Our Fault (Culpable Book 3)

Even with Nick gone and a couple of hours of sleep under my belt, I woke with an upset stomach and a strong desire to puke. I almost fell out of bed running toward the bathroom.

I was so tired that I didn’t even realize I had work that day. I had black goo in the corners of my eyes, huge bags under them, and streams of old makeup on my face. I did what I could with my base and blush, trying to work magic to hide my raggedness. I grabbed my bag, my coat, and my car keys and scampered out of the apartment. The last thing I wanted was to give Nick a reason to fire me. Nick: the mere thought of him brought back that kiss from the night before. As I was driving, I looked at my messages—I know, you’re not supposed to—and found ten missed calls from Simon.

Shit!

I’d forgotten I wasn’t technically single anymore. And what the hell was I going to tell him now? That my ex-boyfriend had taken me home after basically licking my tonsils?

I needed a coffee. That would help me think clearly, help me face the consequences of the night before. But just when I walked in and turned toward the elevator, I saw him. Nick, in a suit, staring down at his cell phone and waiting for the elevator, too. I took a deep breath, cursed my luck, and stopped beside him. I thought of taking the stairs, but fourteen floors while I was hungover wasn’t really my idea of a good time. I tried to stand still as he looked away from his phone and toward me.

Fuck. If only I were one of those people who got amnesia after they drank. That would make the situation less uncomfortable.

“What are you doing here?”

“I work here,” I said with a grimace.

Ignoring my impertinence, he said, “I figured you’d stay home; you were a wreck yesterday.”

“Well, I didn’t really want to give you a reason to fire me,” I responded, ignoring his presence as best I could and walking into the empty elevator as soon as the doors opened.

He pocketed his phone and followed me. “How are you?” he asked. There was something odd in his voice.

“I’m fine,” I said, surprised he was worrying about me.

Yesterday things had gotten out of hand again. I had provoked it, I knew, but I’d never thought he’d fall for it the way he did.

You should chuck it… Those words don’t mean anything anymore.

His words returned to my mind as though drawn up from a dense fog. Why had he said that? To hurt me? If he really thought those words were meaningless now, why the hell had he kissed me again? Why had he taken me home to make sure I was okay? Why had he asked me how I was just now?

This had to end. I couldn’t just keep stumbling blindly.

Without thinking about what I was doing, I stepped forward and hit the red Stop button. The elevator made an eerie clanging sound, beeped, and paused.

I turned to Nick. He was surprised and confused.

“Why?” I asked him, crossing my arms, wanting so much to protect myself in front of him, and feeling as if the only way to do so was to put a barrier between us.

“Why what?”

“Why did you kiss me?”

He stared, but he didn’t speak.

“You shouldn’t have done it,” I continued.

His eyebrows arched. “I didn’t hear you complaining.”

I could feel myself turning red.

“Now I guess you’ll try and pretend that little number you did on the dance floor wasn’t for my benefit?”

I tried to feign indignation. “You’re not the center of the universe, Nick. It had nothing to do with you,” I lied. “Anyway, what does it matter? This is the second time you’ve come on to me… You’re the one who’s after me; you did it at your dad’s house, you did it last night, and I don’t like it. You’re playing with my head, and—”

“And what?” he interrupted, coming forward. I stood my ground this time: I was going to deal with this situation. I was tired of the emotional ups and downs I felt every time we saw each other, every time I thought I could forget him and then he showed up and made me question my judgment.

“I’m tired of this, Nicholas. You and I are in the past, and I’m trying to move forward.”

He didn’t seem to care for that. “Move forward? With Simon?” There was poison in each of his words.

“With Simon or with whoever… I deserve to be happy, too,” I affirmed. “I want you and me both to be happy, Nicholas, and if Simon—”

He didn’t let me finish the phrase. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me so close, our toes touched. “Say it again. Tell me that Simon gives you the same things I do.”

I felt my oxygen give out, being so close to him. His scent intoxicated me, and I tried to stand back to regain control, but he stopped me, putting a hand on my back and driving me into him.

“Someday, I’ll be with someone else, Nicholas. You can’t just keep anyone from ever touching me, forcing me to be there for you whenever you feel like it. I’m with Simon, just like you’re with Sophia. You need to accept that.” Even her stupid name tasted bitter in my mouth. “Remember her, Sophia? Your girlfriend?” I added with disgust.

