Outliers

The thing about pain, Is it won’t last forever, And it kills you right now, But with time it gets better, The thing about scars, Is they all start to fade, Until nothing is left, Of the cuts that were made, The thing about today, Is there’s always tomorrow, And if you can’t find you smile, I have one you can borrow, The thing about help, Is beside you it stands, But it won’t know it’s needed, Unless you reach out your hand, The thing about love, Is you can’t feel it’s touch, Unless you let someone know, That this world is too much.

- e.h

“I can’t believe you’re actually leaving.” The sound of my sister’s voice cut through the otherwise silent bedroom as I bent over my bed, folding clothes into one of my duffle bags. Nobody had been home when I came back to pack my bags and say goodbye, but Margaret wasn’t stupid. She’d found me clearing out my draws with my travel bags out and immediately knew what was happening.

“You knew this is what I wanted,” I sighed quietly, before saying louder, “Where’s dad?”

“He’s still on patrol. He won’t be back until tomorrow,” Margaret huffed. “No one expected you to be leaving tonight.”

“I didn’t want to leave tonight,” I sighed, zipping my last bag. I didn’t turn around to face my younger sister.

“So don’t,” was her snappish reply.

“I have to.”

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. You never have, and I don’t know why you’d start now.” There was a bitterness in my sister’s tone.

Don’t snap, don’t snap, don’t snap.

“Alpha Harris barely agreed to let me join his pack. I don’t want to try my luck any further. If he is to be my new Alpha, it’s not my place to say no to him.”

“That would never stop you if it was Alpha Athan.”

“You know it’s not the same.”

There was a beat of silence, finally drawing my gaze to Margaret’s hard stare. Leant against the doorframe of my bedroom - the same bedroom that had been mine for twenty-three years - Margaret had her arms crossed tightly over her chest as she eyed me with blatant disproval, pursing her lips.

“Are you gonna say goodbye to Mom or are you gonna sneak away? Would you have said goodbye to me if I hadn’t caught you packing in here?”

Unable to stop myself, I sent her a withering glare. She didn’t ‘catch’ me doing anything. That would imply I was sneaking around, and I wasn’t. I had never made my desire to move packs a secret. I had always been open and honest with my family. All I wanted was for them to support my decisions when I had offered nothing but support for their life choices.

“Don’t be such a brat. You know I would have,” I huffed. “Look, if I had a mate and transferred to their pack, you and Mom wouldn’t have a problem with me leaving. I understand you disapprove of my decision, but I can’t understand why. I don’t appreciate the judgement you’re giving me, as if you know better just because you’re settled with a mate and kids.”

“Don’t get mad at me just because I was given a mate, Emily,” Margaret snapped, nostrils flaring.

“Why are we even fighting?” I groaned, rolling my eyes. A growl rumbled in Margaret’s chest, one that had me sending her a warning glance. She may have been more wolf than I was, but I could damn well hand her ass to her if she so much as started a fight.

“Because you never listen to me or to Mom! You make up your mind about something and that’s it; it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.”

“It’s not like this is permanent, like I can never see you again or transfer back if Colorado isn’t what I expect it to be. And it isn’t that I don’t listen to you two, it’s that you never listen to me. I appreciate your opinion, I do, but this is my life. It’s not yours to dictate.”

***

“So, it’s official.”

The soft drawl of Jack’s voice caught me just as I began the short walk back to the pack house, where I presumed Alpha Harris and his beta would be waiting. My shoulders slumped, allowing my bags to drop to the dirt with a soft thump. I felt exhausted, the last interaction with my family still weighing heavy on me. I hadn’t wanted it to be like that between me and my sister. Even after Mom had arrived and we’d had a tearful goodbye, Margaret was still stewing, and I knew her wolf was prowling beneath the surface. Arching my neck towards my Alpha, the sudden ache in my chest was more overwhelming than I ever could have expected.

How long would it be before I got to see him again?

I couldn’t speak; I didn’t know what to say. All I could offer the solemn man before me was a grim, tight-lipped smile - one that felt far too much like a grimace.

Colorado was all I had wanted for years, to where it had felt like nothing more than an unattainable dream. And yet I was mere minutes from leaving Idaho, from leaving my family, from leaving Jack.

“I’ve just finished saying my goodbyes.”

He nodded, looking off towards the main house where I was sure Alpha Harris and his Beta were waiting for me.

“I think a part of me hoped you’d never actually go.”

“Jack,” I breathed, struggling to keep the emotion from my voice. I knew my hands were shaking as I stuffed them into my pockets. “This- this is what I need to do.”

“I’m not going to stop you.”

“I’m going to miss you,” I assured with a firm nod, hating how my eyes burned. Immediately, Jack was there, opening his arms and welcoming me into his embrace.

“I know,” he murmured, lips pressing against my temple as his arms held me tight against him. “I’ll miss you too.” I didn’t pull away; I wasn’t sure I could. My cheek pressed into the top of his shoulder with bruising force, and I breathed in his scent, hoping to commit it to memory. I felt his nose graze the length of my neck, telling me he was doing exactly the same, before I felt the soft press of his lips against my bare skin.

