Promise Me Not

Payton

Now, September

My nerves are a wreck as I load Deaton into his car seat, passing my bag to my brother when he reaches for it.

“You sure you want to ride all the way in the back?” he asks. “We can put you and the car seat in the middle row, shove Mason and Chase in the third row.”

“Their legs would hardly fit, three seats back there or not. Besides, this way I have room for the diaper bag beside me, and if I need to change him, I have space and don’t have to get out when we stop.”

“We could make the boys ride with Brady and the girls,” Kenra singsongs. “Ari and Cam are going to be annoyed when I tell them the boys are riding with us. We all know they are expecting them.” She buckles up and glances back, tossing a toy at me. She smiles. “You forgot this on the couch.”

I force my lips to curve, staring down at the plush football…that I purposefully let fall from Deaton’s fingers before we walked out.

Deaton spots it instantly and makes little grabby hands, so I pretend to tickle him with it, handing it over.

“Hey, the girls know the name of the game.” My brother smiles, moving to the driver’s side and sliding in. “First to the finish line gets the prize.”

“How were they supposed to know the boys already asked to ride with us? Better yet, why would they want to when Brady is taking his Bronco?”

My brother meets my eyes in the mirror, and I quickly look away.

“Don’t know,” he says. “But we were still on the group FaceTime call making the plans to go when Mason texted he was riding with us. Chase asked a couple days later.” He shrugs, pulling from the driveway and heading to the others’ beach house down the road. “At least this way it’s fair.” He smirks when his girlfriend smacks his arm.

Last week, Ari realized Avix U’s bye week landed on the Labor Day three-day weekend, giving the boys Saturday to Monday off practice. She nearly passed out at how excited she had gotten, declaring we would all be headed to Nevada for Noah’s game. Well, everyone but Lolli and Nate, seeing as he has a game of his own this weekend.

It’s a six-hour road trip.

Cue the anxiety.

We pull up along the curb, the others already outside, loading up. The second Brady realizes the boys are ditching him, leaving him in a car full of girls, he grins.

“Oh, fuck yeah.” His excitement throws me off, but he just chuckles, poking his head inside my brother’s SUV so he can see me. “Sure you don’t wanna ride with us, Payton baby? No boys, which means all the good gossip is about to pop off.”

“You sound really excited about that.”

“Oh, I am. I’m the only fucker who minds my business. Ask Ari. I knew all her shit before the others, and did I say a word? Nope.” He smirks.

“Too bad you ratted us out every single time we went to a party without you in high school!” Cameron shouts.

“That’s ’cause you had no business partying with our friends. They were assholes.” He smiles. “Last chance, mama bear.” He looks my way. “You staying with the broody train or jumping on the booty train?”

I chuckle. “Broody train?”

His face goes serious. “Dude. Mason’s got a whole goalpost up his ass. Been that way since school started.” He looks over his shoulder, considering his words. “Maybe before that…” When he looks back, his eyes narrow. “Hmm.”

“I’m good,” I rush out.

His gaze narrows some more. “Uh-huh.” He points at me, and I feel like a child scorned.

It’s ridiculous.

“Move, asshole.” The man of the hour appears, and Brady backs up with a smirk.

“Paige! Get your little ass out here, or we’re leaving you!” he screams.

“Oh my god, Brady!” Ari hisses, her tone low. “She’s never going to like us if you keep…being you.” She finishes with a laugh, rolling her eyes. “Just ease up on the baby this and do as I say that. K?”

He lifts Ari off the ground, pressing a wet kiss to her cheek. “Sorry, Ari baby. No can do. Paige!” he shouts again, throwing his head back with a laugh.

Paige does come out then, and I can’t help but notice how pretty she is.

I think she might have cut her hair since I saw her last, the pretty, golden-blond locks reaching just below her shoulders, curling outward to give her an even more porcelain doll look. She’s nearly as short as I am but petite, with the body of a ballerina and the poise to match. Her posture is everything my mom wished mine would be, and her smile is soft, as are her features. She’s fairer than any of us, her cheeks tinted with a natural blush. When she smiles at Brady, he slaps a hand over his heart in pure, purposeful dramatics.

My eyes fall to the others.

