Our Future

I wake up to the sun in my eyes and Gabriel’s hand resting on my head.

“Good afternoon, Nathan,” he says smiling.

“Afternoon? How long have I been sleeping? What time is it?” I ask turning my head.

“About three so over ten hours. You must have been really tired,” he says still smiling.

But soon his smile disappears and he shifts his injured arm, wincing.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

“Yeah, it’s just painful. But I got shot what can I expect?” he says rubbing my head.

I feel like a little kid. I take his hand in mine and gently kiss it.

“Nathan! Somebody might see!” he says blushing in a high pitched whisper.

“Isn’t it time we told people, anyway?” I ask nervously looking up into his eyes.

He looked as nervous and unsure as I felt. I hated secrets and lying. And no offense; but our mothers, Anna and Sam deserved the truth.

“How are we going to tell them? Walk in and announce it to them?” he says it sarcastically but I can tell he’s still nervous.

I shrug.

“I’m going to go find breakfast,” I say quickly.

“Okay,” he says.

He looks worried and curious at the same time.

I go into the teacher’s lounge and take some canned fruit and then go out the back. I finish the can when I reach the back door at the end of the first floor hall and up a short set of stairs. I stand outside at ground level for a few minutes. It’s really windy and it’s nice.

I turn the MP3 player on and put on “Want that for you” by Jeremy Merrick.

“Fag, Moron, has been loser

That’s it, go on; you don’t have to scream it

I’m right here...

It’s not like I’ve never heard it

It seems like all they’re ever saying

Year after year...

A word or two

Stick like glue

Join along, you know you want to

Break me, burn me, bleed me

Till I’ve got nothing

Bring me down

If they ask you about girlfriends

Just say that your private life is private

Or make a joke

If you tell your family once more, I’m just a friend nothing more

Oh, baby, I’ll make it so...

A word or two, a word or two

Stick like glue, stick like glue

Join along, you know you want to

Break me, burn me, bleed me

Till I’ve got nothing

Bring me down

Then I, I hope you feel good

Cause I feel awful, I feel awful...

And I wouldn’t want that for you

You’ve got the right to say what you want but saying it doesn’t make it right at all

So please don’t

Break me, burn me, bleed me

Till I’ve got nothing

Bring me down

Break me, burn me, bleed me

Till I’ve got nothing

Bring me down

Then I, I hope you feel good

Cause I feel awful, I feel awful

And I wouldn’t want that for you

Don’t wanna take it back

I hope you feel like a big fag cause that’s how I feel every time you’re around

And I don’t want that for you

Fag, Moron, has been loser

That’s it, go on you don’t have to scream it

I’m right here...”

The song is about a guy and his boyfriend and him telling him how to handle the problems and discrimination.

I don’t fully want to tell anybody, yet but I think they deserve the truth. I’m nervous about what their opinion will be. Especially my mother. She didn’t really react when I told her Gabriel was gay so I didn’t know her opinion. I think she’d at least want me to be happy but, I don’t know. I loved him but somehow I didn’t feel that she’d accept that as a justification. The outside world disappeared and I was consumed by my thoughts.

“Did you get lost?” I hear Gabriel say. It makes me jump. He’s standing a few meters away, his injured arm in a sling. I can imagine the fun he had fighting with Cassie to allow him to get out of bed and come look for me.

I glance away nervously.

He sits down on the ground beside me.

He pins me to the ground and that scares me. He’s on top of me.

“You don’t have to do this. You said so yourself. We’ll tell them when we’re ready,” he says quickly resting his head on my chest. “I love you and that’s all that should matter to them. It’s not like we’re deceiving one another,” he says quietly.

“I know that, Gabriel but I’m still worried they’ll catch us,” I say placing a hand on his head.

As much as it is dangerous out here, neither of us seems to care.

“And I’m still a little scared of what their opinion will be and whether they’ll accept us. Especially my mother. She didn’t react when she found out you were gay so I don’t know how she feels about it,” I say quietly.

“She’s your mother. She’s supposed to love you no matter what. You’re her son. Even if she doesn’t like it what is she going to do? You can’t change just because she doesn’t like who you are,” he replies.

I don’t reply.

He was right but he was also braver than me. He’d already come out and the people had shown acceptance. I had fooled myself into thinking I was normal because I was too scared to admit it.

