Powerless (The Powerless Trilogy)

Unsurprisingly, I didn’t listen to him. As soon as my ass got numb from sitting on that bloody stump, I stood and paced circles around our camp before splashing cold water from the creek on my face and body. Then my ass got cold, and I moved next to the fire to lie down on the hard ground I’m so familiar with.

I refused to watch as Kai lifted Sadie’s body over his shoulder and stalked off with her. Where he dumped her, I have no idea. And I don’t want to know, I realized. But I let my thoughts wander while he wanders around the woods with a dead body slung over his shoulder.

I watch the dying fire from where I lay on my side, the crook of my arm tucked under my head making for an uncomfortable pillow. My breathing is now under control, the shaking from leftover adrenaline and shock now faded. I might have been lying here for hours if I cared to try and keep track of time.

A shadow suddenly sweeps over me, belonging to the someone now crouching behind.

I grip the handle of Sadie’s knife and flip around in one swift movement, bringing the tip of the blade to the throat of whoever decided it was a smart idea to creep up on me. My eyes crash into stormy ones, looking amused rather than afraid.

“Easy,” Kai murmurs, gently wrapping a rough hand around my wrist and pulling the dagger away from him. “It’s just me.” The corner of his mouth twists up as he says, “Although, I doubt that knowledge would stop you from keeping this blade to my throat.”

I manage a slight smile at the thought, running a hand through my tangled hair as I look up at him crouching beside me. “Since we’re partners now, you don’t have to worry about me stabbing you for the time being.”

He lets out a deep chuckle, and I hope the dim light hides most of my smile at the sound. “And when we aren’t partners anymore? Should I fear for my life?”

“That would be wise, yes.”

I just barely hear him mutter, “Vicious, little thing.”

We are quiet for a moment, and my smile begins to slowly fade. I’m tired and surprisingly comfy on the packed earth, so I don’t bother moving as I say, “Did you—”

“Yes,” he cuts me off, sparing me from having to speak about Sadie’s body.

My gaze snags on his hands and the thin layer of dirt covering them. It’s under his nails, splattered up his arms. A dusting of yellow on his fingertips catches my eye, a fine powder staining his skin.

Dirt. Pollen.

My voice is little more than a whisper. “You buried her.”

Kai stills beside me.

“Not only that,” my eyes slowly slide up to meet his, “you laid flowers on her grave.”

His smile is almost sad, filled with fatigue. “Nothing gets past you, Little Psychic.” He reaches out a hand then, flicking the very tip of my nose like he’d done when we danced. Somehow, the simple action feels far more intimate than I care to admit, as though he is sharing something precious with me, saying something without uttering a single word.

I catch his hand before he pulls away, trying to ignore the feel of his callouses against my own. “Thank you, Kai. That was good of you to do that for her.”

His lips twitch, and his eyes drop to our joined hands before trailing back to mine. “Oh, I didn’t do it for her.”

The intensity in his gaze makes me swallow, but I don’t look away. I don’t want to look away. He runs his thumb over my knuckles, the action so soothing, so gentle.

He cocks his head to the side, inspecting me. “How are you feeling?” I open my mouth, but Kai beats me to my rehearsed response. “And don’t bother saying that you’re fine, because we both know that’s a lie.”

Another stroke of his thumb across my knuckles.

“I…” My eyes flutter closed, and I take a deep breath. “I’m feeling like I almost died today. I’m feeling overwhelmed and in over my head. I’m feeling furious and frustrated because I don’t know how to feel about all of this.” I pause while Kai waits patiently for me to continue. “And I’m feeling like I owe you a thank you. I would have died today if it weren’t for you saving me.”

He leans closer, eyes brimming with barely bottled-up emotions. “And I’ll save your life again and again, aimlessly hoping you will allow me to stay in it.”

We stare at each other.

Those pretty words of his have my heart pounding, brain puzzling over possible meanings. The tension between us is tangible, taking my breath away as he takes me in. I’m grasping for something, anything, to say, but I’m too busy staring to think straight.

And then a quiet question slips past my lips, snapping the tension between us. “How are you so calm after all this?”

I know the answer, and yet, I find myself wanting to hear it from his own lips. “I didn’t always used to be like this,” he says softly. “But practice makes perfect, and I’ve had a lot of it.”

