Ocean Cove

For the next two weeks, the days seemed as though someone had hit a fast-forward button on time, but somehow left me going about at my normal pace as if they wanted to prolong my suffering as much as possible. Everyone around me was going about their lives normally, as if a great tragedy hadn’t taken place, whereas I felt like I’d grown distant from the world around me because of that tragedy, and was contented with retreating into my own little place in my mind, where the outside world couldn’t interfere and I could drown in my pain in peace.

I felt like everyone around me who was laughing, happy, or enjoying themselves in any way was making a rude, obscene gesture. Lyla was usually the source of happiness for me and as she was now gone, there were no good reasons for such behavior. Lyla’s departure meant nothing to them. She was just another person to them. Someone they didn’t have to think about.

Without Lyla to really give them purpose, the days started to lose all appeal to me and I passed them almost like a robot, only having enough time for my sadness and depression.

With December also came the sudden, constant, heavy downpour of rain that felt like crushed ice on my skin whenever I got caught in it. It was becoming a usual thing for me to wake up in the morning to find a kind of weak grey-golden sunlight in the room because of thick, dark clouds lying low in the sky. Though most people would see this as a hindrance, there was something calming about it for me. I always loved rain, and now it kept me calm when I felt like I wanted to explode. But it wasn’t good enough to bring me out of my despondency.

My parents were actually getting worried, as they were sure I was falling into a

depression. They didn’t come right out and tell me this. It would have been awkward for us. A

few days after Lyla left, I noticed them watching me very closely, but whenever I tried to catch them at it, they’d conveniently be engaged in something else. It was the last thing I wanted, but my parents knew I wasn’t getting much sleep and they were concerned about me.

Every time I closed my eyes I would see Lyla smiling and staring at me, and that I could handle. But it was too much to fall asleep and have to watch her leave over and over again. I’d always wake up a few hours after falling asleep with a huge, unbearable pain in my chest.

I woke up on Tuesday morning (I’d actually been awake for hours) of the second week of December to the same cloudy sky. Rain hadn’t yet fallen, but the sound of thunder was loud in the sky and the air carried that scent that preceded showers. I got out of bed with the same empty feeling I was carrying around for weeks.

When I got downstairs for breakfast, I said good morning to my parents as I normally would, to give them the impression I was doing fine, but from the sympathetic looks on their faces, I knew it didn’t work. I sighed deeply, sat down and tucked into my pancakes and eggs. Mom and Dad were soon engaged in their own conversation, leaving me to myself. As I ate, as I’d been doing every day since she left, I tried to connect with Lyla, both emotionally and mentally. But just like every other time there was nothing there, like our connection no longer existed. I figured I wasn’t getting anything because Lyla was probably blocking our connection, but some irrational part of my brain always wondered if our connections failed because Lyla’s feelings towards me were gone. I didn’t entertain those thoughts very long, because I knew how Lyla felt about me, and those feelings didn’t just disappear no matter how far or how long she went away.

However, knowing she was the one blocking the link hurt a lot worse than being stuck back here without any information about her. I didn’t like feeling that everyday took me further away from her.

As soon as I was finished eating, I pushed my plate away, got up and left--fully aware of my parents’ gaze at my back--to get ready for school, and once I was done I tried to leave without saying much more than goodbye, because I knew what was coming…

“Chase, wait.” Mom said as I swung my bag over my shoulder, about to head for the door. “I was wondering… if you would mind if I drove you to school today?”

“I’m riding with Nick today, Mom. Sorry. Next time, okay?” I replied half-apologetically, half-rushed, and then ran through the door. Once I was a couple feet from the house, I sighed with relief and that actually got a smile out of me--the first in weeks. I’d just escaped a weird conversation. When I realized what got me to smile, the smile faded immediately. With all the conversations my parents were having about me, I figured one of them would have tried talking to me about what I was going through, and I honestly thought Dad would have tried first.

