Offside Hearts (Love and Hockey Book 1)

I’m upstairs in my old bedroom, folding some of the laundry I finally had the energy to take care of earlier this morning, when I hear raised voices coming from the first floor. Frowning, I cock my head. It’s not uncommon for my family to get loud, and I know Derek and Josh came over earlier to help Dad install some shelves in the living room, but there’s an edge to the voices that seems off.

I pad over to the bedroom door, and as soon as I open it, the sound of the voices gets clearer.

One belongs to Derek, and the other—

My stomach drops.

Noah.

“She doesn’t want to see you!” Derek shouts. “She doesn’t want anything to do with you at all, so why don’t you just get back in your car and leave, before I make you regret coming here in the first place?”

“Look, I know she’s mad at me.” Noah’s voice is a little quieter, but I can still make out the words. “She has every right to be pissed, but I have to talk to her. Please.”

Unable to stop myself, I creep down the hall toward the stairs but remain at the top, just out of view of the front door. A couple seconds later, I hear the basement door close, and Josh joins the fight.

“What the fuck is he doing here?” my older brother says.

“He’s leaving,” Derek declares hotly. “Right. Now.”

“Guys, please.” There’s a note of desperation in Noah’s voice. “I need to talk to her. Can you just go tell her I’m here?”

I waver for a second, unsure what to do, then take a tentative step down. As the foyer comes partially into view, I realize my brothers haven’t even let Noah over the threshold. He’s still standing outside in the cold, with the two of them barring his way in. He’s big, muscular and broad-shouldered and taller than either of them, but they’re putting up a united front, squared off with him like they’d be willing to fight him if they had to.

My stomach twists, my pulse picking up. Moving of their own accord, my feet descend another few steps, so that now I’m in view of the front door.

The second Noah sees me over Derek’s shoulder, his gaze locks with mine, and it feels like my heart breaks all over again.

“Sunflower,” he breathes, and his voice sounds so wrecked and sad that I don’t immediately turn away and run back up the stairs.

“It’s okay, Margo.” Josh glares at him. “We’ve got this under control. You can go back upstairs. We’ll get rid of him for you.”

“No, wait!” Noah tries to take a step forward, but Josh and Derek close ranks so that there truly is a wall of bodies in front of him. “Just let me talk to you! Please! I need to know if you’ve already quit your job.”

I blink, surprised that he came all the way here to ask me that.

The truth is, I haven’t made up my mind yet, but I’ve been considering it. I don’t think my heart could handle being around Noah every day, and seeing him right now only confirms how hard it will be.

But instead of answering, I just let out a tired sigh. “It’s none of your business.”

“No. No. You can’t quit!” He shakes his head, making a lock of dark brown hair fall over his forehead. His eyes are wild, and he throws out his arms as he adds, “I’ll quit the team if that’s what it takes! I’ll leave the Aces so that you can keep your job.”

Shock lances through me. What?

I have a distinct memory of telling my sister that Noah would never quit the Aces. Hockey is his life, and that team is everything to him. Why would he walk away from it?

His pronouncement seems to surprise my brothers as well, because they both look over their shoulders at me with confused expressions. My heart thuds as I walk down the rest of the stairs and step between them, and they part to let me through, leaving me and Noah standing face to face.

“What did you just say?” I whisper.

“I said I’ll quit the team.” Noah swallows. “I don’t care. I’ll do whatever it takes so that your career isn’t ruined by all of this.”

“Why would you do that?” I ask, my eyes bouncing between his.

“Because I… I fucked up.” His blue eyes turn glassy, and his hands twitch as if he wants to reach for me but is holding himself back. “I fucked up, and I have to make it right. You deserve that job, Margo. You’re incredible at it, and you deserve to keep it.”

“I deserved a boyfriend who didn’t cheat on me too,” I remind him, my voice quiet. “But we don’t always get what we deserve.”

He winces, but instead of looking away, he keeps holding my gaze, not hiding the raw emotions churning in his eyes. He licks his lips, dropping his voice low, although I’m sure Derek and Josh can still hear him.

“Will you let me explain?” he pleads. “Will you let me try to fix this?”

