Pretty Boy Psycho

A grey patch. There’s a grey patch under my arm. Not happening... Not happening ... Okay keep it together. It’s only a teenie tiny patch really. Easily hidden. No one will notice if I avoid wearing vest tops. I pull on my blue shirt, hiding discoloured skin. Everything will be fine. I’ll go to Master Hugo’s class as usual. Think I’ll skip breakfast though. My stomach is queasy.

I end up on the bridge staring into the water hoping Alpha Fish will swim by. My hands tap at the top of the bridge. I take some long breaths. Did a part of my mind drift away last night? Surely a person would realise if a part of them was gone. Yeah, they would. I’m perfectly healthy just have a few spots on my nails and a mark under my arm. Nothing fatal. Healthy.

Someone’s behind me. Their boots thump on the bridge. Max. I’d know his heavy footed walk anywhere. The bruises all over my torso are more scary than the grey patch. I’ve tried being friendly with him which ended up with me getting a whack and ignoring coaxed him into name calling while pushing me around with Collette.

Despite dreading what he’ll do to me today I smile at him to make him wonder why. “You know I’ve been here four months and your taunts haven’t made me run off yet. I’m going nowhere.” I want to run over the bridge as far away from him as possible. I grip hold of the top of the bridge, forcing myself to stay.

Max shoves at my shoulder. “Maybe I’ve not been trying hard enough. You‘re gone today.”

“What’s your problem with me?”

“Take a look at your reflection runt.”

Max stands at my side so both our reflections are visible in the pond. He’s built like a jock while I’m skimpy. “Hardly a threat to you, am I?”

“No, you’re a disgrace to the Cloud Association organisation. Geordie’s the threat. You’re nothing getting in the way. Slowing us down.”

Here we go. I am forced off the bridge onto the grass with several hefty shoves which almost trip me over. I should run, save myself getting bashed about, I do happen to be faster than him when scared, problem being my feet won’t move. I’ve frozen. All I can manage is a wince as he takes a punch to my ribcage then closes in, getting up way too close.

“You’re shaking.” Max gives me a sharp jab in-between the ribs. “Are you going back to where you came from?”

“You must have been through tragic circumstances to be this warped.” I manage then take a smack to the mouth. Yowch. Not quite hard enough to knock any teeth out but hurt. I blink shocked. Realise I’m sat in the pond. Well there could have been worse places to land like a pile of sharp rocks or overgrown bed of nettles.

Crap, Charlie is staring at us as he crosses the bridge. He clutches his book and carries on his way.

Max kicks water at me. “Where are you going?”

I try get up and get pushed straight back down.

“You’re going far away from here right?”

I think I might have shook my head because Max gets this riled up look in his eyes and grabs my shoulders, twists me round, pushes my face towards the water. Holds me under. I can’t move save for flail about because my nervous system makes me.

“Where are you going?” demands Max as he lets me up for some air.

I’m unable to speak. I splutter, and dirty pond water dribbles out my mouth. Before I have chance to get my breath back, Max pushes me under again. Next time he lets me up I’ll try tell him, I’ll leave, then go. He’s right I do slow everyone else down. I’m no Cloudy. Even relief would be better off without me. Master Hugo gave up on me weeks ago. All he teaches me are defence stances and never partners me with any of the other trainees. I’m that tragic. Was stupid me ever coming here.

Blobs of mud squelch against my cheek as Max pushes me as far as he can under water. I’ve reached the bottom. Maybe he’ll kill me this time. Can’t breathe. Lungs are super tight, and throat feels as though someone’s choking me with fat hands. Everything goes misty. Think my eyes are failing. One of Max’s hands pushes against the back of my head grinding me into the mud. A split second later the pressure is suddenly released. Think I’m free but can’t get up. Lay in the water my fingers clawing into mud. Max tugs at my arm. Both my arms.

“Corey hey, you breathing mate?” Not Max. Danny. “Geordie, help me out here.”

There’s a serenade of splashing.

I’m sat up in water which I realise is freezing. Most of our class crowd round the pond amongst every other trainee who attends Cloud High. I blink wondering when they all got here. Was I under long? Collette’s there smiling away at my shaky state along with others who are pro-Max.