It was a few minutes to eight when I reached the bus stop, so there were already lots of other school kids around. I found Nikolai sitting alone, sulking and somehow still managing to like a carving of a sad, Greek god.

Apart from me, Lyla’s departure was hardest on Nick because they were so close.

“Any news?” He knew what I meant.

“No, sorry. Nothing.”

The bus came into view, so he took up his backpack and stood up.

“I was actually going to ask you that, or aren’t you still getting through?”

I shook my head, and I saw his face fall a little. I knew he and his family were depending on my connection with Lyla to know how she was doing.

As soon as the bus stopped, most people rushed for the door as usual. But today was the first time I noticed something strange. Even though the door was completely blocked, somehow everyone kind of absentmindedly moved out of the way to let Nick pass. All I had to do was stick close to him.

“Seriously, dude, how do you do that?” I asked as we climbed onto the bus.

“How do I do what?” He replied innocently. I shook my head in amazement.

I took a seat in the middle of the bus, and Nikolai was about to sit next to me when Kristian zipped past him and dropped into it so fast, it left us both taken aback. I soon recovered from this sudden surprise and wondered if Kristian knew how much danger he was in. Nikolai and I, especially Nikolai, would have loved to take our pain out on him.

It seemed like he did know, because he threw up his hands and whispered to me, knowing Nick would hear, “I don’t want any trouble. I just want to talk. Seriously.”

Nikolai leered at Kristian for a few seconds, but when his eyes flickered to me, I nodded and he took the seat behind us on the left. Two rows ahead of us on the left, I saw Kimberly’s head flick back towards us a couple times. Seeing me and her brother together definitely made her nervous.

“What do you want?” I asked abruptly and acidly, not looking at Kristian. He took a deep breath, as if to force down a retort that would usually follow, before he responded.

“My dad told me about the meeting and about your – that the Morgan girl left. I’m

sorry.”

“No, you’re not,” I spat at him.

“What?” Kristian replied, stunned.

“You’re not sorry Lyla’s gone,” I said, turning to look through the window. “You didn’t exactly keep it a secret that you didn’t like her. In fact you’re probably glad she’s gone. One less soul sucker on the island, right?”

I was deliberately not looking at Kristian because I didn’t want him to see the pain on my face, so I forced myself to look unnerved before I turned around.

“What makes it worse is, you hated her just for what she was, even though she hadn’t hurt anyone. And you hate me because I-I love her. If you had known the kind of person she was, you wouldn’t have been so quick to judge her.”

I wanted what I said to hurt him, but I knew better than to hope for that. When I looked back at him, Kristian was merely staring at me with his mouth open as if he was contemplating whether to say what was on his mind or to play nice. I seriously doubted he was actually lost for words. But then again, it really didn’t matter to me.

The bus made a sharp, sudden right turn, which made Kristian slide onto me. I pushed him off, which must have seemed rude but I didn’t care.

“What is it you want, Kristian?” I said bluntly.

I caught a small glimpse of annoyance on his face, but surprisingly he kept it to himself.

He sighed deeply than said:

“A couple days ago some of the council members were over at our house, talking with my parents. I overheard my dad talking, and he said you… that you went on a spirit walk.”

The bus stopped again and another group of students got onboard, talking loudly with friends. The last few to get on had to remain standing as there were no more seats and those who stood to the front blocked Kimberley from our view.

“So, what’s it to you?” I asked.

“Well, the thing is, I’ve been trying for months and I know it’s not an easy thing to do, but it’s never worked.”

“Why?” I was slightly intrigued.

“I’m not really sure, but my dad told me you have to have strong focus and the mind has to be ready. I’ve been trying to condition myself for months, but nothing ever happens, which is why I wanted to talk to you. Since you did it on your first try…”

“You want to know exactly what I did to make it work.”

Kristian turned his head away shamefully. I knew coming to me for help took a great deal of courage from him, but in my current state, I had no sympathy for him and felt no remorse in taking pleasure from that.