My skin prickles, feeling almost too tight for my body. Maybe the smarter thing to do would be to turn around, go back upstairs, and let my brothers deal with Noah. But I know if I don’t get closure, the wreckage of our relationship will haunt me forever. I don’t know how it would be possible for him to fix a broken heart, but I do want and deserve an explanation.

“Fine,” I say, but I don’t step aside and let him into the house. I don’t want to have this conversation here, in front of my entire family. “I’ll meet you back at my apartment in an hour.”

“Really?” A glimmer of hope lights in his eyes. He still looks haggard and worn out, like he did the day I waited outside his building, but some of the tension in his face eases.

I nod and tell him to go before Derek and Josh take it upon themselves to throw him out on his ass. He holds my gaze as he backs away from the door, so much longing burning in his eyes that it makes my chest ache. When he slides into his Mercedes and drives away, I slowly shut the door and turn around to face the prying eyes of my brothers and parents, the latter of whom have now walked into the entryway to join us.

“Margo,” Derek says, his expression still dark. “Are you sure about this?”

“No.” I shrug, letting out a soft laugh because it’s better than crying. “But what other choice do I have?”

“You could tell him to fuck off,” Josh grunts, then gives Mom a guilty look and adds, “Sorry.”

Mom rolls her eyes at him, then walks toward me and reaches out a hand. “Colorful language aside, your brother makes a good point. If you don’t want to talk to Noah, you don’t have to. You don’t owe him anything.”

“I know I don’t.” I take a deep breath. “But… I owe it to myself. We barely even talked that day outside his condo, and if he’s willing to talk now, I need to hear what he has to say. I need to know what happened. No matter how badly it hurts, I have to find out why Noah did this.”

If my mother thinks I’m making a mistake, she doesn’t say it.

She just nods, squeezing my hand. “Then go.”

Noah is sitting on the steps outside my building when I arrive in Denver forty minutes later. Snow has started to fall, and his head and shoulders are dusted with a thin layer of it, making me think he didn’t go home and has been waiting outside in the cold this whole time. His forearms are braced on his legs, and he’s staring down at the pavement when I pull up.

He looks stressed and sleep deprived, which is exactly how I’m feeling, but that doesn’t make me feel any more connected to him. I’m honestly just glad to know he’s been suffering as much as I have, as petty as that is.

I get out of the car, and he looks up, then jumps to his feet immediately. I unlock the front door of my building, and we walk in together and head up toward my unit in silence.

I’m almost uncomfortably aware of him behind me as we walk up the stairs, the tension between us even more palpable in the confined space. The moment we reach my apartment and the door closes behind us, I cross my arms and turn to face him.

“Alright. Talk.”

“Can we… sit down?” He motions to the couch.

“Why? You’re not going to be here long.”

His face falls. “Look, I know you don’t want to be around me right now, Sunflower. But I promise you, there’s no way you hate me more than I hate myself. I fucked up. I fucked up so badly.”

Pain spreads through my chest. “I know.”

“No.” He shakes his head, frustration clear in his features. “Not like that. Not the way you think. Margo—I didn’t sleep with that woman. I didn’t get her pregnant.”

My head jerks back almost like I’ve been slapped.

His words hover in the air between us as I gape at him for several long seconds in shock.

I don’t know what to do with that. It’s what I wanted so badly to hear him say when I saw him after he got back from his away game, what I was praying he would tell me. But now that he’s standing in front of me and denying the whole thing, I don’t feel any better.

Because I don’t believe him.

I can’t.

My throat feels like sandpaper as I swallow. “Noah…”

“I was trying to protect you,” he mutters, running his hands through his hair. “And I just made everything worse.”

“What are you…? Protect me from what?”

I don’t understand what the fuck is happening. The way he’s talking makes no sense, and I don’t know how breaking my heart could possibly protect me from anything.

“Do you mean by keeping your cheating a secret?” I squeeze my hands into fists at my sides as emotions well up. “The truth always comes out eventually, Noah. And it’s not like it would’ve been any better if I’d never found out. You still would’ve been lying to me and messing around on me.”