We went back inside the back door and into the woodshop or what used to be the woodshop. It had been renovated before the apocalypse started to be like a smaller second gym. We went up the stairs that were across from the hall where we entered. It was darker up here but nice and quiet.

We settled against the back wall.

I guess I was also afraid of how people would react to us being in a relationship. That and I was afraid I’d upset Gabriel and he’d leave me. I didn’t want to wreck our friendship. I didn’t want to lose him. I glanced at him and then nervously looked away. He noticed and frowned. He leaned closer and watched me. It made me more nervous.

He stole a glance at my lips and then sat back against the wall. He too was nervous about getting caught and embarrassed to express that he loved me just as much as I loved him. I nervously leaned my head on his shoulder again. He stared at my head for a few seconds and then nervously kissed the top of it. It surprised me.

“I... I... I love you,” he whispers it so quietly I can barely hear him.

I lifted my head and kissed him on the cheek.

“I love you, too,” I say.

My heart is beating a thousand miles a minute. Gabriel smiles nervously.

“Nathan!” I here Sam shout as the woodshop door squeals open.

It makes us panic about them catching us but then it makes us worry about them going outside. The children weren’t supposed to leave the first-floor hallway unless they were going to the bathroom or getting food. Who had allowed Sam access to the stairs?

“Gabriel?” I hear Anna call and Gabriel jumps up and race down the stairs.

I follow quickly interested to figure out if Sam broke the rules or if someone had allowed them to come up here.

“What are you doing here? It’s not safe,” says Gabriel as we round the corner to where the door is.

He sounds defiant.

“Farren said we should start checking here, a few days ago,” squeaks Anna.

“I tried to stop her but she insisted and I thought the least I could do was go with her,” replies Sam.

I can see Sam is embarrassed for giving into the tiny girl’s demands.

Gabriel picks Anna up and carries her back down to the hall of the first floor, me and Sam follow. Anna is laughing all the way and I know Gabriel is worried about her and Sam and what bounds they’ll go to find us.

When we reach the first-floor hall our mothers are standing outside room 106. They don’t look especially worried but they do look nervous. We’ve always been known for disappearing, me, Gabriel, Emily, Melody, Quinn, and Arran were always good at it. We could be there one minute and gone the next.

“We found them,” squeaks Anna happily.

“Don’t let them leave this hall alone again. Those stairs lead to a door that goes outside,” he says it annoyed and panicking.

I guess our parents have become rusty since they last had to care for us.

He drops Anna to the ground and she stares up at him in wonder.

“Okay. Calm down,” says my mother coming between Gabriel and his mother. Gabriel side glances her.

“What happened to you?” his mother asks nodding to his arm but it sounds kind of sarcastic.

“I got, freaking, shot,” he curses annoyed. “What’s it to you?”

Sometimes when Gabriel was angry he’d do that. Treat the people who know him best like they didn’t know anything.

“Gabriel,” I say holding him back worrying he’ll start a fight.

“No, she should know how to watch her own kid, I can understand Sam but he’s a little older and knows better than to go outside,” he speaks with an annoyed tone but looks worried and angry.

With me holding Gabriel back and my mother holding Grace off we look at each other.

It’s like, what has happen between these two that has been left unresolved?

Sam is standing off to the side watching and Anna is looking back and forth between her brother and mother.

Emily appears and sees us. Taking a hint she leads the kids away.

“How’d you get shot?” my mother asks still holding Grace back.

“One of our residents tricked me outside by saying he heard screaming. I followed him, he shot me and then, Nathan couldn’t find me for a while so a search was organized and Nathan and Emily and the resistant found me. He tried to shoot Nathan but missed and Nathan returned fire killing him,” explains Gabriel.

“You shot somebody?” asks my mother.

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” I say annoyed.

What kind of world does she think we live in? I’d shot lots of zombies, and people turning into zombies. Now if she had asked me whether or not I’d ever shot someone out of revenge and worry for someone else it’d be a different story.

“What do you want? Sam and Anna came and got us and you haven’t mentioned why,” says Gabriel, he’s about as fed up with this conversation as I am.

“We need to talk,” says my mother quietly.

“You should have thought of that before you made me mad,” says Gabriel and he stalks off. I don’t know where he’s going but I do have variety of ideas as to where.

“What do we need to talk about?” I ask impatient.

I want to go after Gabriel to make sure he doesn’t do anything irrational.

“What happen to him?” asks Grace sniffling. “He used to be so polite, loving and kind. Now he just seems to be angry and annoyed.”