“Geordie, please give me a hand.”

Geordie’s in the middle of the pond, squaring up to Max. Sick churns in my stomach along with dirty pond water. I try hold it in, focus on Geordie, but some gunk comes out anyway. “You screw with Corey you’ve screwed with me.” Wham. Max is winded. Falls right over.

“Geordie, I mean it. We need your help,” calls Danny.

“I am helping. No one messes with my lads.”

“Geordie!” I wail as I notice how heated up he’s gotten. “Stop please,” that comes out as more of a squeak.

Danny’s hand rubs at my arm as I stare at Geordie giving Max hell. Want to pull him off but I’m way too shaky. Can’t move. I’m useless sat here watching like the rest.

“Come on, let’s sit over there away from the circus.” Danny tries to get me to stand up. I can’t. My breaths are stuck in the bottom of my lungs, sloshing about as though in muddy water. “Ignore what Geordie’s doing yeah. We’ll sit over there, make sure you’re gonna be okay.” Danny gives my back a rub when he sees me having difficulty breathing. At least those who think I’m a joke are distracted from me by the fight. Max doesn’t stand a chance against Geordie.

In a daze I let Danny help me up. Get tugged a few paces away from the pond. End up sat next to Danny who doesn’t even complain when I fall against his shoulder.

“Keep taking slow deep breaths yeah.”

I hold onto Danny’s arm below the elbow. I’m uncertain if I’m shaking because I’m in shock or shuddering because I’m cold. It’s probably both.

“Is he all right?” Charlie’s a couple of feet away from us. He’s managed to keep hold of his book.

“He’s cool.”

“Cool?” yells Geordie as he comes storming over. Max is sat in the water dripping like I was but happens to have several cuts to his face. “You reckon he’s cool.” Geordie crouches opposite me. “How long’s that bully boy been hounding ya?”

I can’t think to answer.

“Since ya got here right. I knew he was teasing but bashing ya about, fuck, Corey ya could have told me.” Geordie pokes a finger against my temple. “Even better ya should have tried standing up for yourself. Why stand there and take his shit?”

Danny pushes Geordie away from me. “You can’t make out this was his fault.”

“It is his fault for being wimpy all the time. And you.” Geordie spins on Charlie. “What did ya do to help?”

“I came and found you,” musters Charlie.

Whoa Geordie’s gone totes mental. He knocks Charlie off his feet and gives his book a kicking. “Exactly found me when ya should have been dragging Max off. Coward.” In a blazing temper caused by me Geordie stalks round the back of Cloud High.

“He hates me!” The shakes get worse. A panic attack now really?

“He doesn’t hate you. The thing with Geordie is he’s got this temper. Shouts at me sometimes too. Strange thing is he’s not exploded in a few weeks. I thought he might have grown out of his temper eruptions.”

“I should go.” I try getting up.

Danny holds out an arm barrier. “Go where exactly?”

“Back to Lundune. I don’t belong here. I slow everyone else down.”

“You’re in a state so aren’t going anywhere save for your room to get changed out of these wet clothes.” Danny turns to Charlie as everyone else start dispersing to get to weapons practise. “Can you tell Master Hugo, Corey’s having a panic attack so I’m sitting with him?”

Charlie nods as he runs to catch up with Tanya and Lee; leaves his battered book on the ground. I’ve caused so much trouble today. Made Geordie go mental which led to Charlie’s book being ruined. I hope it didn’t have sentimental value. I leave go of Danny and crawl over to the book. Straighten out some crumpled pages, shut the book, close my eyes tight, and rock in time to my shaking. “Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.”

“What you sorry about?” Danny gives my shoulder several taps, imitating what I do to him.

“Being a weak weirdo, everyone hates.” I sniff. Some tears smudge against my cheeks. “I’m going.”

“No, you’re not. The choosing is only a month away. You’re staying put and getting into relief like you want to do.”

“How can I work in relief when I can‘t even help myself never mind everyone else? Geordie hates me. Charlie‘s book is ruined. You‘re missing weapons practice.”