Stepping back and clearing my throat, I couldn’t meet his gaze; not as I struggled to hold back my tears. I had never allowed myself to think about this moment, to process the fact that I would have to say goodbye to him. It was agony.

“I need to go,” I murmured, reaching for my discarded bags. Jack did the same, lifting one of my duffels onto his shoulders.

We walked back to the main house in silence, my hand clasped gently in his. It was when we were only ten feet from a parked black car, Alpha Harris and his Beta clearly visible next to it, that we stopped. Jack handed my bag to me, leaning in for one last hug.

“Good luck,” he sighed, kissing my cheek before turning away without another glance. I watched him walk away for longer than I should have, before urging myself to face my soon to be new pack. Jack hadn’t turned back once.

“Have you two been officially introduced yet?” Alpha Harris asked gruffly, offering no greeting as he eyed Jack’s retreating figure. It surprised me Alpha Harris hadn’t called him out for his blatant disrespect. I wasn’t sure what was stopping him. Countless times, Jack had refused to acknowledge the older Alpha. Alpha Harris was in his rights to request retribution.

I shook my head, meeting the eyes of the silent blonde-haired man stood stiff beside his Alpha. Now that they were standing together, I noted how similar they were in height, both men towering over me despite my own impressive height. However, unlike his Alpha, who had still not shaved, the Beta’s pale skin was smooth. He’d tied his usual shoulder length hair back and his once pristine white shirt was full of creases. He was watching me with a sharp focus.

“My Beta, Adriel Kristianssen.”

“Nice to meet you,” I uttered. Beta Adriel only nodded in response before looking away in apparent disinterest.

Rude.

“So, you’re driving us?” I asked uncertainly, frowning at the Alpha, who had - for some strange reason - started undressing. Alpha Harris continued to unbutton his white shirt, shrugging it off his shoulders and handing the now crumpled material to Beta Adriel. When he looked over at me, I tried to keep my eyes on his face and not his incredibly toned chest.

What on earth was he doing?

Clearing my throat, I amended, “I mean, it’s a long drive?” It wasn’t a question, but it sure as hell came out as one as my voice rose higher in panic, my composure cracking.

Kill me now.

He pulled a plain grey t-shirt over his head and began unbuttoning his trousers slowly.

Holy hell. Where am I supposed to look? Why isn’t he answering me?

I’d never seen another Alpha besides Jack undress before. Usually it was disrespectful to openly ogle someone of such stature, but usually Alpha’s weren’t whipping their shirts and pants off in front of me.

Nakedness was a frequent aspect of wolf life, but typically it was a rushed removal of clothes before a shift or simply standing around in the nude after a shift. No one paid notice, and no one cared. I’d never experienced whatever this damn strip tease was.

My cheeks were burning hotter than they’d ever been before.

“How’d you expect us to get back?” He finally responded after what felt like years of tension, tugging on a pair of sports shorts. I couldn’t even remember what we were talking about anymore. But there he was again, spearing me with that weighted gaze of his, awaiting my answer.

“I assumed we’d hire someone.” I didn’t acknowledge the heat in my cheeks. Nor did I want to think about how distracting I had suddenly found Alpha Harris to be. Two minutes ago, my heart had been breaking over leaving Jack, and now I was salivating over another man like a dog in heat.

“We like to limit our interactions with humans.” Nodding to the car behind him, he commanded, “Put your bags in the trunk and get in.”

Ten minutes later, my bags were in the trunk and we had already begun our long journey to Colorado. I had never visited their pack before, not by myself or with Jack - there had never been a reason to. I knew it was far enough, however, that we could not reach there in one uninterrupted journey, not unless Alpha Harris functioned without sleep.

It was twenty minutes later, when we had finally cleared the inner territory, the last cabin out of sight, that Beta Adriel’s heavy sigh caught my attention.

“Thank heavens we’re going home.” He slumped in his seat in the back, yanking feverishly at the tie around his neck and almost ripping the top buttons from his shirt. “I thought I was about to bawl like a pup if I had to sit through another minute of those mind-numbing meetings. Harris, I beg you to leave me behind next time.”

I knew I was staring at him like he’d grown another head. This was the most he’d said in the last three days combined.

“Don’t worry,” Adriel winked at me slyly, no doubt enjoying my shock. He nodded towards Alpha Harris in the front by himself. “He’s still a dick.”

Alpha Harris only shot his beta a filthy look in the mirror and continued to drive.

I didn’t even know how to respond.

***

“Are you being serious?”

I’d just come back from the bathroom of the service station we had stopped at to find Adriel laid across the entire backseat, an arm propped behind his head. He didn’t open his eyes, but the smug smile that split across his face confirmed he was still awake.

“Just sit in the front. Harris ain’t that bad.”

I rolled my eyes but otherwise moved to the front with little complaint; I didn’t want Alpha Harris thinking I had a problem with him. Beta Adriel had proven to be a huge annoyance this entire journey. From his lack of personal space and his habit of singing, poorly, to the songs on the radio, it had been a genuine struggle for me not to hit him.

