One Night Standards

“Hey,” Lyle says, walking out of our bathroom looking all kinds of sexy in a gray muscle shirt and faded black jeans. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired.” With a groan, I roll to my back.

Like a magnet, his hand adheres to my stomach, the tips of his fingers poking around in hopes my little squatter will push back.

He gets his wish.

The corners of his mouth lift into a smile. “He’s so strong.”

“Tell me about it.” There were a few times I was convinced he’d cracked a rib or two.

“Just a couple more weeks, Li’l Momma.”

I hold out three fingers and wiggle them in the air. “Thirty-seven down, three to go.”

“Sure you don’t want me to wait for you to leave?” He plops down on the bed, smoothing a hand up and down my leg over the blanket. “I will happily tell Frank to take a hike and come back for me later.”

“I’m positive.” I give his thigh a squeeze, teasing his bulge with a stroke of my pinky. “I’m just gonna take a nap and have nice a long bath. I’ll call one of the guys to come get me when I’m ready to head that way.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. You need to be at rehearsal with the rest of the band.”

He draws a deep breath and sighs. “I just hate leaving you here alone…especially since you’ve been getting those Braxton Hicks the last few days.”

“You heard Dr. Ruby yourself. This is perfectly normal.” I can’t help but smile over his concern. “Besides, I’ll have Maui here to keep me company.”

The bird perks up at the sound of his name and starts pacing along his perch. “I’m a demigod.”

“You’re an asshole.” Lyle turns toward my bird and gives him the finger.

Maui squawks then we both nearly keel over when he says, clear as day, “You’re an asshole.”

My fist connects with my husband’s back as he cackles with delight. “I told you if you kept saying that he was going to repeat it.”

He can’t wipe the smile from his face. “Maybe the little fucker’s cool after all.”

“Oh, my God!” I growl. “Stop cursing in front of him!”

The sound of a horn in the driveway signals Frank’s arrival. “All right, love. I gotta go.”

He leans in and sprinkles kisses all over my face, ending with a big smack on my lips.

“Love you,” I say, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I’ll see you at showtime!”

“Love you too.” He makes it as far as the door before stopping in his tracks. “Do you want me to check with Korie and Raven and arrange for you to hang out with one of them tonight instead of coming out to the bar?”

I scoff. “First of all, I can arrange my own babysitter, should I need one.” I turn in his direction and poke up two fingers. “And second of all, I want to go… Once this baby comes, I won’t be able to make a lot of your shows.”

The thought makes me want to cry. Watching him up there, living his dream, is one of my favorite things.

“Okay, Li’l Bit.” He kisses his first two fingers and sends it my way. “See you in a few hours.”

I don’t remember anything after catching that kiss until a sharp pain wakes me from a dead sleep. At least I think it does, because I bolt straight up, waiting to feel it again with no luck.

Deciding it must have been a dream, I run myself a bubble bath and light the candles in the bathroom. I still have four hours until the start of tonight’s show and intend to spend half of that pampering myself.

But no sooner than I get in the tub and rest my head on my bath pillow, do those irritating Braxton Hicks start up again, ruining the experience completely.

I wash up and give my hair a good scrubbing, rinse off using the handheld sprayer that I will never again look at without remembering kama sutra night, and step out onto the bath mat.

While blowing out my hair, I get a sharp pain. This one has me clutching the counter and holding my breath.

Once it passes, I grab my phone and call Korie.

“Hey girl,” she answers. “How’s it going?”

“Hey…uh. Do you remember what it felt like when you started having contractions?”

“Yeah…it was really intense. Not at all like the Braxton Hicks I’d been having.” She gets distracted for a moment with her daughter then comes back to the line. “Why? Are yours getting worse?”

“I’m not sure. A little over an hour ago I had a sharp pain that woke me up out of a dead sleep, but then it never came back. Then I started feeling those fake ones again and figured maybe I just dreamed the other one up.” I place a hand on my belly, relieved to feel little bean kicking. “But I was just blow-drying my hair and got another one…and now nothing.”

“Hmmm.”

“I do not want to make a fuss or go in again just to be sent home, and I certainly don’t want to alert the men and screw up their show for nothing.”

“Right. No, don’t do that. I’m gonna call Raven and we’ll round up a sitter and come hang out with you at the house.”

“I told Lyle I was going to be at his show…I still plan on going.”

“That’s cool,” she assures me. “If this shit’s all in your head, we’ll just tag along to Booze & Bad Decisions with ya.”

“Perfect. And make sure Raven doesn’t—”

“Say anything to Nick,” she finishes for me. “No worries. We know not to alert those papa bears prematurely. Hang on to your mucus plug, bitch! Your babysitters are on the way!”

I finish drying my hair and apply a light face of makeup, then dress in the outfit I plan to wear to the show, a light blue Rhett Taylor band tee cropped just above my belly, with a black sports bra and black maternity leggings that go all the way up, completely covering the bump.

Other than a few Braxton Hicks, I feel nothing until I sit on the couch and bend over to zip my booties and nearly fall on my face. It’s at that moment the mother hens walk through the front door and immediately rush to my side.

“Holy shit!” Raven crouches in front of me. “Girl, are you okay?”

I attempt a nod even though I’m not sure I am—I’m still trying to work through the pain.

Korie sits beside me on the couch, rubbing my back until it eases up. “Definitely not Braxton Hicks, my dear.”

“I don’t know what to do,” I say with tears brimming in my eyes. “I don’t want to worry Lyle. People pay a lot of money to see them. Right now, even if these are contractions, they’re still an hour apart. Everything says not to go in until they’re five minutes or less.”

“Yeah, if you go now, they’ll just send you home.” Korie rolls her eyes. “Been there. Done that. Twice.”

