Primitive Instinct: The Journey Home

We walked until Roar said we were close to the end of the valley where we set up our tent. Once we climbed inside, I lay there not sure how I felt about this new development. Roar would have a mate and eventually they would have kits to go along with it.

I never really thought about having a family, simply shrugging it off and assuming I’d have a husband and kids one day, maybe. Now... I knew I wouldn’t. Even if I did decide I wanted to, it wasn’t an option.

“You are still troubled, Fern,” Roar said gently. “What is it? And don’t pick up the stone.”

“I’m going to be alone again,” I finally said quietly. “There isn’t anyone like me here but me. I’m sure of it.”

“You will not be alone ever again, Fern,” he said. “I don’t like that this is bothering you.”

“It’s never been a goal of mine before,” I told him. “I guess with you choosing a female to mate with and have kits and be happy together, I’m seeing more of what I won’t have, even if I did decide one day that it was something I wanted.”

“Fern,” he said.

“I’m happy for you, Roar. If you really want this, I’m happy for you. It just kind of makes me a little sad, too, is all,” I said and felt my eyes stinging a little bit. “I don’t really want to talk about it anymore. Okay?”

He sighed and I felt him sit up on an elbow as I tucked my arms into my chest to go to sleep.

“Fern,” he said and I just pinched my eyes closed and shook my head. “The female I’ve chosen is you.”

“What?” I whispered as my eyes flew open in the darkness.

“I didn’t want to tell you like this,” he sighed and flopped back down to his back. “But I don’t like it when you’re upset over something I don’t intend to let happen. If you accept me.”

“I’m sorry, what?” I shook my head and rolled over to face him on my elbow, though I know I couldn’t see a damn thing. “Roar, we don’t even know if we’re... compatible... that way.”

“You forget that we shared a bath not even a few days ago,” he said, sounding like he was trying not to laugh at me. “I’m sure that you have the same parts as other Mapok females. It wouldn’t matter if you didn’t, though. I still chose you. Everything else... We can figure it out.”

“When did this even happen?” I asked.

“I’m not sure, but I was beginning to see how... precious you are shortly after we left the sun camp. The more you learned of our language, the more we were able to talk, the more I noticed that you were... everything,” he answered, getting awkward occasionally. “Then the chief told me he was going to arrange a mating for me, and it hurt my heart to think I was going to lose you.”

“You... You ass!” I shoved at his chest. “You could have said something before now! I’m having an inner crisis about being on my own again and you could have preven-.”

I couldn’t talk anymore. Not because I didn’t have anything left to say, because I had a whole lot to say, but because Roar kissed me. He kissed me hard enough to get the idea that he was as frustrated as I was, but still soft and tender at the same time. It left me buzzing all over when he broke away and I just... I stared blankly as I processed it.

“You are very cute like this,” he chuckled, using a finger under my chin to close my mouth. “I’m sorry I didn’t say this sooner. I wanted to wait until I was recovered and providing again. A male that can provide is more desirable. And I’m already not physically desirable, with my strange coloring.”

“Roar,” I sighed and shook my head. “You’re an idiot. This might be important to Mapok females, but I’m not Mapok. I think it’s great that you are different and being hurt is temporary. I know you can provide. You did it before and I know you will again when you’re healed. What you can do and what you look like isn’t what makes you desirable. Being you is enough.”

“Do not accept until the gifting,” he said firmly. “I will do this properly as it’s the only time either of us will have this chance.”

“You’re being sweet again,” I told him, and he put our foreheads together.

“Do you honestly think I am desirable? Even with us being so different?”

“I think you are. I wasn’t really thinking about this, to be honest, but yes. I think you are very desirable,” I told him, and my eyes started to burn again. “And I’m still mad at you!”

He chuckled and grabbed the back of my neck, pulling me down so I was laying on his chest.

“Go to sleep, Fern. We have a big day tomorrow,” he said.

“Like me kicking more snow at you,” I muttered, and he laughed softly as he held me against him. “Jerk.”

I woke up to Diesel’s cold, snow-covered nose on the skin of my ankle and I squeaked and jerked awake, glaring at him as he literally ran from me as I clawed my way outside.

“Just wait, Diesel Mack! I’m going to get you back for that, asshole!” I shouted and Roar laughed as he leaned against a tree nearby. “You better not have told him to do that.”

“He doesn’t listen to me half as much as he listens to you, so no. I only asked if he knew a good way to wake you,” he grinned. “Perhaps, next time, I should ask about waking you without angering you.”

I just pointed at him and glared as I shoved my boots on my feet and then tied on the snowshoes before getting out and pulling the fur blanket with me to fold it and lay on the sled.

“Diesel thinks there’s a clan nearby. Less than an hour,” he gestured towards the way we had been going.

“Do you think they’re who we’re looking for?” I asked.

“Possibly. The end of the valley is where the ones that live farther away end up. Vysen Mapok from the plains farther away than where we met, Wippa from the deep forests, and Mooshin from where the water is wide and tastes of something bitter,” he said. “I’ve been only slightly farther than the sun camp we met at, so I’ve never actually met any of them before and I’ve never had any reason to come this far down the valley, since we come over one of the low points. Not many use the crossing because of the cazza.”

“I wholeheartedly agree with that choice,” I shuddered and looked at Roar’s leg still in the splint.

