Chapter 30
Sasha
I didn't want to see him at all, but he had to pick up his stuff. Our three long years together meant nothing to him. I had been sitting on pins and needles all day, wondering how he was going to act when he showed up.
My heart was shattered, broken, and I hadn't stopped crying since the moment I realised that it was truly over. It was the second time it happened. My last boyfriend had cheated on me with my roommate and now Kirk had done exactly the same, but with my childhood friend.
I packed whatever I could into boxes. We had stuff that we'd collected together and I wanted to be sure that he wouldn't take anything that didn't belong to him. Our relationship had been intense and at the time I thought it was also real. I couldn't believe that it was over. I felt betrayed, betrayed and lost. The contract for the flat was coming to an end next month and I didn't know what I was going to do after that.
I heard the car outside and looked out the window. Kirk got out, looking like his usual self, and a few minutes later he was upstairs. He knocked. It was funny, because this flat was still under his name, but we had to act like we were civilised.
I opened the door and let him in.
"Here's your stuff. I packed it up for you," I said, trying to sound strong, but it came out like I had swallowed a wooden stick. I was so weak when he was around, always ready to fulfill his every need.
"What about the stuff that we bought together?" he asked and then I noticed that he had been drinking. His voice had that familiar hard edge to it, like when he enjoyed provoking an argument. I shouldn't have let him in.
"Kirk, how much have you had to drink?" I asked shyly.
"It's none of your fucking business. I do whatever I want now that we aren't together," he shouted straight into my face.
"What happened to us? Why did you do this?" I whispered to myself, knowing that he wouldn't listen, but he took a step towards me.
"Nothing. Nothing happened. I got bored of you telling me what to do all the time."
I dragged some air into my lungs, not even realising that he had heard me. This wasn't how I imagined our last meeting would go. I thought he would at least apologise to me, but it looked like he had other plans.
"We were happy, Kirk. I can't under-"
"There is nothing to understand, you stupid bitch. You were boring, always worried about what our friends thought about you. Jessica seemed like a better candidate all along."
"She was my best friend!" I shouted.
"And a very good fuck!"
Tears began streaming down my cheeks then. I couldn't believe he was behaving as if I meant nothing to him.
"We need to discuss the money now, Kirk. You've been avoiding talking about it for some time."
A couple of months ago, I took a loan from the bank for eight thousand pounds so he could get a new car. Kirk had bad credit, so he asked me to apply for it. I agreed, but so far I had been the only one paying it back.
I don't know what happened then, but Kirk's eyes shifted and I saw a mad gleam in them. His fists were clenched. Before I knew it, he had pushed me over to the sofa.
"I ain't giving you anything. We are not together!" he shouted and then stormed to the kitchen.
Something snapped in me. I was done with being pushed around, done with being treated like an idiot. I went after him, knowing that I couldn't let it go. I was going to get this money back from him no matter what.
He was searching through the cupboards for something, probably for more money. I had a tendency to hide some emergency cash in the kitchen, away from him, but he could always find it.
I wiped the tears away from my face and picked up a fork, my hands trembling.
"Stop going through my stuff. I want you to leave now."
I kept my voice calm and controlled. I needed him to go and sober up. Kirk was working and he could afford to pay back the loan. He didn't stop opening and closing the cupboards, talking to himself, so I nudged him with the fork.
"Take your stuff and get out!"
He turned, launched himself at me and grabbed my wrist. Everything happened so fast, so unexpectedly. He was so much stronger that I couldn't do anything. Next thing I knew, I felt excruciating pain in my cheek. A warm and sticky liquid poured down my face.
"You stupid bitch. You were always weak. Don't you fucking dare talk to me about money. I took care of you when you were in the hospital, so you owe me."
I opened my eyes and realised that he had stuck the fork into my cheek. Then he knocked me to the floor and was standing above me, his eyes wild, unrecognisable. Although I was in pain and shock, I couldn't let go of the fact that he was cheating me out of my money.
"The car is mine, Kirk. I paid for it!" I yelled, trying to get up, but then he kicked me, knocking over the bottle that was on the kitchen counter. It smashed next to me.
"Stupid fucking bitch. Whiny cow. I made you! It was me that created you. You would be nothing without me," he kept saying, picking the pieces of glass off the floor. I screamed when he launched at me again, realising it was just the beginning of his rage.
"Sasha. Hey, Barbie. For fuck's sake, snap out of it. You're scaring me."
Dexter's voice drew me back to my shattered reality. He wasn't driving anymore and we were outside my new flat. I was so caught up in my past that I didn't even realise we'd arrived back on my street. I didn't know why I brought these awful memories back up. It had been a long year and I'd transformed myself, became a different Sasha, a stronger one.
