Powerless (The Powerless Trilogy)

I wake to the unfortunately familiar sound of birds squawking above me.

I woke up.

Squinting in the blinding sun, I gently run my hands over where my healing wound hides beneath the folds of battered cloth.

I’m alive. I’m breathing. I’m healing.

Then my fingers find their way to the strap of leather tight around my arm. I’m shocked to find it’s still there. Shocked that Kai didn’t cut it from my dying body in the first place. Shocked that he saved my life, nursed me back to health, and let me keep my stupid strap of leather through it all.

Apparently, he went through all this trouble to be a good sport, a gentleman.

My ass.

“Good morning. Well, it’s almost afternoon, actually.”

My head whips towards the deep voice coming from behind. And there he is, hands in pockets, ankles crossed, and leaning against a low hanging branch. Now that I’m not a breath away from death, his appearance and lack of shirt is suddenly extremely distracting. I avert my gaze quickly, though I don’t miss the smirk sliding to his lips when he catches me staring.

Annoying, arrogant ass.

“I’m surprised you’re still here. Along with my band,” I say, casually dusting the dirt from my clothes.

He huffs out a soft laugh behind me. “Eager to be rid of me, darling?”

I clear my throat and turn to face him, leaning back on my palms as I eye him curiously. His hair is messy, strands of it clinging to his forehead with sweat, right above where his eyes shine like bits of silver. There’s a shadow of stubble clinging to his sharp jaw, and I can just make out the faint divot of his right dimple, equally distracting and devastating.

I can’t stand it.

“So, what’s the plan?” I ask, gesturing between the two of us.

“The plan for…?” He tilts his head slightly to the side, peering at me, playing with me. He knows exactly what I mean.

“For us.”

“Us. I like the sound of that, don’t you?”

I roll my eyes, ignoring him. “What do we do now?”

“That is a very loaded question, Gray.”

I blink. He didn’t say my first name. And for some maddening reason, I wish he had.

I’m annoyed with both myself and him, so naturally, I take it out on the latter. “Why didn’t you take my band? And why not try to take it now that I’m healed?”

Amusement tilts up the corner of his mouth as he pushes off the tree branch and strides towards me. “That’s another loaded question.” That right dimple deepens. “First of all, you’re not completely healed. Second, why would I pass up the opportunity to work together? You know we make a great team. And third,” he crouches down in front of me so we are eye to eye as he continues, “it’s cute that you said I could try to take your band from you.”

Now both dimples are taunting me.

“Well, if you’re so confident, go ahead and try.” My face is close to his, my voice full of challenge. “I’m sure you remember how our last fight ended.”

“You’re still injured, remember?”

“And you don’t look much better,” I say, frowning at his wrapped shoulder, though no blood dots the white fabric.

“Concerned for your new partner?” A wicked grin spreads across his face as his eyes flick between mine. He’s close. Too close. He smells of pine and rain and sweat and, Plagues, I need to distract myself.

I tear my gaze away from his and pull on my bow and quiver as I stand to my feet. Struggle to my feet is more like it. Kai stands with me, bracing one hand on my shoulder and the other on my uninjured side. I move to take a step away, annoyed that he thinks I need his help. But my legs feel like jelly, like stone, all at once, proving that I do need his help when I stumble into his solid frame. His chest shakes with rough laughter which only annoys me further.

“Yeah, I don’t think I would have much trouble trying to get this band from you.” He traces a finger across the leather strap, brushing my skin as he does so.

I catch his wrist and look up at him. “Well, if we are going to be partners, you won’t need to hurt yourself by trying to take my band at all.”

He looks me up and down, brows slightly raised. “So, you agree, then? Partners?”

I contemplate it, considering how I would much rather be fighting alongside the future Enforcer than against him.

I narrow my eyes at him. “How do I know I can trust you?”

He scoffs. “Did me saving your life mean nothing to you?”

“And I’ve saved yours. That doesn’t mean you trust me.”

“And how do you know I don’t?”

We stare at each other.

Plagues, what am I getting myself into?

Maybe it’s because I’m too weak to fight him, or worse, maybe it’s the part of me that doesn’t want him to leave that makes me say, “Fine. Partners.”

I glance from his injured shoulder to the tall stump behind him before placing my palms on his chest, his skin hot beneath mine. I push him back until his legs collide with the stump before pushing his shoulders down until he’s sitting before me.

