SWNOVELS Chapter Chapter Forty: Longing
Chapter Forty: Longing
IT’S CRAZY how fast a baby grows in a short period of time. Max clearly remembered those days when Erin didn’t stop crying for no reason. He struggled a lot but, thankfully, Jean and Maine had been there to help him with parenthood.
There are times when he wanted to sleep for an entire day but he doesn’t want to let the nanny take care of his daughter full-time, especially when Erin always looked for him and always screams when he’s nowhere in sight.
But that baby that he’s used to taking care of seemed to grow up so fast, for Erin is now 47 inches tall.
He proceeded to read Hyacinth’s letter while he was sitting on the edge of the bed, trying so hard to stop the pang of hurt inside his chest.
Dear Max,
How’s your day?
Max hugged the letter closer to his heart and whispered, “It’s been five years, love.”
There are only two letters left unopened. Max planned to open the letters twice every year but he had been greedy and lonely and missing his wife so much that he opened four letters every year, maybe five or six. As a result, he ran short of letters to open.
He stared at the ceiling-to-floor fiberglass windows of their bedroom where Hyacinth hung some of her DIY decorations like Christmas stars made out of painted cardboard and hanging lamps with battery-powered bulbs inside.
He found himself locked inside the room alone and reliving the memories of his wife. She would wake up every day at six to prepare his coffee and she sometimes tumbles with him on their bed for a couple of minutes—hours, even—before he would rise from the bed and prepare for work.
Then, he would always go home in her arms. They would always argue about the most ridiculous things they would find entertaining. For example, they had argued about tomatoes being a vegetable or a fruit. Hyacinth firmly believed that tomatoes are vegetables and Max informed her that it is a fruit.
“If it was a fruit, then, why do people put it in salads?”
He laughed. “People put fruits in salads, love.”
Max inhaled a sharp breath as emotions rose from his chest at an alarming rate, causing his eyes to burn and moisten.
He lifted the letter again to read its contents.
Why don’t you visit the amusement park with Erin? I’m sure she’ll love it. Please let her know that I love her, okay? I love you, too.
“No, Haya. I can’t go back there.” It’s too much for him. Going back to the amusement park will be a reminder of Hyacinth. Every nook and corner of the amusement park will remind him too much of Hyacinth and the bittersweet memories of their blossoming love back then.
Erin had been right. The time came when he would regret not spending more time with Hyacinth. But Max doubted if all the time in the world could suffice for the gluttony of his lovesick heart.
“Dad?”
His head turned to the doorway to face Erin who was still in her pajamas and holding a bear in its tiny arms.
He motioned for his daughter to go to him and its pale toes started to move on the ground.
“Dad, are you crying again? I thought boys don’t cry.”
“Sweetie, boys cry when they love someone.”
Erin sighed. “You miss mommy, don’t you?”
He nodded. “Yes, I miss her.”
“Where is she, Daddy?”
Max touched Erin’s cheek. “Sweetie, you can see threads, right?”
The kid nodded. “Yep. It’s that shiny one on your back.”
“Well, Mommy can read them, sweetie. She can see the past and future by touching that thread.”
There’s amazement in his kid’s eyes. “Like magic!”
He chuckled. “Yes, sweetie. Like magic.”
“Is that why she’s not here?”
He nodded in response and carried Erin to sit by his side on the edge of the bed. “Mommy’s job is a hard one, Erin.”
“Why is she not visiting us, Dad? Doesn’t she have days off like you? Maybe she doesn’t like to be with us.”
Good god, no.
“Erin,” he pinched her cheek. “Mom is busy doing something important. That doesn’t mean that she doesn’t like us.”
“But she...” The little girl’s mouth trembled. “But she loves me, right?”
Max collected Erin’s small form into his embrace. “Sweetie, Mom loves the both of us. You’ll soon understand how hard it is for her to leave us here.”
Erin broke free from his embrace. “But why are you so sad? She’s coming back to us, right? She’ll read me bedtime stories?” The hopeful face of his daughter made his chest clench a little.
He doesn’t want her to wait. It will be too painful for a child to wait for someone, especially if it will take years before Hyacinth could go back.
“Don’t you want me to read your bedtime stories anymore, kiddo?” Max tried to divert the subject.
“But I want Mom to do it.”
Max had thought if he should ask Jean to visit so that Erin wouldn’t feel neglected. He could also ask Maine to visit but his sister is busy with her four-year-old kid and the renovations of her husband’s ancestral seat in the Western Isles.
Max realized that he should address Maine as the Countess of Warren because she married Philip, now known as the Earl of Warren for inheriting his deceased father’s title. Although the title is still being passed from generation to generation, it holds no power in the Western Isles Constitutional Government. The title and the yearly allowance that comes with it are only for the preservation of the millennium-long culture of the Western Isles. It is the same in the Northern and Eastern Isles, too. They still have those noblemen to preserve the culture and nobility, and also to honor the bloodline that dates back to the 1400s.
Erin tugged his collar to get his attention. He smiled at his daughter’s squishy face. “Yes, sweetie?”
“Can we visit Mom?”
He sighed with a heavy heart. “No, we can’t, sweetie. I’m sorry.”
Max wanted to give Erin some reassurance but it isn’t possible if the kid doesn’t know the whole truth. It’ll only confuse her.
Erin’s eyes glistened until teardrops crawled on her plump cheeks. Max nuzzled Erin’s forehead with his nose and squeezed his daughter in his tight embrace.
He figured out that Erin might forget her sadness if she saw a picture of Hyacinth just like before.
Max had asked for her daughter to remain seated on the bed while he headed to the bedside table to get the photo album he’d been keeping for Erin. “Do you want to see her pictures again? We also have videos together when we went on a trip abroad.”
Erin jumped on the bed and gleefully waited for him and the album, wiping the tears on her face like they were nothing.
He felt sorry for Erin. Max, of all people, knew what it is like to grow up without a mother’s support and concern. Even though Hyacinth sacrificed her time for Erin’s sake, how is he going to explain the intricacies of fate to Erin? How is he going to explain to his daughter that the main reason why Hyacinth is absent was that Erin traveled to the past and Hyacinth needed to guide and send her back?
Max kept his lips tightly sealed. He learned the painful and heartbreaking way that they should not interfere with the threads, for it comes with consequences.
But he’ll never regret altering the threads, though, because, for the first time, he experienced the joys and the heartbreak that comes with loving a woman like Hyacinth. Max will never regret having a lovable daughter like Erin. He’ll never regret letting Maine meet and marry Philip Mayers. He never regretted anything.
“Sweetie, just be patient. We’ll see mommy soon, okay?”