One Mate and a Rejection

Chapter 35

Jace’s pov

I wanted to collapse to my knees and beg for her forgiveness. I wanted, more then anything, to sell her my soul and pray to anything up there that she would at least know how much I’m hurting.

It was a battle between my depression and sadness that day of the battle.

Somehow my depression won and I ended up needing to kill her.

Needing to just get it over with, picturing my mothers neutral expression telling me that I did at least one thing right.

It was too late when I finally realized it wasn’t worth it. Why, for years, have I been so damn desperate to earn a simple ‘good job’ from my mother?

Never, in my life, had she even bothered to crack a smile at me. She’s treated me like an unworthy pack member for as long as I can remember.

Her love wasn’t worth all this trouble.

I was angry. My wolf was flaming red and my human was in destruction.

The fact that I killed one of the only people in my life that I’ve really grown to like hit me hard and it was all because of her!

My mother, who isn’t a mother at all!

My anger had gotten the best of me and I decided to kill her.

It was so sudden, my Thoughts being so...thoughtless.

I don’t think I even knew Ihad a brain while I ripped apart her bones.

The closer I got to shredding her coldheart, the more I realized that I killed a person for her.

The more I ripped apart layers of skin, the heavier the impact hit me that Emerald....Emerald is gone.

I had tears in my eyes as i ripped apart her unworthy soul.

That’s all I remember. I saw nothing but blurry bloods between my streaming rivers of tears.

Looking back when they told me they found her, in the heart of the battle, still alive, but barely, I felt emotionless.

I hadn’t regretted killing my mother though.

Now, looking at what I’ve done to her, I bet she wished she were dead.

So many lies I’ve told her, so much pain I’ve caused her, if anyone deserved to die, it was me.

The way she cried into Blade’s shoulder, apologizing a thousand times and begging him to please come back, I felt like I was nothing.

I felt as little as the dust particles floating around the air.

I felt as worthless as my mothers heart must have been.

I took a step forward, sinking myself deeper into the pit of lava that burned slowly on my soul.

Emeralds tears became clearer in my vision. Her beautiful green eyes were filled with so much depression that it only sank me deeper into my self destruction.

I wanted to part my lips and speak but what could I possibly say to ease the pain?

She still hadn’tnoticed me and I felt too trapped in my own brain to say anything.

My heart began to thud loudly and I finally decided to leave and come back when I’ve broken out of my self prison.

I stepped back, turning around slowly, Accidentally knocking into a long ebony table, shooting pain throughout my knee.

“Jace?” I heard a soft, cracked voice behind me.

I sighed and turned around slowly.

Her bagged eyes werenow blood red and staring wide open at me.

She looked like she couldn’t believe her eyes.

Her eyebrows scrunched together like she was trying to figure me out and stepped out of the bed.

Holding her expression, she took small, slow steps in my direction, never breaking our eye contact, before standing still right in front of me.

We held our eyes in place for a while and she just stared at me with the same torn and confused expression.

Her gaze was staring me down but at the same time, I seemed to have lost my ability to move anything. I couldn’t even blink.

She stared intomy eyes, her gaze eating at my insides and bringing me closer and closer to my self duplicating death.

Finally, her arm twitched and that was the only thing I saw before her palms flashed too past for my vision to register and whipped my face to the side.

I felt my throbbing cheek grow red and screamed out in pain, collapsing down to my knees.

I touched over my face gently, feeling up blood and tracing four deep scratch mark from the corner of my lips and towards my ear.

I deserved that.

I looked up at Emerald, no longer seeing the innocent girl that I used to know.

Now, she looked cold, her expression mirroring my mothers as she discovered that I’m about to kill her.

An expression that seemed calm in an angry way, but held so much masked pain.

“Are you gonna start explaining anytime soon?” Her voice came out strong, but hurt, powerful but scared.

It was stable, but very loose.

She had lost all signs of being Emerald.

She was plain angry and deserved to know the truth.

“I-I’m sorr-”

“Dont bother, that wont change anything,” she snapped before I even had time to finish my second word.

Stunned, I had to remind myself that I tried to kill her, and almost succeeded if she wasn’t so strong.

“But you need to know how sorry I am-” I tried again before she cut me off.

“That doesn’t explain anything,” she said,” I asked for an explanation, not a damn apology-”

“But-” I muttered.

“but nothing. If I wanted to be apologized to, I’d go cry to my mom about how sucky my life is. Now are you gonna startexplaining anytime soon?”