“I had a need, a purpose.” I admitted after a moment’s silence. “I didn’t just want to do it for the sake of doing it, so I guess that kind of fueled it.”

“Thanks,” Kristian said softly, about to get up, but before he did, I said, “I hope killing Aquamuns won’t become your purpose, ’cause see then we’d have a problem.”

He ignored that and walked to the back of the bus. I guess he preferred to stand with his friends than sit next to me. It was a relief to know that.

Before anyone could take the seat next to me, Nikolai took it.

“You know, I’m really sorry you didn’t provoke him. I would have enjoyed kicking his ass. Plus his face would benefit from a little… readjusting.”

Despite how I felt, I managed another smile, though it fell away as quickly as the one before. There was no real joy left in my world.

From that moment my day sank back into its usual routine. I went to my classes, depressed and detached from the world around me, where I tried my best to focus on my lessons, but the voices of all my teachers were unappealing to me, which resulted in my mind constantly drifting off to the very thing or person I didn’t want to think about.

By the time I’d met Nick for lunch after Social Studies, I was agitated and had grown tired of school, and unfortunately for him, Dre picked this time to pester me. Nikolai and I were at one of the good lunch tables alone, where I was sadly watching my ex-friends, when he came over with his three friends and dropped into the seat next to me. I really hoped this wasn’t going to be a regular thing. His three friends stood close by.

“I always figured you weren’t a very smart person,” he said, “but I thought even you would’ve known how great Lyla was and done your best to keep her. But I underestimated you, you managed to freak her out enough to make her leave the country.”

I was surprised to actually hear fury in his voice, as if he was hurt Lyla was gone. Did he actually have true feelings for her?

Nikolai leaned forward as though he was about to hit Dre, but before he could I shook my head to tell him no. Dre just needed to be put in his place, not a couple broken bones. But then he turned his eyes on Nick.

“And let’s not forget about you. How could you let him do that to your sister? Just chase her away and still hang around with the guy. If it was my sister, I’d beat the crap out of him, but then maybe you can’t, or maybe you don’t care enough about your own sister to do anything,”

He finished with a slight sneer. He just couldn’t help taunting us, which was unfortunate for him. Even without his supernatural strength, I don’t think even a dozen people would’ve had the strength to keep Nick in his seat. As soon as he stood up, Dre’s friends walked over to him, probably believing they could take him in fight.

Not that Nick needed my help, or that I was even afraid he would hurt them, but I jumped in as well, just because I needed to blow off a lot of anger, and at the time a good fight seemed the perfect way to do just that.

Without any regrets, and before Dre had time to even stand properly, I punched him in the left side of his face, with a huge amount of gratification. But faster than I cared for, he recovered and threw a punch into my stomach. I immediately doubled over in pain as the air rushed out of me. He wasted no time in pounding every part of my back he could reach, but I quickly recovered from his first punch and tackled him to the floor, where we matched each other blow for blow. I also expected Dre’s friends to try and get in as well, but remembered Nikolai must’ve been bored only having to deal with the three of them.

By now, most students in the school had surrounded us to watch the much loved ‘entertainment’. Those who weren’t in the crowd watched from the balconies on the second and third floors. A few daring boys (and one or two girls) even climbed the trees to get a good view.

As I narrowly missed a blow from Dre, I noticed all the students were running away in every direction, which meant one thing – a teacher was on the way. Dre seemed to realize this too, because he backed off, shot me a dirty look and ran off into the crowd with his friends, who I was glad to see were all pretty beaten up.

That’s all I need, to be labeled a troublemaker, I thought angrily to myself. “Let’s get outta here.” I told Nikolai, who seemed just fine.

“Dude, trust me, they’re going to find you before school’s over,” Nick said with a smile, handing me my backpack as he swung his over his shoulder.