“No! I’m telling you, I didn’t sleep with her.”

There’s an almost desperate note in his voice now, and he takes a step toward me, but I take one backward, maintaining the distance between us.

“You keep saying that,” I say quietly. “But you told a stranger on the street that you did. You told him that you’d gotten her pregnant. You told the world that you’d gotten her pregnant. So why should I believe you now?”

“Because it’s true.” His voice is rough, and tears glint in his eyes. “I would never, ever cheat on you, Sunflower. You will always be it for me. Even if you never forgive me for what I did, even if you hate me for the rest of your life, I’ll still love you. I can’t do anything but love you. I don’t know how.”

His words twist in my chest, and my lips tremble as tears spill down my face.

“Then say something to make me believe you,” I whisper.

He clenches his jaw, like he’s debating something internally, then he lets out a slow, shuddering breath. “My dad knows about the money you stole.”

My eyes flare wide, horror ricocheting through me. “You told hi—?”

“No! God, no, Margo. I didn’t say a word. I never would, especially not to him. He…” Disgust contorts Noah’s features. “He did a background check on you. Hired a private investigator. He was worried that you were some kind of gold digger after my family’s money, so he dug into your background. Apparently, someone else who used to work for Nathaniel Osborn figured out what you did, and the PI got them to talk about it.”

I can’t breathe. This is so far from anything I expected Noah to say that it leaves me reeling, the room seeming to spin around me. My legs wobble, and I reach out, resting a hand on the wall to steady myself.

I didn’t think anyone but my sister and I knew about the twenty grand I stole from Nathaniel Osborn, but I did wonder if any of his other employees could guess what I had done. I always figured none of them had caught on to the way I skimmed from the expense account—but apparently, one of them did.

Who it is doesn’t really matter now, but the fact that Noah’s father knows about my theft is terrifying.

I close my eyes, trying to sort through the barrage of thoughts crashing around in my head, then open them again.

“Wait. What does this have to do with the pregnant woman? With you cheating?”

“I wasn’t the one who cheated.” Noah shakes his head, his jaw tight. “Brent did. He had an affair, fucked around on Gwen, and the woman he was seeing on the side got pregnant. It would reflect badly on the entire family if Brent, who’s basically the face of the family business now, got caught in an affair… so my dad decided I should be the one to take the hit.”

I’m frozen in place, staring at him as he speaks, and he holds my gaze, shaking his head emphatically.

“I told him no, Margo. I told him to fuck off and deal with it some other way. But that’s when he told me what he’d learned about you, and he threatened to ruin your career if I didn’t do what he wanted. He threatened to tell Nathaniel, to tell the police, and I couldn’t let him do that.”

“So you… lied,” I breathe. “About cheating on me. About having a baby.”

He nods, looking miserable. “I didn’t want to. I fucking hated knowing that I was hurting you. But I couldn’t let my dad hurt you worse.”

My stomach twists, my heart thudding painfully against my ribs. “Why didn’t you tell me all of this?”

“It was part of the deal I made with my father,” he says, a bitter edge to his voice. “He wouldn’t use the blackmail material he has against you, as long as I didn’t tell anyone—including you—that the story about me getting Rachel Travers pregnant was a lie.”

I drag in a breath. “So why are you telling me now?”

“Because I couldn’t stand lying to you anymore.” Tears spill over his eyelids, tracking down his cheeks. “I couldn’t stand knowing how much I’d hurt you. That I’d destroyed your faith in people. In love. And when Reese told me you were thinking about leaving the Aces, something inside me just snapped. I know this job means so much to you, and I was trying to keep you from losing it by making a bargain with my dad. But you were about to quit anyway, and it made me realize that in trying to protect you, I had just… broken everything.”

He wipes the back of his hand over his cheeks, anguish written across his face. When he steps toward me this time, I don’t move at all, letting him close the distance between us.

For a second, I think he’s going to try to pull me into his arms, and I’m not quite sure what I’ll do if he does.

But then he drops to his knees in front of me instead, looking up at me with pleading eyes.

“Please,” he breathes roughly. “Please tell me I didn’t ruin us completely. Please tell me I can still make it right.”