Mason is staring, too.

My gaze slides back to her, taking in her white sundress, her flats the same bright blue as the flowers decorated across it. She’s like a walking doll. Chase shifts in my periphery, his eyes narrowed in her direction.

The radio flicks on, and I jolt in my seat, my eyes snapping forward, finding Mason staring at me with a blank expression. Slowly, his eyes slide to his friend outside the car, and I take that moment to sink farther in my seat.

Thankfully, everyone piles in, and I focus on giving Deaton all my attention. We play peekaboo and tickle monster. He spends at least ten minutes holding on to my finger, lifting and lowering it over and over again as his little arms flail.

I clap a few times, and he smiles, sticking his fingers in his mouth and making a little squeal. I laugh and hold my hands before him. It doesn’t take long for him to understand, and he grabs my fingers, pushing them together, helping me clap.

“Your turn, mister man.” I take his hands and clap them together.

He kicks his feet with excitement, making soft cooing sounds. I let go, hoping he’ll finally figure it out on his own, but he just reaches for mine again. We go back and forth for several minutes. Trying something new, I clap his hands a good five times, making animated smiles and sounds as I go. On the last clap, I let go but leave my palms hovering close to his own, and he instinctively follows the rhythm, his hands meeting in the middle with the softest little clap.

His blue eyes widen, as does my smile. He tries again, missing the first time and then again, clap, clap, clap.

“You did it!” I shout, my heart freaking melting when a laugh bubbles from his throat.

Both Chase’s and Mason’s heads whip around, both men pushing up in their seats to get a look at his face. I spare them a smile, quickly looking back to Deaton.

He claps again, so happy at the sound he’s creating that he keeps laughing, his little face turning red.

“How is this the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen?” Mason stares intently, his best friend chuckling at his side.

“’Cause it is.” Chase reaches back, brushing his fingers along Deaton’s curly hair.

Mason watches his friend’s every move, his frown deepening by the second. He, too, reaches back then, the frown wiped free when Deaton instantly wraps his fist around Mason’s pointer finger. He drags it right into his mouth, slobbering all over him before Mason can pull back.

“Always straight to the mouth, huh, my man?” Mason laughs, retreating slightly, and then he’s on his knees in his seat, stretching his torso over me.

I press against the seat, trying to disappear, but there’s nowhere to go, and then he’s right there, his face inches from mine, brown eyes as stormy as ever. I hold my breath, shocked at what he’s doing, panicking over the others seeing. But then his hand comes back up, and in it is the little plush football Deaton tossed a while ago.

Eyes still locked on mine, he passes the toy to Deaton. “Here you go, little man,” he murmurs, finally pulling back.

He spins in his seat, and I sink in mine, my cheeks burning. I don’t have to look up to know someone’s eyes are on me. I don’t know whose, but I feel them.

I peek to the screen on my phone.

Only four more hours.

Fuck my life.

It’s after dark when we pull up to the pump at the gas station. Ahead of us, everyone piles out at once, stretching and walking our way.

My brother gets out to pump the gas, and the others peek in, whispering when Kenra puts her fingers to her lips.

“He’s sleeping?” Ari coos, cupping her hands to look at him through the far back window before sticking her head back in her brother’s door once more. “How’s he done on the drive so far?”

“He’s been fine,” Mason answers before I can, and I frown.

“If crying for forty minutes until he was hiccupping in his sleep and freaking Mason out means fine, then he did perfectly fine,” Chase teases, leaning away when Mason reaches over to punch him on the arm.

“I did not freak out,” he snaps.

“No? You only stared at him for fifteen minutes after, checking his pulse when he got too still.”

Cameron and Brady laugh at him, but his sister practically has hearts in her eyes.

“Hey, his head kept falling over!” Mason defends. “I had to make sure.”

“His mama was right beside him.” Chase fights a smile. “You were being ridiculous.”

“It was sweet.” The words leave my mouth before I realize I’m speaking, and Mason’s head yanks my way.

His eyes pierce mine, something flashing behind his dark orbs, but the spell is broken when Cameron starts talking.

“K well, we’re starved, and there’s, like, fifty thousand fast food options here. We figured we’d grab and go, save some time.” She hooks her long arm around Ari.

