Chapter Unsure
Harlyn
The night passed quickly. We lay cuddled together watching films, and I fell asleep in Wayne’s arms with the pups cuddled against me.
When I wake up, I’m alone in bed, getting ready for the day I consider everything. Now that I’m back here, I feel like I’m missing something. I’m not even sure what it is, but it’s an intense feeling.
I keep telling myself it’s just that I’m missing my mum and brothers after finally seeing them and having to walk away again.
Sitting on the bed, I look around the room. Before, when I was here, I felt like home. Now? I’m not even sure anymore. Something has shifted, and I’m not sure if it was the fact that I slept with Stefan or that I have my wolf. Something isn’t right.
“My love.” Wayne’s voice comes from behind me. Turning, I look at him. “The pups are playing through there. They had breakfast. How are you feeling?” He sits next to me.
“I don’t know.” That is the truth. I have no idea how I feel right now. I feel confused and lost.
“Everyone has been asking about the wedding, so I thought we should plan it and get it sorted for next week if you agree.” He smiles at me, and I look at him.
I don’t speak, I just will myself to feel something, or at least what I felt before. There’s nothing, and it’s scary. Staying staring at him, I try and unmudle my mind.
“You said when we returned we would marry. We would have married that day had he not stopped us.” He looks at me, waiting for me to speak. Why do I feel glad right now for Stefan’s interruption that stopped me from marrying Wayne?
“I can’t marry you, Wayne,” I whisper.
“Of course you can. You love me, right?” He grips my chin, and I shrug.
“I don’t know anymore.” That’s the reality of this. I don’t even know anymore. I feel like I want to return to Stefan and agree to be his, which is crazy.
He rejected me, called me names, and pushed me out. He then claimed me without asking, and Wayne? All Wayne has done is look after me and try to do right by me.
“Harlyn, don’t ruin this. You’re just confused because of what happened. You loved me. You don’t just stop loving someone instantly.” He stares at me, hurt.
“I’m not ruining anything. I just don’t know how I feel. I’m not sure if it’s my wolf or something else, but I don’t know how I feel.” I want to go back, to before I went home, when my mind was sure it loved him.
When I was happy with him and willing to marry him, everything was simple. Not like now, when my mind is a mess and I’m struggling to even understand things. He’s right; you don’t just stop loving someone, so why don’t I feel it anymore?
“I don’t understand how you can act like nothing happened. Like I wasn’t in bed with Stefan.” I stare at him.
“Because I love you, I said that. I’m happy to forgive you and forget it if I get you.” He sighs and looks around. “All I want is you, Harlyn, no one, and nothing else. I want a life with just me and you, us two alone and happy.”
Us two? That used to be a life with me and pups, our little family.
“You didn’t mention the pups.” I glance at him, confused.
“Of course, I want them as well. I want you more; I’m trying, Harlyn.”
The room fell quiet, and he stood. “I’m going to go speak to Ethan. Just consider it. The pups are settled and playing. Have some time alone and think about what you want.” Kissing my cheek, he walked out of the room.
I don’t know what I want. That’s the issue. I think I want him, but then something in my mind tells me no. I’m not sure how long I will sit and consider things.
Yet, the more I do, the less I feel like this home and the more I feel like I need to return to my family. I can’t do that, my father exiled me, he hurt Thorin, there is no going back.
So I will have to just deal with this as my home, and hope that these uneasy feelings are caused by my wolf. I wouldn’t know what is normal when you have a wolf, thanks to my father refusing to let me join the classes at the academy about wolves.
Standing, I walk out of my room and see the pups playing in the games room. Walking in, Thorin runs to me and hugs me. I glance down confused, it’s rare he does that.
“Are you okay?” I ask, looking at him worriedly.
“Yes, Mummy, you looked like you needed a hug.” He smiles and walks back to his game. Do I look like I need a hug? Pushing the thoughts away, I walk in and spend some time playing with them. I then find myself sitting with Lotta and doing her hair for her.
She’s wearing the crown that Lucy had given her.
“Do you miss Lucy and the others?” I glance at her, and she nods.
“Am I really a real princess?” She looks up at me. God, I don’t know how to answer that. She is, but I don’t want the pups feeling forced into the life of royalty that I know Stefan hated growing up.
Many times, he wanted to be himself and wasn’t able to. I don’t want that for these three, though.
“You are, if you want to be?” I look at her.
She nods and smiles. “Yes, then I’m not just your princess but everyone’s.” I smile and hug her.
“You’re always a princess,” I say and watch her run off to play.
Sighing, I walk out and decide to find Wayne.