Pedigree

Death can be an easy way out, just when you want to get answers from someone it hits you that the person is gone and there is no way you could ever get the answers that you want.

The drive from VK’s place to mine has been quiet, so many things have been running through my mind and I don’t know if I can get my answers from anyone.

‘You have been quiet.’ Aunt Ivy says

I chuckle

‘What would you say if you were in my shoes?’ I ask not even looking at her

‘I am sorry that things have to be like this, I wish there was a better way of you finding out but eventually the truth always comes out.’

‘And you claim to love him yes?’

She looks away

‘You adults are by far the most toxic people, and just because you are our parents you think you have the right to treat us however you want.’

‘I understand you are upset but your parents are still good people.’

I shake my head

‘My father is a good man but my mother was a whore.’

‘Kasweka.’

‘And it doesn’t make you any better.’ I say not once taking my eyes off her

‘I understand you are upset, I understand right now things might not make sense but eventually they will. Only if you have an open mind.’

‘An open mind to what exactly? That my mother slept with your brother and all of you have known about all this and yet chose to keep it a secret?’

The disgust on my face is evident, I am pretty sure she can’t miss it.

‘I will leave you to your thoughts, when you are ready to talk I will be here.’

‘I won’t be ready to talk to you Aunt Ivy, you are no different from my late mother. And coming to think of it I think you have only stayed in my father’s life this long because you have just been guilty. Because you are just trying to blind him from the truth. But it doesn’t matter now because it’s in the past and I guess I will never be able to get the answers I want.’

I get out of her car and she does too.

‘Kasweka when you are a parent there are decisions you make just to protect your children, decisions that may not make you happy but your happiness doesn’t matter because that of your child comes first.’

‘I will never be such a mother, and before I can bring any children into the work I will care about my partner before anything else. I wouldn’t let another man raise my own child at the expense of my happiness.’

She opens her mouth to respond but I stop her

‘If Cathy didn’t love my father she shouldn’t have gotten married to him, she should have been with Isaac and not dragged an innocent man in a loveless marriage all those years. Or is that why she traveled a lot? Is there more I don’t know.’

She looks away

‘Is there more?’

‘It’s not in my place Kasweka.’

‘I think you should leave, not just my compound but my yard too and my father’s life. It’s best you get away from us because you are a bad person.’

‘Kasweka you don’t know how many times I have wanted to open up to your father, again it wasn’t in my place.’

I look at her intently trying to pick the right words, how could life be so unfair? How could so much go wrong in just a short period of time? The discovery of my father not being my father? And then learning that he doesn’t even know that I am his child, and now there is more to the marriage he was in all those years that he will never even know about.

‘Tell me something, why have you been in my father’s life all of these years?’

‘I love your father Kasweka, I have always loved him.’

I shake my head.

‘You don’t love him, you live the idea of being with a man like him. Because when you love someone you have their best interest at heart, I would love to hear this your love story just to see if you have truly been in love with him all these years.’

‘You have no idea what I have been through Kasweka, you wouldn’t look at me the same way if you had the slightest clue what I have been through.’

‘I don’t know what your story is, but if it’s as bad as you are sounding right now then you should have known better than to treat my father a different way. Because when you love someone you don’t fuck then over, you don’t watch them for years knowing you are holding a big secret, you don’t continue lying to them and pretending like you are the best thing that has ever happened to them.’

‘You know what, you have stood here and judged every one of my life choices but you don’t know the bonds I and your father have created all these years!’

‘Fuck those bonds because you are toxic!’

She slaps me so hard I can almost see the stars.

‘Kasweka I am sorry.’ She apologies quickly

‘I want you to get out of my yard, get out of my life and never show yourself here again because I won’t be this kind.’ I say sternly

‘I have spent my whole life trying to rebuild everything that was taken from me, I have spent all these years trying to rebuild from the ground up but you wouldn’t understand any of that.’

‘You wasted your whole life because you are still a bad person and you should stay out of our lives. And those bonds you are talking about? Fuck them! Fuck you and your brother and Cathy! Fuck all of you and I hope you all meet in hell and have one hell of a party because you deserve each other!’

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Your Friend and Author

Winnie

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