Project 43

It's been three days since the outbreak in line. We've heard of more in town and there's now a recommendation that people wear masks around the ill. That maybe they spread it when infected. Everything is mixed news and all I can think about is my bat getting stuck in the siding.

This is real. I could die. We all could die.

I think that's supposed to shock me more, upset me more but... I grew up with this kind of thing. Nathan has gone silent but he's also exploding more. Telling me to be careful and make sure I eat enough. I used to walk the trails around here carrying my bat. I haven't been out since the incident and it's driving me mad- but I have this feeling if I do, and Nathan isn't with me he'll boil over and if I ask him, he'll still boil over which is silly that I should even be asking someone younger than me.

Nathan cares though so I'm letting him take the role. I'm now not allowed to go anywhere without a knife and a gun strapped to me at all times. It wasn't a bad call, so I didn't fight it. Everything he's done is to take care of me in this strange friendship/parental role even though he's just a kid. I think it makes him feel like he has a purpose.

Somedays I get lost on what my purpose is. Should I try and find the town, should I stay here and be happy, should I turn myself into the government. Nathan still hasn't asked why he's been seeing my faces on the feeds- there have been a few others that popped up neither of us recognize becoming more frequent.

Nathan turned off the T.V this morning collected my plate and tossed me a game console when my face had popped up once more, this picture younger with an older one. My hair and eyebrows where now blue and purple, I liked to think I looked pretty unrecognizable at this point. Something I accomplished last night because I couldn't sleep. It was going to look like crap once the colors faded and my natural one started growing in. For now, I love it, though maybe the eyebrows where a bit much.

I guess I get why Nathan takes the parental role, I've been acting like a little kid on vacation up until three days ago and even now I do silly things like this. Distract myself on games I haven't played or just talk with Nathan. Pulling him into stores and making fun recipes.

Nathan just told me that we were not going to get more food boxes. Not ask. Told. And I can think of a million reasons why that could be a bad idea. We should collect all we can. I'm terrified too but I'd rather be prepared.

I didn't openly fight him, instead I'm up a floor looking at the tree that's overgrown I considered as another escape route. I didn't say a word, so I don't know if he thinks I'm upset or just compliant. I won't take the car, or he'll notice but I can still carry plenty on a bike. There's never anyone on the hill up to this house so the probability of one of the infected zombies turning up would be slim. Nothing I couldn't jump off my bike and shoot if they were close.

They...

Hordes still haunt my mind after watching Dawn of the Dead last night. The sea of zombie faces. Not exactly what they look like but close enough I suppose...

I think the fear of freezing up with multiples is what gets to me. I'd like to pretend some sort of military brat training of survival would save me, like I'd secretly hear my mom's voice pushing me through the adrenaline. Realistically though I'm more of a flight or freeze and die.

Like a scared little lab rat...

The thought sickens me.

I want to be so much more.