Otherwise Engaged: A Fake Engagement Romance

The more I read, the worse it got. Thayer’s draft contract wasn’t just thorough—it was over the top. I didn’t know I’d needed to bring a lawyer with me to her place tonight. We were faking a couple of dates, not drafting a fucking prenup.

If this was any indication of what things were going to be like with her, I was in for a bumpy ride.

Agreement for services between Bennett Bradford (hereby known as “Bradford”) and Thayer Montgomery (“Montgomery”)

Scope of Work: Both parties agree to engage in a short-term, exclusive partnership for a duration of three (3) months for the purposes of reputation enhancement and social networking. Duties will include escorting the other party to personal or professional functions as required and other behaviors consistent with creating the outward appearance of a serious, committed relationship.

Terms, Limitations and Exclusions

1. Both parties agree that the arrangement will not include sexual intercourse or other sexual relations. For added clarity, sexual contact is explicitly excluded from the arrangement and all related activities are forbidden.

2. Both parties agree to exercise the utmost discretion regarding the arrangement and will refrain from sharing the details of this agreement with any outside third parties. Such parties include but are not limited to Ian Fenmore, Lola Van Sant, Quinn Montgomery, Millie Pruitt, and Adam Matthews.

3. Both parties agree to work jointly toward a common goal for the enrichment of both parties, fostering the public perception of a healthy romantic relationship.

4. Both parties agree to inform the other party should any issues arise that interfere with their ability to perform their duties in good faith, such as illness, death, or other unforeseeable emergencies.

5. Both parties agree to maintain a professional, cordial working relationship at all times.

6. Bradford acknowledges that he has unfairly coerced Montgomery into this arrangement and that he owes Montgomery one (1) favor in return at some future date. The nature and timing of said favor is entirely at the discretion of Montgomery.

7. Bradford agrees to provide Montgomery with a copy of recent comprehensive STD testing results.

8. Both parties acknowledge that the arrangement is strictly for business purposes and no romantic entanglements or other future relationship will result.

I turned to look at her, trying to conceal the terror brewing within me. “Did you go to law school when I wasn’t looking, or what?”

Thayer shrugged. “Thought about it at one point. I took the LSAT, but then I changed my mind.”

“Let me guess,” I muttered, returning my attention to the screen. “You nailed the LSAT.”

“172.”

“Figures.”

Based on what I remembered from my younger brother’s LSAT prep, that was somewhere around the ninety-ninth percentile. Sounded about right. Thayer had always been insanely smart—one reason I was about to have my hands full trying to manage her and this situation. I couldn’t just verbally steer her around like I could most other people.

On the other hand, unlike some of the women I knew, Thayer wouldn’t get wasted and dance on tables in front of Callaghan and she wouldn’t develop feelings for me. And those things were what mattered most.

I skimmed the page for a second time, scanning for any hidden land mines contained within the clauses. Everything was fairly reasonable except—wait a minute. What the hell? I paused, re-reading number four, and my gaze snapped back up to her face.

“You want me to inform you if I die?”

She smirked. “Well, I might get lucky.”

“Hilarious,” I said. “And did you really need to slip in number six?” I wasn’t sure what kind of favor Thayer had in mind, but the idea of being indebted to Her Majesty the Ice Queen was less than appealing.

Then again, if it was a sexual favor, count me in.

“Can you honestly say you didn’t coerce me?” She quirked a slender brow, eyeing me over the rim of her mug.

“I’m saving you from Millie’s wrath.” I rubbed my chin thoughtfully. “One could say I’m your knight in shining armor.”

Thayer snorted. “You’re definitely the evil dragon in this scenario.”

Well, I’d been called worse.

“This is a perfectly fair deal, and you know it.” If I didn’t rehabilitate my image, we’d lose our bid on the property—and everything else along with it. If Thayer’s lie was exposed, she would be too humiliated to leave her apartment ever again. Pretty level playing field.

“You have leverage over me. Call it blackmail or not, though I maintain that it is. How could I possibly say no to your offer, knowing you could turn around and tell everyone my secret as payback?”

I opened my mouth to argue, but she held up a slender finger, holding me off.

“One might even say I’m entering this agreement under duress. The sixth clause is intended to ensure that I receive equal and adequate consideration, and it shows you’re acting in good faith.”

Good faith was no longer a part of my vocabulary, but whatever she needed to tell herself.

“Can I at least get a veto or two?”

She smiled, full of sugar and spite. “No.”

Perfect. I’d finally done it. I’d found someone who was even more strong-willed than I was. And I’d decided to chain myself to her for several months.

“Fine.” I sighed. A picture popped into my head of my freedom growing wings and taking flight, dragging my sanity along with it. This had better fucking work.

“What about the seventh item?” Thayer nodded at the laptop. “Did you read that one?”

Ah yes, the STD clause. Another nice little dig on her part.

“Why do we need that if we have number one?”

She scooted over to the far side of the couch, placing a tan throw pillow between the two of us. Then she shot me a look so chilly, I practically developed frostbite beneath my clothes. “Because I don’t need someone from your past resurfacing saying my ‘boyfriend’ gave her chlamydia.”

Look, I wasn’t claiming to be a Boy Scout by any stretch of the imagination. But if there was one thing I made sure of, it was always, always using protection and getting tested regularly. I was far too fond of my manhood to put it at risk of disease or disfigurement. Not to mention, mini-Bradfords weren’t part of my five year—or forever—plan.

