Our Fault (Culpable Book 3)

The calm of the past few days vanished as soon as the doorbell rang early that morning.

We’d been chilling at the spa in Sag Harbor, eating fresh shellfish in fancy restaurants, toasting ourselves in the sun to get the perfect tan, even if it would probably give us wrinkles for the rest of our lives. Amy, the wedding planner, had let us run free, and we needed that friend time, but as the wedding got closer, and with it the dates of the guests’ arrival, it was impossible to keep going with that dolce far niente lifestyle. Jenna was getting more and more nervous. I could tell because she wouldn’t stop talking. When the anxiety attacks hit, she’d call Lion. After months preparing for an aptitude test as administrator for one of the branches of Jenna’s father’s company, the wild one of our group finally seemed to be on the straight and narrow. The two of them had forgiven each other for everything in the past and were more in love than ever.

That morning, I finally saw the wedding dress. The tailor had come with Amy to let Jenna try it on one last time and make any adjustments if needed. It was incredible: white lace with a snug waist and a bell skirt. It reminded me of something from a movie or a fashion magazine, the kind of thing you could drool over. Jenna’s mother had designed it in tandem with one of the costliest designers in LA, and it fit her like a glove.

A group of workers arrived not long afterward to arrange flowers around the doorway. Others set out tables throughout the house for the canapes and snacks that would greet friends and family on arrival. Of course, it was a smorgasbord. The yard was full of bustling people preparing a welcome for the ages.

The wedding dinner itself would take place in two days near the beach. I was nervous. I wasn’t ready to see Nick again, let alone spend two days with him in the same house.

The place was soon packed with people: family and friends kept pouring in, asking Jenna about the ceremony, chatting about her dress and everything under the sun.

She’d invited her closest friends and younger members of her family to stay in the mansion. The adults preferred to book a hotel where their peace of mind wouldn’t be interrupted by drunk twentysomethings.

Jenna’s cousins surrounded her as the caterers started pouring in through the front door. I took off for the guest house, hoping to get a bit of relaxation in my room, but just then, a car parked at the top of the drive. I lifted my hand to shield my eyes from the sun and saw Lion’s brother get out with his eternal sinister smile.

He spun his car keys around his finger and stared into my eyes once he spotted me.

“Look who we have here,” he said, climbing the steps. “The little fugitive princess.”

I rolled my eyes. I’d never really cared for Luca. He’d spent years behind bars, and from what Jenna told me, he was still getting into trouble—trouble Lion had to get him out of. I had to admit, Luca had changed a lot since I’d last seen him months back, at those terrifying races where Jenna had split up with Lion. Nick and I had fought terribly that night, too, and as always, the fight ended in sex, sex that solved nothing, sex that just helped us forget the inevitable: that bit by bit, we were destroying each other.

“How you doing, gorgeous?” he said, coming up to me. Lion was big, but Luca was no slouch. His tattooed arms would have terrified your average yuppie, but he was proud to show them off, and I couldn’t care less.

“Great, Luca. Happy to see you,” I responded, taking a step back. He was a little too close for comfort. “Jenna’s inside. Go say hi to her.”

Luca looked past my shoulder, not especially interested. He had his brother’s green eyes. They looked down now, following the curves of my dress. Then he looked me in the face again, and crinkles appeared as he smiled.

“I’ve got plenty of time to talk to the bride… Speaking of…is it true you’re single now?”

His question threw me off, since I had no interest whatsoever in talking about my emotional life, especially with the gangster brother of my ex’s best friend, who already must have known what was up. I wanted to run off and shut myself up in my room even worse than before.

“I’m sure you know the answer to that question,” I replied coldly. Remembering it made me feel a pain in my chest.

Just then, Jenna appeared. She smiled at Luca and opened her arms to pull him into her chest.

“Hey there, future sister-in-law,” he said, giving her a pinch. “You thickening up? Be careful; we don’t want you to come busting out of that dress.”

He smiled, and Jenna wriggled away, glaring at him.

“You’re an idiot,” she snapped, slapping his arm.

Looking back at me, Luca said, “I was just asking Noah where my room was… You know, it’s not every day I get to stay in a castle on the beach. Plus, I’m tired from the trip.”

“You’re the only person in the world who would cross the country in a car. Have you never heard of airplanes before?”

I opened my eyes wide with surprise. “You drove here from California?”

He nodded, adjusting his backpack. “I love me a good roadside diner,” he said, moving past us into the house. “Where to?”

Jenna shook her head and smiled. Just then, someone called to her from the kitchen.