We stare silently at one another, and once again, I’m struggling for something to say. Then I remember the leather strap I had stolen from him and slip my hand out of his to pull it from my pocket. “Well, I suppose this is the only way I can repay you. Though, it’s yours to begin with.”

He gives me a lazy shrug. “Keep it.”

I huff. “I don’t want your pity.”

“It’s not pity, Paedyn.” He sighs out the words, my name. “Besides, I have another one of my own now, and taking down Sadie was a joint effort.” I level him with a look, prepared to argue since we both know he didn’t necessarily need my help with Sadie. He doesn’t miss the fight in my eyes. “Just take the damn leather, Gray.”

If he wants to offer me the one thing I need to help me win these Trials, then fine.

I’ll take the damn leather. But not before I’ve had some fun.

A smile twists my lips. “Say please.”

He looks away from me, shaking his head at the starry sky. “You have just been waiting to make me say this, haven’t you?”

“Dying to, actually.”

His forearms rest on his bent knees as he leans even closer, face hovering close above mine. The smile he gives me is equally as lazy as his gaze traveling over my face. “Please, Pae.”

A shiver runs down my spine at the caress that is his voice. “That seems to be a foreign word to you, prince.”

“Thanks to you, I have a feeling I’m going to grow very familiar with it. Few have the power to make me plead.”

I swallow, choosing to ignore his words as I shove the leather into my pocket and roll to face the fire once more, suddenly cold and content to be quiet. The temperature has dropped significantly tonight, and my thin tank does little to keep me warm.

“I do have one condition, though.”

I roll my eyes.

Of course he does.

“And what would that be?” I ask through my teeth, not bothering to look at him.

An arm wraps around my middle, carefully avoiding my wound while tugging me against a broad chest. I startle at the sudden contact, and a soft laugh sounds close to my ear. “I get to use you to keep me warm.”

There’s a certain hesitancy to him, the type of timidness he only lets me see in moments like these. He holds me loosely, delicately, like whatever shared fragile feelings between us could shatter if handled with a lack of care.

A question laces every lingering touch, every look too long, every layer of ourselves we choose to divulge to one another. The arm around me is no different, speaking volumes in the form of hovering fingers and hesitant hold.

Is this okay?

I swallow hard. My throat has gone dry.

My answer is agonizingly slow as I slide closer to him.

It’s more than okay.

Eagerness is an emotion I’ve always been able to blame on circumstance, and I wish desperately it wasn’t desire driving my decisions.

I hear him take a breath, only realizing then that he had been holding it.

And then all remanence of hesitation is gone.

His hand settles on the far side of my waist where my tank is slowly beginning to slide up. He’s wasted no time pulling me against him, allowing me to feel the rise and fall of his chest, feel the steady beat of his heart pounding against my back.

“Tell me, does this annoy you?” he asks quietly, breathing the question close to my ear. He’s throwing my words back at me, and I can almost feel him smirking. He wants this to annoy me. Wants this to get under my skin and make me flustered with every finger he has on my body.

Bastard.

I simply can’t allow that. So, I say with a confidence I don’t currently feel, “Not at all. I can’t be bothered, Azer.”

“Good,” he says coolly. Then he lays his head on my arm and shoulder, his soft, inky hair tickling my skin. “Who needs a pillow when I have you?”

I huff with what I hope sounds like annoyance. Thanks to him, I’m now suddenly wide awake and unable to focus on anything else but the heat of his body against mine. He finally drops his head from my shoulder and lays it close to the back of mine, practically buried in my hair.

“Sweet dreams, Pae.”

“Sweet dreams, Kai.”

His hand tightens ever so slightly on my waist in response to the sound of his name rolling off my tongue. And then his thumb is brushing lazy, light strokes over the fabric of my thin tank. I suppress a shiver, swallow, and shut my eyes.

Just go to sleep.

Easier said than done.

I’m far too focused on his sweeping thumb, his arm wrapped tightly around me, his chest rising and falling against my back.

I hate that I don’t hate it.

And that’s when it hits me.

Distraction.

He’s doing it again. He’s taking my mind off the death I just witnessed, off the fact that I watched him kill someone because they were going to kill me. He’s the only thing keeping my thoughts from Sadie’s dead body, the only thing that will chase the nightmares away for tonight because I’m too occupied with the thought of him.

And this is a distraction that benefits the both of us.

I find myself smiling as I think about the calculating boy behind me.

The calculating boy, who for some reason, cares.