do you do when he tells you to choose—him or us? How soon should we expect you to pack your bags, Seattle?”
I push off from the island. “Okay, so let’s get this clear right now.” I point a level finger at him. “You do not own me, Jake Compton. And you don’t own me either, Cay. I’m not his and I’m not yours, I’m mine. I am my own person, and I will decide the bounds of my own happiness. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want you. Both of you. And my love is not finite, Jake. Loving you has nothing to do with my loving him,” I say, jabbing a thumb at Caleb. “And I do,” I press. “I love you both. It’s crazy to say it out loud, because we’ve only known each other for a short time, but I mean, am I crazy?” I gesture between the three of us. “Does this feel crazy to you guys? Or does it feel so right it scares you?”
“I’m afraid to lose you,” Jake admits. “Cay is such a better fit for you, babe. He’s smart like you and weird like you. I lift right out. Even between the three of us, I know I’m the weakest link.”
“Jake,” I whisper, my heart breaking.
“You add Mars into the mix with his European charm and his stupid, sexy manbun—to say nothing about his huge cock—and I just know there’s gonna be nowhere left for me,” he finishes with a shrug, his face a mask of tortured pain.
I can’t help the smile quirking my lips. “You spend a lot of time looking at his cock then, angel?”
He glares at me, while next to him Caleb gives me a warning look.
“You’ve seen it too.”
“I’m an equipment manager, Hurricane. I set up and tear down locker rooms for a living. We’ve all seen the monster between Kinnunen’s legs.”
Now is absolutely not the moment to ask for details. Instead, I move around the island towards Jake. He goes still at my approach. He dropped his shields and shared his truth. He’s not as okay with sharing me as he’s been letting on. Not because he doesn’t like it, but because he doesn’t want to get left out.
I reach for him, brushing my hands down his bare arms. “Jake…look at me, angel,” I murmur, stroking his jaw. “Don’t you ever doubt what you mean to me again,” I say, voice low with emotion. “Jake, I’ve been telling you almost since the moment we met that you’re my soulmate. Can you really forget what we shared in Seattle? The universe tied us together that night. I live with a rope around my heart now, woven through my ribs, and it connects me to you.”
Slowly, he raises his hands, wrapping them around my wrists.
“I love you, Jake Compton. I love that you text me incessantly. I love your pictures of pelicans and sushi and tacos. I love that you give me a weather report every morning, even though I literally have a weather app saved on my lock screen,” I add with a soft smile. “You make me laugh. You make me happy. You make me hopeful for the future. You make life fun, Jake. And you make the living of it less lonely. And you might find someone else too—”
“Not possible,” he says with an ardent shake of his head. “You’re it for me, baby. I don’t need anyone else.”
“Don’t say that,” I say, too afraid to look over his shoulder and see the hurt on Caleb’s face. “You have no idea what the universe has in store for you,” I say instead. “We never dreamed we’d find each other, but we did. Whoever else comes through your life, I’ll be here, Jake. I want to be here. I won’t restrain you or deny you any of the love or joy you deserve. Stop doubting yourself and your place in my heart.”
I lean in, still holding his face gently in my hands. “I’m not good at labels and cages,” I admit. “The idea of being someone’s girlfriend or their wife terrifies me. Sometimes I think I was just wired wrong. Everyone wants to get married, right? People want the normalcy of monogamy and the 2.5 kids. The dog and the white picket fence. But I’ve never wanted that life,” I say with a shake of my head.
“What do you want, Rachel?” he asks.
“I want the world,” I reply. “I want to sail around Phuket Island, topless on a yacht. I want to fuck in the gardens at Versailles and get chased out by French police. I want to eat pizza by the hour and drink wine straight from the bottle, stumbling around the streets of Rome at two in the morning. I want to dance in a fountain, Jake. I want to be a doctor and travel the country watching men at the top of their game play hazardous sports. I want to feel their sweat and smell their blood on the ice. I want to live. And I never want to turn an opportunity down out of fear that I’m not conforming to that dream of normal. Because I’m not normal, Jake. We’re not normal. We’re extraordinary. Be extraordinary with me.”
Slowly, he lets out a breath, his body curling around mine, until our foreheads are touching. He drops his hands from my wrists, wrapping them around my waist, as he breathes me in. His perfect, woodsy scent fills my senses, and I sink into his embrace.
“I love you so much, Seattle.” He lifts his head away so he can gaze down at me. “I don’t want to cage you. I’m a mess sometimes, and I can get in my own head—Cay can tell you. I overthink shit…or underthink it, with no real in between. But I don’t want to overthink this, Rachel. You love me—”
“I do. I love you, Jake. I’m so damn crazy about you.”
“Good,” he says with a sigh.
Biting my lip, I ask the question eating me alive. “But I have to know…does sharing me with Caleb hurt you?”
He leans away, eyes wide. “What? No,” he growls. “Fuck no. He’s my best fucking friend. I need him in my life. And sharing you with him is literally the best sex I’ve ever had. There is not a single bone in my body that regrets turning this twosome into a threesome, Seattle. I mean, you feel the same, right Cay?” He glances over his shoulder, and I finally let myself look at Caleb.
