OBSIDIAN: Birth to Venus

2112

“Jai,” Mom whispered.

Jai stretched her arms out, toward the coffered ceiling. “What time is it?” she moaned, her eyes still closed.

“It’s 7 a.m. Sunday.” Mom said the year for good measure. “2112.”

“Ugh,” Jai groaned. “More sleep,” she pleaded. Jai didn’t need the sleep, but she enjoyed resting peacefully in her king size bed on the second floor of their Chiang Mai villa.

Thirty-two years had passed since they’d discovered her telepathy. They’d traveled back and forth, between Thailand, the States, and many places throughout Europe and Asia. Jai’s business had grown exponentially, and her mom had continued working, most recently, as an Emeritus Professor at Columbia University. But, no matter where they were, not a day had gone by without a meditation session. Since then, Jai’s confidence had grown. Her attention had a fluidity and focus that she’d never had before. Still, Jai valued her sleep.

But, Mom said, “Sorry to wake you. I think we should fly back to the States, to the beach house. There’s a flight this afternoon. We could be there by tomorrow morning.”

Jai loved the beach house. A Georgian manor, it sprawled out and faced the Long Island Sound. It had an expansive infinity pool that dropped off to the horizon. Doing laps was like swimming out to sea. But, Jai knew why her mother wanted to go there. It was the sala Mom had asked Jai to construct in the garden. Architecturally, it was similar in slope to their sala in Thailand, but this had moveable walls and heated floors; it could open in the heat of summer or be a toasty cocoon during a particularly nasty snow. Jai loved its electronic screens. It had an array of backdrops from which to choose, and a multitude of climbing walls. It was a veritable obstacle course with the push of a button.

On the flight back, Jai caught up on most of her work. They arrived at the house and, after a quick shower, they met in the sala, ready to train. Jai walked into the sala, sat beside her mother, and closed her eyes, certain that she’d be able to shut work out. She tuned into her breathing, thinking the session was going well. Then, suddenly she felt a sharp pain in her right eye, and a piercing jab to the head.

Jai’s eyes flew open. Mom was meditating with a mischievous grin on her face. Seriously? Jai laughed. Over the years, her mother had honed her skills in karate. She was a third-degree black belt. She often beat Jai when they used to spar. And, when physical spars were no longer possible, they began to spar mentally; for decades now, it was Mom’s favorite sport. Being 92 was of no consequence. Mentally, Mom was just as lethal as before. And, “sparring mental,” as they liked to call it, was the only way Mom could not only feel, but look, as young as Jai, whose face was still like a 21-year-old’s, after all this time. Indeed, after so many decades of mental sparring, Mom had taken on a young appearance so frequently in Jai’s mind, that it played a large role in Jai’s coming to know her as “Joy,” a friend and confidante, not just her mother.

Jai closed her eyes, a kick and jab flying into her face. Joy was throwing punches in rapid succession. Jai blocked the onslaught, her eyes fluttering, shifting as they sparred in their minds. Joy spun a low kick, knocking Jai to the ground. “Again!” Joy ordered. Jai recovered with a kick up. She jabbed her left leg, but Joy blocked it with an arm and pulled Jai down in a quick, sweeping motion. Jai launched herself forward rather than back, and pushed down with her heel to break free. Joy grabbed a bar and jabbed it toward Jai’s face, once, twice, then a third time before Jai grabbed hold of it. Jai spun around, knocking it against Joy’s back. Seconds later, Joy angled her arms outward for a hidden tiger claw. Jai thrust her arms downward, then upward to block, and somersaulted backward, broadening the distance between them. Jai renewed her attack with multiple kicks.

But, Joy came again, this time with a slew of roundhouse kicks and elbow-strikes. Suddenly, an immense, sharp pain flooded Jai’s joints. Relentless, Joy kept after Jai, deflecting each of Jai’s punches with her forearms. She came at Jai with palm-heel strikes. Jai’s body seemed to slow as the pain in her joints grew louder and louder, until the pain literally rang in her ears. She wanted to shield her ears with the palms of her hands, but doing so would’ve left her defenseless. A few kicks later and the pain had rendered Jai motionless, huddled on the floor.

Joy paused, her arms resting on her hips and a satisfied look on her face. “That’s enough for today,” Joy said, and opened her eyes. Jai opened hers too, and looked at her mother, disoriented by what had just happened. Jai pulled her earlobes to silence the last, lingering ring.

“What on earth — ?” Jai began to question, but Joy cut her off.

“First, tea,” Joy said, with her index finger pointing up. “And, another pair of booties, for my feet?” She winked. Jai laughed and wondered why her mother didn’t seem the least bit concerned by her daughter’s abysmal state. Jai walked slowly, retrieved the booties she’d knitted, and prepared the tea. Her head was throbbing, and her neck was stiff. Returning a few minutes later, Jai found the sala empty. She looked out the window. Mom was stretching her legs, underneath their favorite tree, on the overlook above the beach.

Jai walked out, tray in hand. She kneeled down to place the booties on her mother’s feet, and handed her mother a cup of tea. “Ah, jasmine today,” Joy said. She breathed in the sweet aroma. “My favorite. Thank you.”

“Got to keep you guessing. Right, Joy?”

Joy grinned at the irony. “I know, it’s a bit unfair I threw a curveball at you. But, you’re far more skilled now. I don’t want you getting cocky.” She winked at Jai.

Jai shrugged her shoulders, tilting her head from side to side. She tried to loosen the knots that had formed there. “Well, I definitely felt it. Still feeling it, actually.” Jai rubbed her temples with increasing pressure, and described the escalating pain in her joints, the ringing in her ears. “What was that, exactly? Some new piece of equipment, like throwing needles or something?” Maybe Joy had launched them stealthily at her, before or while Jai was meditating? It had to be something quick, something Jai wouldn’t notice. Lately, Joy was fond of ninja throwing quills, after all. “I know how you love those weapons of yours,” Jai said.

