Our Fault (Culpable Book 3)

I guess I’d known it was going to happen, but I’d never thought it would affect me. Nick was the one they wanted to talk about, but as soon as they found out I was expecting, the journalists wouldn’t leave me alone.

Nicholas was furious and kept insisting we leave my apartment and go to his, where it was more secure. Eventually we had no choice. It had been less traumatic than I’d expected telling everyone about my pregnancy, my friends and professors all knew, but that wasn’t the same as being on the news.

At first, it was just Nick, Nick, Nick, and how we were stepbrother and stepsister, and all the stuff about our parents… We were like circus freaks being gawked at by the masses, and once they had said everything they could about him, they turned to me, my appearance, my clothes… It was just crazy. I almost fainted when I saw us on the cover of a gossip rag. The headline said, The golden bachelor, Nicholas Leister, has finally settled down and will be a father at twenty-four years old. Are those wedding bells we hear?

I couldn’t believe it.

The day I saw that, I arrived home angrier than ever. I didn’t want to be in the public eye, and I sure as hell didn’t want my life being sold for people’s morbid curiosity like I was a star in a soap opera.

I walked out of the elevator and found Nick in his workout area, and all my anger disappeared when I saw him there shirtless, sweating, and lifting a weight with his left arm, following the rehab routine his physical therapist had given him.

How could we not be in the news with him looking like a Hollywood star?

I watched him, entranced, until he noticed my presence. He smiled and dropped his dumbbell on the ground between his legs.

“Hey, Freckles,” he said, grabbing a towel next to him and wiping off his face and arms.

I could just as well have told him not to bother, that I loved the sight of the sweat dripping down his abs, but instead I just stood there and let him get up and come to me.

“Everything okay?” he asked, giving me a peck on the cheek.

That was something that had been bothering me, more than I liked to let on: neither of us was touching the other apart from a few tender little kisses. I was scared he wouldn’t want to because his wounds still hurt, but if he was able to lift weights, what was stopping him from doing all the things that passed through my head every night as I lay by his side?

Maybe he didn’t like me as much as he used to; my belly kept us apart… Just the thought of him finding me unattractive horrified me.

Nick pushed a strand of hair behind my ear and grimaced. “What’s eating at you?” he asked, looking at me with those eyes that drove me wild.

I wanted to kiss him all over, touch that hard, defined stomach, wanted him to ram me against the wall and fuck me for once. But I decided to keep my mouth shut. I wasn’t going to ask for something he clearly didn’t want to give.

“Nothing. I’m tired. I’m going to shower.” I turned around to walk out, but Nick stopped me, scanning my face for a sign, a clue that would tell him what was going on.

“Is it the journalists?” he asked, planting a soft kiss behind my ear.

“No… I just want to shower and go to bed.”

He put his hands on my shoulders and held me there, a reassuring expression on his face. “Noah, they’ll get tired of us… It’s just a matter of time till they start stalking some other couple. This is Hollywood.”

He tried to calm me down by stroking my arm, but I was pissed now, and I stopped him.

“Don’t touch me like I’m a fucking doll, Nicholas.”

His eyes opened wide with surprise as I pulled away from his grasp and walked off down the hall.

I looked at the bed…that fucking bed where he must have done it all with Sophia Aiken. That only made me madder. Maybe he wasn’t attracted to me anymore. But he could at least try to fake it.

As I took my pajamas out of the drawer, he appeared in the doorway and stared at me, leaning against the frame.

“What did you mean by that?”

“Nothing,” I said, wanting to take off my clothes but embarrassed to have him watch me. I could feel tears stinging my eyes, but I used all my self-control to keep them from falling. Still, I gave myself away, and that made me feel more pathetic than ever.

“Noah…” he said, walking closer.

“Look, I get that you don’t find me attractive, okay? But if you don’t want to touch me, at least don’t treat me like I’m your fucking little sister, Nicholas.”

I tried to go to the bathroom, but he stopped me and pushed me against the wall, putting a hand on either side of my head and staring me in the eyes.

“What the hell are you getting at?” Those words had hurt him as much as uttering them had hurt me.

I took a deep breath, trying to keep my hormones in check when he was so close, so handsome, and not even fully dressed.

“I’m talking about the fact that you haven’t touched me in months. I know I’m huge now and probably that doesn’t do it for you, but I’m not made of stone, you know? You’re over there lifting weights, waiting for me half naked like I don’t have eyes, like I’m just some dumb pregnant woman who can only think about crying babies, diapers, and cradles. But I have my needs, too! Did you ever think about that? My hormones are out of control, and you won’t—”

He hushed me with a deep kiss. I closed my eyes, and everything I was saying suddenly evaporated from my mind. He pressed me into the wall with his body, and our tongues intertwined. He was hard. I almost melted in his arms. Breath labored, he stood back, glaring.