“I don’t have any STDs. But if you need me to prove that to you, I will. Would you like a copy of my vaccination record as well? Driving record, perhaps?”

“Those would be great.” She smiled earnestly. “I’ll give you my email address before you leave, and you can send them over at your earliest convenience.”

Well, fuck. I was being sarcastic, but I couldn’t tell if she was being serious. Maybe her poker face was better than I thought.

On the flatscreen TV playing in the background, the Yankees hit a ground ball with the bases loaded in the bottom of the ninth. I watched as the ball rolled and the left fielder sprinted for it. Thayer snatched the remote from my hands, turning off the television.

“Let’s stay on task, shall we?” She scrolled back up, tapping the screen emphatically with a dark red fingernail. “Speaking of item number one, any issues there?”

It was the sex clause. Or no sex clause, rather.

“Why would there be?”

I mean, other than the fact that it was total bullshit.

“Because you’re Bennett Bradford, womanizer extraordinaire.”

“The tales of my conquests are greatly exaggerated.”

Christen one nightclub bathroom, land in the gossip section of the papers a handful of times for questionable decisions, and all of a sudden, everyone thinks you’re some kind of Lothario. It was totally unfounded character assassination. I mean, I was still in the double digits. Approximately.

Plus, compared to Thayer, anyone would seem promiscuous.

“So you won’t try any funny business with me,” she said evenly.

“Hate to break it to you, doll, but you’re not my type.”

This was an epic lie. Thayer was exactly my type, at least on a superficial level. While technically identical to her sister, Thayer was definitely the more appealing twin. Quinn was wide-eyed and pretty in a bland way, but Thayer had an edge that made her hot. Her full lips were pouty and pillowy soft, calling to mind all sorts of sinful acts. Don’t even get me started on her perfect round backside, the kind made to be spanked.

But personality-wise, I preferred women who were a little more pleasant and a whole lot less uptight.

I also preferred women who didn’t hate my guts and threaten to kill me with office supplies, which had happened twice since I’d gotten to her place.

At any rate, admitting that Thayer was a ten wouldn’t help, so I had to bend the truth a little. For her sake—and mine. The truth was, it didn’t matter whether I found her attractive. I needed Thayer just as much as she needed me, even if it meant agreeing to her ridiculous rules.

“Thank God for that.” Thayer crossed her legs primly, drawing my eyes right to them. My gaze traced the curve of her thighs, lingering for a beat. I was exercising significant restraint not to check her out—and failing. It didn’t help that her entire place smelled delicious, scented with some kind of sweet, feminine perfume.

“But you know you can’t have sex with other people either, right?” she asked, snapping me back to reality. “Getting caught with another woman while you’re supposed to be committed to me would defeat the whole purpose of rehabilitating your reputation.”

“No shit.” Did she think I was a total idiot? “Believe it or not, I’m capable of self-control.”

Thayer studied my face for a moment, considering, then shook her head. “Yeah, I’m firmly in the ‘or not’ camp on that.”

Her remark wasn’t entirely unwarranted, but it’s not like I was some kind of maniacal sex addict. While I liked to have a good time, I could keep it in my pants, especially with this much at stake. Besides, I could always make up for lost time later.

“You’re not the only one with a lot on the line here.”

“Two months in, when you’re missing your bachelorhood freedom, you’ll remember that you agreed to this?” Thayer’s teeth sank into her crimson-painted bottom lip, and she studied my face. Her expression was somewhere between worry and hope.

“I will.”

Of course, I’d remember, I just wouldn’t care. Who gives a shit about some arbitrary rules we thought up on the fly? I would stay in line to save my own ass, not because of her little contract.

“No sex. At all. None,” she emphasized, pointing at me with her blue pen. “Forgive me if I’m skeptical.”

Hell, I was skeptical too. Three months without sex? Not even a blowjob? Signing on for that did sound like self-punishment, but I didn’t have much of a choice, I’d make it work somehow.

“No sex,” I echoed. “Not with anyone, not with you. Not even if you beg me for it.”

Another lie. If Thayer decided to throw herself at me, it’s not like I was going to say ‘Sorry, can’t because we’re contractually forbidden from fucking.’

“Beg you for it?” She barked a laugh. “Hate to break it to you, babe, but you’re not my type either.”

“Because I actually exist?”

“Because you don’t have a soul.”

“Fortunately, I more than make up for that in other departments. You’ll see.”

Thayer huffed, looking down into her black ceramic mug. “Never going to happen. Ever.”

Challenge accepted. One month in, I’d have her thinking it was her idea to break rule number one. Repeatedly.

The printer screeched from the other room as it spat out a copy of the contract. Thayer stood up and walked down the hall, returning with a sheaf of papers a moment later. She handed them to me along with a blue pen. And by handed them to me, I mean violently shoved them in my face, nearly slicing a paper cut across my cheek in process. I suspected it wasn’t accidental.

“Sign here, here, and here.” She pointed to the signature lines she’d inserted on the first and second page. “And initial here by number six. You’re not getting out of that one, so no pretending you didn’t know about it or didn’t agree.”

“Sign a hard copy?” I glanced back up at her, my hand hovering above the page. “I thought you were destroying this.”

“Didn’t say when,” she said. “I’m keeping a copy in my safe until this is done. Now sign.”