“No,” I said taking Nick’s arm, leading him away from the scene of our fight. “I mean let’s ditch this place. I can’t stand it here anymore, I need to get out of here and do something, anything fun.”

Nikolai forced me to stop when we reached the back fence. There wasn’t a gate back here and the fence was like seven feet high, but I felt like every step I took away from school was a step in making me feel better.

As Nick looked at me, I looked back at him, straight in the eyes, and for the first time I saw the older, more experienced man he really was, but the second he blinked he was back to his normal self.

Without any warning, Nikolai took hold of my shoulders and with ease, lifted me off my feet and threw me over the fence. By the time I’d hit the ground on the other side, Nick was already there and helped me to my feet.

“Dude, let’s tear this place up,” he shouted with a wicked smile playing on his lips. I smiled too, and this time it stayed there.

* * *

Ditching school is never a good thing, I knew that. I also knew my parents were going to be really angry when they found out about the fight and that I had left school early. But this was one of those times when you just couldn’t worry about consequences. Besides, Nikolai was such a good distraction and company I didn’t even worry about that until later.

We headed straight to the beach, one not too far from our school, where we spent the rest of the afternoon playing games, eating and swimming, though a couple times, Nick did ditch me to frolic with a couple girls, but I didn’t feel bad about that. It was good to see him somewhat back to normal. I used to do the same with everyone else when I was with Lyla.

Around 6:00 pm we hopped into Sheila (Nikolai went home for it), headed to town and somehow Nick got us onto a private party on the Catamaran Cathleen. No one seemed concerned about our age, so we saw no problem with enjoying the party.

By the time it was over, it was obvious I was hurt (that’s Caribbean talk for drunk – the place was growing on me), so Nick had to drive us home. Alcohol had no effect on Aquamuns.

“Whoa, something just hit me,” I mumbled, my words slurred.

“Bug in the face?”

“No.” I was feeling incredibly uneasy, so I had my window fully rolled down as I rested back in my seat. “You’re the first person I ever let drive Sheila. That’s like really huge, dude.”

“Yeah it is.” I heard Nick say with humor in his voice as I concentrated on flashing scenes outside my window. “And so were all those bottles of vodka that seemed to strangely disappear around you.”

At that moment, my head started to spin and I moaned.

“Don’t worry, we’re almost home.” I could still hear that sneer in Nick’s voice. “Though if I were you, I’d consider wanting to sleep somewhere else.”

My head started to feel strangely light on my slumped body, and worst of all, I kept saying everything that came to mind.

“I love sleeping in my bed. It reminds me a lot of Lyla and I really miss her. I miss her so

much.”

“Yeah, me too,” Nick mumbled the same time we passed under a streetlight. There was no trace of humor when he said that.

“You’re pretty funny,” I babbled to Nick suddenly. It even seemed to startle him. “I really needed this. Thanks a lot Nikolai.”

“You might want to hold off on the thanks till you’ve seen the tattoo.”

I started giggling uncontrollably. “There’s that humor again. You really are a good friend, I don’t think I’ve ever told you that so there it is. Ever since Lyla left, you’ve been there for me, even though you needed support yourself and I was too wrapped up in me to help, you still stood by me. Thanks a lot.”

I could tell Nikolai was caught off guard by what I said (so was I, for that matter). He was actually stunned for a couple seconds. We bumped fists, then he chuckled.

“Don’t expect me to hug you while I’m driving.”

“You’re lucky I don’t make you say ‘I love you’.” I didn’t see the concerned look on his face because I was looking through the window at the cold blackness beyond. That’s when I got the urge. Even though I knew nothing was going to happen and it was only going to make me feel worse, the allure of the possibility that this was the time was too strong. I just couldn’t resist, but when I tried to reach out to the bond, I could barely feel it, which I figured was the result of my intoxication.

“Lyla. I love you and I miss you so much. I want you to come back, please.”

