Our Fault (Culpable Book 3)

Thank God, Nick responded to treatment, and two days later, he was out of the ICU. They relaxed about the visits, and I was finally able to see him. He was sedated and had bandages all over his torso. His left arm was in a cast and immobilized. He had a shadow of stubble on his face, which gave him a disheveled look I’d never seen before.

I was able to go in alone. It was for the best because seeing him lying there so weak and fragile broke my heart. I felt the deepest hate for the man who had done this to Nick. I ran a hand through his dark hair, hoping to get a response. But the response didn’t come.

I didn’t cry, though; I don’t know why. I just stayed there looking, memorizing his traits, wanting to hug him and knowing I couldn’t because it would hurt.

Now I would be the one to hug him too tightly…it was ironic how things changed.

I sat next to him and took his hand.

“Nick…” I said with a knot in my throat. “I need you to get better, okay? I had so much to tell you already, and now…”

I bit my lip and tried to see if he reacted somehow, if a miracle would happen the way it always did in the movies. His eyes remained closed, and I kept talking; I didn’t want to go crazy in that funereal silence interrupted only by the beeping of machines.

“Our parents know about Mini-Me… My mother nearly freaked, but I guess you lying here helped her decide not to kill me for getting pregnant.”

I told him about his father’s reaction, about how the phone wouldn’t stop ringing with people asking how Nick was. I told him the police had caught the guy who did it and said he could relax because Steve had brought in two security guards to make sure nothing like that would happen again. I talked about myself, about how surprised he’d be when he opened his eyes and saw me, about our baby and how he was kicking like a soccer player… It didn’t matter how much I said, Nick just stayed there with his eyes closed while I faded and faded into a shadow of what I once was, so far gone that I wondered if anyone would even recognize me.

“Noah, honey, you need to rest,” my mother warned me, patting me on the head. I was lying in a loveseat in Nick’s room and had my head in her lap. “Everyone’s left the hospital to shower and get some rest. You need to sleep in a bed, honey; this isn’t good for you or the baby.”

“I don’t want to leave him alone,” I said, looking over at him.

The doctors were afraid the loss of blood and oxygen after the shooting might have caused neurological damage. Everything was in limbo, and all we could do was wait.

Wake up, please, I need to see those blue eyes, I need to hear your voice again.

“He won’t be alone, Noah: Will and I won’t leave his side. Lion said he’d be back in half an hour, and Jenna said she’d take you to Nick’s place and stay with you. Please, just go rest for a few hours…”

Lion and Jenna had come as soon as they could and hadn’t left our side except to get some sleep themselves.

My mother was right, I was exhausted; I’d barely slept in four days. I was terrified of closing my eyes, then waking up and finding out Nick was no longer there.

“What if he wakes up and I’m not here…?”

“Noah, if he opens his eyes, you’ll be the first person I call. Please. If Nick could talk right now, he’d be furious to know what terrible care you’re taking of yourself…”

I finally agreed, despite myself. I gave Nick a kiss on the cheek to say goodbye and left his room, looking for Jenna.

Steve drove us both to the apartment. I hadn’t been there since right after Jenna’s wedding. Walking back in, I couldn’t forget what we’d done there, the things we’d said… Those walls didn’t house good memories, and I struggled to remember the days when Nick and I couldn’t keep our hands off each other and Nick gave me everything I needed and more. I didn’t want to be there anymore. Let alone without him.

“Take a shower, and I’ll make us some dinner,” Jenna said with an unconvincing smile.

Nick was like a big brother to her. I’d seen her crying and hugging Lion when they got to the hospital, and I knew they were doing no better than I was. I nodded and went upstairs. In the bathroom, I stripped naked slowly. My eyes were focused on the mirror in front of me. It was obvious I was pregnant. I got in the shower, washed my hair, brushed my teeth. When I got out, I put on black leggings and grabbed one of Nick’s sweaters from the closet. It smelled like him. That calmed me down, gave me hope.

Jenna and I had dinner in silence on the sofa, with the TV on in the background. I wasn’t really hungry, but I forced myself to eat everything on my plate. Then I went to Nick’s room, hugged the pillow, smelled his traces there, and closed my eyes, trying to sleep.

A few hours later, Jenna woke me up with a smile. “Noah, he’s awake!”

I jumped out of bed so fast, I almost fell.

Oh my God! Oh my God! Nick’s awake!