Primitive Instinct: The Journey Home

It’s been days since we made the crossing and we’ve entered a steep valley between two rocky looking mountains. During this time, I discovered that Roar was a terrible patient. He wanted to get up and do things, which I understood, but getting up and doing things wasn’t going to do him any good and would end with his leg healing badly. I had to scold him constantly until I had enough of it and lashed Diesel’s sled to the back of the lanka sleds and made Diesel watch him while I mended the torn pants he’d worn.

“I feel like a kit,” he complained when Diesel growled at him for trying to get up once again.

I’d managed to put a few things in the sled behind his back and shoulders to help him sit up without putting much pressure on his broken upper leg and he still complained about being too still.

“Then stop acting like one,” I suggested, knotting the cord and cutting it before turning the leg inside out to stitch new mammoth hair inside and froze, seeing the blood stain. “There was so much blood.”

He looked up and over his shoulder, looking at me where I sat on top of one of the tents support bones while I worked. I shook my head and grabbed the hair to start working, ignoring the silence. When I was done, I jumped down and started scrubbing at them with the snow, until it stopped turning pink.

I hurried to catch up to the caravan and hung the damp pants from the side of the lanka sled before taking Diesel’s place so he could sniff about.

“We’ll be at the snow camp soon,” Roar said after a while. “Hool’gra’nat has offered to help set up the tent, since his is much smaller and easier to make.”

“That is kind of him. I’ll have to find something to give him for the effort,” I said. “I know it’s not the way of your people. I’ll make it something good.”

“He knew you would say that,” he chuckled.

“He didn’t try to refuse, either, did he?” I asked and he smirked at me.

“This is very uncomfortable, Fern’rath’fik,” he sighed. “It’s not...usual for me to need to be cared for.”

“Hool’gra’nat said you’ve never been injured this badly before. And aside from him, you didn’t anyone else to take care of you before now. Not for a long time, anyhow,” I nodded. “It’s unusual for me to have someone care for me as well. And I can honestly say that no one has ever been bait for some insanely huge death bear thing before.”

“That is a very interesting description,” he smirked, then gave me a serious look. “You were alone for a long time, too.”

“Not completely,” I looked at Diesel. “It wasn’t the same, since we couldn’t actually talk, but it helped.”

“Did you not have a clan?” he asked.

“That’s not how my kind are,” I shook my head. “But I think it wouldn’t have mattered if that was how they are. I feel better when I’m alone. Just not too alone. I found Diesel because I was looking for company that wouldn’t care if I didn’t meet some stupid standards about how I should be instead of how I actually am.”

“Even in a clan, acceptance isn’t easy to find,” he nodded and looked around. “I am past the age when I should have chosen a mate and had kits. I’m...odd, for not doing so yet.”

“That’s ridiculous,” I laughed and shook my head. “It’s your choice to do as you please with your life. It’s your life, isn’t it?”

“My life is for the clan,” he shrugged. “It will not be long before a pairing is made for me, I think.”

“Well, that’s dumb,” I said plainly. “Does your choice not matter?”

“I have been allowed to choose for this long,” he answered with a shrug. “The chief will likely be looking for suitable mates from the other clans while we are at the snow camp.”

“How many other clans are there?” I asked.

“Many,” he answered. “Not all of them are Balla Mapok, though.”

“I’m lost on that,” I said after a second.

A horn blew and I looked forward to notice that we were about to pass a camp already set up to our left. As we walked by, I looked at the strangers and tilted my head, seeing that they had feathers instead of fur and sharp looking talons instead of paws.

“They are Eeng Mapok,” Roar said after we passed them. “Fierce fighters and see very far, but slow. They live higher but come here to be sheltered from the storms during the dark cycle, like we all do.”

“Would the chief look for a mate for you outside of the Balla Mapok?” I asked, frowning.

“Possibly,” he shrugged. “I have no desire to be mated, so I have no preference.”

“You clearly don’t have a choice on being mated. Why not make a choice on who you are mated to?” I asked.

“It will not be decided for some time still. I was only informed recently that the chief was considering pairing me,” he looked annoyed.

“Ah. So that’s why you looked like you wanted to hit him,” I grinned, and he chuckled.

“Only a little. I guessed it was coming, so I was prepared for it,” he answered. “It is because of his plans for you. Since we are sharing a dwelling and I am responsible for you, he informed me of his thoughts.”

“You said there was time before a choice must be made. How much time?” I asked.