His expression changed, and for a few seconds that seemed never to end, I watched the fury my words provoked seep into him. “You’re playing with fire, Noah.”

“I’m not playing anything; you’re the one who’s trying to play the field.”

He laughed acidly. “Funny you should be the one to say that, don’t you think?”

Always with the same shit. Dammit! Would he never stop reminding me?

I reached out and hit the button again, and the elevator returned to motion while we fought. Before the doors opened, I made one last comment:

“No matter how much this hurts…we both knew this moment was going to come.”

For the first time since we’d broken up, I wanted him gone.

I turned right and headed for Simon’s office. I owed him an explanation. When I walked in, he was leaning on his desk, his arms crossed, his face worried.

“What happened last night, Noah?” he asked when he saw me. “One minute you tell me you’re going to the bathroom, and the next I’m worried sick and looking all over for you… I thought something had happened to you. For real, don’t do anything like that again.”

“Sorry, I know I left you hanging, it’s just…”

“I was looking for you for an hour until some guy in a suit jacket came to tell me you’d gone home… Why’d you leave?”

Shit. I felt so guilty… I’d been a complete fucking idiot, and now I was risking my relationship with Simon even though it had only just started.

I stepped forward, uncertain, worried about losing something that actually seemed to be going right for me for once.

“I got super sick; I’m almost too embarrassed to tell you. I wish I could just say I had to leave because of an emergency or because one of my friends broke up with her boyfriend and called me to cry it out or, like, I twisted my ankle and had to go straight to the emergency room, but the truth is, I drank too much. I don’t want you to think I’m a little girl who can’t hold her liquor, but that’s the deal: I was drunk…and I promise you my hangover right now is punishment enough. Please forgive me.”

I took a deep breath to get over my monologue and saw that Simon’s expression had returned to normal. He walked around his desk and stopped a foot away from me.

“Next time, tell me, and I’ll be sure to get you home safe and sound… I know we’ve just known each other for a few weeks, but I like you, and I want you to trust me if you’re ever in a bind.”

Boys and girls, this was what a mature reaction looked like.

I smiled, not utterly sincere. He wrapped a hand around my waist and pulled me close.

“I had a good time last night. Sorry you can’t say the same.”

“I was fine until my third shot. That’s where the wheels came off. The rest of it was great, though. Honestly, I can’t believe what a wonderful time I had.”

Simon’s hand climbed the back of my ultramarine blouse, and he pulled me close. After my argument with Nick, I wanted, needed, for this thing with Simon to work out. He kissed me tenderly. I grabbed him around the neck and made him do it hard. I needed to forget, one way or another, that other man who was just a few feet away.

We were breathing fast as we pulled back. Simon smiled.

“Am I forgiven?” I asked.

“If this is what happens afterward, you can get in trouble more often!”

I laughed just as the door opened. It was Nick’s secretary.

“Mr. Leister has scheduled a meeting in an hour. He’d like everyone to be there.”

The meeting was torture. I was in charge of the PowerPoint, which meant I had to stand at the front of the room while everyone else was gawking at me from their seats, Nick especially. If he didn’t watch out, Simon and everyone else in the office would get suspicious, and that was the last thing I wanted. When we thought the meeting was over, Nick got up and asked us all to stay a bit longer.

“I want to bring up a touchy subject, but one that I think is important.” We all looked at him attentively, uncertain why he’d turned so cold. “I don’t know if some of you are unfamiliar with our company policy, and for that reason, I’ve made copies for everyone present, and I expect all of you to inform your respective staffs. The upshot of all this is, as I shouldn’t need to remind you, fraternization between employees is strictly prohibited.”

Nick looked professional and distant, and an uncomfortable silence overtook the room. I looked over at Simon, who was glaring at Nick.

“This is and has always been a rule in all the companies my family has run, and I think it’s a necessary one to keep everything running smoothly.” Nick’s eyes scanned the room, resting longer than necessary on Simon and me. “If that’s clear to everyone, you can all get back to work. Thank you.”

I could hear murmurs as everyone tried to rush out as quickly as possible.

How absurd!

Simon stood, but with no intention of leaving the room, while Nicholas packed his things in his suitcase. Seeing us there, he set his pencil down on the glass table and stood tall, ready to hear whatever Simon had to say.

“You know something, Nicholas?” Simon walked around the table, his chin held high.