The others pile out, and when I hold back, Parker leans in the door. “You staying behind?”

“Yeah. It’s a miracle he’s sleeping still, now that the car stopped, so I don’t want to wake him if he’s not ready.”

“We’ll grab you something.”

I nod, and he closes the door, locking us inside.

I stretch out on the seat, arching my back and rolling my neck.

Moving so my legs are over the seat in front of me, I close my eyes, taking advantage of this moment alone, knowing I might not get many others over the next few days.

Just when my muscles begin to relax again, Deaton’s soft clap has my eyes snapping open.

I giggle, staring at my little boy and moving over, taking him from his seat.

“Well, well. Aren’t you a master at that now.” I hold him up, and he stretches his arms up high before locking his legs and jumping up and down on my thighs. “Someone’s excited, isn’t he?” I kiss his cheek, dropping onto my knees in the small leg space I have. “Hate to have to do this to you, but we’ve got to get you changed.”

Surprisingly, Deaton doesn’t fuss, just stares up at the seat belt, trying to wrap it in his tiny hand as I get him all cleaned up and changed into a warmer sleeper.

Setting him on his feet, I keep one of his hands in mine to help steady him and let him lean his weight against my legs for support. I dig a jar of baby food from the bag and the small container of mashed bananas. He only takes a few bites of the chicken and rice concoction but devours the fruit. Just as I get to the last bite, he starts to fuss, rubbing at his eyes again, and starts tugging on me.

“Okay, little man. Okay.” I pull a bottle out, hoping he’ll take the formula okay, since I’ve only stopped breastfeeding for a handful of days now.

Of course, the change in our routine isn’t settling for him, and he bats it away several times, whimpering slightly.

The door opens then, and I look up to find Mason there, an Arby’s bag in his hands. He looks tired, almost worn out as he holds it up without a word, and I force a smile, accepting, fully aware of what’s inside it without him saying a word.

“Can I hold him a minute?” he asks, quickly adding, “You can run in, use the restroom, stretch or whatever.”

“He’s a little fussy…”

Mason pushes the seat forward, then walks around and takes Chase’s seat, reaching back with open, expectant arms.

Slowly, I pass Deaton over, not looking back as I climb out of the car.

I take my time, use the restroom even though I don’t need to, and walk the aisles since no one else is standing around the car yet. I grab a cream soda and a pack of cheese crackers before heading back outside.

Kenra and Parker are standing by the pump now, Ari waiting to climb back into the Bronco after Cam.

“They’re so sweet.” Ari beams my way just before pulling her door closed.

I frown, looking to my brother and his girlfriend, but they’re both just leaning against the hood, playing on their phones.

I open the SUV door to climb in but stop short.

Mason is passed out in Chase’s seat. The bottle I left him with is half-empty in his hands, Deaton curled up on his chest, sleeping like a little angel.

My features pull, something in my chest doing the same damn thing.

Despite myself, despite the pain and anger sparking within me, I can’t deny there’s more.

They look so peaceful.

So…precious.

They look like father and son.

The thought splinters through me, shattering the shell of respite I’d built back up.

With jerky movements, I push the seat forward and begin to pull my baby from his arms.

Mason’s grip tightens around Deaton at first, his eyes snapping open with a glare, but the moment he realizes it’s just me, his hold eases, and I swiftly take my son back. Silently, I climb into the back seat, buckling him back into his car seat.

Just as I get settled, Chase reappears. He sees Mason in his spot and goes around to the other side.

“Here.” He grins, passing back a cream soda and a pack of cheese crackers.

A small chuckle leaves me at the sight, my muscles locking when, in my periphery, Mason’s body shifts this way, but I don’t look at him.

I thank Chase and sit back, hiding my own snack in my bag so he won’t feel bad, and cover my head with a blanket to pretend I want to try and get some sleep.

Yes, it’s a coward’s move, especially when I know I won’t be able to sleep for several more hours.

Still, I sit there silently, breathing through a mask of fleece until the car rolls to a stop and my brother announces we’ve arrived.

That’s when I learn about the sleeping arrangements.

If I thought this trip was going to be tense before…

It just went into overdrive.