Mischief dances in those smoky eyes of his as he looks up at me. “What are you doing, Gray?”

“Fixing up my partner,” I say simply, beginning to unwrap his makeshift bandage. I smile before adding, “You won’t be of any use to me if you’re injured.”

“Your concern for my wellbeing is truly heartwarming,” he says dryly.

I ignore him and pull at the stubborn cloth that’s sticking to the skin beneath. I swear under my breath when I finally glimpse the patch of burned, blistered skin beneath his collarbone. It’s inflamed and sticky and I didn’t need to observe the tight set of his jaw to know that it’s extremely painful.

I look at him, finding his eyes already trained on me so intensely that I swallow before asking, “Where is the healing salve?”

His expression is blank. “Gone.”

I try to blink away my confusion to no avail. “You used all of it on me?”

“Without hesitation.” Cool, calm, collected. That’s Kai.

“Well, that was…” I sputter, trying to find the right word.

“Selfless?”

“Stupid,” I finish instead.

I heave a sigh before muttering, “You’re always making things more difficult for me, aren’t you?”

I spin on my heel and walk to the edge of the creek. I can feel Kai’s eyes on me as I kneel, looking for specific plants to make my own makeshift salve with. It won’t miraculously heal him like the Healer’s salve would have, but it will help significantly with pain and inflammation.

Thankfully, most of the plants I need tend to grow near water, so I’m able to find them easily. I grab some more cooked rabbit to nibble on as I search for my ingredients. After a good while of walking up and down the creek while being feasted on by mosquitoes, I finally grind the leaves and stalks I’ve found with a rock. Adding water to the crushed plants, I’m left with a green, thick paste.

I turn to find Kai still watching me when I walk back to him nearly half an hour later. I stand over him, ignoring the feel of his eyes on me as I hold the rock with the salve atop it and take in his wound once again.

“You are full of all sorts of surprises.” He nods at the green goop now on my fingers. “Talented little thing, aren’t you?”

I dab the salve onto his wound, and he hisses when it stings. “Daughter of a Healer, remember?”

“It’s getting hard to keep track of your many skills.” Another grunt of pain before he adds, annoyed, “Plagues, Paedyn, what the hell is this stuff?”

A snort escapes me. “Who knew the future Enforcer was such a baby?”

I lather more salve onto his skin, and he grits his teeth. “And who knew the girl from the slums was capable of torture.”

“Oh, please. Don’t be so dramatic.”

“You know, I’m not entirely convinced that you’re not trying to kill me.”

I quirk an eyebrow at him. “So, you don’t trust me after all?”

“I don’t trust that,” he says, throwing a skeptical glance at the green paste I’m rubbing onto his wound.

I laugh loudly, shaking my head at him.

He suddenly goes still at my touch, his eyes dancing between mine with a small smile pulling at his lips.

I clear my throat. “So.” I’m grasping for anything to say before finally deciding to let him do the talking. “You heard about my home so tell me about yours. What was it like growing up in the palace?”

He watches me, his expression blank. “Living in a castle is not as appealing as it may seem. It can be cold, crowded. Not to mention that you’re constantly watched by prying eyes.” His lips twitch into the hint of a smile. “But Kitt and I, we made it a home. Plagues, we ruled the place. We made—” He hisses through his teeth, cutting off his words. “Shit, Paedyn, now I’m convinced you’re trying to kill me.”

“Oh, come on,” I laugh, adding more salve to his wound. “It only stings.”

He pokes me in the stomach, carefully avoiding the gash there. “You got to slap me when your wound stung, so I think I’m allowed to complain a little.”

I give him a look. “This is a little complaining?” He narrows his eyes at me, but I can see the amusement in them. “I’m sorry,” I sigh. “Continue with your story and your little bit of complaining.”

“As I was saying,” he continues with a huff, “Kitt and I made the palace a home. We made friends with the servants, raced through the halls, ditched balls to sneak into the cellar and get drunk so we could forget about everything and simply laugh until the sun came up. We’ve probably fought in nearly every room in the palace. Twice.”

He grits his teeth when I pack more salve onto the wound and shoots me an annoyed look before continuing. “We needed it though. The constant sparring or stupid pranks we’d pull on poor Gail and the rest of the unsuspecting servants. Because when we weren’t laughing and distracting ourselves, we were both training and studying. Though that looked very different for the both of us.”