“And you’re having a panic attack which isn’t surprising after what that ape did to you.” Danny pulls me up. “Let’s go to your room and chill before we do anything daft like run off. You do know I’d have to go with you.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“No letting team mates do something daft on their own remember.”

Problem being I’m only a temporary part of the team. Everyone knows after the choosing classes get shifted about. I’ll end up doing a load of book work with Clover. If Geordie and Danny, make it as field agents they’ll have Master Hugo as their tutor meaning I’ll hardly ever see them. “You don’t need me.”

Danny tugs at my arm trying to get me to go with him into Cloud High. I sway on the spot. Want to kneel on the ground. Supporting myself is too hard when I can’t breathe.

“We’ll take small steps.” An arm winds round my back. “You can lean into me if you like.”

I take full advantage of leaning into Danny. He’s too kind. Without him I’d still be at the bottom of the pond as a corpse. Instead I end up huddled in the doorway of my room.

“You should probably get changed. Want me to wait out here while you do that?”

Get changed. I slide my hands onto the side of my head feeling at damp hair which is bound to be tangled. “Don’t look at me-e-e!” I slam the door then run to my wardrobe. Rummage around for a towel. Dry my hair and rub mud off my face and hands. Throw clean clothes on. Look round my wardrobe for a comb. Can’t see one anywhere. This is a horrid grey day. Max totes humiliated me and this time everyone was there to see. Worse still Geordie hates me.

Can’t cope. Don’t belong here.

I load clothes into my pack.

Knock. Knock. “Corey, you done yet?”

How long will my blue boots take to dry out? I’ll have to travel in my shoes for a few hours. Travel. Home feels like a long way even though it’s only a seven hour run away. I abandon my half packed rucksack and retreat inside the wardrobe. My shaking gets worse. Focusing is a no no.

“Are you in the wardrobe?” Danny ducks down to have a look at where I’m at. “Right, you’re scaring me mate.”

“I’m weak constantly falling to pieces. Geordie’s right to be angry. If you help me pack my bag, I’ll be out your hair quicker.”

“I’d rather help you unpack.”

“I need to get out of here. Don’t belong. Weak. Weak. Weak.”

“Urrr how’s things?” Geordie edges into my room. No way I can’t stand any more negativity today.

“You’ve helped push him over the edge by yelling like a wild animal.”

“What’s he doing in his wardrobe?”

“Having the worst panic attack I’ve ever seen him have.”

“Sorry I made you look bad!” I shriek before an argument can flare up.

Geordie squeezes into the wardrobe. Sits facing me. We’re so close our knees touch. “Don’t apologise.”

“But Max is right. I’m a runt who slows everyone else down. This place is better off without me. I hold you and Danny back.”

“How do ya hold us back? In Clover’s stupid team building exercises we’re always competing against Charlie’s team for the top spot. Go on tell me how.”

“I struggle to keep up.”

“You always manage. In fact, keep us going. Don’t he?”

Danny nods his agreement.

Geordie rests his hands against my knees. “I-oh-I-oh-I-oh,” he sings then says, “you make us positive ’cause you’re always smiling.”

I shake my head in a manic motion. “You were right I am weak. Should have stood up for myself instead of freezing then getting emotional.”

“No worries, I’ve warned Max off. He won’t touch ya again and if he’s dumb enough to try just yell Geordie and I’ll come sort the bastard.”

“Thank you.”

“Screw thanking me. I’d rather have your trust. If someone’s messing with ya tell me. I won’t get pissed. Get it you ain’t built for fighting. I don’t give a shit if people think we’re weak ’cause I stick up for ya.” Geordie shows me his fist. “It’s all about you, me, and him. We’re unbreakable. No one else matters. Me and Danny need your positivity. We couldn’t win team building exercises without your encouragement. Max targeted you ’cause you’re well in with us Corey West.”

“He’s jealous of me!” I burst out in sudden realisation.

Geordie pulls a face as I grab hold of him. “He finally gets it.”

“One of us one of us,” laughs Danny.

“You two are totes amazing saving me from bullies.”

