Promise Me

Is it our actions or our desires that define us? That’s like asking if the trip is made by the horse or the buggy.

Beth Cardall’s Diary

Roxanne clapped enthusiastically when I walked in through the cleaners’ front door. “I should have baked a cake,” she said.

“Should have,” I replied.

“So how’s it going?” she asked, following me back to the press.

“Char’s been doing a little better. I think she might be able to go back to school in a couple days.”

“And how are things with Marc?”

I thought of the pearls. “I don’t know. He just got back.”

“But you’ve talked with him.”

I looked up at her. “He’s remorseful and humble and walking on eggshells. And part of me just wants to smack him. Why can’t he have the decency to at least be a jerk? Then I could feel good about hating him.”

“Well, don’t kid yourself, he is a jerk and deserves to be smacked. Just don’t get too carried away.”

“What do you mean?”

“Simple math. If you really want your marriage over, then spare yourself the drama and cut loose. But that’s not really what you want.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I know you better than you know yourself. You still love him. You wouldn’t be so angry if you didn’t. So if you’re not going to end the thing, don’t damage it any more than you have to. You can beat your car with a baseball bat for breaking down, but if you’re not going to get rid of it, then someday you’ll end up paying for all the damage you inflict. Does that make sense?”

I looked at her, wondering where she came up with this stuff. “In your usual twisted way, yes.”

“I know it sounds strange to say it, but in some ways you’re lucky. Everyone makes mistakes. Under the right circumstances even you might.”

“I would never—”

She interrupted me. “Never say never, baby. Good people sometimes do bad things. But at least Marc is willing to own up to it and seek forgiveness. That says something about him. And he’s been there for Charlotte all along. It’s not easy for him to come crawling back into the lioness’s den to take care of his daughter, but he’s willing. He gets a gold star for that.”

“You’re saying he’s a good guy?”

“I’m saying that he’s human. And to err is human. To forgive . . . well, that’s love.”