“Noah, take him upstairs and tell him it’s the room on the right next to the balcony.”

“But—”

Jenna disappeared before she could hear my objections, walking down the hall and leaving me alone with Luca.

“Come on, princess, I don’t have all day.”

After showing him the room, I turned to leave, wanting to get him out of my sight and climb into my own bed. I was only two doors away. But Luca intercepted me.

“Let’s go to the beach,” he said, determined.

“No thanks,” I said, reaching past him, trying to grab the doorknob.

“I don’t want to stay here… Come on, don’t be a pain. I’ll buy you a hot dog.”

I eyed him up, trying to guess what he was getting at. Luca was the nervous type, hard to control, and I was sure having to stay there with all those guests was stressing him out worse than he’d admit. “I don’t want a hot dog. I want to go to my room and read a nice book, so please, step aside.”

“Read?” He pronounced the word like it was an insult. “You can read when you’re dead. Let’s go walk on the…grounds, isn’t that what rich people call it?”

“Luca, I can’t just up and go. Jenna needs help. Plus, we don’t know our way around here, and honestly, getting lost in the Hamptons isn’t high on my list of things to do.”

Luca turned his cap backward. “Getting lost with me is the best thing that could ever happen to you, babe, but I’m not interested in all that right now. I just want to have a bite with some good company, and you’ll do, even if you act like a stuck-up little princess.”

I could have slapped him. But instead, I crossed my arms, and he burst into laughter before I could answer.

“It’s a joke! Come on, don’t be boring. I promise I’ll bring you home safe and sound. God forbid Jenna not have her bridesmaid.”

Just then, we heard a group of people from Jenna’s family making their way upstairs, and soon the hall was busy, with people talking loudly. Suddenly, the idea of going out with Luca didn’t sound so awful.

“I’ll do it, on one condition,” I said sternly.

Luca smiled his bad-boy smile. “You name it.”

“I drive.”

Contrary to my expectations, Luca couldn’t have cared less about me getting behind the wheel of his shiny black Mustang. Actually, he seemed happy not to have to bother with the road and to be able to enjoy the views of the coast. The sun would go down soon, and the breeze was pleasant.

A comfortable silence enveloped us. I enjoyed driving on those empty roads with no real purpose beyond getting out. I knew Lucas was holding back with me: he wasn’t the typical guy who just hangs out with a girl, but his intentions didn’t matter to me. After driving aimlessly for a while and seeing the sun go down, I stopped at a hot dog stand by the ocean. It was surrounded by tables occupied by two couples and a family with two little kids.

“I’m starving,” I said, turning the car off.

Luca smiled and got out.

“I didn’t know you could drive a stick,” he said when I reached him, taking off his hat, wiping the sweat from his nearly shaved head, and putting it back on.

“Of course you didn’t. It’s not like you and I go on a lot of drives together.”

I hurried over to the stand. It may have been unhealthy, but it smelled delightful. I ordered a hot dog with everything, some fries, and a Coke. Luca ordered the same, but with a beer. When it was ready, we sat at one of the tables. It was weird, being there with the brother of my best friend’s boyfriend, an ex-con with a bad rep. But he’d been nice so far.

“I guess you’re not the dieting type,” he said, pointing to my greasy meal.

“I exercise,” I said, taking a bite. It was delicious.

Luca nodded, took a sip of his beer, and stared at me. “You said earlier we didn’t know each other. Why don’t we play twenty questions?”

I put down my hot dog and looked away.

A small part of my brain realized he was basically flirting with me, but the other was taken immediately to the memory of a long time ago when Nick and I had gotten close, playing that stupid game and trying to get to know each other better.

The memory of that time when we barely knew each other, the memory of being with him, not knowing about any of his problems and him not knowing about mine, the memory of that moment our relationship should have stayed in, all that overwhelmed me, but I did what I had to do, given the circumstances: I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and concentrated on something else.

I had an attractive guy in front of me, a guy who wasn’t right for me at all, one who would only make my complicated situation even more complicated, but what he didn’t know was that it didn’t matter what he did or said. Nothing he could do would move me the way a mere glance from Nicholas Leister could. That was what I missed sometimes, just his look, his eyes focused on mine in that unique, unforgettable way.

Luca waved his hand in front of my face to get me to react, and I looked again at his tattoos and his green eyes full of curiosity.

“I’ll give you one question,” I said, to keep from being nasty.

He smiled, stroked his chin, and leaned across the table. “If you’ll only let me have one, I’ll get straight to the point.”

I shifted uneasily in my seat. I think that was the first time in months I’d been alone with a guy, and I didn’t like that guilty feeling in my stomach.