“We will find out soon, enough, though. We should hurry. There is a storm coming. A small one that won’t last long, but it will be fierce,” he said, and I looked at him blankly. “Diesel smells it, Fern’rath’fik. I’m good, but not that good.”

“Just wondering how good your hearing actually is,” I asked, grabbing a chunk of meat to chew on as I took the tent apart and rolled it up.

Once I had everything on the sled, I called a wary Diesel over to get the leads on his harness.

“I will be glad once this comes off,” Roar growled as he touched the splint before sitting on the sled and crossing his arms, pouting.

“You’re adorable when you pout,” I grinned, and his ear flicked in annoyance. “Like a grumpy kit, but much bigger.”

“I have not been a kit in many cycles,” he scowled at me.

“You still look like one,” I giggled.

We walked for a while before I smelled the smoke of fires and started to see peeks of a camp through the trees. When we got closer to them, I stopped with Diesel beside me and took in the camp. There were tents of all sizes from the smaller ones like I’d seen at the Quasim clan, to ones that made the ones in the Balla clan look small. It was also a very large clan, and I couldn’t help but feel kind of shocked and impressed.

“This is a lot of Mapok,” I said, and Roar turned to look over his shoulder before Diesel pulled him around slightly.

“That is a lot more than I’ve ever seen in one clan before,” he agreed. “Perhaps this might not be such a good idea, after all.”

“We’ll see,” I shrugged. “We’re already here at any rate.”

He hummed briefly before he took a deep breath and called out loudly. We waited for a bit before a few males came over to us. One was an Eeng with a scar cutting through his feathers on his face, another was a Balla with a large piece of an ear missing like it had been cut, and this heavily muscled male with horns that I’d seen on young bulls all the time back in Texas and split hooves instead of paws for feet and hands like a raccoon. He had mostly human features, like all of the Mapok, but his face looked more... Neanderthal in design, giving him a blocky, primitive, and hardened look.

As Roar and the warriors spoke, I looked again at the clan. We were a distance away still, but I could see small Quasim and fierce Eeng and the honorable Balla all walking around, as well as more of the same kind as the horned male. There were people that were taller even than Roar and had dark brown skin. Some people were very narrow looking and had very pale skin.

“Come. We welcome you,” one of the warriors said, bringing me back from my examination of the clan. “And Osh’ri’ca should be informed. His isha will be very interested.”

We followed the warriors towards the camp, and I was amazed at everything I saw as we passed through towards the center. The different Mapok were smiling together and talking, trades were being made, and there wasn’t a hostile look to be found, aside from the mother scolding her child, who had the feathers of an Eeng, but the ears of a Balla.

“This is amazing,” I whispered in English to Diesel.

“There are many clans here,” one of the warriors explained as we made our way through the tents. “We live separately in the sun camps, but as we travel here, we join together. The mouth of the valley may be protected from the storms, but it is still open to the predators that would hunt us. Staying together like this keeps us safer.”

“There’s always safety in numbers,” I agreed. “And how does that work, with the different clans? Are there not different rules for each?”

“There are, but the chiefs speak about such things together,” the Balla answered. “We are all addressed about how to behave with one another so offenses can be avoided, but when something does happen, the chiefs decide how to handle it together. None of their decisions have been unfair for as long as I have been with the clans.”

“And how long has that been, if you don’t mind answering?” I asked.

“This will be my eleventh snow cycle,” he answered. “I came to them when I was cast from my clan for a crime I did not commit. I was marked as a killer of my kind.”

His cut ear flicked and I looked at Roar who nodded solemnly before shaking it sadly.

“Many of us were cast out of our clans for one reason or another,” the Eeng said. “I chose a Balla as my mate. She is not a fighter or a hunter, but she is a wonderful mother to our offspring.”

“We are, for the most part, misfits and outcasts. Many are so not by their own choice, but we have made the best of it,” the large mountain of a male spoke.

“Clearly,” I said, more to myself than to them.

“How many clans are here?” Roar asked.

“Twenty,” the Balla answered. “The chiefs are only ten, as many of them have the same rules, so not all of the chiefs are needed to make a choice, though all are informed when one is made.”

I didn’t know what all to make of this place. On the one hand it seemed to be exactly what I thought we were looking for, but with some many clans, I was sure there were a lot more rules and restrictions, which wouldn’t suit any of us well. That was the problem with large groups. Restrictions.

“Wait here. I will inform the chiefs,” the large male said once we reached the center of the camp, which was a large, round opening, free of tents but ringed by the larger tents that I knew belonged to clan chiefs.

“Which Mapok is he?” I asked Roar softly.

“Vysen,” he answered, then smirked at me. “And you know that they all hear nearly as well as I do, right?”

“I don’t want to look like an idiot for asking them things I should already know,” I gave him a look and he chuckled.

“You are a great many things, but an idiot is certainly not one of them,” he said, and I rolled my eyes.

We were waiting for a short while before there was a commotion from the beyond the line of tents where curious Mapok had gathered and there was a female's voice demanding for people to move aside. Roar, Diesel, and I were all looking towards the source when the people were pushed aside and a small female shoved her way through, her chest heaving and eyes darting around wildly before they landed on me and went huge with shock, recognition, and elation.

We both cried out and ran across the open ground between us, embracing fiercely as tears streamed down my face.

“Oh my God!” she squealed, pulling back to push my hat off my head and then grab my face in her hands. “You’re a human!”

“Yo-you’re human,” I sobbed. “Another human.”