SWNOVELS Now You’re Mine: Chapter 30
My eyes flutter open to harsh fluorescent lights. The familiar, steady beeping of a nearby machine fills my ears, and the hint of antiseptic hits my nose. I’m in a hospital.
A-fucking-gain.
I immediately search for Hayden, both relieved and disappointed by his absence. The last time I was here, he never left my side. Flashes of memory return—Russell, the secrets, the gunshots.
A sickening feeling roils in my gut. If Hayden’s not here, he’s with Russell, making good on his promise to avenge his mother. And me.
I can’t deny the sick satisfaction of knowing my attacker is dead. Or about to be, if anything he said about Hayden was true. I believe it is, or I wouldn’t be nervous at the idea of seeing him.
A nurse enters the room, her rubber soles squeaking on the tiled floor. “Oh, good, you’re awake,” she says with a bright smile. “We were starting to get worried when you didn’t wake up right away after having your stomach pumped.”
I place a hand on my abdomen, my throat too dry for me to respond. As if sensing my discomfort, the nurse hands me a cup of water. After a few sips, I try again. “What happened to me?”
Although I know the answer, I’m cautious since I have no idea what Hayden told the hospital staff when he brought me here. I may not trust him, but I’m too upset to make any decisions that could land him in prison.
“You had quite an ordeal, but you’re safe now,” the woman says.
I flick my gaze to her name tag. “Thank you, Nicole.”
“Absolutely. Thank goodness you threw up most of the pills. Otherwise…” She trails off and grimaces. “Anyway, there’s no need to worry.”
I shudder, recalling the moment Russell held me at gunpoint and told me to swallow the pills. “Good. Where’s Mr. Bennett, the man who brought me here?”
“Your husband was here until the procedure was finished and you were stable. He told me to tell you that he’d be back and not to panic.”
A hysterical bit of laughter rises in my throat, and I swallow it down. His lack of presence wouldn’t send me into panic mode. It’s the complete opposite at this point. I school my features with a look of consternation.
“Oh, I can’t believe I forgot to tell you,” she says. “The baby is going to be just fine. It hasn’t suffered any effects from the drugs, which is a blessing.”
I blink at her. “Pregnant? That can’t be right. Are you sure you got all of the drugs out of my system? I just imagined you said something that’s impossible.”
The woman grins at me. “It’s definitely possible.”
“No, I’m on the shot.” I shake my head emphatically. “I got it weeks ago.”
Her smile disappears. She grabs the chart from the side table, confusion clouding her face. “No, it says right here that you’re approximately four weeks pregnant.”
I don’t need a mirror to confirm the look of horror on my face. The nurse gives me a sympathetic pat on the arm. “The shot is about 94% effective, and no birth control is 100%,” she says. “You may have fallen into that small percentage where it failed.”
“Did you tell Hayden? I mean, my husband?” When she shakes her head, I go limp against the mattress. “Okay, please don’t. I want to be the one to do it.”
She nods. “Don’t forget about HIPPA. Don’t designate him to have access to your medical files if you don’t want him to know.”
“Thank you. I’ll be sure to remember that.”
The idea of Hayden knowing I’m pregnant is enough to make me faint. After everything that’s happened between us, he deserves the chance to explain Russell’s accusations. But my intuition knows something I can’t seem to wrap my mind around.
He’s guilty.
I stare at the ceiling, still reeling from the news that I’m pregnant.
What am I going to do?
This baby has a mother who’s not completely without funds, but she doesn’t exactly have a career in place to provide a comfortable life. On the other hand, the father has more than enough money, but he’s a murderer.
Who killed the baby’s grandfather. Awesome.
I sigh and close my eyes, trying to center my thoughts on something else. It doesn’t work. All I can think of is Hayden and his reaction to finding out I’m pregnant. If he was overprotective before, I shudder to imagine how he’d be now.
There’s a slim possibility that he’d be less overbearing now that Russell’s out of the picture. At least, I assume he is. Given the way Hayden shot both his kneecaps, I don’t think I’m wrong.
I’m in love with an insane man.
As if conjured by my thoughts, Hayden steps into the room. My heart drops into my stomach. The last time I saw him, he had a gun in his hand and an unholy rage in his eyes that burned brighter than hellfire. Now he stands just in front of the closed door, wearing a cautious expression.
A thousand thoughts and emotions swirl within me at the sight of him. I clutch the scratchy hospital sheets, willing my hands not to shake.
“How are you feeling?” he asks softly.
Despite everything, I soften a little at the tenderness in his voice. “Honestly? I’m overwhelmed. My head hurts every time I try to make sense of everything until all I want to do is sleep.”
Hayden nods, stepping further into the room until he’s standing at the foot of the bed. Close but with enough space that my anxiety doesn’t spike. “That’s understandable, considering what you’ve gone through.”
“Do you know what happened to Sebastian? And there was a little girl named Erika. She was also there, but she should’ve gotten away.”