He looks past me to the blue sky painted above, his gray eyes scanning the clouds as he says flatly, “I don’t remember my life before I became the future Enforcer. I don’t remember a day when all the tests and trials and training began. It feels as though it’s always been that way.” He lets out a humorless laugh, sighing as he says, “Fate is a funny, fickle thing, offering you no choice in how you live.”

I’ve stopped rubbing in the salve and am instead staring intently at him. “And your training? What was that like?”

He sighs a heavy sort of sigh, one that makes me wonder exactly what he’s endured in his short lifetime. “Kitt and I’s upbringing looked very different. Where the future king’s training consisted of tutoring and education on how to lead his kingdom one day, mine was more…hands-on. As the future Enforcer, I didn’t just strategize battles, I fought in them. I didn’t just learn the art of torture, I endured it.”

My hands hover above his chest. “You…endured it?”

He studies me for a moment, seeming to decide what he wants to say before settling with a simple, “Yes. Often.”

“Who,” I swallow, “who did that to you?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he says with a slight smile, spitting my own words back at me from last night.

So I do the same to him. “If it doesn’t matter, then tell me.”

His smile widens. “Good to hear that you listen to me when I speak, Gray.”

“That wasn’t an answer,” I say softly.

He blows out a breath, his smile vanishing. “My…the king took it upon himself to train me regularly. I had other tutors and generals of course, but when I wasn’t with them, I was with my father. Let’s just say that his methods were…severe.”

I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to know what it was that the king did to his son, what horrors he put him through. It makes me sick. And yet, I shouldn’t be surprised. He killed my father after all, and it’s my hatred for the king that has me needing to know what other twisted crimes he’s committed. So, I slowly ask, “What did he do?”

He’s quiet for a long moment. “Gray, I don’t think—”

“Please,” I cut in quietly. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I’m asking you to if you are willing.”

There is something about the quietness of the forest, the cover of the trees, that makes you feel safe enough to spill secrets. Something about knowing you might not see tomorrow that has you doing things you’ll only regret if you survive. The Trials aren’t meant to build trust, and yet, here we are, divulging the deepest parts of ourselves to one another. Offering our opponents ways to cut us deeper than any weapon ever could.

He meets my gaze then, holding it as he says, “I’ll spare you the details, but he showed me what it was to torture. What it was to be tortured. He taught me everything I know. Trained me both mentally and physically until he was satisfied with what he created.” He takes a breath. “Kitt’s relationship with our father is far different from mine. They spend time pouring over paperwork and bonding over their positions while Father instructs my brother on how to follow in his footsteps. And Kitt will do just that. He will do anything to make the king proud, and he always has. Me, on the other hand…” Kai laughs but it holds no humor. “I’m not the heir. I’m the expendable son. The future Enforcer that my father has molded and sent on missions for years.”

He sighs, almost smiling. “My brother and I have very different roles, very different relationships with our father. But because of it, Kitt will make a great king. And I will be his killer.”

I pause, watching him closely as he says those last few words.

And I will be his killer.

Nothing. No emotion, no expression crosses his face. I peer at him for a moment, wondering if perhaps the masks he has crafted for himself are a result of having to suppress his emotions from his own father. And perhaps that’s exactly what the king wanted, for his future Enforcer to be seemingly unfeeling.

“You asked me once if I wished it was me who would be king,” Kai says. “And I stand by what I said. I don’t want Kitt’s role in life because I refuse to give him mine. My brother is no killer, and it’s better me than him.”

I let his words sink in before clearing my throat to ask, “And these Trials that are different this year? Is this all just another mission for you to complete?”

“Not just complete. Win,” he says simply. “The Trials are just another way for me to prove myself to my people, prove myself valuable to the king.”

I watch him, wanting to know what he’s thinking. He’s never told me so much about his life, about what he went through as a child—what he still goes through today. He is the reason this year’s Purging Trials look so different, and the rest of us are simply pawns in a game that isn’t even meant for us.

I lather more salve onto his wound and wait until he finishes muttering about how he’s certain I’m plotting to kill him before asking the question that’s been nagging at me. “Your role in life as the future Enforcer. What do you think of it?”

“I think that it is my duty.”

I frown. “And I think that you have more thoughts on your own life than that. I’m asking you, Kai. Not the prince and not the future Enforcer. Just you.” I pause, and he studies me as I repeat, “What do you think of it? Your role? Your life?”

