Outliers

“Hold on, hold on, hold on,” they said. “You’re a dandelion in the breeze. Look what the winds of change have done to all these autumn leaves.”

“Hold on, hold on, hold on, This big wide world is not for you, Hold on for long enough for the last gust to dance on through.”

So I held on, held on, held on. They said that’s how you know you’re strong. But not until I wilted did I notice something wrong.

I thought holding on was bravery. But when winds of change do blow, sometimes it’s even braver still to let go, let go, let go.

- e.h

Trees shaded the corner of the garden where I lounged, offering just enough privacy to keep me hidden from most of the party. I preferred to keep to myself at pack gatherings like this one. Sometimes conversing with anyone was just too draining. Sometimes I was content with just observing from the background.

Unfortunately, my sister didn’t understand that. It was different for her; she was one of them. They were a unit, a team of wolves all cut from the same cloth, a family.

“Come on, Emily,” she laughed, ascending the porch outside the main house where the party congregated. Her thick, curled hair bounced against her shoulders, the dark colour shining amber under the bright sunlight. The thin dress that swirled around her thighs was perfect for the heat, unlike my black training gear and trainers. “I think Alpha Athan was looking for you. You need to go speak to everyone; they’ve all been asking about you.” As usual.

No sigh passed my lips. Margaret hated it when I sighed. But my movements were sluggish as I rose to my feet and followed her down the wooden steps towards the grass. It was Margaret’s birthday and it would be unfair of me to hide away.

From the back of the party, a pair of eyes locked onto Margaret, following her every move. Mitchell, my brother-in-mating, had joined the pack three years ago. He had been living with my sister since the day he arrived, and I hadn’t seen her happier than she was when she was with him. That was how it always was in our culture. Mates, above all else, were sacred.

Before joining us in Idaho, Mitchell had been training with the Colorado pack. Though ‘pack’ was a loose term for what they were. While they still had an Alpha and a Beta, Colorado were a warrior pack of unmated wolves elected to enforce pack law and keep the peace. Free to train without distraction, at the peak of their physical abilities, they were the only pack in Northern America that didn’t conform to normal pack customs. They were a pack to fear and a pack to respect. A pack I longed to join.

Only those who had lost their mates could officially join, but often packs sent their fighters to train and better themselves. Mitchel had been a wolf keen to rise through the ranks, one his Alpha had recognised potential in, and had sent away for training. He found Margaret just short of his second year at the annual mating rotations - when the packs intermingled to increase the chance of finding your mate - and had left Colorado immediately after, cutting his training short.

“Emily,” a deep voice called out to me just as a hand grazed my elbow, drawing my attention softly to the tall, lean man suddenly at my side. A grin stretched across my lips. Jack.

“Alpha Athan,” I mused, my heart jumping at the slow smile curving across his lips.

“Jack; you know how much it irks me when you call me Athan,” he teased, offering out a hand. It was then I noticed the glass he offered. Ice clinked against the sides as I took it from his grasp. The air was uncomfortably hot today. Jack had been smart, clad in a loose white vest and blue shorts. The exposed skin allowed my eyes to wander as we spoke, as they did so often in recent months. “Hiding again?”

I rolled my eyes. Jack was one of the few pack members that I felt no need to keep up pretences. He knew my struggle all too well and my lies would be pointless.

It had been the Alpha family that my father had turned to when my issue began. Jack had only been young then, like me, and he’d helped me find some normalcy in my life. I had needed the comfort of his friendship when everything else in me pointed towards abnormality. Since childhood, he’d been my closest friend. I’d seen him grow from a temperamental boy to an accomplished man. He was the only one I could speak honestly with, the only one I was permitted to train with, and the only one I wanted to spend most of my time with.

When he had found his mate, I had been distraught. Suddenly, he was no longer the friend I knew. Any spare time he had, had belonged to Amy. When we weren’t training, he was with her and I was alone, in a pack where I felt excluded.

At first, I had been bitter and jealous. But she had been my Alpha Female, and she had been beautiful, and far more deserving of Jack than I had been. She had made him, and helped to alter him into the man he was now. Most of all she had become a dear friend to me.

“People love your company and yet you’re forever hiding yourself away,” Jack chided. While his tone aimed to be humorous, his words were heavy and accompanied by a soft sigh. Feet shuffling, my gaze dropped as I took a long sip of the chilled drink.

“You know how I feel about the pack,” I muttered, my lips hidden behind the glass.

Jack’s shoulder slumped; his mouth forcibly quirked into a smile.

“I know, I know,” he breathed, grazing a hand through his hair as he glanced around the party at the members of his pack; young and old. “I worry about you is all. You’re loved and welcome here Emily, I know you don’t see it, but you are.”

“I don’t belong,” was all I could whisper out softly, arms crossing protectively against my chest.

My mother’s voice calling my name was the distraction I needed from this conversation. Without glancing back, I left Jack by himself.