Primitive Instinct: The Journey Home

I woke up with soft, warm kisses on my face and smiled when I saw Roar’s outline in the darkness.

“The storm passed some time ago. I was being selfish and keeping you with me longer,” he said, and I chuckled at his confession.

“I think I’m okay with that,” I told him, making him smile.

“You should go and speak with your new friend some before we must leave,” he said softly. “I know you are going to ask to stay longer, but we are already delayed a day and Hool’gra’nat is ill. And I would like to begin preparing for my gifting.”

“Have any ideas on what that might be?” I asked with a smirk.

“Some,” he laughed and kissed my forehead, my nose, then my lips softly. “This isn’t proper, but I can’t help it now that I’ve done it.”

“I think I’m also okay with this,” I said and leaned up slightly for another kiss.

“Go be with your friend,” he growled softly. “I think I’ll stay here for a moment before I join you.”

I giggled and left the tent with Diesel behind me and was met by an eager Ivy at the entrance of her own tent and was pulled inside and given some tea, a slice of thick, flat bread, and meat.

“Oh God,” I moaned, eating the bread slowly. “I miss bread.”

Ivy giggled as I took another bite and moaned again just as Roar came in with Osh’ri’ca.

“You might want to be careful with those sounds you make,” Ivy whispered to me with a grin and a look towards the males before offering them both the same thing.

I blushed and ate quietly, but still savored the hell out of the bread. Balla were hunters, not farmers or bakers. Bread was very, very good.

We all spoke for a while before Roar said that it was time for us to leave and I hugged Ivy hard before getting Diesel tethered to his sled while Roar pouted about riding on it. After we had gone a long way, I looked over and saw Roar staring at me intently.

“What?” I asked him.

“You are sad to leave, but not as upset as I had thought,” he commented.

“Just knowing that there’s someone else is enough. I know where she is and that she’s doing well, so it’s good,” I told him.

“Good. The clan they are in is too warm for me and probably for Diesel,” he nodded. “But there are others that I think will be good for us.”

“You think so?” I smiled and he nodded before turning back to another carving he was making with his claw.

“Some I think will be better than others, especially now that I know some things,” he said, and I smiled at him. “When I’m able to walk on my own, we’ll come back and have deeper talks with the chiefs.”

“What about when we get back home?” I asked.

“I’ll ask what Hool’gra’nat will want to give us a lanka and sled. There is still a lot of time to prepare, and I have things that must be seen to before we join a new clan,” he stated, then looked at me. “How well do you see right now?”

“Enough to not run into a tree, but not well enough to not trip. I’m glad the storm brought more snow,” I answered. “I’ll be staying close to the tent when we get back.”

“I’d prefer if you stayed inside unless I’m with you,” he said with a troubled look. “There was talk of throwing stones at you from afar. The kind of harm that can be done to you with a stone from a Balla’s paw is too much.”

“Why do they hate me so much?” I sighed.

“You are different. Better, as far as I’m concerned,” he answered and looked at the fur on his arms. “Different isn’t something they tolerate. No one in this place even looked at my fur.”

“That had to have been a good change for you,” I smiled.

“Yes. It was nice,” he sounded like he was smiling back.

We made our way towards home, and I was glad to finally stop and set up the tent for the night. As soon as the flap closed after Diesel laid at our feet, Roar was kissing me deeply and holding me tightly in the darkness. I was breathless and holding onto the front of his shirt when he growled and moved away just enough to put our foreheads together while we both tried to breathe properly again.

“I have never needed something this much before,” he rumbled. “Hold on to me, Fern. I hate not standing beside you and it drives me mad.”

I slid my hands around him in the small space and laid against him, my fingers gripping the back of his shirt tightly. After a while of this he sighed and kissed me again, softly.

“I’m very glad I did this before I should have,” he said quietly. “Now, I think I might go mad without it.”

“I have no complaints,” I whispered blissfully before he kissed me again, lingering tenderly before groaning and laying on his back.

“Diesel is requesting consideration for his nose,” he said, and I snorted, then laughed before using my foot to touch the floof.

“Sorry, Dies,” I said, and he grunted and moved a little bit.

“We will need a much bigger tent,” Roar sighed. “Diesel will have his own space.”

“We don’t need a lot of space, Roar,” I told him. “I’m small, remember? What we have will be enough.”

“Small, perhaps, but a skilled hunter. We will need the space just for the hides you bring from your traps,” he chuckled. “You have almost filled the tent already and that’s without me hunting as well.”

“Huh. I didn’t think about that. What are we going to do with it all? My little traps and your skill and knowledge with literally everything else? That’s a lot,” I blinked.

“What we don’t trade, we will save for another time. I’ll probably build us a storage tent, too,” he said.

“I would prefer it if we did this together. I’m not delicate, Roar. I want to be beside you,” I said.

