SWNOVELS P.S. I Still Love You: Chapter 44
KITTY FLIES INTO MY BEDROOM. I’m at my desk, doing homework. It’s been so long since I sat here and did homework; Peter and I usually go to Starbucks after school. Life is lonely already.
“Did you and Peter break up?” Kitty demands.
I flinch. “Who told you?”
“Don’t worry about it. Just answer the question.”
“Well… yes.”
“You don’t deserve him,” she spits out.
I reel backward in my seat. “What? You’re my sister—it’s not fair for you to take Peter’s side. You haven’t even heard my side. Not that you should have to. Don’t you know that you never take a side against your sister?”
She purses her lips. “What’s your side?”
“My side is, it’s complicated. Peter still has feelings for Genevieve—”
“He doesn’t think of her that way anymore. Don’t make an excuse.”
“You didn’t see what I saw, Kitty!” I burst out.
“What did you see?” she challenges, chin thrust out like a weapon. “Tell me.”
“It isn’t just what I saw. It’s what I knew all along. Just—never mind. You wouldn’t understand it, Kitty.”
“Did you see him kiss her? Did you?”
“No, but—”
“But nothing.” She squints at me. “Does this have anything to do with that guy with the weird name? John Amberton McClaren or whatever?”
“No! Why would you say that?” I let out a gasp. “Wait a minute! Have you been reading my letters again?”
She screws up her face, and I know she has, the fiend. “Don’t change the subject! Do you like him or not?”
“This doesn’t have anything to do with John McClaren. It’s just about me and Peter.”
I want to tell her that he knew it was Genevieve who made that video, spread it around. He knew and he still protected her. But I can’t mar her little-girl notion of who Peter is. It would be too cruel a thing to do to her. “Kitty, it doesn’t matter. Peter still has feelings for Genevieve, and I’ve always known it. And besides, what’s even the point of a serious thing with Peter when we’re only going to break up like Margot and Josh did? High school romances hardly ever last, you know. And for a good reason. We’re too young to be so serious.” Even as I’m saying the words, tears are leaking out the corners of my eyes.
Kitty softens. She puts her arm around me. “Don’t cry.”
“I’m not crying. I’m tearing up a little.”
Sighing heavily, she says, “If this is love, no thanks. I don’t want any part of it. When I’m older, I’m just going to do my own thing.”
“What does that mean?” I ask her.
Kitty shrugs. “If I like a boy, fine, I’ll date him, but I’m not going to sit at home and cry over him.”
“Kitty, don’t act like you never cry.”
“I cry over important things.”
“You cried the other night because Daddy wouldn’t let you stay up to watch TV!”
“Yes, well, that was important to me.”
I sniffle. “I don’t know why I’m arguing over this stuff with you.” She’s too little to understand. Part of me hopes she never does. It was better when I didn’t.
That night, Daddy and I are doing the dishes when he clears his throat and says, “So Kitty told me about the big breakup. How are you holding up?”
I rinse off a glass and set it in the dishwasher. “Kitty has such a big mouth. I was going to tell you about it later.” Maybe deep down I was hoping I wouldn’t have to.
“Do you want to talk about it? I can make some Night-Night tea. Not as good as Mommy’s, but still.”
“Maybe later,” I say, just to be kind. His version of Night-Night tea isn’t the best.
He puts his arm around my shoulders. “It’ll get easier, I promise. Peter Kavinsky isn’t the only boy in the world.”
Sighing, I say, “I just don’t want to hurt like this ever again.”
“There’s no way to protect yourself against heartbreak, Lara Jean. That’s just a part of life.” He kisses me on the top of my head. “Go upstairs and rest. I’ll finish up here.”
“Thanks, Daddy.” I leave him alone in the kitchen, humming to himself as he dries a pan with a dishcloth.
My dad said Peter isn’t the only boy in the world. I know this is true, of course it’s true. But look at Daddy. My mom was the only girl in the world for him. If she wasn’t, he’d have found somebody new by now. Maybe he’s been trying to protect himself from heartbreak too. Maybe we’re more alike than I ever realized.