“Well, the apocalypse happened. Losing you happened and many other things you probably don’t know,” I reply.

“Like what?” she asks.

“When he’s ready, he’ll tell you,” I reply.

“What? Ready? Why does he have to get ready?” she asks.

Grace always hated lying and secrets.

I look at my mother pleading her to make Grace stop. Gabriel wasn’t ready to talk and neither was I.

“He’ll tell us when he’s ready, Grace. We have to be patient. Maybe it has something to do with his sexuality. You know that can’t be easy,” says my mother. She’s spot on.

“But I’m his mother. I accepted him. It was his father who had a problem with who he liked. I just want to talk to him. Get to know him and Anna again. It’s been three years. I’m sorry for whatever I did all those years ago. But he’s my son and I just want to know who he is and who Anna and his friends are,” she says starting to cry.

“His friends are basically the same people from three years ago. We don’t exactly find many survivors outside the school. I think we broke a record this week finding five,” I reply.

I’m fed up with them or Grace anyway. She had always been pushy and wanted to know everything Gabriel and Anna did. Making sure they weren’t hanging out with the wrong crowd or breaking the rules which Gabriel did often. Skipping class, staying out late, it was nothing law breaking but by definition he was breaking his parents’ laws. He only did it because he was sick of listening to them and being asked to share every aspect of his life with them. He basically had no privacy or that’s what he told me three and a half years ago.

My mother is the opposite of her. I had no idea how they agreed on so many things when their personalities are so different. She didn’t get angry or yell at me when I was late getting home probably because she knew where I was. I was with Gabriel trying to convince him to go home and come to class more. Everybody had a breaking point and a way of expressing when they reached that breaking point. This was Gabriel’s point and way.

“Go find Gabriel and make sure he doesn’t do anything irrational,” whispers his mother quietly.

“And you two go talk to Anna and Sam about leaving the first floor hall without an adult or someone over fifteen,” I reply.

Fifteen was the age for when you could join the Venturers. The age when you were entrusted with a weapon and lives. The age when you became responsible for others as well. Everyone here fifteen and older carried a weapon. Whether they joined the Venturers or not was their own decision.

I follow the direction Gabriel went which was back down the first floor hall to the office and gym. I assume he went to the gym because I highly doubt he’d go back to lying around in the principal’s office. But the gym is occupied by some people playing sports. It happened every once in a while. People would get really bored and gather a big enough group to play a team activity. Normally, basketball, dodgeball, badminton, volleyball or something else. I and Gabriel hardly ever joined in. The little kids loved it. It was a chance to run around and use pent up energy that was normally used for school or playing outside.

I checked the office but I still couldn’t find Gabriel. Don’t tell me he went outside? He had an injured arm. I know you only need one arm to fire a short range weapon but still.

The headache started coming on and I hoped the vision would show where Gabriel was. I slowly sat down on the couch inside the office. At first it’s blurs of moving people and weapons. I hear a loud banging like gunfire in the background. But it’s too foggy to see much. Suddenly one of the silhouettes runs right in front of me but his features were more notable. It was a blood-covered Gabriel running for his life.

I quickly follow after the figure but I can barely see him in the fog and dust.

“Gabriel,” I call after him.

He turns to look but keeps running after just a glance. The fog engulfs him and I can no longer see my hand in front of my own face. The scenery clears and becomes a forest and not the overgrown plant vegetation of a parking lot or road. An actual forest. It might be overgrown farmland somewhere but I can’t tell. It has many birch, oak, and pine trees. I’m on a dirt path made from wear. I follow what looks to be bloody shoe prints that cover the path to the left of me. The path to the right of me is clean. The wind whispers in my ears.

“Death. Blood. Tragedy. Lost. He’s going to die, Nathan. You either let it happen or save him,” squeaks the wind sarcastically.

Did the wind mean Gabriel?

I see the parking lot reform around me and I see Gabriel’s body lying in the middle. He’s not dead just lying on the cracked pavement breathing hard. He’s still covered in blood and his right hand is holding his .44. I approach him and he sits up and points the gun at me. I freeze. The last time he kept running like I was something to fear. He held me at gunpoint just starring. Neither of us says a word; our eyes are holding each other’s stare waiting for the other to act. But neither of us does and that is where the vision ends.