“I would have you no other place. Well, outside of our tent, anyhow,” he chuckled and I gasped and blushed hard as I put my face into his chest. “Inside might be a different matter.”

“Stop talking, Roar,” I muttered, and Diesel grumbled, making the hunter laugh.

“Okay. Time for sleep,” he said. “A lot of things need to be done and the sooner we sleep, the sooner those things can be done.”

I went to sleep smiling and I woke up the same way, holding on to Roar’s arm that was wrapped around me from behind. I grumbled as I rolled over and Roar chuckled when I grabbed his shirt and pulled myself closer to snuggle into his chest.

“How soon until we have to leave?” I muttered sleepily as he rubbed his paw up and down my back.

“Not long, but enough time for this,” he answered. “I was hoping for this, actually.”

I smiled into his shirt and laid there for a while before I leaned back to look up at him.

“What is it?” he asked.

“Do you not want kits one day?” I asked him and he smiled softly.

“Perhaps, but we can always take in one that has no one else,” he answered. “I was fortunate that Hool’gra’nat took me in because there aren’t many that would take in a kit that isn’t theirs.”

“You don’t want one that’s yours?” I asked him and he shrugged.

“I would have liked to see my features on a kit one day, but I don’t need it to be happy,” he said, moving down to kiss my forehead. “You are enough.”

“Ivy is going to have a kit,” I said suddenly, and his paw stopped moving on my back and his breath stopped for a second. “It’s soon, still, and she hasn’t told Osh’ri’ca, yet.”

“She’s certain?” he asked.

“Yes. We really aren’t that different,” I said. “Is that... a good thing?”

“Yes. It’s a very good thing. But not soon,” he said and then shook his head. “You have changed me, Fern.”

“What? How?” I laughed.

“I didn’t want a mate. Now I’m impatient for it to happen,” he said, and I giggled. “I didn’t really want kits, in case my odd fur passed to them. Now you say we really can have them and now... I want that, too.”

“But not soon,” I laughed.

“No. Not soon. I would like for more of this before we add to our family,” he gave me a squeeze. “If that’s also what you want.”

“I think having a kit or two would be nice. But not yet,” I told him. “I want more of this first, too.”

We laid like that for a bit longer before we had to get moving again. As we started walking, my mind raced and I was smiling before long, making Roar chuckle as he carved his wood. We stopped briefly at the Quasim camp, and I explained the situation. Before long, a small satchel of herbs was brought to us, and I thanked them heavily before we left to make it back to the Balla camp.

“Go to Hool’gra’nat first,” Roar frowned as we got closer to home. “I have a bad feeling.”

I nodded and we went to the old male’s tent. When we got there, we saw some of the Lanka standing by the fence and Roar frowned harder as he called out. More coughing and hacking met our ears, and I shook my head and walked inside and pulled my hat and gloves off.

The Mapok ran warm, but when I touched Hool’gra’nat’s forehead, it was like I touched a coal.

“Shit. Roar!” I called as I quickly moved around the tent, collecting the stone pitcher to make tea and a large stone pot that I would be using to boil water and steam the tent up. “I need snow in these. A lot of it.”

I handed them to the hunter and grabbed some wood to add to the dying fire. Once the fire was burning again, I rolled a hide and put it under the old man’s head and neck to help the garbage in his lungs break apart and come out as he coughed.

Roar came back and put the pitcher in the coals and the pot in the flames.

“Do I need to call for the healer?” he asked me.

“Yes,” I answered. “We can’t stay here to keep an eye on him, but she can.”

“Will this make you sick?” he asked, looking at Hool’gra’nat’s sweat soaked face.

“No. This is because his lungs were already bad from when he was kicked by the lanka,” I said. “It won’t make me sick, because I'm healthy.”

He nodded before leaving to get the healer as I did my best to help the older male. I wasn’t a doctor, like Ivy, but I had enough basic knowledge of common ailments to get the job done.

“It is bad this cycle,” the healer commented when she came into the tent with Roar. “Roar’kaol’tok says you know of this ailment.”

“It’s a common one in my people,” I nodded as she looked at the herbs, I was using to make the tea and then at the pot of snow that was melting quickly and steaming slightly already.

“These herbs aren’t common,” she said. “But they will help him a great deal. I’ll see to him from here.”

I nodded and left the tent, stopping to take some of the spruce branches into the fence for the hungry lanka, before going with Roar back to our own tent. He restarted the fire then grabbed me and held on to me tightly for a moment.

“You’re worried about him?” I asked and he hummed.

“He’ll recover, I think. I am just glad you are not a healer, like your friend. I would worry too much that you would get sick as well,” he said.

“I’m glad I’m not a healer, either,” I giggled. “I do not have the disposition for that.”