“Sebastian has been better. Despite being shot and losing a lot of blood, he’ll make a full recovery. The child has been reunited with her mother. Once the girl lured you into the alley, they didn’t care about her anymore, and she was fine. Shaken up, but fine. Please don’t worry about them. It’s you that needs attention, Callie.”
“You weren’t here when I woke up…” I let the sentence trail off, unable to voice the question I want to ask.
“You know where I was.”
I bite the inside of my cheek. “Is he…?”
He nods, the skin along his jaw tightening. “Yes. If they ever find him, they’re not going to be able to identify him.”
“Good.”
Hayden’s mouth lifts into a small smile. “That’s my girl.”
I let out a shaky breath as relief washes over me. Cleansing me. Russell is dead, gone and buried. Although I already suspected that was the case, hearing Hayden confirm it with absolute certainty comforts me in a way I didn’t realize I needed.
“He’ll never hurt you, or anyone else, ever again,” he says.
“I shouldn’t be happy, but I am.”
Hayden scoffs. “Fuck that guy. No one touches you and lives.”
I nod, a lump forming in my throat. As complicated as this situation with Hayden is, I still care for him. Too much.
“Thank you.”
“I’d do anything for you,” he says. After walking to the side of the bed, he sits down with a long exhale, gazing at me with an unreadable look. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yes.”
Hayden runs his hand through his hair. “I couldn’t let him get away. You know that’s why I had to leave, don’t you?” When I nod, he continues. “It wasn’t only because of that. I couldn’t watch you…”
“Die,” I say, finishing his sentence.
“Fuck, I can’t even say the word, not when it comes to you.” He reaches out to touch me, then retracts his arm.
I don’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. “What’s wrong?”
Hayden closes his eyes. “I’m afraid that this is all a dream and you’re not really alive. That I’m still in that house where my mother died, but instead, I’ll find your body there. I can’t handle that if it’s reality. I can’t live without you.”
“Hey,” I whisper, taking his hand between mine. I shove away the horror churning inside me. It must’ve been traumatic for Hayden to be there after all these years. I refocus my thoughts because right now he needs reassurance, the same way I needed to know about Russell’s death. “I’m fine, Hayden. This is real. We’re together, sitting on this bed.”
He looks at me, his gaze full of yearning. “Are we really together, Callie?”
I pause. I don’t want to lie to him, but I can’t give him the answer he wants. “I—I don’t know. There’s so much we need to discuss, but I don’t know if I have the strength to hear it.”
“We can do this now or wait until we’re home. Giving you the choice is the least I can do.”
“Let’s have this conversation here,” I say with a resolute nod. “That way, if I have a heart attack, I’m in the best possible place to survive it.”
He frowns at me while gripping my hand like a lifeline. “That’s not funny.”
“It wasn’t a joke.”
“I can’t deny that I’ve done some terrible things and made a few choices that I wish I could take back,” he says slowly. “Some of which can’t be justified or easily forgiven. But despite everything, I love you, Callie. You’re the only thing in my life that makes it worth living. I used to live for justice, but now I live for you.”
It takes me several deep breaths to find my ability to form words. Even when I do, they tremble, exposing my inner turmoil. “I don’t want anything from you except complete honesty right now. Not some half-truths or lies by omission. I want all of the facts that lead you to do what you did.”
“I’ll explain, but you know all of it already. What Russell said?” Hayden averts his gaze, a streak of pain briefly traveling over his face. “He told you everything. How he set me up to think your father murdered an innocent woman, the exact type of person that I’d be tempted to kill to protect society. It worked. He fooled me, and I took the senator’s life. I’ll carry that regret with me until I die.
“After my mother’s death, I swore to myself that I’d not only avenge her, but any other woman who’d met a similar end. I worked both sides of the law by being an attorney and a criminal, with the one goal of making sure no one guilty got away with such a horrendous crime. My choices, both good and bad, led me to you.”
He looks at me and releases my hand to trail his fingers down my cheek. “All of my pain and suffering was worth the chance of meeting you. Never mind the honor of loving you.”
“Hayden…” His name is full of the agony inside me. It spills onto every letter.
“I’m truly sorry for what I did,” he says, his voice strained. “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I need it. Just like I need you. Please, Callie.”
His blatant desperation is what breaks me.
Tears fill my eyes and spill onto my cheeks. I don’t bother wiping them. Not when many more will follow. “I believe you’re sorry, and I understand how the pain of losing your mother drove you to do what you did. But understanding doesn’t change anything or make it hurt less.”
He reaches out to gently brush the tears from my cheeks, raw anguish in his gaze. “You’re right.” He takes a shaky breath. “What do I do now?”
I wince at the self-loathing written on his face. “I need time. Can you give me that?”
His eyes narrow with displeasure, and my pulse ratchets. “How much do you need?”
“Grief doesn’t have an expiration date,” I snap. “And neither does forgiveness. You said you’d do whatever it took to win me back, but the second I mention needing some time to myself, you revert to your old self. If you really want to prove that I can trust you, you’ll let me go.”
He lets out a laugh that holds no amusement. “I don’t fucking think so.”