Project 43

The thing about everything that I understand Nathan is focused on is that I compromised our home. I knew that the moment I let them in though as Ronnie explains it there's likely more to it than that. He lost his family and I had become his family and that interest might even extend romantically for him.

I don't fully understand it other than what I've seen on television. It's true our relationship won't be the same again. I ran out looking for him- which sounds super dangerous especially considering the situation I left; right? Because of course Nathan would show up were I'd most likely be. Except Nathan was in a vehicle made for some rough handling (which was needed by the blood on the hood) but he also is a lot faster than me.

Yeah, this isn't the movies, so I still have no idea what it's like out there. I've been writing between entertaining guests and putting up with Nathan's shitty attitude which has turned into quiet sulking and... quietly freaking out.

I didn't sleep last night, feeling compelled to check on Ronnie. To be honest it's his scrape. He doesn't smell the same and I don't know why I kissed him I don't think I feel attracted to him. Not romantically.

It has to be my worry he's going to turn, that I put Nathan in danger over my antics. That this whole me being a cure or immune is just in my head. Abel hasn't been any help to Nathan's mood or snide comments about the kiss and Ronnie was mostly quiet until he slept.

Abel mostly talked about how campus has been closed everyone's on lockdown but almost every day for the last three days there's an outbreak and groups are taking shifts patrolling and locking doors at night, bed checks in the morning. Masks are a requirement for everyone while on campus and Abel hadn't left his girlfriend's room for three weeks (no one cared about the coed policies since there had been some mandates that everyone took in the homeless, though a lot of them still ended up being the first infected in cities from reports).

At first, he had seen it as a break to check on his brother and get away from her and just bring back some food. He hadn't thought about a weapon. Neither had Ronnie, who had gone to an interview this morning and hadn't experienced any outbreaks because he had been holed up in their two-bedroom apartment.

It had been Abel's idea to follow me- because he recognized I was carrying weapons and I probably didn't live to far since I had hopped off my bike and was walking up hill from where they had run from. Nathan and I asked several times if they had been anywhere near the infected. Abel at first had said they hadn't...

But Nathan picked up on something Abel said while repeating their "amazing escape" for the hundredth time that he hadn't said before. "Then Ronnie punched that kid. I didn't know he had it in him!"

"Punched a kid? What kid?"

Abel was grilled for like an hour by Nathan until I told him to cut it out and lied that there hadn't been any children in the food line that I recalled. But I had... they were the first infected.

Why did I lie to Nathan?

He's been nothing but wonderful to me. It's not like I suddenly have a weird infatuation with this Ronnie person. He's hardly said two words...

Sometimes I think he stops breathing and other times I think he's breathing to fast. But then people change their speeds while sleeping right?

Am I freaking out? Are you freaking out? Because I'm freaking out!

What if he turns? Nathan will NEVER forgive me.

I'll also never forget those kids. Their flesh didn't even look very blue- their face was purplish and veiny. The gurgling higher pitch of need coming from their throats. Giant black eyes where the yellow hardly mattered. Moving so fast.

What do I do?