“Really? Have you forgotten you killed a Thunder for me?”

“Nope. ” More like I’m overwhelmed at having tough boys as friends and all they ask in return is their trust.

My shaking calms down as I hold onto Geordie. The panic attack has ended leaving my mind to think rationally or as close to rational as I can get. At a more stable place I clamber out the wardrobe; sit on my bed. From here I can see the sketch, pinned to the wall, of me and my two best friends hanging out by the pond. Geordie, Danny, and Corey. Only it ought to be Geordie, Danny, and Alex. They’d be super narked if they found out I’d kept my name from them. They might come to the conclusion I had devious intentions. They’ll find out I’m Alex Harlington one day. Better today than later besides there’s this guilty voice in my head.

“I can tell you two anything right?”

Danny sits with me on the bed. “Sure.”

“In confidence and you’d keep my secret no matter what?”

Geordie leans into the bed post. “Did you piss yourself or summat?”

I tuck my hair behind my ears. Here goes. Please please please don’t hate me. “Jordan got the wrong person. Corey whoever he is wasn’t at the rendezvous point. I was there, and Jordan assumed I was this Corey. I tried to tell him I wasn’t but getting my words out was hard because Sad tried to slash my head off. Then everything moved so fast.”

“Right fun joke Corey,” says Geordie.

“I’m not fooling. I doubt there were any clerical errors written in Jordan’s files about Corey West. He made assumptions because who else would be running around outside the gates of Lundune?” I stare at the floor wanting to keep what follows secret. Geordie has a fond disliking for rich kids. “I swear down I’m the same person you’ve known for these past four months, with the same personality. Haven’t been trying to act like Corey. Stealing’s bad. Have always been myself.”

“Who is me?” Geordie sounds taken aback.

“Me I’m…”

“Spit it out.”

“Alex.” I wince scared for their reaction.

“Alex as in the Harlington kid?” asks Danny.

I nod, still wincing.

“Wait a sec, that first team building exercise we did, you mean to tell us you went into Lundune looking for yourself?” says Danny.

Geordie actually snickers. “Wouldn’t your parents have noticed you packed up and shipped out rather than got abducted?” He rolls his eyes onto my wardrobe full of clothes.

“Oh, my wardrobe at home is fit to burst. Even after filling up a whole rucksack they wouldn’t have noticed what was missing. And I don’t want to be found so you will keep my secret right?”

“Said we would didn’t we, Alex Harlington? Hermm that name don’t fit right. Neither did Corey. You know how some people look like their names. You’re like not a boring regular Alex.” Geordie gives me a look over. “You’re more like a…” he looks to Danny for help and gets a shrug. “A…” Geordie smirks. “I know. It‘s obvious.”

“What?” I manage to look fully up from the floor.

“Al. You’re our Al out of Cloud High at least.”

“Yeah you’ll have to stick with Corey,” chips in Danny, “or Clover will give Jordan hell and send you home.”

“She can’t send me home I’m already there. We’re gonna be late for Clover’s class.”

“Are you sure you want to go? I mean you might get some funny looks,” warns Danny.

“And I’ll get teased more than usual.” I empty my rucksack into my wardrobe. “No worries I can deal with name calling and jeering. Even being hassled in corridors is bearable.”

“If I see anyone pushing you in corridors I’ll knock out their teeth.”

I wink at Geordie. “I think your fists have seen enough action for one day. I’ll have to learn to be resilient, won’t I? So you know I’m okay when you’re doing your field agent training. We totes have to make the most of our last month together in Clover’s tutor group.”

“Yeah,” says Danny and gives Geordie this, I wish he hadn’t brought that up, type glance and gets one in return. “We were talking about that and figured if either of us doesn’t make field work we’d try get into relief with you.”

I laugh. “Well they wouldn’t want you in logistics, and Geordie is way too disorganised for clerical.”

“Cheeky gimp.” Geordie throws a stray paintbrush at me.

“Are we doing history or geography?”

Danny stares vacantly into space. “Don’t look at me I’m stupid.”

“And I’m disorganised. Have no idea what day this is,” says Geordie.