“Welp,” Raven says, making herself comfy on my other side and grabbing the remote, “looks like we’ll just hang out and time contractions then.”

“Who has the kids?” I ask, relaxing back into the cushions.

“Edna and David.” Raven kicks her feet up on the coffee table and starts flipping through the channels, stopping on some Ted Bundy documentary. “They even offered to let us use their old hoopty car if we end up needing to go to the hospital so no one will recognize us.”

Edna and David are the twins’ maternal grandparents, but of no relation to Raven. Alex and Ava’s biological mother died of brain cancer when they were just two years old. That’s when Nick learned of their existence, and they came to live with him. It was a whole shitshow, but one that brought so many unlikely people together. They’re the reason Nick and Raven decided to settle down in Nashville and subsequently why the rest of the group has followed suit.

“They’re amazing.” In just the few months I’ve lived here, I’ve discerned what a blessing they are not only to Nick and Raven and the twins, but the entire group. They’ve really taken on the role of pseudo parents to us all.

“If I’d lived in Washington back then…” Raven points the remote at the TV and shakes her head as if disgusted with herself. “I’d have been bludgeoned to death by that man.”

Korie snorts and quickly agrees.

“Why do you think that?”

With a finger, she splits her long dark hair in two. “I fit the profile…and my horny ass never would have turned that prime specimen down.”

“Okay,” I say, clearly seeing it. “You have a poi—ohh!”

My belly squeezes tight as another pain renders me mute.

“That was only ten minutes,” Raven announces, while Korie tries to remind me to breathe through the pain.

“Fuck, that hurts.” I grab a tissue and dab at the tears welling in my eyes.

“Should you maybe let Lyle know you decided to skip out on the show?” Korie asks. “Cuz even if you don’t end up going in to the hospital tonight, there’s no way you can go to the show like this. Those men will all jump off that stage in the middle of a song if they see you bowled over like that.”

I check the time. She’s right. Their show starts in just thirty minutes. “Okay.”

I grab my phone and fire off a quick text.

Me: Hey. I’m still feeling pretty tired. Gonna take your suggestion and stay back and hang with the girls tonight. Love you so much. Have a great show.

Lyle: Sounds good, Li’l Momma. Love you

No sooner do I put my phone down than another sharp pain strikes.

“Five minutes,” Raven announces with a giddy excitement that has me seriously considering tit-punching her.

When I get two more at five minutes apart, we decide collectively it’s time to call Dr. Ruby and head to Memorial.

“Shouldn’t we tell the guys? Or at least Anika?” Raven worries her lips.

“No,” Korie and I say in unison.

“Not unless I get admitted. Then we can let them know. I’m only thirty-seven weeks. They might very well send my ass home.”

“Fine,” she begrudgingly agrees, rifling through our entryway closet for a few caps and sunglasses while Korie heads back to Nick and Raven’s on the golf cart to pick up the station wagon.

My contractions, or what I imagine by this point are contractions, come steadily at every four to five minutes throughout the forty-minute drive to the hospital.

As instructed on the phone, we meet Dr. Ruby in the emergency room, where she’s waiting with a wheelchair to escort us to a room.

“Yep,” the doctor announces when I ball up in pain in the elevator. “It’s a good thing you called… You’re definitely contracting.”

It’s a relief to have my suspicions confirmed. Everyone always tells you you’ll just know when you go into labor, but for me that couldn’t be farther from the truth, because I was certain those little Braxton Hicks were the real deal. Once you’ve embarrassed yourself by going into the hospital and being sent home, it makes you very reluctant to do it again.

I have a second one just as we’re entering the room, at which point the doctor pulls out a gown and sheet and orders me to undress. “We’re going to put you on the monitors and time them for an hour. I’ll be back in a few minutes to check your cervix.”

I can feel my pulse everywhere, pounding like the music in a suspense movie.

“Can we tell the guys no—”

“No!” That very firm order comes from the boss herself, Korie. “Not until she gets admitted.”

Raven’s eyes roll. “Fine.”

“You should probably get changed and in that bed before the next one hits.” The little blonde snaps her fingers at me and points to the gown. “Everything off.”

I make haste, stripping down. First my top, then my bra…

Korie sighs. “I miss my pregnant titties.”

“Dayum!” Raven murmurs reverently, openly gawking. “Now those might be worth getting knocked up for.”

I’m laughing so hard I can barely keep myself upright as I roll my leggings down my belly and peel them off. For modesty’s sake, I decide to slip the gown on before removing my underwear.

“Hold up, slow down, li’l momma.” Raven juts her chin in the air. “Lift that gown.”

“What?” I lift and look down, but of course I can’t see past my belly to know what she’s looking at.

“Is that Lyle’s face on your knickers?”

“Oh shit,” I groan, remembering the novelty panties I was going to surprise him with tonight. It’s a thong, and just below his face are the words “makes me wet.”

“Yep,” I say, dropping the gown and tying the top laces behind my head, which is radiating my embarrassment.

“Let me help you.” Korie steps up and ties the last two sets of strings before helping me into bed. Only then do I slip off my panties and add them to the pile with my other clothes.

“These are great,” Raven says, picking them up to examine them closer. “Sammi here’s a little freak-a-leak, and I’m here for it.”

I can’t even react to the fact that this woman is staring at my dirty underwear because another contraction has me gripping the metal bedrail.

“Raven, really?” Korie shakes her head in disgust. “Put the girl’s panties down.”

“Kinda tempted to sniff ’em,” the nut job announces, spinning them around on a finger. “I hear it’s the top crotch.”

“Oh my God!” I finally scream when I can speak. “Put my fucking panties away.”