Kirk broke three of my ribs that day and he slashed my face with pieces of the broken bottle. I was in agony for days from the corrective surgery. My parents insisted that I press charges, so I did. He was arrested for domestic assault and actual bodily harm, but he was bailed a week later. That was just the beginning of my nightmare.
"I'm all right, Dex. I just want to go home," I insisted.
"If that bitch was telling the truth, then why is that asshole walking free?" he asked.
I closed my eyes, knowing that there was no point hiding the truth anymore. No one apart from my parents knew exactly what I had gone through. I looked at Dexter, then took a deep breath and started explaining what happened that night. I told him about Kirk, about his drunken episodes, about what he did to me and about the fact that I'd been ready to do anything for a guy that I loved. By the time I was finished, Dexter's fists were clenched, his face unrecognisable, twisted with anger and rage.
"I had him in my hands. Fuck, I wish-"
"Dex, stop it, please. That isn't everything. There is more," I managed to say, dropping my head in my hands.
"Jesus Christ, Sasha, more?!"
"He was bailed and started spreading rumours about me, telling people that I had a breakdown because he broke up with me. He pushed it too far, made out that I became aggressive and started stalking him. Everyone believed him and because we had the same circle of friends, it was easy for him to convince them. I was very insecure then, not the person that I am now. People assumed he was telling the truth, that I was a liar. My friends stopped talking to me, and everyone turned their backs on me. I started getting threatening messages and emails. I had lost everything. I couldn't work, so the hospital had to dismiss me. It was a total shambles."
Dexter was shaking his head, cursing Kirk out. I felt good that I finally got the truth off my chest, that I came clean. I'd found things out about Dexter, pushed him to go to the hospital and he didn't hate me for it. Still, Dexter had to earn back my trust, show me that he changed.
"It was a nightmare and Kirk only got a few months. I didn't get any justice."
"I wish you would have told me earlier. I could have cut off his balls and dick in that hotel. Fuck, I was so close," Dexter growled. "What about that woman from the restaurant? Was she your friend?"
"She used to be our mutual friend, but she knew Kirk first. He went to prison for a few months after the hearing. His mother hired the best solicitor in Glasgow and he made up that he was under a lot of pressure at work, that he was stressed and depressed, which culminated in an unprecedented attack. He had all his friends telling the judge that we loved each other, that I slashed myself with a broken bottle for attention, because I couldn't take it that he broke up with me. Sharon had a thing for him and spread rumours about me."
"Fuck, Sasha, you should have punched her. At least you'd make yourself feel better."
I smiled and closed my eyes. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. It hurts too much. I moved to London because I couldn't take Scotland anymore. That's why I stopped dancing and socialising. I needed to get away, to start over, to bury myself in a new environment. Kirk ruined my life. I haven't had much luck in love or relationships. With you, it was just sex and I enjoyed it. It was fine that we didn't have to label anything, but now I'm done with being a plaything. I'm starting over, so just respect that. Show me that I can trust you, and then I might consider forgiving you."
Dexter
I couldn't fucking believe what I was hearing. That fuckface from the hotel, that pig, dared to lift his hand to my Barbie. He violated her and then turned everyone against her. I'd had a chance to kill him, to pull his eyes out of his sockets, but I let him go. I fucked up. I'd known Sasha for over two months now and I never tried to find out more about her past, never asked any questions. I was so blind, so obsessed with sex that I didn't dare to look further. I hadn't recognised her pain. And now I couldn't fucking get my head around the fact that she had done so much for some douche. I'd guessed that she was damaged, but I'd chosen to ignore it, because I was a coward.
I wanted to take her to my fucking apartment and hold her, tell her that she didn't have to think about this shit anymore, but I had lost my chance. This whole fucking love and emotions stuff was new to me. I had never paid enough attention to her feelings. Or my own. Straight after Pap's death, I shut out my inner turmoil with sex and drugs. It worked, but I drove myself crazy trying to numb the grief. I promised myself that I would never let anyone else in because I couldn't take the pain. Dad had his flaws, but I always wanted him to be in my life.
Now it was a different story.
I couldn't just tell her that I had fallen in love with her. This shit wasn't going to work, not after weeks of convincing her that I wasn't capable of loving anyone.
Later that evening, I was so wound up by her story and the fact that her asshole ex got away with hurting her, that I made a phone call to Ronny. There was no way I was going to let this shit go. "What's up, brother?"
"You know the info that you managed to pull up for me a few weeks ago, on Sasha Scott?"
"Yeah, what about it?"
