SWNOVELS Now You’re Mine: Chapter 11
Calista sighs. The sweet sound grazes my ears before gripping my soul. How can she rest so peacefully after I just fucked the shit out of her?
I needed her with an intensity that overwhelmed me. It broke my self-control and sent me spiraling into a dark place where my only thought was to claim her. But it wasn’t just that. I was desperate to reassure myself she was alive and mine to keep.
What I did to her was brutal. Violent. I might’ve warned her that I wouldn’t be gentle, but that couldn’t have prepared Calista for how hard and fast I took her. Almost as though I was punishing her for getting hurt. It wasn’t her fault by any means. The fear of losing Calista choked the life out of me until I couldn’t breathe unless I was inside her, feeling her body all around mine.
My desperation for her has never been this strong.
And it’s continuing to grow.
I ease from her body with my teeth clenched, battling the urge to slam back into her. My cock, semi-hard, readies itself at the idea. Ignoring that greedy fucker, I shift Calista onto her back and take up a position next to her, laying on my side with her pressed against me.
I run my gaze over her, taking in the light sprinkle of bruises that are already beginning to bloom on her skin. They’re not only from my hands, but my teeth and mouth, and anything else I could touch her with. Brand her with. The marks covering her breasts, hips, neck, and shoulders will remind her tomorrow what transpired between us tonight.
What we shared wasn’t only passion. It was something deeper. She met my fire with her own, matching me in ferocity while maintaining her sweet disposition. By offering her body, she soothed the demons inside of me, replacing them with a peace I never thought was possible. Even now, I’m calm, despite her injury staring me in the face. Though whenever I look at the gauze covering her wound, my stomach clenches.
I brush back a stray lock of hair that’s plastered to her damp cheek. Calista’s tears have yet to dry. Did she cry from pain or pleasure? Maybe both.
“Callie?”
“Hmm?”
I nearly laugh at the disgruntled sound. My smile is bright in the darkness. “Are you all right?”
“Define ‘all right.’”
With a firm but gentle hand, I shift Calista onto her back so I can see her face. “Did I hurt you?”
She gives me an exasperated look that amuses me more than anything. “Define ‘hurt.’” When I narrow my gaze in warning, she blows out a breath. “Yes, you hurt me.”
“I figured as much.” I trail my fingers over the red starbursts on her breasts. “I want to say I’m sorry, but it’d be a lie. I enjoy seeing you this way, with the evidence of me fucking you all over your skin.”
My cock stirs in response to looking at her. As it always does. I bring my gaze back to her face, trying to focus on something other than taking her again.
“I’m talking about you hurting my feelings, Hayden, not my body. I’m not sore because the pain medication is still in my system.”
“I see.”
“Do you really? I doubt it. Not that I’d ever lie to you, but if I did, there’s no way you’d be okay with it.”
I dip my head in agreement. “The severity of my actions would depend on what you hid from me.”
“And if I invaded your privacy by stalking you?”
“I’d be flattered.”
She glares at me. “Be serious.”
“I am. You’re all I’ve ever wanted, so I’d enjoy having you pursue me that way. It shows enthusiasm, dedication, and focus.”
“You’re insane,” she mutters.
“I am crazy about you, Callie. I never said otherwise.”
“What am I going to do with you?” Her voice is just below a whisper, a tiny breath skimming my mouth.
“Stay with me. Love me.”
She blinks up at me, the surprise in her eyes sure to be found in mine. Just because I told her the truth doesn’t mean I had any intention of revealing it. At least not right now, when she’s still uncertain about me in general.
I want her to love me for selfish reasons that she wouldn’t understand.
“What did you say?” she asks.
“You heard me.”
“Well, I want to hear it again.” When I give her a pointed look, she reaches up to clasp my face between her hands. “Please.”
I growl low in my throat. “You know how I feel about you begging me.”
“Why do you think I’m doing it?”