My dark-eyed, fae prince stands there in all black, watching us confess our love to each other, and I see the pieces of himself he still hides in the shadows breaking. It’s his turn for sudden death. How much truth he reveals is up to him.
“The sex is good,” he mutters.
“It’s good for you, but it could be great,” I say. “If you’d stop holding back on us.”
Jake looks down at me. “What do you mean, Seattle?”
“I mean that Caleb has been playing it safe. He’s afraid to show us what he really wants, afraid to ask for it, afraid we’ll run. But really, it just makes him the coward.”
His jaw clenches tighter as he glares at me.
“Is that true, Cay?” asks Jake. “Look man, I’m new at this group thing. If there’s something I’m doing or not doing, you just gotta tell me.”
I see the flicker of shadows in Caleb’s eyes and an idea blooms in my mind. Sudden death, remember? Caleb is better at doing than saying. With a firm hand, I push back on Jake’s chest. “Step back, angel.”
He lets me push him back against the counter. “What are you doing?”
Caleb is wondering the same, his dark eyes narrowing on me.
“Sudden death,” I reply. “It’s Caleb’s turn.”
Caleb crosses his arms over his chest. “Sorry to disappoint, but I don’t have any deep dark secrets. I like the sex. I like living here. You can fuck whoever you want, Hurricane. It’s not my business. You want someone rubbing lotion on your tits on that boat in Thailand, I’m your man. When you’re done fucking me, you just let me know.”
His words sting. Of course, they do. He wants them to. “You know, for a Sagittarius, you make a really great Scorpio,” I deadpan. “Too bad for you, I’m a double Cancer. It would take a deep-sea oil drill to pierce through my shell. So, how about we cut the shit, and get back to sudden death?”
His eyes flash. “I just said I’ve got nothing to offer.”
“Tell me you love me.”
He goes impossibly still, his gaze darting from Jake back over to me.
“Don’t look at him,” I snap. “He can’t help you right now. This is between you and me, Cay. You look at me, and you tell me the truth. Sudden death. Do you love me?”
“I can’t do this,” he mutters, taking a step back.
“You can’t what?” I challenge. “You can’t love me? Or you can’t admit it? Because they’re two completely different things.”
He says nothing, jaw clenched tight.
“You wear your anger like a shield,” I say, taking a step closer. “You’re angry at the world for your lost chances, at the man who hit you after the play for crushing all your dreams, at yourself for not seeing it coming.” Tears sting my eyes. “You’re full of so much anger, Cay. You need an outlet for it. You can’t bear it all alone, so stop trying. Let me help.”
He shakes his head.
I swallow my nerves, holding my ground. “I love you, Caleb Sanford, and I am not afraid of your darkness. You’d have to do a lot more than break a knee and become an alcoholic to dance all night with my devils. I dare you to let me in,” I challenge. “Or if you won’t…then let him out. I’d like to meet him. I think Jake should meet him too.”
His eyes flash again as I see him warring inside.
“Let who out?” Jake rasps, his gaze locked on us prowling across his kitchen at each other.
“You don’t know what you’re asking,” says Caleb, his voice low.
My heart races as my core tightens with need, the anticipation of a fight building. Moving fast, I snatch up Jake’s half-eaten bowl of spaghetti and fling it at Caleb’s head. He ducks it easily, and the bowl goes smashing against the cabinet, china shattering, spaghetti flopping from the counter to the floor.
“Whoa—” Jake cries. “Seattle, what the hell?”
“Don’t fucking push me, Rachel,” Caleb barks, pointing a finger at me.
I don’t turn around. Jake’s not my priority right now. Caleb is the one in the net for this round of sudden death, and I’m taking my shot. Stripping off my ratty band t-shirt, I drop it to the floor and move topless across the kitchen towards him.
“Don’t,” Caleb growls.
I grab him by the neck with both hands and press myself against him, latching onto his mouth to pour everything I have into him. His hands wrap around me, smoothing up the bare skin of my back. I jump and he catches me, my legs wrapping around his hips as he turns us, setting me on the edge of the island.
My pussy presses up against his crotch as I kiss him breathless, chasing each kiss and flick of his tongue with a tease of my own. We’re moaning into each other’s mouths like starving animals. Then I’m breaking the kiss, pushing hard against his shoulders to shove him back.
He leans away, his hands at my hips. I’m still locked tight around his waist, my ankles crossed against his firm ass. I gaze up at him. His lips are pink and swollen with my kisses, his eyes dilated almost black.
“Do you love me, Caleb?” I murmur, searching his face. I need to know. This can’t happen without me knowing first. I can’t handle it otherwise.
“You know I do,” he mutters.
Sucking in a sharp breath, I raise a hand and slap his face. Hard.
He reels with a grunt, his gaze jerking back to glare at me, his eyes now two burning coals.
“Good,” I pant. “Then fuck me like you hate me.”