Our Fault (Culpable Book 3)

Part 2 – Getting Over It… Or Something

You could say I’d been stupid, a fool…or that what little self-esteem I still had wasn’t enough for me to keep going. Either way, Nick’s words cut me deep. I believed them. Let’s leave it at that.

After my stay in New York, where I didn’t budge from my room until it was time to go to the airport, I went back to my apartment, feeling like the most miserable idiot on the face of the earth.

Nick and Sophia… Sophia and Nick… God, it fucking hurt so badly just thinking about it, especially knowing they’d lied to me for so long. But I wasn’t an idiot. Nicholas had loved me; there was no doubting that. The best actor in the world couldn’t have faked the way he felt. Still, it was easy to imagine him falling for her.

I was a wreck when I reached Los Angeles, but I was no longer scared. I’d gone almost a year without seeing Nick. Then the wedding came, and I’d learned to hope, had made myself believe that if we saw each other again, he wouldn’t be able to keep on ignoring what he felt for me. I’d tried to grab hold of him, had gotten burned, and now realized there was nothing left to hold on to.

Back in my apartment, I noticed I had a missed call from Mom. She probably wanted to know if I’d made it home all right, and even though I knew she wouldn’t ask, I imagined she wanted to make sure I wasn’t a disaster after seeing Nick again.

It hadn’t been easy to repair my relationship with my mother. In the months after the breakup, I didn’t only have to admit Nick was gone and had left me, I also had to deal with a bad family situation. That night, the night of the anniversary of Leister Enterprises, I learned things that changed my perspective, especially as far as my mom went—things that made me hate everything about her.

Talking to her again was the hardest thing. At first, I didn’t want to look at her; I refused to even let her into my apartment. If it weren’t for Jenna’s support, I don’t know how I’d have emerged from the bottomless pit I’d fallen into. A few months after Nick left for New York, I decided to pick up the phone, and after lots and lots of talking, my mom told me her side of the story. She said she hadn’t meant to start a relationship with William. She was working in a hotel at the time. I was six, and things with Dad were falling apart. One day they asked her to take room service up to a guest. It wasn’t her job, but one of the waitresses was sick, and she had to fill in. The guest turned out to be William—William Leister, but thirteen years younger than now, rich, handsome, attractive, with the whole world in his hands. I’d seen Nick, so I could imagine what my mother must have seen in William back then. She had been just twenty-four at the time, and she’d never been with a man apart from my dad. She’d gotten pregnant when she was young, hadn’t been able to enjoy her youth, and had become responsible as soon as she’d found out she was going to have a child. When William started flirting with her, her world turned upside down. No one had ever treated her like that, telling her all those sweet nothings, giving her flowers… My father was an asshole; he always had been, even before he started losing his shit.

So they had an affair, and William didn’t even learn of my father’s existence until six years later. William had thought he’d been the only one who was cheating. They didn’t see each other often, just when he went to Canada, and when they met, it was basically… Well, you can imagine.

When she got the call telling her I was in the hospital, almost bleeding to death, William discovered all that my mother had hidden. The bruises, she’d covered up with makeup; plus my father never hit her in the face, or at least tried not to, because he didn’t want anyone to know what was happening in our home. For the rest, my mother always told William they should do it with the lights off.

William was shocked. Even in his worst nightmares, he’d never imagined the woman who drove him wild, who had changed everything for him, the woman he’d leave everything for, was married, with a kid and an abusive husband…

At that point, everything got complicated. My mother lost custody of me, briefly, and the guilt consumed her. Worse than the abuse she’d suffered was the fact that she wasn’t allowed to care for me… She ended things with William, turned her back on the world, started drinking so much, she had to go to rehab, which William paid for. After months in treatment, months when I was in an orphanage, they let her have me again.

My mother didn’t want to see Will anymore. Never, she told herself, would she make that same mistake again. She swore from that moment on, she’d live for me and me alone.

“I’ve never forgiven myself for what happened that night, Noah,” she confessed, choking on tears. “Your father had never laid a hand on you, and I…I was stupid, I was blinded by my love for Will. In those days, you and he were the only ones who could make me happy. We barely ever saw each other, and when we did, I was so happy. I felt so special…so alive. William was only going to be in town that night, and I needed to see him… I needed him like the air I breathed.”

That day, I held the phone to my ear, thinking about how what my mother was saying was exactly like what I felt for Nick. I understood her, I understood the need to escape at least, and I was aware that I couldn’t just condemn her forever. She had been there for me always, had made sacrifices so I could study, so I could have a better life.

I forgave her in the end. I had to. She was my mother. Our relationship wasn’t the way it was before, but I went home, at least, we ate together, and I cried… I cried a lot, she hugged me, she told me she was sorry, and that she was sorry for what had happened with Nick. I told myself what I’d had with Nicholas had been real. Life might have caused problems, a lack of trust that separated us, but it had been real.

I dropped my bags on my bed and tried to touch the pendant that had been my anchor all that time, and when I remembered it wasn’t there anymore, I let my hand fall with sorrow.

I had to keep going. After all, he had.