“Would you go out with me tomorrow night?”

His question was blunt, my answer even more so. “No.”

Clear and concise—that was me. I got up—I’d lost my appetite—and he grabbed me by the wrist, turning around to face me and keeping me from walking off.

“Why not?”

“Because I can’t.”

Surprised, he asked, “Why not? What kind of answer is that?”

I tried to wriggle out of his grasp. “I don’t want to,” I said, focusing on his shoulder to keep from looking him in the eye.

After a few seconds, he understood. “I get it… You’re still in love with him.” It was an affirmation, not a question.

I finally jerked away from him. “That doesn’t concern you, got it?”

Luca raised his hands in resignation and chuckled. “Noah, I was just going to say you could go for a run with me. It’s not such a big deal. I mean, damn, everyone told me you had a lot of personality, but…” I glared at him as if to say he’d better not go down that road. “When the sun goes down and it’s not so hot. That way we can escape from all the craziness, with all the guests who still haven’t shown up yet. I’m just looking for an excuse to get away, that’s all, so don’t keep scowling at me like that. You can be in love with whoever you want. I couldn’t care less.”

His response made me rethink his request. This was Luca, after all, a guy who didn’t give a fuck about anything. He didn’t care about my personal life; he’d just opened his mouth and said the first thing that popped into his head.

Run…that was something I could do… It was boring. Boring and impersonal. Anyway, who had ever invited someone to go running with bad intentions? I’d be sweaty and gross, so there wasn’t any danger…was there?

“Just a run?” I asked, cursing myself for that insecure voice I didn’t recognize as my own.

Luca furrowed his brow and nodded, forcing a smile. “Just a run.”

I sighed and sat back down, waiting for him to finish eating.

We spent the next half hour talking about the wedding and other nonsense, but still, I couldn’t escape the feeling that I’d laid myself bare before him, letting him glimpse the self-doubt that had dogged me for months and that I didn’t like at all.

It was just a day and a half till the wedding, and Luca wouldn’t leave my side. We’d gone running as he’d asked, and to my surprise, he didn’t bother me: he put on his headphones, I put on mine, and we ran next to each other to the marina and then back on the beach. We had needed the getaway. I could barely move with all the guests in the house, and the arrival of Jenna’s parents meant I finally didn’t have to be by her side at all times. Her mother was a born hostess, and she and Jenna’s dad, Greg, seemed happy surrounded by friends and family, celebrating the wedding of their child.

Just when I felt I couldn’t run anymore, Luca insisted we go a bit farther, but my legs were trembling, and I thought I’d have to walk back.

“Come on!” he shouted, turning around and running backward, watching me and making fun of me at the same time. I flipped him the bird and tried to ignore him, but soon I had to stop for a drink of water. It would be nighttime in a few hours, and we’d need to be showered and dressed for dinner. The catering company Jenna’s father had hired would be taking care of it: it was a constant celebration at that house, with a tent set up outside with refreshments at all hours. The Tavish home was now a five-star hotel, and everyone loved it.

“Don’t wimp out on me!”

I exhaled slowly and poured water over my head. My pink sports bra was soaked, but at least I could wipe the sweat off my stomach, chest, and face. That was it, I was walking back; I’d pushed my body enough that day. “Keep running yourself, dickhead!”

He shook his head, stopped, and came back over. “I thought you had more in you, princess. I’m disappointed.”

“Shut up.”

We walked over to the sidewalk and headed toward Jenna’s place. We had a big hill in front of us, and in the distance, the sun was falling, and the colors in the sky were amazing.

“The big day’s almost here. You nervous?” Luca asked. Now he was the one dumping a bottle of water over his head. He shook and splashed me all over. I shoved him, and he smiled like an idiot.

“I’m not the one getting married, Luca,” I said, pretending I didn’t know what he was getting at.

We hadn’t spoken much over those two days, but it was still enough for him to know that this subject was off-limits. But I understood that with the wedding about to happen, he was getting curious.

“You’re the maid of honor… You’ve got an important job,” he said.

I didn’t respond, but my suppressed anxiety came back all at once, and my stomach turned. I hadn’t wanted to ask Jenna when Nick was arriving; I wasn’t even sure whether he’d show before the day itself… Maybe he would just appear right before the ceremony started. For me, that would be better. Just the thought of seeing him again made me tremble.

Right then, a car passed by us so fast that Luca pushed me aside for safety.

“Dickhead!” he shouted, but the black Lexus had already nearly vanished up the road.

I had a strange feeling, and I wanted to get back to the house as soon as possible.