My chest tightened with pain and a tear rolled down my face. Nikolai placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, but I didn’t notice any of this because I’d fallen asleep. When I woke up, before I even opened my eyes, the sunlight in my face felt like it was going to burn my eyes out, and I would have sworn my head was swollen from the way it hurt. I felt so weird at first I couldn’t even get up, but when I finally did I began wishing I hadn’t because I had to run to the bathroom, even though every step sent a terrible, splitting pain to my head. When I’d finally pushed the bathroom door open and dropped to my knees by the toilet, I vomited worse than I ever did in my life.

I’d never drunk so much alcohol. It wasn’t something I cared to go through again. Every single sound was like a new assault on my ears.

When I was sure I was done being sick, I flushed the toilet with a shaky hand (it sounded like a waterfall), dropped onto the cold bathroom floor and let my head fall onto my knees. I wasn’t going to be sick again, not physically, but I did feel horrible with how I let my emotions control my actions, though I didn’t regret it. If Lyla knew how I’d been acting (for all I knew she did) she would be disappointed. But then if she cared, she wouldn’t have left, I thought to myself.

Since Lyla left I experienced moments of irrational bursts of anger towards her, and I would always convince myself I was being unreasonable. But this time I just wanted to let it consume me, because if anything it could help me focus more.

“Chase, get down here now.” Dad bellowed from downstairs. “Don’t make me come up there for you.” After that, I heard him unloading loudly to Mom about my recent behavior.

Through the alcoholic buzz I was feeling, I felt a strong stinging pain at the way my father sounded talking about me. I guess I didn’t prefer the shouting at all. With a heavy sigh, I forced myself onto my feet. Dizzy and staggering slightly, I headed downstairs.

My father was aggressively pacing around the living room, constantly rubbing his hands together the way he always did when he was frustrated. When I got there, he just looked at me and continued his pacing, so I went and joined Mom at the table. Although it was more passive,

I could see the same frustration on her face. There wasn’t any breakfast (which was a good thing) owing to my queasy stomach, so Mom just sat there avoiding my eye by drinking her coffee and reading one of the two newspapers on the table: The East Island Times newspaper. The headline on the front page of a folded edition of the Daily Sun lying on the table caught my eye.

Lifeless Man To Be Sent To Geriatric Institution

I took up the paper and unfolded it to see huge picture of Chris, which appeared to be taken after we’d left him in the old house. He was in the same slumped position and the camera even caught that eerie, empty expression on his face. There were only a couple lines under his picture:

Doctors at the PHH (Prince Henry Hospital) have been left baffled as they have finally concluded they have no answers or even theories as to what could have happened to Christopher Weeks, who was admitted to the hospital more than three weeks ago. What makes this case so strange is the fact that Mr. Weeks seems to be in perfect health. “Christopher Weeks was admitted here because, according to close friends and colleagues, he wasn’t suffering from any mental illnesses,” Reports Dr. Hansel, “which suggests whatever brought on this complete unresponsive state he is in, is medical. However we’ve run all manner of test on his body and brain, and have yet to find a cause for his sickness. So as he doesn’t require medical attention, he will be sent to a geriatric hospital, where there will be trained professionals who can care for him. However, we will still continue over investigation into this strange case.

The rest of the article told of how he was found, so I threw it back down. At least he can’t hurt anyone else now. The same time the paper hit the table, my father stopped pacing and looked at me. For a second I thought he was going to hit me. He had never punished me, that was always Mom’s thing, but then they never had to deal with anything of this magnitude.

“I don’t even know what to say to you right now,” Dad began, looking like he was straining to keep as calm as possible, which wasn’t any good as he was already close to shouting.

“Joe, calm down.” Mom got up and went over to him, but he shrugged her off. “No Lilly. We shouldn’t have to be dealing with this. We give him everything he wants, give him more freedom than he can handle and this is the thanks we get. Acting out, running away, fighting, skipping school and now we can add getting drunk to the list. And what’s worse, you took Nikolai with you.” Dad was now in a full rage. “It’s a good thing he’s such a good a friend. He made sure you didn’t get hurt and got home okay. I would like you to tell us what prompted this behavior this time. No, wait,” Dad said, putting up a hand to cut me off, though I had nothing to say. Dad let loose a short, sharp laugh that held no humor in it. “Let me guess: Lyla.”