“I still can’t grasp what the hell goes on in that head of yours, Freckles, but if you ever insinuate that you don’t turn me on, I’ll get mad; it’s an insult, and I won’t stand for it. If I haven’t touched you since we’ve been back, it’s because I thought you didn’t want it. It had nothing to do with me not wanting you.”

My heart sped up.

“Why wouldn’t I want you?” I asked. “I was waiting for you to get better, but you never once showed me that you were interested, and Nicholas, that’s never happened before.”

“Jesus, Noah…you just don’t get it.”

He reached under my dress and pulled it over my head. I was trembling with anticipation, and with fear that he wouldn’t like the changes my body had undergone.

He looked me up and down, examining my new curves. “So…what is it you want me to do?”

“What?!” I shouted.

“Apparently, I haven’t been taking care of my girlfriend’s needs… So tell me what you want, and I’ll do it.”

If he hadn’t been devouring me with his eyes, and I hadn’t seen the clear outline of an erection in his pants, I’d have thought he was saying it because he felt obligated to…but no. I knew that look better than anyone.

“Touch me,” I said, quivering as I awaited his caress.

“Where, Freckles? There are a lot of places I could touch you, and I sure don’t want to treat you like a little sister.”

He stroked my cheek. But I didn’t want some cheesy petting, so I grabbed his hand and brought it down inside my underwear, where he fingered that part of me that had needed him so badly.

He smiled. “Here? You like that?” He was enjoying his effect on me, and so was I. He bit my ear, hard.

I closed my eyes. “Yes,” I said, throwing my head back.

His tongue reentered my mouth, tasting me, exploring me, his teeth almost gnawing, as if he’d never needed contact with me more than in that instant.

I licked him all over, from his chin to his jawline, feeling his pulse racing in that vein on his neck—racing for me. He grunted as I descended to his shoulder. His fingers were deep inside me now… He lifted me up with his free arm and, with fire in his eyes, said, “Noah, I want to make love to you… Can I? Tell me if I can. I don’t want to do anything that might—”

I shook my head. “The baby will be fine,” I responded, panting and emitting a moan when his fingers slid out. “Don’t stop…” I reached down and touched him over his pants.

He hissed as he laid me on the bed. He tore off his pants. Okay, I admit it, I’d been wrong about him not wanting me… “No one else could ever turn me on like this, Noah.”

He bent over me, grabbed the elastic of my panties, and pulled them off frantically.

“Turn over,” he said. “I don’t want to crush you; I want to make sure you’re comfortable.”

I did as he said, and he got behind me. He unbuttoned my bra and kissed every inch of my back. Now my belly didn’t come between us. He slid inside me gently, and I thought I’d lose my mind. I closed my eyes, trying not to scream.

Nick grabbed a pillow and put it under me so I’d be more comfortable, and then he started moving…

I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I shouted as our bodies ground together in unison, faster and faster until I let all that suppressed longing explode in a roar of pleasure. Months of tension seeped out of me, and I wished we could just keep doing it until I no longer had the strength to move. And Nick obliged me; he didn’t stop—he kept thrusting and kissing my back.

Finally we both came, me groaning into the pillow, him biting my left shoulder.

I fell asleep almost instantly.

I don’t know how much time passed until I opened my eyes, but when I did, I was under the covers and curled up beside him, while he ran his hand up and down my bare back.

When he noticed I was awake, he smiled. “I lost you for a while, Freckles.”

I laughed. “I think I fainted from pleasure.”

“Oh yeah?” he asked, turning me onto my back and positioning himself over me, careful not to make me bear his weight.

“I missed you, Nick,” I said, tugging on a lock of his hair.

“I could tell,” he said, kissing me on the lips. “But not as much as I missed you, Freckles.”

Andrew kicked just then, as if to remind me he was there. I frowned, and Nick looked at me with worry.

“It’s nothing, the baby’s just moving,” I said.

He rolled over, leaning his head on his palm, and observed me, totally in love.

“What’s it feel like?” he asked, reaching over and touching my stomach.

I watched his hand and thought it over. “It’s strange…especially when he does it really suddenly.”

Nick listened closely, then kissed my belly, and I felt all warm inside.

“I can’t wait to meet him,” he said, hugging me close.

Same, I thought to myself.

One day I wrapped up an exam and found Nick parked outside waiting for me. He looked excited, but I didn’t know why. I was happy, too—that was one more class I wouldn’t have to deal with.

Fifteen minutes later, we were in a part of town I’d never been to before. There were lots of tall buildings, but not exactly what you’d call high-rises. It was a nice area, with palm trees on the streets and well-tended yards. Nick parked in front of a discreet white house. It had a wraparound porch and wood steps leading to the door. It was two stories. It looked like something from a fairy tale.

“You like?”

I looked around, a little confused.

“It’s not really your style,” I responded. Nick was a guy who liked big downtown apartments with floor-to-ceiling windows or mansions overlooking the beach.

“No, it isn’t. I bought it with you in mind.”

I couldn’t believe what he was saying. “You did what?”