He’s quiet for a moment before the flicker of a smile crosses his face. “If I answer as Kai, will you quit with the goop?” He shoots a pointed look at the paste in my hand.

I crack a smile. “Yes, I’ll quit with the goop.”

His faint smile fades, leaving a set jaw in its place. “The truth then?”

“The truth always,” I breathe.

When he finally answers, his tone is dry. “I never wanted this. Never wanted to be what I am today. But monsters are made, not born. And I had no choice in the matter. I have no choice in the matter. But I won’t deny what I am, and I’ll do what I must for my kingdom. For my king.”

His words hit me hard, their meanings hitting harder. He knows exactly what he is, what he does. He’s a pawn to be played in a game he is forever trapped in, and each horrible act he commits is in the name of duty, the name of Ilya.

But this boy before me looked into my eyes and admitted he was a monster, acknowledged what he has been created into without so much as a hint of horror. Instead, acceptance is written across his features, acknowledging what he is and always will be.

Distracted by my thoughts, I reach to rub more salve onto his wound only for him to catch my wrist. “We had a deal, Gray. I may be accustomed to torture, but this salve of yours is unbearable.”

He offers me a small smirk, clearly wanting to lighten the mood now. Wanting to do what we do best—play with one another. So I do just that. “You’re right. A deal is a deal.” I quickly wipe my hands in the grass before adding, “Thank you for telling me about…you.” At that, he huffs out a laugh that I quickly cut off. “And remind me to take a page out of your book and ditch the next ball to go get drunk with Kitt.”

I could have sworn he stiffened slightly at my words. “And why would you do that when I’m so much more fun?”

I laugh lightly. “If by fun do you mean flirty? Because you certainly are more of that.”

He flashes me a wicked, wide grin and my heart trips over itself stupidly. “I can’t seem to help it when I’m with certain company.”

I scoff. “Yes, if certain company extends to the entire kingdom because you seem to be flirty with every female in Ilya.” I think back to the many women he danced with at the ball, the way I watched him slip on that charming smile of his.

His eyes search mine. “What, wanting me all to yourself—”

My palm connects with his face, stunning him into silence. He blinks. Confusion and the smallest hint of amusement flicker over the face I just slapped. When he finally turns his head back to me, I raise my hand in front of him to reveal the squashed bug in the center of it.

I smile at him innocently. “Mosquito. You’re welcome.”

“How kind of you,” he says dryly.

My smile is full of mock sweetness as I wrap the fabric back around his wound and shoulder, covering the salve with the battered bandage. “Just looking out for my new partner.”

“Is that so?”

“Mhmm,” I hum distractedly, biting the inside of my cheek as I examine my handiwork.

“Well in that case…” Kai stands to his feet, steps close, and hits me lightly across the face.

I let out a humorless laugh, touching my fingers to my cheek. Then my gaze locks with his amused one. He shrugs casually. “Mosquito.”

“Prove it,” I challenge.

The corner of his mouth twists upwards as he raises his hand to cup my face. “My proof happens to still be splattered on your cheek.” I hold my breath as he swipes his thumb gently over my skin before holding it up to display the smudged bug. “Just looking out for my partner.”

His tone is mocking, and yet, laughter begins bubbling out of me.

I can’t seem to stop, can’t seem to control my cackling. The thought of us hitting each other like children in the middle of a deadly Trial is extremely comical. And for once, I hope there is a Sight watching this unfold.

The glimpse of confusion and concern on Kai’s face only make me laugh more, and I clamp a hand over my now throbbing wound as I shake with laughter.

Maybe I am still delusional after all.

I snort loudly, and that’s all it took to get Kai laughing with me—well, at me. The sound is rich and deep, and irritatingly enough, I find myself quieting so I can hear it better. And then, all too quickly, the sound stops.

He’s looking at me, and I’m looking at him. I don’t know what to say or think or do as his eyes trail over my face, taking in my dirty and disheveled appearance.

He, on the other hand, looks just as annoyingly attractive as always.

I shake the thought from my head, running a hand through my tangled hair as I struggle to form words. Meanwhile, Kai is content to watch me squirm as I try to come up with something to break the heavy silence that has fallen between us.

My eyes drop to his bandaged wound and words tumble out of my mouth. “So, I’m assuming Braxton did this to you?”