I never would have guessed how childish the Colorado Beta would be.

“You’re real irritating, you know that?” I shot over my shoulder as I buckled in. Beta Adriel gave me a thumbs up.

A child. He was a child.

“I got some water and food.” Alpha Harris dumped a paper bag in my lap and said nothing else as he started up the car again. Inside were indeed six bottles of water and a large pack of assorted nuts and dried fruit. I took water for myself before throwing the bag - with a little too much force - at Beta Adriel. His answering groan had me grinning.

It was four hours later when we had pulled into a small motel off the side of the road and Alpha Harris insisted we stay the night before continuing the drive in the morning. It was already 1am and dark out and Beta Adriel had offered to take over driving considering he had slept in the car, but Harris had refused the offer.

“You’ll be staying with me,” Alpha Harris explained, stepping into one of the small motel rooms he had booked. It was minimally decorated with two single beds and a bathroom attached. We didn’t need anything more.

“And me!” Adriel added cheerfully, shooting me a playful wink as he strolled in behind us with two small leather bags in his hands. He’d taken his shirt completely off and was now walking around in just his grey suit trousers and his black polished shoes.

“No.” Alpha Harris thrust a room key Adriel’s way. He seemed just as bored with his beta’s antics as I was. “You’re next door.”

The two men shared a silent look; Alpha Harris’ expression unreadable and Beta Adriel’s unsurprisingly filled with amusement.

“Why don’t I just stay next door if you two want to stay together?” Slowly, Alpha Harris dragged his eyes away from his beta to me.

“With you unable to shift, it’s probably safest you stay here with me.”

“Who’s gonna hurt me?” I scoffed, hands falling to my hips.

“Humans can’t always be trusted.”

“I could literally snap a human in half. Just because I can’t shift doesn’t mean I’m defenceless, and especially against a human.” I was scowling, and I knew it, deeply offended that Alpha Harris clearly thought I was absolutely useless in combat. If that was the case, I couldn’t understand why he had accepted my transferal at all.

Never mind the fact that he had seen me sparring with Jack, so he knew for a fact I could handle myself.

“Do you make it a habit to argue with your Alpha?”

It was difficult not to glare when I met his gaze, glancing away as I identified the challenge.

It was true I had become far too comfortable with Jack. I rarely treated him as an Alpha and more of an equal, in private, that is. I would have to check myself from now on whenever I caught myself challenging Alpha Harris’ command. This wasn’t how things were done in other packs.

Beta Adriel’s snickering disrupted any tension between us.

“He’s just joking,” Adriel chimed. “He needs someone to challenge him more often.”

He didn’t look like he was joking. The look I threw Adriel said as much, but he only shrugged one shoulder with that same amused look on his face that had been present ever since we first began the journey.

With one of my own bags in hand, I trudged over to the bathroom to brush my teeth and change for bed.

What felt like hours later, I was still wide awake. Across the room, Alpha Harris was silent and I could only assume he had already fallen asleep while I lay staring up at the off-white ceiling in the dark. I couldn’t stop thinking of my sister, of the brief argument we had left unresolved, of my mother who had cried as I left the cabin, and of Jack.

It would be odd tomorrow, when I couldn’t start my morning with our usual teasing and training. It would be odd waking up and not sharing breakfast with my parents.

There was a heavy weight in my gut, one I prayed wasn’t a growing sense of regret. I couldn’t turn back now. As much as I would miss them, I needed to go to Colorado. I needed to experience living in a pack where I wasn’t treated as some fragile object, where I wasn’t separated from the others in training, or shot daily sympathetic looks because of how lonely they perceived me to be.

Because I was lonely, no matter how many times I told my parents and sister I wasn’t.

It was hard not to be when I existed in a world where I felt isolated every day. There was a bond between Jack and me, one that I leaned on for comfort too much. Whatever was there between us wasn’t right. He was my Alpha and my friend. He couldn’t be anything more.

Yet still I felt the burning in my eyes build, and I had to stop myself from making any noise so not to disturb Alpha Harris. But my tears didn’t stop and soon I was rushing into the bathroom and shutting the door behind me.

“Ah fuck,” I rasped, wiping at my cheeks roughly to dry them. Squinting under the harsh light of the bathroom, my face was a red mess in the dirty reflection of the mirror above the sink.

I was being so stupid. Here I was crying like a pup when I should have been ecstatic my dream was finally coming true. My future in Colorado wasn’t concrete, there was nothing stopping me from returning to Idaho if I needed to. There was no need to cry.

I wasn’t sure how long I was in the bathroom, but when I emerged into the bedroom again, I knew instantly that the Alpha was awake. The lights were still off, and he still had his back to me as he lay in his bed, but his breathing was uneven and his body too still.

“You okay?” Was all he asked, his voice soft in the harsh silence of the room. The entire motel was practically dead, with only two other guests on the other side of the building and no cars passing by. The sound of his deep voice was a shock and sounded out of place so late at night.

“Yeah,” I breathed just as quietly. “I’m good.”