Pieces of You

Ginabihan na kami ng uwi dahil natagalan ang pagbibleach at pagkukulay sa buhok ni Nathan.

Geille's impatient so she was shooting daggers by her stares at Nathan habang pauwi kami lulan ng sasakyan ng lalaki.

Nathan's not paying attention by the way Geille is staring at him. He's not intimidate. Perks of being immune with the way my bestfriend treats her. Instead, I was the one who's intimadated. Panay ang pagtitig sa akin ng lalaki sa rearview mirror. Nakakailang.

He was not able to tell me what he wanted to say because Geille was sticking to me like a tape. So he remained distant and quiet the whole time.

We've gone back at Geille's house at sinalubong kami ng kaniyang mga magulang. I greeted Tito and Tita. Same goes with Nathan.

Tuwang-tuwa pa nga ang mommy ni Geille dahil paminsan-minsan lang itong bumibisita sa kanila.

We sat for minutes to rest because Tita Ysa insisted at gusto niya pa daw marinig sa amin kung kamusta ang naging araw nmin sa boutique and parlor.

Well, Geille was in it. She has tales to tell. Too many kaya pinabayaan kong siya na ang magkwento.

Tita was glancing at me while Geille was taking a sip from a glass of juice, taking a break of their conversation.

"You look so much prettier, hija. You bloomed so much."

Namula naman ako sa biglaang pagcompliment sa akin nito. I was not even expecting one.

"Thank you po, Tita." I simply smiled at her while she winked at me.

Siniko naman ako ni Geille kaya napalingon ako sa kanya.

She pouted over something kaya napatingin naman ako doon. Just as I shifte my gaze I saw Nathan coming down from the stairs, with a vibrant smile on his face while Tito is beside him patting his shoulders. I've never seen that smile for so long.

I miss him..

May kurot sa puso ko nang maalala ang taong nagpapasaya sa akin sa simpleng pagngiti niya lang.

It breaks my heart everytime I think of him.

"Hey." I heard someone called me so I raised my head.

I saw Nathan standing before me. Bigla na lang akong namula dahil napansin kong nasa amin ang atensiyon nina Tito at Tita at ni Geille. "Y-Yes?"

I saw Tita and Geille communicating with their eyes at bigla na lang ngumiti at parang kinikilig.

"Let's go? Ihatid na kita sa inyo."

I heard someone faked a cough. And it was from my very best friend.

Sinisiko-siko niya ako at tumango. I sighed and then nod at him. He plastered a sweet smile at me kaya para bang may tumatambol sa puso ko.

I bid Tito and Tita a goodbye and thanked them for letting me stay before getting in the car. They just nodded at me.

Geille was just standing while a mischievous smile was on her face.

Kahit kailan talaga, ang utak ng babaeng iyon di mo matantiya. Minsan mabait, masaya, galit pero madalas abnormal.

Nathan came in the exact time my phone rang. We both stare at each other when I saw Mom's Callers ID so I swiped it immediately to answer. "Hello, Mom?"

"Hi, baby. We called to check on you. Are you okay?"

"I'm perfectly fine, Mom. I'm just tired."

"Are you on your way home? Ipapasundo kita sa Papa mo."

Iyon agad ang narinig ko mula sa kanya. It made my heart melt when I heard her soft voice. Napahawak naman ako sa dibdib ko. The feeling is heart-warming. I heard Mom called Dad over the phone and let him get they car key.

"It's okay, Mom. I do have someone to drive me home." Napatingin ako kay Nathan na inaayos ang seatbelt niya.

"Oh okay. Ang mga Santillan ba? Nako, nag-abala pa sila."

Hindi ko na sinabing hindi ang mga magulang ni geille ang naghatid sa akin. Para kasing nakakahiya kapag ibabanggit ko ang pangalan ni Nathan sa kanila. "Anyway, you be safe okay? We've prepared something for you."

Bakas sa boses ni Mama na excited ito sa kung ano man ang inihanda nila para sa akin. And that's a first for me.