I flinched in my chair. These days Lyla’s name coming off the tongue of others was like a sharp knife across my skin.

Dad glanced over at Mom, who was looking at him as though warning him to calm

down.

“I know how you felt about her, but you’re taking this way further than you should. You two were only together for a couple months, and it’s not like she’ll be your last.”

I was prepared to listen to what my parents had to say (or shout) at me and prayed they didn’t punish me too heavily. But hearing that Lyla was supposed to be just another girlfriend wasn’t something I could just let slide.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. You have no idea. I –” I was shaking slightly and on the edge of my seat. I wanted to say so much, but it felt like it all wanted to spill out at once, which left me speechless. I balled my hands and took two deep, steadying breaths before I continued.

“When I came here, we all know I hated it. I was unhappy, a mess. But then I met Lyla. She… she didn’t just get me to love it here, she changed my whole life. I fell in love with her and

through some miracle or act of God, she loved me back. And I’m honest with you, I never went out looking for someone to love, but I found her. These last few months with her have been unbelievable. I was closer to her than I’ve ever been with anyone else in my life and now she’s gone and I don’t know if she’s ever coming back or if she even wants to and it’s all because of me. Everything reminds me of her and it hurts too much to ignore or just get over.”

I’d pushed my chair back and was standing up. My Dad still had the same angry expression on his face, but Mom’s had changed, though I couldn’t tell to what. She walked up to me and spread her arms out to me, but I stepped back, out of her reach.

“No!” I shouted. For some reason my voice was weakening and my eyes were starting to sting with the tears I’d been desperately trying to hold back. “I can’t stay here anymore. It’s just too hard. I need to leave.”

“Leave?!” Mom repeated, obviously caught off guard. “Leave and go where? This is your home.”

She almost sounded like she was pleading. She looked at Dad for help, but he just remained silent. How was it we got to this? Was I really responsible? Did I really drive us apart?

“It doesn’t feel like home anymore.”

I walked past my horror-struck mother and went up the stairs, but not before I noticed the mixture of anger and disappointment on my father’s face.

* * *

“I’m so happy you get to spend Christmas with us this year. For some reason the house always feels a little dull around the Christmas holidays.” Grangran said, trying to decide which of two bags of sugar to buy. We were shopping inside Cost-Mart, the local superstore.

“But Granddad’s with you,” I said, pointing to the first bag of sugar. She smiled and placed it in the half-full cart. “Well yes. But it’s always better with more family around. Plus your grandfather seems to think the holidays are a time to eat and sleep.”

“Aren’t they?” I joked. Grangran and I laughed heartily.

It was Friday and it was my second day here. On Wednesday morning when I’d declared I wanted to leave, I called my grandparents, who had already heard about me skipping school and were very concerned about me, so they agreed to let me stay with them.

It was strange, but from the time I landed in Texas I felt as though most of my worries had been left in East Island. Here you couldn’t find anyone more normal than my grandparents. Here there was no magic (that I knew about), no one trying to kill me and no supernatural problems to worry about. But knowing I had nothing to worry about only left me with one thing to think about--Lyla. She was constantly on my mind these days, despite my best efforts to keep thoughts of her away, and that was mostly because I’d finally got something from her from our connection.

It happened when I was on the plane to Texas. I was inevitably drifting off to sleep when they were showing Pretty Woman. My head was feeling light and dizzy and that’s when it happened. It was like falling into a dream while still knowing you’re awake. I was standing on the beach looking up at our house with strong feelings of longing and desire. I felt like all I wanted was to go up to the house I’d come to know so well. The only one I ever loved was in there.