I was nervous, unsure what to say or do. I shouldn’t have made out with him the other night, not in front of Nick, at least, and I sure as hell shouldn’t have brought it back up in the elevator. I had served him the opportunity to reprimand us on a goddamned platter!

“I think it’s just peachy for you to order your employees to obey your stupid rules, but you’re forgetting something: I’m a partner here, so anything you have to say about my private life, you can stick straight up your ass.”

That verbal attack didn’t faze Nicholas one bit. It even seemed to egg him on.

“I have a seventy percent share here, Baxwell, ten, so that leaves you with twenty. Our contract stipulates very clearly that the company is a subsidiary of Leister Enterprises. But hey, if you want to call a board meeting—excuse me, a meeting with me and my associates—go right ahead; you won’t get any pushback from me.”

Shit.

“Nicholas, you’re being unfair,” I said between clenched teeth. I couldn’t believe what was happening.

“If either of you two ever manages to actually run a company, you can do with it what you please, but in the meanwhile, these are the rules. If I see either of you in a compromising situation again, or if I even suspect you are having some kind of romantic relationship, you’ll both be out on your asses. Understood?”

I felt bad for Simon, I could see he wanted to bash Nicholas’s face in but couldn’t. Even if Nick deserved it, he couldn’t hit his partner; he couldn’t do anything, and he couldn’t say anything. He’d pushed things as it was, and Nicholas was most likely angling for an excuse to push him out.

Simon took his things and walked out, slamming the door.

I was still standing there like a fool, my blood boiling, feeling angry and powerless. I hated Nick just then for being so selfish, for not wanting me for himself but not giving me to anyone else, for playing with me even though he knew my heart was constantly crying out to him.

“You want to stomp out that door like a teenager, too? Be my guest.”

“What the hell is up with you?” I shouted.

“I’m trying to run a company,” he said with a scowl. “And I’m not about to let you sleep with one of the partners.”

“It’s none of your business!” I screamed.

“You’re amazing. Sometimes I have to struggle to remember why I ever fell in love with you. When I think about it, I remember the sex. Fine, it was good, but in no way does it compensate for all the shit you put me through.”

Since when was this a conversation about us?!

“You say that like you’re some kind of goddamned saint. Let me remind you that I slept with someone else because you intentionally made me believe you’d done it with two other girls behind my back. I made a mistake, but what’s your excuse?! What do you have to say for yourself, Nicholas?! How many women have you banged since we broke up? Even me, for God’s sake. I let you do whatever you wanted with me when you were with someone else! I’ve hit the bottom with you; I’m letting you treat me like your property or a fucking toy you can pick up and dick around with when you get bored. You won’t let me get on with my life! Could you possibly be more selfish?!”

My hands were shaking as Nicholas walked around the table… It had been rash, but I’d needed to say that, and that was only the beginning of all I had buried inside.

“You know why? Because there’s no way I’m going to let you move on until I have. That’s how things are. I don’t want to see you happy. I don’t want to see you with anyone. I’m not fucking done with you!”

I shoved him as hard as I could and walked to the other end of the room.

“You won’t touch me again,” I said. My words provoked a predatory gleam in his eyes. “You think you can just do whatever you want with me, but you’re wrong. As long as you’re with another woman, yesterday’s kiss is the last one.”

He cornered me, resting his hands against the wall on either side of my head. “I can’t stand seeing you with that jerkoff; it drives me crazy.” His eyes were glowing with passion and determination.

I laughed. “You know, it’s not like I love seeing you with Sophia.”

He ignored me and brought his face close to mine. “I need to be inside you,” he said, completely shameless.

“No.”

He gave me one of those half smiles I used to like so much.

“You know perfectly well I can make you change your mind so fast, you won’t know what happened.” He ran his thumb along my cheek and across my lower lip. I grabbed his hand and pulled it away.

“I’m not going to play this game. Not this time. This is going nowhere, Nicholas. We’re just going to hurt each other worse, and I’ve suffered as much as my body can take. I’m not dragging more people into this. You’re with Sophia; I’ve got something with Simon. That’s just how it is.”

Nicholas shook his head. Great—he was angry again. “You don’t have a goddamned thing with him, Noah. And you’re not going to. At least not here.”

I looked around. If that was the deal… “Fine. I quit.”

He froze.

I walked out, shutting the door behind me.

That was that. I had no more reason to see him.