One Sided Love

Kate

I felt my self to be lying in some hard surface when I opened my eyes I saw my head, was pressed to Alex chest n suddenly sit in the bed... my moment wake Alex n he looked confused but I was scared that he will regret this again n blame me for it... he might have saw my expression because he shake his head

Said 'kate are you ok!'

I said yeah im.. are you'

He smiled a little 'im perfectly fine... n last night seems to make me very much ok'

I thought he doesn't regret last night thats why he is in happy mood

He suddenly said 'kate ... I never regret last night.... thats why you r so tense'

Shit I really said that aloud

I replied ' hmm... I don't know.... I just... I get scared that you will think I seduced you'

Alex laughed ' pretty girl believe me if you ever seduced me I will always enjoy that but relax its me who seduced you not you'

I was shocked by Alex admission

I replied' oh..okk'

He grab my both hands n said 'Kate there is a thing... I don't how is going to sound but im not trying to make you feel sad n act like a jerk.... but the things is I can't do love n romance thing.... Emily take my heart with her n my ability to love.... same with this baby ... I will try to fulfilled his or her every need but emma is going to be my first priority so after this baby... plz kate don't take this in a wrong way but after this baby I will not act as a father to him but a guardian thats all... n after last night im want to continue this but if you're comfortable... I know im asking alot n giving less but this is the man I have become plz bear with me if you can.... because my demands are still there which I made with you n im jerk to say this but this is just sex nothing else... there will be days I will become distantwith you... I will not even fake public display affection because I can't lie to you n everyone n gives you false hopes.... there will be a time I will become angry n sat Shit but I will never disrespect you that way I used to you'

I keep looking at him.. he was brutally honest but my heart still have the capacity to hurt so much till now that Im amaze.... I can even ignore what he, said about that he cant love me... but our baby... he will not a father but act as a guardian to my baby... I start seeing flashback of my childhood how my father used to abandon me ... how he insult me n never accepted me till now...

Alex shake me a little 'what was happening to you... you look like you were happening a panick attack...'

I slowly breath' No im fine its used to happen sometime ... im ok'

Alex replied 'what do you meant.... from how long'

I said ' when I was very little ... I was 5 year old'

He looked shocked 'you r having panic attacks for more than 20 years n you are telling me now.... no one.. not even emily never told me you're having attacks'

I replied no one knows about that... I used to have them when im..

He knowingly said ' when you're extremely tense or something triggered you...... fuck my words triggered something.... if you r not comfortable its ok I understand'

I was thinking about my baby sure Alex cant love him or her but he will be not like my father.... I have to stay because of emma... n for my baby honor... so I also make things clear with him too

I replied' Alex don't put this on you... I never had this more than 2 years its last fir few seconds... but I also want to say something... you have to promise me that if I ever agreed to all you have said then promise me you will never disrespect n humiliate our child publicly n personaly n don't let any one do that to and If I ever felt this then I will leave everything'

He have an understanding look that what im talking about' I promise you I will never do this to you n baby'☐☐☐☐☐