“I tried to-” I took a deep breath and tried again,” I-I tried to kill you because, because I was told to, by my mother.”

“who’s this mother?”

“the leader of the rouge pack, the alpha.”

“you killed your own mother,” she said, her expression holding its ice.

She didn’t say it like it was a question but i still confirmed it with a ,” yes.”

“Your a rouge.”

Again I said,” yes.”

“Continue.”

“I joined the pack beca-because my mother asked me to spy on your pack. She asked me to find out everything I could about both packs, yours and the other one.”

“Blades pack.”

“yes, I only joined to make her happy. My mother has always hated me, ever since my father died four years ago, when i was 14. He was the alpha back then and I was supposed to take his spot but I refused because I was too afraid, so my mother had to take it. She hated me ever since because I would never turn out to be as strong as her or my father so she treated me like I wasn’t even a pack member,” my voice was becoming thick with anger.

“I-I agreed to come spy on your pack, promising myself that I will do whatever it takes to gain my mothers respect. I never thought I’d meet a person like you,” I looked up at her unchanging expression,” I never thought I’d fall in love for you.”

She held her icy gaze.

“but I knew that I still had to find out everything but you were smart and kept asking a lot of question, so from then it was lie after lie. I’m sorr-,”

“keep explaining,” she snapped, refusing an apology.

I let out a sigh and continued.

“After I noticed how you and blade seemed to be really close, I told my mother and she send a wolf after you that night after the pack meeting, when you and your family went to Jared’s fathers house. Someone saved you from the wolf though, and I asummed that it was Blade because he was also with you at Jared’s fathers house. Then at the party you told me that your mate was an alpha enemy and I knew it had to be Blade. I told my mother and she told me to take care of you and she’ll take care of the rest of the pack. She said by killing you, blade won’t be able to fight so it will be easy to kill him, therefore taking over his territory.”

“So you invited me over for a boat ride, already planning my death.”

“Yes,” I muttered.

“I never saw it coming,” she whispered.

I felt my eyes tearing up.

“Continue,” she said, her voice cracking up.

“When you got to the river, we got on the boat and all that, I never planned on drowning you, it was supposed to be a quick, painless death-”

“how thoughtful,” she snapped.

“But the boat tipped over and you were getting away, I had to do something. So I drowned you. I-I thought I had killed you, I even saw you sinking, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to leave. So I did but somehow you managed to grab on to my boat and save yourself.”

“I remember,” she said.

“I left for a run and i knew the battle Already started and that our pack was probably winning because you were dead which meant Blade was weak and my mother could easily kill him. It took me a long time to realize that I killed the girl I loved for a mother that doesn’t even want me! She wasn’t worth anything. I was so angry I just ran to the battle and killed her but by then, you were already there, trying to save blade and you just blacked out. The rest you know-”

“What happened to your mate?”

“there was never a mate, I shifted on my own, my mother said I wasn’t worthy of a mate so she never let me find her.”

“I don’t pity you,” she said.

That itself felt like a another slap to the face. I wasn’t expecting her to pity me, but the way she said it, she despised me so much.

“You almost killed my mate. Like sucks for a lot of people but you don’t go around killing people because your mommy doesn’t love you.”

I looked down, not being able to face her.

I wanted to beg for her forgiveness but I couldn’t seem to speak.

“You blame it all on mommy for being so damn inconsiderate but look who’s came spying on a pack just to result in Their death or surrender.”

That just dug me deeper into my pit of shame.

“your mother was low, but does it kill you to know that you’re probably worse then her?”

Stop, i wanted to scream out, please!

“She killed feeling without emotions but you...you had tons of emotions? How could you be so damn ignorant? It takes a real cold hearted person to drown somebody with so much feelings running inside of them.”

“I’m sorry-” I snapped, feeling tears streaming downmy face, landing on my scratches, causing a burning sensation,” I’m so sorry-”

“That’s not gonna bring me back my mate,” she said, too calmly and too gently .

It was like when a child preferred their parent be angry then disappointment because disappointment hurt so much more.

I’d rather her scream at me then talk to me like I’ve ruined everything and it was just too late to get everything back.

It’s not too late, i wanted to say, she’s still alive and blade still has chances of surviving.

“Crying isn’t gonna help anybody Jace,” she said, sounding more like a monster then an eighteen year old girl,” it’s just gonna sting your scratch marks.”

She said it like she was just trying to help.

Suddenly, someone began to choke behind her.

It got louder and louder by the second but Emerald just stayed frozen.

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