The months after that were better than I had expected. School and work distracted me. I didn’t hear from Nicholas again. Not firsthand, anyway. Of course, the news that Nicholas Leister was going out with Senator Aiken’s daughter made it into the papers.

Seeing them together holding hands wounded me. How could it not? But it also helped me transform my sorrow into anger, distance, coldness. I told myself that was better and that I didn’t care… I was lying to myself, obviously, but it helped me get through the days and weeks. It was easier that way.

Before I knew it, Thanksgiving break had come, and after thinking it over and leaving my mother hanging the year before, I told her I’d go to William’s house, which was more than an hour away. I’d spend the time listening to music and thinking about my bills and trying to figure out how I’d pay for the book I needed for my law class. Luckily my lodging was paid for, and a new roommate soon took Briar’s place, but still, I was struggling to get to the end of the month. I was working in a café on campus, but my boss had told me two days before that he would have to let me go. Someone had opened a bar two streets away, and we’d lost a lot of clientele. As the last one in, I was the first one out.

I needed to make a move, and fast.

I was planning on spending the weekend with my mother and Will, so I took a small suitcase out of the closet and stuffed it with random clothes. I wasn’t planning on getting dressed up, and if I needed to, there was always my closet there. I did pack my law books. I’d have exams right after Thanksgiving, and hate it as I might, I had to study. I hated the subject; I didn’t know if it was because it reminded me of Nick or if it was just that I wasn’t good at memorizing laws, but it put me in the worst mood! I’d picked it because it was about copyright and intellectual property and other things I thought a writer might need, but I couldn’t wait for the day I could put it all out of my head; all that information was probably on Google anyway.

I hadn’t used the suitcase since I’d gone to the Hamptons, so, unsurprisingly, there were still things inside: a toothbrush I thought I had lost, some black lace panties, my waterproof eyeliner, and, to my surprise, a business card with the name Lincoln Baxwell. The card read: Lawyer, Publicist, and Property Manager.

I remembered him. He was a friend of Jenna’s dad. He had been there at the wedding. Nice guy. If I remembered right, he’d given me his card in case I was ever looking for work in the field. I couldn’t believe it! I’d totally forgotten he’d said that, probably because Nicholas had come over and said something nasty, forcing me to walk away.

I didn’t have any idea what sort of work a nineteen-year-old student could do for him, but there was no harm in asking. I looked at my watch and saw it was too late to call, so I decided I’d do it tomorrow on my way to Will’s, and if the world didn’t hate me as much as it seemed, maybe I’d have a new job before I knew it.

The next morning, it was chilly, and I was glad to have the Audi with me. For a long time, I had avoided using it, much to my mother’s dismay. It was a gift, she kept telling me, it was mine, and it was ridiculous to just let it sit there. And she’d been right. My old car was on its last legs, and there was no way I could buy a new one on my own. So eventually I gave in. I mean, the car was mine, and it was an Audi, after all.

When I was on the road and it was late enough, I decided to call Lincoln Baxwell. I was nervous. The phone rang several times, and I only heard a “hello” right before I was about to hang up.

“Hi, I was hoping to talk to Lincoln Baxwell. My name is Noah Morgan. I’m William Leister’s stepdaughter,” I said meekly. I didn’t like using Will’s name to open doors for me, but I wasn’t in a position to be finicky.

“Just a second.”

Baxwell picked up a few minutes later.

“Sorry about the delay. It’s Noah, right?” Baxwell asked politely. He sounded friendly, just as he had at the party. I was embarrassed to say why I’d called, but I mean, he had given me his card, right?

“Hello, Mr. Baxwell. Yeah, this is Noah Morgan, we met—”

“At Jenna Tavish’s wedding, I remember. You’re Nicholas Leister’s stepsister, right?”

“Yeah, that’s me,” I said with slight sarcasm.

Come on, Noah, relax.

It was time to beg, alas.

“I was calling because when we met at the wedding, I was interested in that project you had in mind, LN…” I hesitated.

“LRB,” he clarified.

Shit! I could have at least gotten the name right. He must have thought I was an idiot.

“Yeah, sorry, LRB. So, basically, I’d love to take you up on that offer to work in a major company that’s just about to open. I honestly haven’t had any real intern experience off campus, and I’d like to try out different fields before settling on something…”

He knew what I wanted, right?

Baxter pleasantly agreed, saying, “No problem, Noah. I’ll pull some strings and have my secretary call you. I have to tell you, I’m surprised you got in touch. It doesn’t matter, though. I’d be happy to have you on my team; I’m sure you’re a good worker. Send your transcripts to my secretary along with your class schedule and any references you might have. We’re very busy, and what I need is people who will make my life easier, so if you’re good with paperwork, we could have you in for a couple of hours a day without messing up your schoolwork. Sound good?”

I almost shouted with joy. It had been so easy! I couldn’t believe it! I mean, I could have asked Will for a favor, but it was better this way. Especially since Baxwell was the one who had tried to recruit me, right?

I said thanks and goodbye, and almost rear-ended the car in front of me, which was stopped at a red light. My sense of relief had distracted me from the road.

I was no longer jobless!