Joy smiled, and continued sipping her tea. She sat, bundled in a light shawl. Her skin was loose now, wrinkled and dappled with age spots. Jai looked at her mother’s shoulder-length hair. It brushed against her collarbone. The curl of her bob was a silvery wisp in the afternoon breeze. Jai sipped her tea, trying to figure out what the secret weapon was. Even now, after so many years of mental sparring, Jai had a hard time reconciling the physical appearance of the mom she now saw with the mom inside her mind. As soon as Jai closed her eyes and they began to spar, her mother was immediately young and as fierce as ever. More often than not, Jai got her ass kicked, learned some new moves, and ended up laughing at recap, when Joy would ask, as always, for another pair of booties. Scarves were too hot for Thailand, but Jai could never knit enough booties for her mom’s feet. When they’d started spending more time in the States, they’d flown the entire knitwear collection with them, to the beach house. “Well?” Jai prompted. “Are you gonna keep your ninja moves a secret, or what?”

Joy swallowed another sip and smirked. “No, it wasn’t a new weapon this time. It was all me. Today, we start your real training, Jai. I attacked you with my thoughts.”

“Your thoughts?” Jai paused to consider this, unsure if it was even possible. They’d been sparring mentally for decades. But, today was different.

“Yes.” Joy quieted. Lowering her gaze, she set her tea aside. “Look into me,” she invited. Jai closed her eyes and focused her thoughts. Bowing, she inclined the crown of her head until it touched her mother’s. She saw, then, how Joy had accomplished this feat. Immediately, Joy’s thoughts, feelings, and sensations rushed into Jai’s mind and body. It’d taken so much out of Joy, thinking every terrible thing she could think of; every pain; every ounce of anger she could muster, to send it hurtling at Jai. Jai could see Darin in the hospital, weakened by his first round of chemo. She could feel her mother, gazing at Darin, as she looked at his deteriorating body. She could see the room spin, when her mother first learned of her father’s death, and the anguish and loneliness that followed. Jai began to shake. Jai could appreciate the pain her mother must have gone through, but feeling it through Joy’s mind was entirely different. It was intimate, immediate, and overwhelming. As the pain pulsated in Joy’s veins, it traveled up toward Jai’s heart. Joy’s pain pushed with increasing pressure against Jai’s chest. Jai’s breaths became shallow, a slow constriction enveloping her.

Jai pressed her hand against her chest and flung her eyes open, sucking in a big breath of air. The connection broke. “Mom, you should’ve told me.” Jai’s shoulders heaved, and her brow furrowed with concern. It’d been many decades since her mother had grappled with their deaths. Years had passed since Joy had spent days in bed, silent with grief. “We can get you more counseling. I’ll call the doctor,” Jai said, rushing to stand.

“No, Jai,” Joy interrupted, her hand outstretched. “I’m fine. Really, I am.”

“No, Mom, you’re not. I saw it, felt it. You’re in pain. I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize you were still struggling with it. You’re always so upbeat.” Jai kicked herself for not noticing. But, how could she? Apparently, Joy was a master at hiding it. Tears had formed in Jai’s eyes; they spilled down her cheek.

“Jai, trust me,” Joy said, as she held Jai still. She held Jai’s hands, and wiped away the tears. “I’m fine,” she reiterated. “I just did it to myself, on purpose.”

“What?” Jai balked. Joy’s emotions were fresh. Jai could feel the nausea still gripping her stomach. There was nothing fake about the physical pain Joy was in. Jai felt the immense weight of it, a heavy shroud of depression.

“Truly, it wasn’t real, Jai. Well, not real-time, anyway.”

Jai looked at her mom, puzzled. “What do you mean, not real-time?”

“I mean, I felt that way. Truly, I did. But, it was a long time ago. It’s not how I feel now. I’m not depressed now. It’s how I made myself feel. How I made myself remember…for you.”

“Why would you do that? Why revisit those painful memories? It’s the last thing I’d ever want.” Jai’s voice began to rise, unable to keep her anger in check.

“For precisely that reason.” Joy tilted, then bobbed her head, as if to point out Jai’s demeanor. “You’re open to me, Jai. Look at how upset you’ve become. That’s how I was able to do it. It’s been decades since we realized you were telepathic. Ever since that day, that day we realized you can project your thoughts, I’ve wondered if you were also susceptible to mine. Well, today’s test proved it. I was able to use my feelings as a weapon against you. This proves you can be hurt this way, by others.” There was no denying it. Jai had opened up her mind and, in doing so, her mother’s thoughts, feelings, and pain had became her own. It was just as real to Jai as if it’d happened to her. In some ways, it was even worse. Joy’s emotions had ripped through Jai’s body. Jai experienced a horrendous physical pain. The only thing that let Jai stop it, was her own awareness that it wasn’t actually real. What if Jai wasn’t aware? It was frightening. What would she do if she couldn’t escape those feelings, that pain? Joy caressed Jai’s cheek, but it didn’t lessen the fear engulfing her. Decades of training, and now this? Jai had never felt so vulnerable in her life.

“Our real training needs to begin,” Joy said with conviction. “I won’t leave you defenseless when I’m gone.”

The words hit her. Joy was telling the truth, and it was a laceration on Jai’s mind. What Jai felt to be true, her body had experienced in life. Her mother had proved, in no uncertain terms, that if she let another person in, if she left herself too open, she could bleed and be defenseless. Perhaps even die.