Not What It Seems

Disappear. Zeriah’s words echoed in my mind. Her head was turned to the side as if she was trying to hide from me. Her sudden confession left me frozen. With having no experience in this field, I didn’t know whether I should believe it or not. But something inside me said it was true. I wanted this. But there was that fear of ceasing to exist.

Fear? It’s not often a word that is used to describe what a demon felt. For so long, I had wondered if there was something different with me that caused me to stand out from the other demons. It seemed as though I was capable of mortal emotions. And have been for a while. My Firefly showed me that. But I didn’t want to explore those emotions with a chance of leaving her behind. I couldn’t act, even though I wanted to.

I released one of her hands and placed it on her cheek to have her face me. Her eyes moved around as she tried to determine where mine were. They were purple. I now had an emotion to connect that color to. And it was beautiful.

Leaning forward, I simply pressed my head to hers again and held it there for a while. I didn’t want to risk too much. But one thing I knew for certain, I had to tell her the truth about why I originally stayed around her. I had to tell her why Ripper forced me to take her to Diab. I could no longer hold in the lie, knowing it was hurting her more. She deserved to know.

With a scoop of my arms, I lifted her into my grasp and kept moving. I sped up a little bit and was able to get to the next village before sundown. Guiding us to another inn, I found us a room and we rested for the night there.

Before Zeriah went to bed, I knew I should tell her then before something caused me to back out. She sat on her bed and was circling a finger in her other palm. I let out a breath and walked over. Sitting next to her, I reached over and grabbed her hand.

“Zeriah,” I began. “I need to tell you something.”

Sudden fear filled my chest as I talked. Would she hate me after I told her? Would those tender feelings she just admitted disappear like I would if I acted? And the scariest thought came to my head. Would she rather die than continue this journey to Diab with me?

Her free hand covered mine. I hadn’t realized I had been trembling. “It’s okay, Vudu. I know.”

“No,” I shook my head. “Zeriah, I haven’t been that truthful with you. And I want to change that.”

She smiled. “You’re a demon, Vudu. I’m surprised you’ve been this truthful.”

That caused me to chuckle. “You’re not really helping me here.”

“But you are smiling.”

My chest warmed up. Clearing my throat, I continued. “I need to tell you the reason I stayed close by when I was first freed from the mirror.”

A tightness constricted around my chest, making it hard to continue, but I pushed through. With another deep breath I opened my mouth to tell the truth.

“Because you suspected I was a pure soul at the beginning and wanted to take me to Diab because it was your job.” She finished what I was going to say, causing my jaw to drop to the floor.

“How did you know?” I asked, genuinely confused.

She let out a small laugh. “I suspected something from the moment you decided to stay around. Once you told me about the pure souls, and how you and your brother suspected I was one, it sorts of just clicked.”

I let out a defeated breath. She was taking this so light heartedly. “I’m sorry, Zeriah. It may have started out because of the job. But I tried to leave and create a false trail for Ripper to follow and leave you in peace. But he saw through it. I didn’t want this to be your fate. I wanted you to live a happy normal life, without fear of a demon coming for your soul.”

“Vudu.”

“I’m surprised that you aren’t screaming at me.” I continued. “You’re the first human that has ever shown me compassion, and I went and betrayed you simply by focusing more on my job then actually coming to know and understand the woman you are.”

“Vudu.”

“And yet, in the end, I still couldn’t prevent this from happening. I’m still taking you to Diab where there is a high chance of you losing your soul, Xegon being released, and you will become a demon and forget everything in this life. Including me. I’m nothing but a monster.” I kept going.

“Vudu.” Her voice finally cut through my words, and her hand went up and touched my cheek.

My eyes watched hers as she stared back at me. She couldn’t see how distraught I was, but she could hear it in my voice. She could feel it in the way I trembled. She knew that I had been battling this for a long time now, and she took care of me.

“Vudu,” she tilted her head. “Do you really think I would have gone on this entire journey if I hated you? By the time I figured out this was your job, I had already seen you change. I didn’t see a demon seeking my soul. I saw a man who genuinely cared about me, my friends, and my home. I saw you work to make things better. I saw you more human than I ever had before. I don’t see a monster, Vudu. I see you.”

My breaths came out in hard puffs and I fell forward. My forehead landed on her shoulder and I leaned into her. Her arms went around me, and her kind touch calmed the chaos in my chest. I was still angry at myself for the past, but her words helped me begin to move on. I knew that if she was still okay with me and wanted to stay with me despite all that had happened, then I would be okay.