Kai chuckles as he runs a hand through his own hair, only causing the messy, black waves to tumble over his brow again. “You should see what I did to him.” He says the words so casually that I would think he was kidding if I didn’t know what he was capable of.

“Yeah, well.” I look away, about to say something that will likely piss the prince off when he holds up a hand, quieting me.

“Don’t. Move.”

I scoff. “What, is there another mosquito on my—”

His hand clamps over my mouth before he whirls me around by the waist, pinning me against his solid frame. I’m stunned for heartbeat before I contemplate biting the fingers covering my lips. But something about the way his breathing quickens makes me pause my plotting to escape his hold. And with his chest pressed against my back, I can feel his heart hammering quickly. Too quickly.

I spot movement in my peripheral, my eyes snapping to the large, looming shape now stalking towards us through the wall of trees. Silver fur gleams in the sunlight, shifting with every move of the powerful body beneath. Glowing yellow eyes lock with mine as the beast halts, eying us from afar.

Wolf.

No. Wolves.

My eyes scan the trees, finding four more massive bodies covered in fur, all ranging in color. The five of them watch us, half covered by the surrounding pine trees as they size up their next meal with hungry eyes.

My heart is thumping against my ribcage, my breathing shallow and quick. It’s a good thing Kai’s hand is still covering my mouth, because I nearly yelp at the sudden feel of his lips brushing against the shell of my ear. “You never seem to listen, do you?”

I reach up slowly, keeping my eyes trained on the wolves as I grab his wrist and pull his hand away from my mouth. “Technically, I did listen. I talked, not moved,” I whisper back, my voice sharp.

I can feel his mouth smiling against my ear. “Smartass.”

“So, what’s the plan? What are we doing?” My voice is urgent as I eye the wolves.

“There is no we,” he says softly, releasing his hold to step slowly around until he’s standing in front of me. “You are still injured,” he murmurs, “and I’m not risking you tearing my stitches open.”

Absolutely not.

I step to his side, irritated. “What happened to us being partners?”

“Well, we won’t be partners for much longer if you insist on getting yourself killed,” he mutters, silently drawing the sword from its sheath at his side.

“And you’re just going to take on five wolves by yourself? I don’t think so,” I whisper harshly. There is no way in hell I’m letting him fight on his own. My pride and paranoia won’t allow that.

“Then you clearly underestimate me, Gray.”

Slowly, so slowly, I pull the bow from my back, watching the wolves as I do. They don’t make a move, though they’ve sunk closer to the ground, ready to pounce and bound toward us.

I nock an arrow.

“Your wound is going to open back up, and I’ll have saved your life for nothing,” Kai hisses, his voice urgent and agitated.

I draw back the bowstring, pulling it taut as my stitches do the same, threatening to tear. Pain sears through my abdomen and along my ribs but I bite my tongue, ignoring it.

I smile slightly as I say, “Sorry to ruin your handiwork, partner.”

“Pae, don’t you dare—”

I fire.

The arrow finds its mark in the chest of the closest wolf, burying deep into that shiny, silver fur. The other wolves are charging towards us before their friend even hits the ground. I already have another arrow ready, nocked and aimed at a brown blur bounding closer. A shooting pain skitters along my abdomen as I fire the arrow, hitting the wolf in its hind leg.

Two of the beasts have separated from the others to circle around us, and I feel Kai’s back press against mine as he faces them. I ignore the limping wolf I shot and turn my attention towards the one that is now bounding towards me. I try to slow my panicked breathing before loosing an arrow at the creature. I curse when it misses, sailing past the beast’s ear and sinking into the ground behind it.

Kai’s back is no longer pressed against my own, leaving me clueless as to what is going on behind me. All I hear are snarls and the swipe of a sword against skin and bone. But I don’t have time to turn towards the scene at my back because I now have a snarling beast of my own before me. Its red-tinted fur shimmers almost as brightly as its bared, white teeth. It comes to a halt no more than two yards away from me and crouches, creeping closer. It’s massive and menacing and looking at me like I’m it’s next meal.

I can feel my wound bleeding, and the pain is brutal. If I pull back my bowstring one more time, I’ll likely rip my stitches if they haven’t done so already. But I have no other weapon, no power, no strength to fight.

The wolf slinks forward, growling as it plays with its food.

What do I do. What do I do. What do I do.

I pull back my bowstring—

The wolf pounces.