“Is he okay?” Asked someone behind me in a beautiful, musical voice. Whoever it was, walked closer to me and said: “Physically, he’s fine. Emotionally, well according to

Nikolai, he’s not doing so well, but he is getting through. Whenever I see him, it seems as though he’s struggling through every day, but he’s a strong young man.”

I looked away from the house and turned towards the sea where Marcus was standing, looking at me. “It’s not so easy for us either Lyla, we do miss you.”

“Oh father, I miss you too, but I can’t return as long as Chase is here, I’m too much of a danger to him. When the time comes I will come home, but now’s not that time. Father please don’t tell anyone I was here.” Marcus sighed, moonlight dancing on his skin the way it did with Lyla’s. As a wave crashed onto the shore, he came closer to me and drew me into a hug.

“I won’t tell them. Just remember how much we love you,” Marcus said, drawing back.

“I love you too, father. Goodbye.” I looked back at the house on the hill, the one that was home to my love, bid goodbye to my father, then ran back to the comforting depths of the sea. >>

At that moment the mental bond closed, but through our emotional bond I felt a huge wave of affection towards me, but that was also quickly closed to me, and I woke up with a heavy heart.

From then I’d been constantly trying to connect with Lyla, hoping to catch her off-guard so I’d be able to get some kind of idea of what she was feeling. But I had no luck, and as I still had no idea of how to control our mental link, that wasn’t even an option. I was willing to bet Lyla had that secured too, just in case. So I was left only to hope she was trying to contact me, though I soon came to believe maybe that was a one time thing, whether intentional or not I didn’t know. After a while I convinced myself that I’d be able to get through the days better if I just tried to think of her less. As impossible as it seemed, I had to try.

As soon we finished shopping, Grangran and I headed home, mostly in silence, only exchanging a couple words during the entire car ride. From the moment I arrived I’d expected one or both my grandparents to sit me down to have a talk, much like the last time I was there, but up until now they hadn’t so much as looked at me seriously, which led me to believe they were going to wait until after Christmas so I could enjoy the holidays. I had no problem with

that. I felt so comfortable here, so strangely relaxed that the days seemed to just drift away from me as easily as a leaf on the wind.

I was home most of the time. As there was always something to occupy my time, I failed to even notice how fast the days were going until Christmas Eve had arrived.

My grandparents celebrated Christmas like most people in the Caribbean. The whole house had been cleaned, curtains changed, furniture polished and the dishes and cutlery washed. Most of the food was prepared on Christmas Eve night, so at around ten that night the house was filled with the mouthwatering smell of baking ham and both plain pudding and the classic Caribbean Rum Cake. At one point I could have sworn that, like on TV, the aroma was actually steam which turned into a ghostly hand beckoning me to the kitchen.

“Mmmm,” Granddad moaned from the living room. “The thought of your puddings at Christmas are just one of the things that get me through the year.” Grangran and I laughed.

“Does your mother still make her own puddings or does she go for the store bought ones now?” Grangran asked, pouring the last pudding batter into a pan.

“She still does make her own,” I answered, scooping up the last of the batter in a spoon and eating it. “Two years ago she wanted to try the store ones, but we didn’t like it nearly as much as hers, so we went back to tradition. Mmmm, Gran this batter is really good.”

“Lilly doesn’t let you have the batter at home?”

“Nah, she’s always talking about salmonella or whatever,” I said, licking the last of the cake batter. I stopped suddenly when I saw my Grandmother staring at me intently.

“What?” I asked.

Grangran placed the last cake pan into the oven and turned back to me.

“Let’s sit over here,” she said, indicating the table in the kitchen. I sighed when I realized what was happening. The talk I was dreading was finally here.

We sat at the table and Grangran wiped her hand in the kitchen towel she had over her shoulder. She remained silent for a couple minutes, probably making sure she knew what she wanted to say.