“Is it really that important to you?”
When she nods, I roll it over in my mind. In my profession, if there’s ever an opportunity to use something to further my negotiations, I won’t hesitate to use it. Especially with the woman underneath me. She holds all of the power.
“I want you to love me, Callie.”
“What about you loving me?”
When I remain silent, her words repeating themselves in my brain, she drops her hands. “That’s what I thought. You want me to give you everything, but you refuse to share yourself with me. I’ve never met someone who’s such a hypocrite.”
I grit my teeth, already missing the feel of her touch on my skin. “I don’t know if it’s possible for me to love anyone.”
“Yes, it is. You love yourself. That’s why you act the way you do. The lying and hidden agendas all lead you to getting what you want. It doesn’t matter what my needs are or how you hurt me in the process.”
“I don’t think I can give you what you want.”
“Why?” Her eyes glisten with tears, born of anger and pain. “What are you afraid of?”
I shift on the bed, lying beside her to stare up at the ceiling. Her question is valid. I’m man enough to admit that. But my answer isn’t as easy to recognize. Not like the fear.
The only thing in this world that scares me is the thought of losing Calista.
“Being vulnerable,” I say. “I never want to feel weak.”
She rolls onto her side, her stare centered on my profile. “Love doesn’t make you weak. It gives you the strength to fight for something worth having. Love should bring joy and fulfillment, not sadness and emptiness.”
My lips twist with disbelief. “It might be the most painful emotion in existence.”
“Only if you’re not with the person you love.”
“That’s exactly my point.”
Calista goes quiet. After a few moments, she crawls on top of me, settling her hips on mine and her hands on my chest. The silky tendrils of her hair graze my arms, and the softness of her skin brushes mine, but it’s her eyes that hold me prisoner. The hazel swirls with compassion, to an extent I’ve never seen from her before.
If that’s not love, it’s pretty damn close…
“In your own twisted way, you love me, Hayden.”
She lifts a brow in challenge, waiting for me to respond. I can only look at her and wait for a denial to come barreling to the forefront of my mind. It does, but not because I don’t care for her.
I can’t risk loving her.
“Calista…”
“Say it.” She digs her nails into my skin, her gaze just as piercing. “Say you don’t love me.”
I match her glare. “You don’t really want to hear that.”
She leans down until her breasts are flush with my chest and her lips hover above mine. “Yes, I do. I need to know here and now if you’re able to tell me the truth when it matters most. Because if you lie to me about this, I swear to God, Hayden, I’ll leave you.”
“The fuck you will.” My jaw tightens as I grab her hips, digging my fingers into her soft flesh. “How will you know I’m lying?”
“A woman’s intuition.”
She holds my gaze. And then moves her hips, sliding her wet pussy along the length of my cock.
“Don’t start shit you can’t finish,” I say, my voice gruff. “If you don’t stop, you will get fucked.”
“Maybe.”
Her movements are slow and deliberate, as if she’s daring me to stop her. When my cum begins to leak from her and onto my stomach, I reach out to swipe it with my fingers. Then I shove two of them back inside her.
“What are you doing?” she asks on a groan.
“Putting my cum where it belongs.”
She shakes her head. “No, you’re trying to distract me.”
“Are you serious? You’re the one rubbing your pretty pussy all over my dick, and you think I’m a distraction?”
I stroke her until she’s riding my hand, grinding down on it while glaring at me. “Fuck, Hayden.”
For once, I don’t scold her for her language. Instead, I reward that dirty mouth by curling my fingers, focusing on the spot that’ll give her what she wants.
“Please.” Calista bows her head as though praying. Maybe she is. Right now, I’m her god. “Please tell me.”
I wait until her breath hitches, until her lips part on a silent scream. The moment she comes, when she’s the most vulnerable to her body’s needs. And me. I whisper the words then, my truth, whether or not she can accept it.
“I don’t want to love you.”
But I do.