He got out of the car and came around to help me out. Then he took some keys from his back pocket and dangled them in front of my face.

“You’ve got two more years of school, Noah. I don’t want you to have to give up anything, and if I have to leave New York, move in with you, and wait while you figure out what you want to do with your life, I will. I know what I want, my future is settled, and in part, that’s because I had the time to think and do things the conventional way. You’re the one thing I was missing in life, and I’m going to adapt to you until you’re ready to make changes. I don’t want to drag you off to something that’s my taste because that’s not who you are. I always thought I’d want to live the way I grew up, but I don’t want thousands of square feet dividing us, my love. I want to look up and see you whenever I want. This house is yours. It’s my gift to you.”

I shook my head. I didn’t know what to say. The house was precious, cozy, perfect—the very house I would have chosen to start a family in.

Nick continued. “You’re going to have Andrew soon, and I know you don’t want to live in my apartment. So, Noah, please, accept this gift.”

He didn’t give me time to respond before tugging my hand and taking me up to the door. He opened it, and we stepped into what would be our new home.

The afternoon sun left a trail of orange light across the floor of the living room. It was furnished with white sofas on a gleaming wood floor. The spaces were diaphanous, with big windows giving a view of the mountains. The more Nick showed me, the more I loved it. We walked upstairs to our future bedroom. It was big, with a giant bed in the middle. The white curtains let in the sunlight. The roof had exposed wooden beams. The bathroom was black marble with a big tub and a separate shower. Maybe it wasn’t a mansion, but every single detail was taken care of.

We crossed a small hallway. At the end of it was a kind of sitting room with a window looking out on to the backyard. There were doors on either side. He opened the one on the right and invited me in.

“This will be our baby’s room… I thought you’d like it.”

It was precious. Everything was painted white, with the same wood floors as downstairs. He hadn’t furnished it yet, apart from a little bench under the window, the kind you can open to store toys inside.

I smiled. I could see Andrew. I could see us. I could see our baby in that room sleeping placidly, playing, crying, laughing. I could see the three of us sharing our finest moments. This would be our house, our home, our little corner of the world.

“I love it!” I shouted and turned around.

Nick kissed me. In his eyes, I could see feelings he was trying to keep from overwhelming him. “I want to give you everything, Noah… I want you to be happy with me and for us to raise that little boy the way our parents didn’t manage to raise us.”

“This was a nice way for you to escape my loft,” I said, laughing.

“The house is in your name,” he added. “I don’t want you to worry about anything except for the baby and all the things you wanted to do before you got pregnant. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure that your life remains your life…”

I shut him up with a kiss.

“Thanks, Nick,” I said. “You’ve really made me happy. I love you.”

After another round of hugs and kisses, we spent the afternoon planning how we wanted to arrange the place and when we would actually move.

My new life had started, and I was loving it.

The first week of month eight I spent at school, more or less. I no longer cared if people were looking at me every time I entered or left the library, and I learned that the best thing to do when you knew people were talking about you was just to ignore all of it.

Everyone got used to it, and people helped me out whenever they could: carrying my backpack or my laptop, even buying my lunch. My belly was the star attraction in my department. Everyone wanted to touch it, everyone wanted to know when the baby was coming… Meanwhile, I was starting to notice the challenges. Andrew had almost tripled in size, and I felt like a walking barn.

Nick didn’t like me spending so much time outside the house, but I only had a week left until summer vacation. I needed to get through this final push. Soon, I’d have a newborn at home, and I wanted to make sure I didn’t have to add to that burden by retaking any of my classes.

At the library one day, something happened that had already happened months before—I ran into Michael.

We stared at each other for a few seconds, and I went on walking, intending to go past him on my way out. But he blocked my path and looked at me with something I hadn’t seen in him before: disgust.

“So you let him knock you up… That’s a pretty pathetic way to lock him down, don’t you think?”

That stung.

“Leave me alone,” I demanded.

He caught my arm as I tried to go around him. I struggled to get away but couldn’t.

“Did your boyfriend tell you he and I ran into each other?”

I froze.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have done what I did, though…”

I was about to take out my phone and call Steve to come get me when Charlie, Michael’s brother, came over.

“Noah!” he said, completely ignoring the tension between Michael and me.

I forced a smile as he hugged me tight.

“Jeez, you’re huge!” he said, laughing.

I wanted to run away, I couldn’t stand Michael’s stare, and even if I was happy to see Charlie, I’d sworn something to Nick, and I wasn’t about to break my word.

“Charlie, it’s great to see you, but I’ve got to go…” I said.

He looked at his brother, who was now standing a few steps away, and nodded, sighing.

“Call me when you can. This is my new number,” Charlie said, scribbling his number on a scrap of paper and handing it to me. Then he leaned in and whispered in my ear, “We’ve got a lot to talk about.”

Trying to remain calm, I nodded and left.

Something told me this wasn’t going to be the last time Michael gave me trouble.