I really didn’t want to go through with this conversation because it would inevitably find its way to Lyla, and I was afraid from the moment I talked about how I truly felt when she left, that all that pain would come racing back to me all at once.

I would have run out of the house at top speed and gone somewhere, anywhere actually, but I knew that would have done no good and decided it was just best to get the talk over and done with now. If there only was the slightest chance at avoiding this...

“Grangran I think I know what you’re going to tell me.”

“Well maybe that’s true, but I think it would be better for you if we still talked. It does help to say things out loud. Chase, tell me what’s going on with you.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but I actually had no idea what I was going to say. The last thing I thought I would have said slipped out.

“I don’t think I can go on any longer without her,” I whispered, looking away from my grandmother. Now that I’d started, I felt like I couldn’t stop. Everything I’d kept bottled up just forced its way to my mouth. “Ever since Lyla left, I’ve felt like she took the best part of me with her, leaving this angry, bitter person behind. She is the best part of me.”

There was a new found sadness to my voice I hadn’t even noticed coming on, and there was nothing I could do about it.

“Without her I feel… empty… and lost… and I feel like I’ve lost my place in the world. Now I’m always angry and most things people say upset me. Every day I wake up thinking today’s the day Lyla’s coming back, but she never does. Somehow I know she’s never coming back, no matter how many dreams I get, but that still doesn’t stop me from having useless hope. It doesn’t stop that voice in my head from telling me maybe she will come back. Every

day I miss her. Grangran, every day, and it makes me feel like… my life will never get better. You know, you always hear people say ‘it gets easier’ but the truth is, it never does.”

“Well, Chase, maybe that’s true, but you do learn to live with it.”

“That’s the most depressing thing I’ve ever heard,” I said, taken aback. “I don’t want to learn to live with this pain. I don’t want it at all.”

Grangran sighed. Not in an exasperated way, but like her heart was breaking just by looking at me.

“Chase, you’re only seventeen. You will find someone else. Lyla was only your first love. You will have another.”

“I don’t want another.” I said softly, looking down at my hands because I could feel a few tears starting to escape. “I just want her back. I feel like Lyla’s my true love. Even if I were to find someone else I liked, even if they had a year, they couldn’t make me feel as happy as Lyla could in an hour. You can understand that, right?”

Grangran didn’t respond for a while. I knew a little of what I was saying had gotten through.

Actually voicing my true feelings made me feel somewhat better, like a weight had been lifted off my chest, but I regretted it almost instantly when I saw the look my grandmother now had on her face.

“Don’t look at me like that, please.”

“Like what?” Grangran asked, looking at me calmly.

“Like you’re sorry for me. Like you pity your little grandson who just got dumped. Well, I’m not little so… I…” I sighed and just stopped, but she continued to look at me as though she knew I had more to say.

“How could she just do that? She said she loved me, she said she would always be here for me. I always tried my best to treat her great. What did I do wrong? It’s not fair. I don’t feel like I deserve this.”

Grangran came over to me and hugged me while I was sitting down. “Everything will work out in time, Chase, just have a little faith.”

I heard my grandfather clear his throat and when I turned around I was shocked to see him standing in the doorway to the kitchen with both my parents behind him. I stood up just as they moved closer, all three of us unsure of what to do. Certainly my Dad looked like he was in standby mode.

“What’re you guys doing here?” I was finally able to say. Mom dropped her bag and came over to hug me. “This was supposed to be our first Christmas together in East Island. Even though that’s not going to happen this year, we weren’t going to be apart as a family on Christmas when we really didn’t have to be.”

When Mom released me and stepped aside, I took a deep breath and walked up to my

dad.

“Dad, I –” Before I could say anything else, he pulled me into a hug. “I’m sorry, Dad. Really.”

“I know you are son. Me too.”

It wasn’t the perfect Christmas or New Year’s, but I’d finally patched things up with my parents, though I still wasn’t healed. But that was the first time I really felt like I wouldn’t hurt this bad forever.