Polathrin's Ruins

Ramza had taken off the bulkiest of her weapons, but she wouldn’t remove all of them. A knife handle stuck out the top of her ripped boot, and another lightly pressed against the top of her hip bone under her shirt. The rest were neatly organized nearby but out of sight. Only she and the group would know where they were should the need arise overnight.

The fruit jar was delved out, the slices cut nicely for everyone, minus one. Her eyes darted up to the mast where she thought she could make out the dark figure of Zak. He got the food out for everyone, but she couldn’t be sure if he would join them. Some nights Zak hung from the ropes until morning, forever watching the sea and land for invaders. Ramza didn’t have to see him to know what he would look like, his strong arms tense from the pressure of holding himself up, his brow wrinkled, his dark eyes scanning. His dark hair would be a mess and start to curl – she would have to remember to cut it. Zak preferred his hair short, Rozmo liked a little bit of length, and Akio let his hang and only took an occasional trim. It was probably time for all of them, including her.

Ramza liked to think it was because she was the woman of the group that she knew all these details, but really they all did. They had been together for almost ten years, and at a certain point you become far too familiar with everything. The details, the good, the bad, the gross, the entertaining all melted together. She wondered if she would think the same if her parents were alive. Would she care or notice anything at all? She was just shy of eighteen, at least as far as Rozmo could calculate. Hard to imagine where she would be at this age if the world hadn’t collapsed.

Ramza whistled just loud enough, and Akio looked up from sharpening his swords, waiting. She signaled in Rozmo’s direction as she turned to head for the captain’s quarters. A wide, musty room, they used it for their sleeping place and piled blankets and leftover fabric inside for warmth on cold nights. It was large enough for the whole group to cover the floor lying side by side and had the added benefit of clouded windows for warm nights. Though Zak never slept in the cabin with them.

As she walked in, the remaining light from outside gave it a soft glow. Mia could be seen on the floor, holding a flame in her hand while she sat on her knees. Ramza figured the girl was no longer asleep, just biding time until she could come out.

Mia usually stayed in the sleeping quarters when people left the ship. Mia didn’t like being alone, but she knew she had to remain safe. This was as safe as it would ever be, and the only place to light a temporary flame, which she loved to do just to watch it.

Ramza watched the girl as she sat on the floor, making shadows with her free hand. Mia was tiny, only about fifteen years old. Her head bobbled back and forth atop her frail figure as if it didn’t belong there at all. Her jaw jutted out, her eyes bulged, and her cheekbones were sharp. Her dark hair grew up and out like dark weeds, stretching around her face to go past her bone-thin shoulders. Just above an oversized shirt, her collar bones stuck out like a sturdy necklace.

Ramza smiled to hide her wince as Mia’s smiling face turned up to her. No matter how they protected this girl, Mia seemed to resemble everlasting youth. She was always the smallest and seemed to be the most fragile. Ramza did everything to protect this girl. Akio was the one who had adopted Mia as a child, and the two were as close as Rozmo and Ramza as far as sibling relationship, but Ramza wanted nothing more than to keep Mia safe from all danger. The task had grown easier in time, given the many talents they all had when it came to fighting, but one day Ramza would have to initiate training. Mia would have to pick up a weapon and learn to defend herself. It was a day Ramza loathed, even though it hadn’t arrived.

Mia’s smile grew and Ramza’s heart became light. The weight of guilt kept Ramza in check, but it was hard not to smile back innocently. The girl had no idea of the real world, but one day she would be faced with it.

“Zak brought food,” Ramza whispered softly.

Mia grinned, blowing out the candle without hesitation. Ramza waited for the girl’s steps to bound out of the cabin. Though they were petite, they seemed to have a hidden weight to them. Ramza breathed a sigh of relief. Don’t grow up, she wanted to whisper. Stay here and stay young.

Once out in the open, the light of Arji expanded to fill Polathrin with a blue-purple glow. It was the perfect dinner lighting from the etray. Rozmo and Akio looked up from the tiny half barrel that was cut to make a small table. Akio grinned, and Rozmo ate silently.

“Mia, this stuff tastes worse than that old gaborra we used to eat,” Akio gushed quietly. He held out Mia’s piece and she gladly took it before collapsing onto the wooden plank next to him. She took a bite, and her small face produced a bitter look as a giggle escaped her lips.

Ramza watched carefully, letting the others enjoy their meal and company while she leaned against the outside of the captain’s quarters. The mast was nearby, but she didn’t have to look up to know Zak was still at the top, scoping out the scene. If it were up to him, he would probably never return to the ground. He cared too much sometimes, but it was the curse of Polathrin. The danger was always present, and it could drive a person mad. She wished she could worry about him, but there were other things to tend to.

Ramza considered calling out to him, telling him the food was ready, but the risk was too great. They had learned quickly that quiet kept you alive. If an attacker couldn’t hear you, there was a good chance they wouldn’t find you. The rule didn’t always apply, but it was better to follow it, rather than risk getting caught.