It’s a large, strong leap that sends it flying towards me with its jaw open and razor-sharp teeth displayed, ready to rip me to shreds.

Impulsively, instinctively, I rip the arrow from my bow and grip the shaft in my fist before thrusting the metal tip upwards to meet the wolf in the air. The arrow sinks deep into its heart, spraying me with hot blood before it falls to the ground with a thud.

I’m panting, still trying to process what just happened when I hear a grunt coming from behind me. I spin just in time to see Kai drag the blade of his sword down a wolf’s side, splitting it open with one easy motion. He turns swiftly to the other beast crawling towards him, already suffering from a brutal stab wound, though it still advances with a growl.

When the wolf launches towards him in one final attempt sink its teeth into his flesh, Kai sweeps his blade upwards in a high arc. The sword slices the creature across the chest with ease, and when it hits the ground, Kai grips the hilt with both hands and drives the tip of the blade down into the wolf’s side.

He stands there for a moment, looking every bit the killer he was raised to be. Then he yanks the sword out, wiping the bloody blade on the fur of the dead animal beneath him. He begins turning around as he says, “You still alive back there?”

I inhale sharply when he turns, displaying the deep bite on his shoulder. Blood oozes from the imprint of jagged teeth, trailing down his arm and over his fingers in rivulets. His eyes find mine before widening when they find something over my shoulder.

“Duck,” he orders, and I don’t hesitate before dropping into a crouch. In a flash, he pulls a throwing star from his pocket and sends it sailing through the air where my head was only a moment before. I hear something heavy hit the ground with a thud and turn to see the wolf I had shot in the leg only a few feet behind me, creeping in for the kill. Only now, it’s lying dead on the ground with a throwing star protruding from its eye.

I stand slowly to my feet as I breathe, “You’re right. We do make a great team.”

He looks away from me, shaking his head with a dry laugh. “Yeah, except for the fact that you don’t listen to orders.”

“Orders?” I scoff, “I’m not one of your soldiers, Kai.”

“You’re right, you aren’t.” He strides towards me, and the sight of him so bloody is suddenly intimidating. But I force myself to stand my ground when he halts before me, close enough now for me to see his smoky eyes turn to ice. “My soldiers don’t mean anything to me. They are expendable and easy to replace.” His chest heaves, his eyes locked with mine. “So, yes, Gray. You aren’t one of my soldiers.”

I open my mouth, but no words come out of it. He closes his eyes and sighs deeply, only opening them again when he is back to his cool and collected self. All traces of the frantic, ruffled male are gone. I can sense him shifting back into his cocky, casual self as he attempts to lighten the mood.

Spinning slowly, he takes in the carnage around us and simply says, “Well, looks like we won’t be going hungry tonight.”

I play along, but my voice is weak. “Good to know that we didn’t survive a wolf attack only to die of hunger.”

His eyes darken as they snap to where my wound lies bleeding beneath my clothes. “Your stitches. Did they—”

I lift my tank and peek under the folds of the bloody bandage. Relief floods me when I see the thread still pulling my skin together. The excursion of the fight only stretched the stitches, causing the wound to bleed but thankfully not tear. I suppose I would be in a much worse state if they had.

“No,” I breathe, “they didn’t tear.”

He runs a hand through his hair before sheathing his sword, but I don’t miss the slight wince the action causes due to his torn shoulder. I point to the stump behind him and say, “Sit.”

Now I’m the one giving orders.

He humors me, smirking as he sits down before I come to stand over him yet again. “You’re covered in blood,” he remarks far too casually.

“And you’re dripping blood. But, lucky for you,” I smile sweetly, “I can make just the right salve for this.”

He blows out a breath, shaking his head at the sky. “Of course you can. You and your salves will be the death of me.”

“You know,” I mutter, examining the bite closely, “I’m beginning to think that you enjoy getting hurt, if only so you can have my hands all over you.”

He lets out a low laugh. I can practically feel his gaze gliding over me as he says, “Oh, I’m not making you do anything, darling. You can leave me to bleed out if you must. Because I only want your hands all over me if you want them to be.”

My eyes snap to his gray ones already pinned on me.

I am playing a very dangerous game.

Walking on a sharp blade and hoping I don’t get cut. Playing with fire and hoping I don’t get burned. Swimming in a dangerous current and hoping I don’t drown.

He is dangerous.

And even with that one thought echoing in my mind, I hold his gaze and put my hands on him.