I didn’t know any forests around here. Gabriel’s family used to have a cabin outside of town but it was an hour by car and two by bike. I can only imagine how long it would take to walk there. I gather myself and take the back door by the cafeteria to the outside. I don’t see Gabriel anywhere here either and I don’t see his feet hanging over any the edges.

I climb the ladders to make sure but he’s not up here. The last place I can think to check, that’s outside is the motel room where I killed Farren. If he’s not there he could have gone to the room with the box cave but I highly doubt it.

I follow the now dry blood trail back to the house and amazingly enough Farren’s body is a witness to Gabriel’s presence. He’s checking out the motel room.

I slowly approach the door and push on it and the rusted hinges squeak. This alerts Gabriel to my presence and he turns to see who it is, his hand is on its holster. I don’t know who he’d thought it’d be.

“How did you find me?” he asks.

“It’s the last place outside of the school that you could have gone to. It was the second last place I was going to check,” I reply.

“What did they want?” he asks turning back to inspect the mess of the motel.

“Your mother wanted to get to know you Anna and who you hung out with again. She wondered why you changed so much and I told her a lot of things happened over the past three years,” I reply again

“Maybe we should tell them so they’ll shut up and leave us alone,” comments Gabriel. “Of course, that’s up to us.”

“My mother suspects it’s something to do with your sexuality so it’s probably only a matter of time before your mother thinks up the real situation and possibly asks,” I reply.

“Our mothers always were perceptive,” he says annoyed.

“Why did you come back here?” I ask.

“To try and figure out why he shot me and tried to shoot you,” he replies. “I think he suspected our relationship and saw it as a sin and so he tried to kill us. He was probably going to kill Emily and say she had turned from the bite attacked and killed us and he had killed her to protect everyone. He probably didn’t think anyone was going to come back here.”

“Why didn’t he try and kill you earlier if he didn’t like that you were gay?” I ask.

“I think he suspected you of being gay but didn’t have any proof because you hadn’t stated it. So he must have caught us and we just didn’t notice and then he tried to kill us.”

“People and their issues with what they think is normal,” I mutter.

“I know. Just because something was one way for a long time doesn’t mean that’s how it’s supposed to be. Things change and people change. We grow and evolve and this is the result now if only people could freaking accept it,” he says in a high-pitched whisper.

“I don’t think that was the only reason he shot at us though. You said he had dark thoughts and he got that weird look like he was excited every time he held or shot a gun. Maybe he was a sociopathic, too. He got off on shooting zombies and people turning into zombies for a long time but then he escalated to live victims. Who knows how many survivors he’s killed? He could have come out here by himself and done who knows what with whomever he likes because no one is around to save them,” I reply.

“Yeah, he was probably really messed up, too,” he comments but his eyes look distant and far away.

I want him to come back to the school. It’s dangerous out here and I don’t know how well I can protect him.

“If you want to we can go back to the school,” I reply quietly hoping he will.

“But it’s so peaceful and quiet out here. Nobody would catch us. Why can’t we just stay here?” he asks quietly still not looking at me.

“Sam, Anna, and our mothers would start worrying and it’s dangerous. Emily and Arran and the rest of them would search for us and if they ever did give up they’d think we we’re dead. Even if you don’t like them that much I think that’s kind of mean. They’re our friends and family, “I say hoping I can convince him.

He looks up at me nervously as if he is unsure how to ask something or he’s worried how I’ll respond.

“Gabriel?” I ask quietly looking at him worried.

I’m concerned I’ve upset him. Or said the wrong thing. He comes closer but then thinks better and backs away and sits on the stairs that lead to the second floor of the motel room.

“Are you okay?” I ask kneeling down beside him.

He surprises me by kissing me, I return his kiss. And then we stare at each other for a few seconds.

“I’m fine as long as my friends, family and lover are around,” he whispers.

He’d been awake when Emily and I were talking. That was the only time I’d called him my lover.

“Don’t blame yourself for things you couldn’t control. I should have come back for back up so don’t think Farren shooting me is your fault. It’s not,” he says brushing his fingers against my face. “You were tired and you went to sleep. If you stayed up and watched me every hour of the day you’d kill yourself and then nobody would be happy.”

He was a lot like Emily. He knew what to say and how to say it but he didn’t know how to say it without it being recognizable to me.

I smile and laugh and he looks at me confused. It makes me laugh more and it makes him wonder what’s so funny.

He was definitely awake when me and Emily started talking which means he was probably also awake when I kissed his hand and said I loved him which is probably why he got the courage to say it to me.