She watched the three others play and mock each other as they slowly consumed their food. Akio was taller, bulkier than the rest. He had the start of muscles, but not enough to appear more intimidating. He had strong features, wicked moves in a fight, yet the gentlest perspective, especially when it came to Mia.

Mia, though not actually related to Akio, had the same childlike humor and grace. Akio had taken in an orphaned Mia only days after losing his own parents around at age of eight. The two were inseparable; Akio protected the girl at all costs. Ramza witnessed Akio’s determination and knew better than to question it. Mia was half his size, though she acted as if she was the same age.

The two laughed together, and Ramza tried to will a smile on her own face.

Her eyes flicked to Rozmo. He was so much smarter than the rest. He was her twin brother, yet he was so far from her both intellectually and physically. It wasn’t until their parents had died that she was forced to connect with him, and by then it felt like their bond wasn’t complete. Ramza would do anything to keep him alive, especially since he was all she had left of family, but she feared she couldn’t stand up to the task alone. Too many risks and dangers awaited just beyond their comfort zone. Rozmo was more important to Ramza than her own life; it was why she joined Zak in the first place. Zak’s support gave her the confidence her brother would survive.

“Don’t look so mad,” Zak suddenly whispered in her ear.

Ramza jumped, turning to see him dangling from a nearby line upside down. His face swung just a few inches from her own. Ramza covered her mouth and tried to slow her breathing.

“You can stop waiting for me,” he paused, his face free of any expression. Her heart quickened. “Go eat,” he muttered.

He jumped down gracefully, staring out at the group instead of looking back at Ramza. As he made it over and sat down, Ramza felt compelled to follow silently. The world was suddenly loud as she tried to stop the blood from rushing through her ears.

Once everyone was seated, a silence came over the group as they slowly ate the fruit. Ramza knew Zak influenced the rest of them. There was something about him that requested a kind of respect; perhaps it was the lengths he went to keep them safe, or maybe it was the way danger blinded him. Zak was a force, a person that was hard to challenge. Ramza did her fair share of standing up, but it was rare. She had grown in that way, but there were moments she shivered when Zak turned his eye on her.

“Hey, anyone want to hear the story of almighty Sor?” Akio asked quietly, a big grin on his face. If the world was normal, they might have groaned. Why hear of Sor again? It had to have been the hundredth time. But the world wasn’t normal, and they had to take what they were given.

Zak leaned back with the fruit in his hand; Ramza took her piece and sat down; Rozmo looked out to sea; Mia smiled and leaned in for the story.

“Long ago, a man named Sor came to Polathrin. Sor was the strongest man alive. He joined an army among the natives and won many battles, claiming large land masses for his people. He was a man that shined bright and radiated warmth for anyone around him. He was also the most handsome man alive. Sor was revered for his skill and appearance, but some men became jealous. Almost all the surrounding maidens refused to marry, protesting that they would wait for Sor only. As the women denied the men in the tribes, they grew fiery with hatred. The men plotted to kill Sor by challenging his pride.

“Late at night, the men set up a drinking game, and challenged Sor. Believing it fair, Sor joined in, but it was a trick! One man filled his friend’s cup with water while they filled Sor’s cup with liquor. After a few hours, Sor was lost in a drunken daze, barely able to sit up on his own. Without his strength and sanity, the men together carried Sor off into the Polathrin desert; digging a hole, they dropped the man in while he was unconscious and buried him alive.”

Mia gasped, her eyes widening with a soft terror, only experienced by the innocent. Did she not remember the story?

Akio waved his finger for silence and continued. “Little did they know that the man was no ordinary being, but the son of the great Gods around! The almighty Hatred raised his spear and with the help of his wife, Love, and his siblings Grief and Envy, they lifted Sor high into the sky. The group placed him amongst the grey air where he could spend all of eternity.

“‘My son,’ Hatred bellowed, ‘you have done no wrong in your life, yet these men despise you and these women lust for you. I grant you the right to forever be their guardian and caretaker. You may cast curse or blessing at your own will.’ At his final command, Sor became the brightest he had ever been. He used his power to cast a drought across the land to rid the world of his enemies. When they were gone, Sor decreed he would no longer do harm, if people acted justly.”

Akio’s eyes went up to the sky, “He circles the planet now with a watchful eye. Every time the sor rises and sets, it’s another day the Gods’ vengeful son scours the surface of Polathrin. One must always remember Sor and his burning wrath above, otherwise he will strike down his fist again.”

As Akio finished, the majority of the group smiled, and Mia laughed quietly. It had lightened the mood, but it didn’t help the food. Akio was a special character, Ramza thought quietly. How was it he maintained his good nature in a world that wanted it destroyed? Akio smiled at Mia as though she was the only one at the table, and Ramza smiled despite herself.

“The sor is not a god,” Rozmo muttered. Whether it was meant to be for himself or everyone, it was hard to tell.