I hesitated for a split second. This wasn't the best way to start over, but I was furious and that fucker needed to be punished. Barbie's past was shattered. It looked like she had been prepared to do anything for this guy and he simply used and abused her in every possible way.
"Her ex-boyfriend. Dig deep. I want to know if he's clean or if he has something in his pocket, anything that could help me to bring him down. I'll pay you double rate for it if you get me something tonight," I said knowing that Ronny was the best. Either way, that douche was going to pay. I had no idea how, but I could get in touch with people who could find something on anyone. It was just a matter of time and I had the available funds to make him suffer.
I went back to the complex and spent the rest of the night on the laptop waiting for info from Ronny. It was still early, but I needed to study the guy, find the best way to break him.
It was going to be a while before I'd have Sasha back in my bed. The old fucking Dexter had died in the hospital and a new one had been reborn. I was still stubborn as fuck, but now I had a new motivation. I had to get Sasha's trust back.
Ronny did give me something to work on, but around eleven he sent an email, saying that he needed more time. Apparently Kirk Adamson was clean, so I told Ronny to keep looking.
In the morning, my alarm went off at seven. I did my usual workout, but an hour later than I used to before I was admitted to the hospital. I didn't have to be in the office until nine. In the beginning it was hard to get used to this new routine, but now I didn't have to deal with my overactive mind. Sasha wasn't working tonight, but she had pole-dancing training. The hours in the office were dragging, and after countless meetings with my solicitors, I left early.
Mum was on the phone to me, checking if I was all right yet again. We chatted for some time while I waited in the carpark outside the leisure centre. My mother was relentless. She kept saying that I needed to find myself a new hobby. I said my goodbyes when I saw Sasha coming out of her training with a hot red-haired woman, probably another pole dancer. She was more Harry's type than mine.
I stepped out of the car and decided to meet her out front. Three weeks was a long time for me to go without sex. I had a twitch in my pants when I spotted Sasha wearing tightly fitted yoga pants.
The red-haired woman shot me a murderous glare. She didn't look too happy to see me, and I bet that Sasha told her what kind of dick I used to be. I waited patiently until they said their goodbyes. Sasha didn't know that I was planning to see her tonight. This was meant to be a surprise.
"Dexter... hi," she said. "What are you doing here?"
"I was in the neighbourhood, so I thought I could see you," I replied. "Are you hungry?"
She looked like she didn't believe me. "Yes, I am, but we aren't having sex tonight, Dex. I thought that I ma—”
"Jesus, Sash, you're obsessed with my cock." I laughed. My imagination went wild thinking about her and my cock.
"Whatever. I'm letting you know that I'm sticking to what I said earlier."
"Yes, ma'am," I said, saluting, and she rolled her eyes. "Just get in and shut up. We are going out for dinner. I promise that won't touch you unless you want me to, and trust me, you will want it soon." She snorted and glanced around the street, like she was expecting that I was pulling some sort of trick.
"Where are we going?" she asked, folding her arms over her amazing chest. I wanted to wrap my tongue around her nipples. I couldn't focus when she looked so sexy.
"To the complex. I need you to see something." I could see that she wasn't happy, but she went along with the idea. We were silent for most of the drive, and I was hard. My dick was getting out of control around her. That sexy body was right next to me, but I couldn't even touch her, because I'd ruined everything, but I planned on fixing it.
"Did the new resident move in?"
"What resident?"
"The older guy that bought the apartment from me? Did he move in next door yet?"
I smiled, remembering her moans when I was licking her soaking pussy. "No, not yet." This was partly true, but I wasn't ready to say any more just yet.
"What happened to your new car?"
"I returned it, along with about fifteen suits and ties."
She didn't say anything until we were passing through the concierge. Duncan went purple when she asked him if he'd missed her. Fucking tease. She loved making men uncomfortable. Yet all those months ago, she let some douche take advantage of her. I began to realise that I didn't know her at all.
"Dexter, we won't have sex today," she reminded me when we were in the lift. She probably noticed my euphoric smile as I remembered our hot sex in the corridor. I had to stop thinking with my dick. She needed to see that I'd buried old Dexter deep in the ground.
"Barbie, you're obsessed with fucking me. I haven't said anything about sex since we got into the car."
"I'm aware of your tricks," she muttered when I opened the door and let her inside.
"Stop talking like that, because I'm really going to lose my shit and bang you in the corridor again. Let's go to the kitchen."
"I've been in your kitchen before."
"Smart-ass. No, I need you to see that I got rid of all the drugs, weed and buzz. I brought you here for you to see for yourself that I'm not fucking around, Sasha. I'm starting over, clean and honest. You and your tight pussy are the only natural high that I want."