“Before we leave for the sun camp. For both of us,” he answered. “Many moon cycles, so there is time to have some say.”

“I don’t like it when someone else decides things for me,” I said flatly.

“Who does?” he snorted. “It’s the way of the Mapok.”

“I’m not Mapok,” I pointed out and he blinked, like he hadn’t even thought of that. “Are you... Did you seriously forget that I’m very clearly not Mapok?”

“Kind of, actually,” he nodded, his cheeks getting pink. “Perhaps you are just a different type of Mapok, though. There are some clans that travel very far and have told of strange people they have seen.”

“Strange? Like me?” I asked and he shrugged.

“I never believed them to be true until I saw you, so it’s possible,” he answered. “Maybe.”

“Hear that, Dies? Maybe not so strange after all,” I smiled at the dog, who wagged his tail slightly.

“You are still strange, Fern’rath’fik,” Roar laughed. “But in good ways, I think.”

“You’re strange to me, but also in good ways,” I chuckled.

“If there are others like you far from here, would you leave to be with them?” he asked after a bit.

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I like being with you, even if the clan is not being subtle about not wanting me here. But I need to know things that I won’t learn here.”

“How you ended up here?” he asked, and I nodded.

It was one topic we didn’t discuss often and not at great lengths, not because it got shut down, but because it never really got brought up. Now, it seemed there might be more needing to be said and I wasn’t sure how to say it without confusing him.

“It was so strange,” I finally said. “I know I was far away from snow, but then I’m here and everything I knew was different. There are some guesses I’ve made, but I’m afraid that they might be right and I’m also afraid that they might be wrong.”

“The creatures we hunt are new to you, aren’t they?” he asked, and I nodded.

“Even the trees are different than what I knew,” I told him. “I’m a very, very long way from where I was and getting back... Well, I’m not sure it’s as important now as it was when I opened my eyes and saw snow where there shouldn’t have been.”

“If you left and found your answers, would you return?” he asked.

“Probably. Yes, if I’m being truly honest,” I answered. “I have more here to come back to than what I left behind. I’m not sure it’s entirely up to me to decide, though.”

“What happened to not liking when others choose for you?” he smirked at me.

“I’m not strong enough to object and I’d be the only one against many,” I replied. “If I leave to find answers or if I don’t bother to try depends on these tales from the clans that travel farther than this clan.”

“Then you should find them sooner than not,” he nodded. “The chief will decide about you before we return to the sun camp.”

“What is it that he’s deciding, exactly?” I asked, narrowing my eyes. “He better not try pairing me or I will have strong words for him.”

“You are female. Females must offer to be paired by the chief, should they not find an appealing prospect on their own or don’t wish to look for themselves,” he answered.

“That’s insanely unfair,” I pointed out and he shrugged.

“A female raises the kits. It is best if she wants them with her partner before they are made,” he said, and I shook my head.

“And males don’t have any say on the matter?” I asked.

“The chief will ask for preferences,” he shrugged. “He has asked for mine many times.”

“I hope you respectfully tell him to eat the yellow snow,” I narrowed my eyes and he laughed.

“Fern’rath’fik,” Hool’gra’nat called from the front of the sleds. “We are close to the snow camp. Many females are leaving to find suitable locations for the tents.”

I paused as I waited for the sleds to pass until I was next to Roar once again.

“I don’t see very well right now, but the females are leaving to find where they want the tents to go,” I explained to him. “Where would you prefer?”

“Outside the rest,” he said after a moment. “It will be seen as strange, being away from the rest of the clan, but you are right. They don’t want you with them and I am not tolerated much better.”

“Is it safe?” I asked, hopping over the side of the lanka sled with our things so I could grab my hat and weapons.

“No less than being surrounded by hostility,” he answered. “There will be fighting among the other females for the best places. Diesel’vor’maan is marked as a protector. Take him with you and if anyone wishes to try, he can fight for you. Don’t kill, though.”

“Charming,” I muttered as I slipped my bow over my shoulder and grabbed my bone tipped wooden spear.

“Be careful, Fern’rath’fik. If you are beaten, I cannot ask for repayment for your injuries. It is how the females are when arriving at a new camp,” he said. “Pick a bad spot first. If they decide they want to challenge you for it, you’ll now their intentions.”

“I don’t plan on being beaten. I’ll give it up if they want it. Someone has to be able to hunt and Diesel can’t do it and pull his sled,” I nodded. “I’ll be careful.”