Akio smirked and looked at Ramza, who could only shrug. Out of all the times Rozmo had heard the story, he had chosen tonight to say something. Ramza had a hard time understanding her own brother sometimes.

“Why shouldn’t there be Gods?” Zak asked, in a calm, soothing voice. Everyone leaned in to hear what he was going to say, as most things relating to this topic he refused to talk about. Zak wasn’t the type to share much at all, at least not in the last five years or so.

“I do not understand your question.”

Zak leaned back. Everyone could see for a moment how Arji took up most of the sky. “I didn’t mean for it to be a question for you, I meant for it to be a general question.”

Ramza watched Zak as his eyes grazed the surface of the planet in the sky. She wondered if he tried to see the hidden details like she did.

Zak continued, “If there are no God’s, then who placed us so close yet so far away from our mother planet? Who allowed us to mingle so long ago?” Zak paused, not even taking a breath as he thought. “Who lets the evil win and the good struggle?”

Rozmo gave it a moment before whispering, “People.”

“What do you mean?” Zak asked without looking.

“People are responsible for their actions, whether they are good or bad. People and their technological intelligence allowed us to meet; people are the creators of their own destinies; people make all the choices.” Rozmo answered in a small voice, as the group watched Zak carefully.

“If you believe that,” Zak started, folding his hands to lay on his chest while he lay back. The soles of his boots were lit by Arji and Ramza could see the holes and worn bits. “Then what happens to someone when they die? Are their souls taken in by people?”

At this, Rozmo let his head fall and the group suffered through a terrible silence. Ramza bit her lip and examined her fingers as they writhed in her lap. This conversation was always one they tried to avoid. It was no mystery why, seeing as one of them could die any day. Ramza felt a scar on her upper arm sting. One of them had already been lost.

Leaving the ship was a risk; leaving Mia and Rozmo on the ship was a risk; taking a breath on Polathrin was a risk.

“I’m only hypothetically asking of course,” Zak tried after a while.

It was enough to break the pressure they were under, and Akio stood up fast to walk away. Mia followed his every step. Ramza closed the lid on the jar, and Rozmo muttered something about needing the last of the light before leaving.

When it was just the two of them, Ramza kicked Zak in the heel. He sat up with a bewildered look on his face. She crossed her arms, her face lighting up with anger. “Do you always have to do that to them? Is it not enough we carry individual guilt?”

“You know nothing of guilt when you have your brother at your side,” Zak said with bite. His dark eyes seemed to grow with a new depth. He had venom in his mouth, but she didn’t fear him right now.

Ramza could feel her stomach flip. Her eyes went wide, the color starting to drain as she stared into Zak’s face. Her nails clenched into the palm of her hands. “Do I not wear the same mark as you? Do I not suffer nightmares of the past? We have gone through everything together these last ten years. All of us.” Her voice was nearly a growl, but she kept her voice low in case someone was still near them. “How is it that we are so different from you? Are we not worthy of your pity?” She hissed.

He looked down at the wooden deck near her feet. “I didn’t mean to hurt them.”

Zak’s voice was stern, his body stiff. It was as close as she would get to an apology, so Ramza took it. His eyes turned back up to her, and while the emotion was drained from his face, his eyes told a different story. Zak knew what he was doing, and he would not stop. He knew the risks, and he was determined they were all equipped to live. Even if it meant breaking their hearts and souls in the process. The venom was gone, only the bitter taste of duty remained.

He wasn’t always like this, and that’s what bothered her the most. Ramza’s heart ached for the person he was when he wasn’t full of worry. It was hard to clear your mind of death when it surrounded you, but it didn’t excuse him forcing uncomfortable questions on the others, especially not Mia and Rozmo.

“You can keep us from danger without making us suffer,” Ramza whispered, the sound barely escaping.

Zak’s face looked sad suddenly. “If I haven’t been able to escape the suffering yet, what makes you think they get any peace in the future?”

Ramza stood up and headed for the stern as fast as she could. She wasn’t sure what she was doing, only that the pressure in her chest was too much to bear in front of Zak. Once she was out of his view, but not yet at the stern, she felt the hot sting of tears in the corner of her eyes. She spun around to lean over the side of the ship as her stomach heaved. She thought she would be sick, but it would be a waste of food.

Watching the water as the ripples cut into the reflection of Arji, she felt her breathing become raspy as the air floundered in her aching lungs. The water was a mirror image of the mother planet. Ramza turned her eyes up to the surface of the orb. Clouds were scattered across a deep blue atmosphere to give off the purple glow.

Ramza clasped her hands together, forcing them against her forehead. Just one more time; just one more wish. She shut her eyes against the tears, her heart racing to the same rhythm as her whispered words. When she was finished, she opened her eyes to the water.

The same ship, on the same water, on the same planet. Her breathing turned to little gasps, so she bit her fingers and dropped to the floor. Her head pressed against the wall, her knees crumbling underneath her. Ramza tried to keep as quiet as her misery would allow.