"Tell her to be home in time and that I prepared her her favorite!"

Narinig ko ang boses ni Papa sa kabilang linya. My Dad is just to caring and thoughtful. Pinigilan ko namang maluha.

There is something in me that makes me want to just get home and hug them.

Napatawa ako sa pagsaway ni mama kay Papa dahil panay pa ang pagkwento nito sa kabilang linya.

"Your Dad's a born chatterbox. Hays. I'll hang this, okay? Mag-ingat kayo anak. I love you!"

"I love you, anak!" Papa seconded.

Mom and Dad saying I love you to me is a gem. Dagdag pa na ngayon ko lang ito narinig mula sa kanila.

I really wanted to breakdown right now, with great joy and sadness.

Kahit anong gawin ko sadness always butt in. Whenever I'm happy, fate will always have something to offer and make me feel the most painful feeling.

Sadness. I don't want any gift I didn't ask, but fuck it. I am being nice and good yet still I always receive unwanted gifts.

Why does sadness always win over me? Why does it keep chasing me? This feeling is just so cruel.

"Okay po, Mama. I love you din po." I smiled bitterly just when the beep sound ends.

I heave a sigh.

"Hey. You okay?" Napaigtad naman ako sandali nang biglang tinapik ni Nathan ang aking kamay. "I-Im alright." I nodded at him.

I want to tell him I'm not but pero sumagi rin sa isip ko na kung sasabihin ko 'yun, ano ba ang maitutulong niya?

"Wear your seatbelt. Mukhang kailangan kong bilisan ang pagmamaneho dahil mukhang hinahanap ka na ng mga byenan ko." Namula naman ako sa sinabi nito ay pinigilan ko ang sariling huwag tumingin sa kanya. I chose to watch the view outside to avoid his intimidating eyes.

Naging maganda naman ang byahe. I was uncomfortable Nathan drove for me. He stayed quiet but his eyes has tales to tell.

Siguro dahil na din alam niyang pagod ako. Pareho kame. Kaya pinabayaan niya akong magpahinga na lang muna.

Actually, I'm expecting he's gonna tell me something but that was another expectation. Mabuti na rin siguro dahil kinakabahan ako kung ano ang sasabihin niya.

Isinukbit ko na ang sling purse ko sa aking braso at saka bumaba na ng sasakyan. I saw him get out of his car, too.

"Salamat at hinatid mo ako. Even if you're not obligated to. M-Mag-iingat ka."

Tumungo ako sa kanya at saka akmang papasok na sana sa loob ng gate nang pigilan niya ako't hinila papunta sa kanyang bisig.

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I was taken aback and my heart raced so fast. Naramdaman ko ang mainit niyang yakap at ikinulong ako sa kanyang bisig.

I can hear his heart beating fast. The same state I am right now.

I became stiff when he leaned his head on top of mine. His hugged tighten a bit kaya napapikit ako.

This is so comforting. Para akong sasabog sa mga di maipaliwanag na emosyon na hatid ng kaniyang yakap.

I badly want to hug him back pero may pumipigil sa aking gawin iyon. It's my conscience. I just couldn't ignore this. This feeling isn't something I should accept.

This love his love is not for me. It's for this world's Yssen. My counterpart.

"It took time for me to do this. I've been through a lot of thinking."

Simula pa lang nito ay alam ko na kung ano ang patutunguhan ng kanyang mga salita.

Pero hindi ko siya pinigilan. Gusto kong marinig ang mga sasabihin niya. Hindi para sa akin kundi para sa babaeng gustong niyang pagsabihan ng mga salitang nanggagaling sa kanya.

I know her subconscious mind is still working even though she's in sleep, kaya sigurado akong maririnig niya ang sasabihin ng lalake.

"Ayokong mawala kung anong meron tayong dalawa ngayon. But this feeling-it's just too powerful I can't bear it for so long."

I remained silent.

