Panthera Spelaea

Did you ever have a moment where you realized that your entire life depended on the next thing out of your mouth?

In such a moment, would you tell the truth and accept the consequences? Lie to get out of the situation? Or piss yourself in indecision?

The answer to Sergei’s question was one of those moments. I chose truthiness; enough to acknowledge Anna without specifying exactly what was going on. “What happens in our private lives is our business, Sergei. What you want to know is if I am betraying your daughter. I am not cheating on her, and I never would.”

“You aren’t sleeping with Anna?”

I let out a breath. “It is no one’s business but ours. I will only say that Svetlana knows about everything and is all right with it.”

He didn’t say anything for a few minutes as he considered what was happening. When he talked again, it wasn’t about Svetlana. I had a feeling he’d be having a father-daughter talk this afternoon without me. “Be careful with Anna,” he finally said. “She’s a nice girl, but she is vulnerable. Don’t let her get between the two of you.”

“I’ve not spent that much time with Anna yet, but I understand your concern. I hope that someday Anna finds the man of her dreams and settles into a happy life. Isn’t that what all parents want for their daughters?” I didn’t mention that man might be me.

He nodded, but his knuckles were a little white from gripping the steering wheel. I hadn’t said what he feared, but I’d confirmed enough. “I don’t know if you are courageous or foolish, John. You are walking through a fuel spill with a lit match.”

“We’ve barely had a chance to talk about this with everything going on in my life, Sergei. Last night was not enough time. We will work it out.”

“I hope so. You three need to talk with my Nadezna as well before she brings it up. I am not stupid enough to start THAT conversation.”

“If your wife is as perceptive as you think, it may be too late for me to explain.” That ended our conversation as we were pulling back into his driveway.

Svetlana came rushing out to see me, her eyes traveling over my body before taking my hand. “I’m fine,” I assured her. We kissed and let Dad go in first. “He knows about the three of us. He’s not happy but he knows it is your life,” I whispered into her ear.

“So does Mom,” Svetlana said. “You’d barely left the driveway when she confronted us.”

“And we’re still alive?”

“For now,” she said as she pulled me to the door. “Come inside; lunch is ready.”

Nadezna was a goddess of the kitchen, and the meal was fantastic. It started with salted herring with rye bread and onion as the vodka bottle opened up. It wasn’t something I thought I’d like, but it went well with the vodka, and the liquor helped everyone relax. The main course was kotleti, Russian chicken meatballs fried and served with a HOT mustard sauce, sour cream, and pesto mayo, accompanied by roasted vegetables from their garden. Dessert was Medovic, a sweet honey cake with sour cream and strawberries.

The food was fantastic, and I learned more about Svetlana’s parents and her upbringing. The subject of our budding polyamorous relationship did not come up, though both parents watched us closely. Since we knew they knew, I didn’t hide my affection for Anna, but I didn’t push it either. I treated her with the same consideration, respect, and kindness I showed Svetlana.

Mom had made a ton of food, and there was little left of it by the end. “Keeping this one satisfied will be a challenge for you girls,” she said as dessert finished.

“He has big appetites,” Anna agreed. I nearly choked on the vodka I was sipping, covering it with a cough.

“Clear the table, ladies. Sergei, help them load their things into the car. John, I’d like to show you my garden.”

I was hoping I wouldn’t end up as fertilizer for next year’s crop. “I’d love to see it. The vegetables were fantastic.”

Nadezna led me out back, taking me down a path between the rows of her well-tended garden. She didn’t waste any time with pleasantries. “Svetlana and Anna ambushed you with the three-way relationship.”

“It wasn’t something I expected or asked them for,” I said evenly. “I did not fight it.”

“Of course you didn’t. What man would turn down a fantasy night like that?” She took my hand. “Anna has always had a wild side, and it is rubbing off. I thought it was good for my girl to live a little, to experience things in life before she settled down. Anna helped her come out of her shell, and now she doesn’t want to go back in. They loved each other before Svetlana found you, and they aren’t willing to give each other up just yet. Bringing you in with them seemed like the answer.”

“And you disagree?”

“I know what will happen because it always happens in this type of relationship, John. It seems like paradise, but it leaves you balancing on a high wire you cannot cross. You can’t treat them the same, and that brings jealousy. You try to make it up to one, making the other resent the extra attention. Eventually, the fantasy breaks on the rocks of real life. You end up choosing one over the other, or neither. It is unlikely the girls will still be friends after the breakup. No matter what you do, they get hurt.”

“Do you not feel love is enough?”

“Enough for now? Everything is new and exciting, and you feel you can take on the world. In a year? Not so much.”

“If forced to choose, I’d choose Svetlana.”

“I know. The problem is that Svetlana will never force that choice since it was her idea to bring Anna in. There are three people in this circle, and you have to decide who you love. If you love Svetlana, make that choice soon. The longer this fantasy goes on, the harder it will be to untangle it. I don’t want my baby hurt.”

I thought about it. Logically, Nadezna was right. The societies we lived in believed in marriage between a man and a woman. Married to Svetlana, Anna would never be more than a mistress, and our plural relationship concealed from the public. Resentment would have to follow, even if in private we were equals. Even the societies that allowed multiple wives had a hierarchy among them.

A thought came to me. Did the lion inside me have anything to do with this? Was I subconsciously attracting them into this kind of relationship? I had no idea. We knew nothing about cave lion mating behavior, but African lions had prides of up to twenty females. “We have a lot of talking to do,” I conceded.

“More talking, less screwing,” she agreed. My eyes got wide. “Please, do you think I am old and stupid? I know what you are doing with my girls.” Damn, Svetlana must not have gotten away with ANYTHING when she was growing up. “Whatever decision you make, commit fully to making it work. If you can’t do that, it is better for all of you if you leave them both now.”

“I can’t leave them,” I told her.

She patted my cheek. “Then do what you must.” That was the end of the tour.

We walked around the house to the garage, where Sergei was loading suitcases into his car. Svetlana was carrying a bag with some food. “We should have a place in a week or two, Dad. We’ll pick up the rest then.”

“It’s fine to stay here until you are ready to settle in. It gives you an excuse to come home and see us,” Sergei said.

We said our goodbyes, with Anna and I thanking Nadezna for the wonderful meal. Svetlana pointed out some of the attractions of Rybinsk as we drove downtown to the Gostevoy Dom. Sergei hugged us before heading home, wishing the girls luck in finding a good job. I got our room key, and we took the elevator to the top floor. Our room was at the end on the right, overlooking the gardens. The Soviet-style architecture and décor weren’t nearly as fancy as the Moscow hotel I’d stayed at, but it was clean, and the bed was big enough. We hung up our things, unpacked our bags, and met by the bed.

“We have to talk,” Svetlana and I said at the same time.

“Yes, we do,” Anna agreed. “The question is whether you want me here for it.”