Not What It Seems

I was in trouble. After what just happened with Zeriah, I knew I was in trouble. Just thinking about the feather light touches of her fingers on my skin ignited the tingling feeling that they left behind. I started to realize what that feeling that was becoming all too familiar was. But strangely, I wasn’t opposed to it. I wanted it to continue, I wanted the feeling. But I knew that if it went too far, or if I did anything to seal the relationship, I would disappear, and she would be left alone. I didn’t want to do that to her.

I took in a deep breath and pushed myself off of the door I had leaned against. Just beyond that door was my Firefly sitting alone in a room, probably confused as to my sudden disappearance. But I said I would go get her food, and I planned to do just that. As I thought about it, I knew she probably would want food she could handle herself. Something she could use her hands on, not utensils.

Nodding to myself, I walked over to the tavern part of the inn and ordered a chicken dinner. I paid the bar keep and waited for the meal. My eyes wandered over the patrons of the tavern, taking in every difference, every uniqueness, every individual, and I saw something I hadn’t noticed since we left Laencaster. I saw living, thinking, beings. Not toys. Not pets. Humans. Elves. People.

I had been so focused on Zeriah since Ripper’s attack that I hadn’t taken the opportunity to look around at the people around me. And now I truly understood their importance, and even why Romos cared so deeply for these people. Just like I cared for Zeriah and her wellbeing, Romos cared for all of his people.

After all of this, do I still want to be a demon? The sudden thought came to my mind.

I blinked. I’d never considered what would happen after this adventure. Would I go back to working for Xegon? Or would I go my separate way? Would I stay with Zeriah? All of these questions I had no answer to any of these questions. The only thing I could think of was ‘maybe.’

But there wasn’t a way for me to stop being a demon. Physically, I would have to stay a demon, but my morals could, and have, changed. I could decide to leave once this was all done. If we succeeded and I could get Zeriah out safely. We still had a way to go, and that was before the Southern Enchanted Forest.

The food was finished being prepared, and I picked up the plate and took it with me back to the room. When I opened the door, Zeriah was still sitting in the same spot I had left her. A small ping of guilt hit my chest. Staying silent, I walked over and grabbed her hand to carefully place the plate in her grasp. She reached up and grabbed the other side with her free hand. She got to her feet, and I guided her to the table in our room so she could eat.

“I got you something that would allow you to use your hands over utensils.” I said. “I thought you might prefer that over trying to guide a fork to your mouth, or me feeding you.”

She let out a chuckle. “How thoughtful.”

She couldn’t see me smile at her comment. The next few minutes were silent as she ate. I didn’t know what to say. But one thing, I was actually tired. I hadn’t been this exhausted since I was released from the mirror. I could actually sleep again if I wanted.

“Vudu,” Firefly’s voice called me.

“Yes, Firefly?” I responded.

She pushed the plate to the side. “What’s wrong? You’ve been quiet. Which for you is a difficult task to accomplish.”

I cocked an eyebrow. “Should I take that as a compliment or insult?”

“Either way,” she stated. “It’s true. What’s wrong?”

I stared at her for a moment and contemplated how to answer. She would be able to tell if I was lying. Our friendship had grown to a point that she could do that. But I didn’t want her to know fully what was going on in my head. I didn’t want her to realize the secret I had been hiding from her. I didn’t want her to learn about what I had just learned.

“I’m just...” I started. “Wrestling with some deep questions.”

She stood up and carefully walked back to the bed where I was sitting. Sitting down next to me and placed a hand on my knee. “Such as?”

I panicked a bit. “Uh, what’s going to happen after we get you the antidote and get you back home?”

Her eyebrows raised as she faced me. “What do you want to happen?”

I pinched my lips together. “I don’t know.”

There was a subtle change in her features to show annoyance. “That’s a lie. What do you want to happen?”

I let out a sigh. “I know what I want to happen. I don’t know what will happen.”

“That’s natural when thinking about the future.” She responded. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t work towards what you want to happen. What do you want to happen when we are all done?”

I stood up and walked forward a few steps. Stopping, I thought about how I could respond to her repeated question. Should I tell her a half truth, or the full truth? I glanced back at her. She waited patiently and stared in my general direction. Just looking at her made my spirits calm and I was willing to do anything for her.

“I want to return to Laencaster.” I started, not hesitating any longer. “I want to stay there and continue to go to the tavern and spend time with Elaine, Erik, and Lina.” I began to list my desires as I walked slowly towards her. “I want to help people in any way I can and continue to sing for them. I want to continue to learn about the culture here and maybe travel around to experience new things.”

I reached her and bent to one knee while I was in front of her. Grabbing her hands, I gazed up at her, my Firefly, and gave my final answer. “But most of all, I want to experience it all with you. I want to stay by your side for as long as you permit me to.”

Her hand followed my arm up to my cheek. With a simple smile she gave her answer. “Of course, you can stay by my side. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I don’t plan on leaving Diab without you. Speaking of which, how are we going to get in and out of Diab?”

Now that was the question, I was still figuring out the answer to. I could think of one solution to get in, but it was dangerous for her. The big question was how I was going to get her back out.