"I was living a life of full of grief and sadness around me. I was broken. It was like a life at hell. People around me doesn't like me for being rebellious, without knowing what I am going through. Nobody dared to ask me if I'm fine. I was longing for saving. Not until you came."

Hinawakan niya ako sa aking balikat.

Then, he held me at my chin. Hindi ko maiwasang mapatitig sa kanyang mga matang punong-puno ng emosyon.

There was pain, sadness and grief.

I saw myself in him.

"It was difficult to build up myself but you helped me. You didn't come in shining armor or cape yet you became my heroine in my life as a villain."

Napangiti ito sa kanyang sinabi. Halatang nacheesyhan siya sa sarili.

Napangiti naman ako sa naging reaksiyon niya.

"I like you, Yssen. Because I like you, I'll keep in mind where I am going."

His eyes weren't lying when he said those words. It was as clear as water. As genuine as.

He fell onto his knee and reach for my hand.

"Yssen, can you be my girlfriend?"

The moment he kneeled down, it was like the time stopped for a while. All I ever see is him and his bright smile and hopeful eyes.

I know this is what Yssen wants, I can feel it. The way her heart beats I know she wants to say yes. Love is too powerful.

Pero hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko kayang gawin ito sa kanya. Nakokonsensiya ako. His love was not meant for me.

I felt a tear run down my cheek. He would be ruined if I do this.

I wiped the tear so he couldn't see myself with empathy.

"No."

My answer was as cold as ice. My face was as blank as an unwritten paper.

Nakita ko kung paanong nawaglit ang ngiti sa kanyang mga labi.

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His smile faded at nakita ko kung paanong nalaglag ang balikat nito. His brows met, confused.

"Yssen. Y-You can think it over again. Kung hindi ka pa handa, it's okay. I can wait until you're ready. Just please. Please don't turn me down that fast." He reached for my free hand and pleaded.

Para akong sinasaksak sa kalungkutan habang nakikita kung paano siya magmakaawa sa akin.

I can't take this. Pinipigilan kung huwag lumandas ang mga luha sa mga mata ko.

How could I ruin him? How could I ruin his hope with a single word?

This scene is heartbreaking.

"No, Nathan. Can't you see it? I don't like you."

Wala ng mas ikalalamig ang boses ko. Pero hindi niya ininda iyon.

Instead he pleaded even more.

"No, Yssen. I need you, please. No. Please..."

Habang tumatagal mas masakit na panoorin siya ng ganito.

He was crying for Pete's sake!

"Don't be so selfish, Nathan. Hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon sumusunod sa plano ang mga bagay na gusto mo. So please leave, me alone."

Inalis ko ang kanyang kamay na nakahawak sa akin.

I took a glance of him. He was full of misery. He was in torment. He was wasted. He was broke. Again. Because of me.

"Please...." Another word that made my heart ache.

Ang sakit. Ang sakit sakit.

"Stand up. I don't want to see you crying in front of me."

Walang emosyon ang mababakas sa boses ko pero taliwas sa sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon.

"Umuwi ka na. Ayusin mo ang sarili mo."

I should've not spoke more. Dahil mas lalo lang siyang masasaktan.

But I wish I really wish he could see the positive side of what I've said.

I don't mean all the harsh words, Nathan. But I've got to do this to save you from this fake love.

I turned my back on him with a heavy heart, saka tumakbo papasok ng bahay habang dumadausdos ang mga luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilan.

Nakita ko ang pagtataka sa mukha ng mga magulang ko pero hindi ko sila pinansin. Ayokong makita nilang nagkakaganito ako.

Not when I was the cause behind all this pain.

Dumating na ang pinakakinatatakutan ko sa lahat. Ang masaktan ko ang mga taong nagmamahal sa akin.

Alam ko kung gaano kasakit ang nangyari kanina. Dahil minsan na rin nilang iparamdamn sa akin iyon.

I would have not wanted to do it. But I just can't fathom to fool someone's love.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."