Not A Saint (ENGLISH VERSION)

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©2021 NOT A SAINT written by JL Dane

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I WOKE up just before sunrise. I stretched my body first and then got up. I think I need to go to the spa. My whole body ached because of the actions of that naughty Bellevera. He's always the worst beast.

I need to go to the grocery early today to buy some foodstuff. I need to stock food for the entire week.

Arriving at the gate, I asked the guard where there was the nearest grocery store not far away from the village. I don't want to go any further. Maybe Bellevera will hunt me and he will be a lucky bastard to find me again. I wasn't recovered yet, still sore and numb down there, but I need to recover as fast as I can. Maybe I need to go to the pharmacy if I have to.

The guard was kind enough to talk to me when he greet and smile at me. I even advise him that if he could, I wanted no one would have known that I have stayed in that village, especially if someone else asks-I am referring to Bellevera. I arrived at the said store as the guard told me. Bigger and more comfortable to shop. I found everything I needed. I pushed the cart towards the counter. I need to drop by the bank before going home. I need to withdraw all my money and transfer it to another one, just to make sure I will have enough. I can't say I really don't have any money. I still have seven zeros in my account, and I can afford to cover up all my expenses until my new modeling contract arrives. Shopping has also crossed my mind. The modeling and the flight attendant are both really hard decisions to choose from. I will submit a resignation letter today. Maybe after lunch and, as Ms. Roa told me, I will accept the other jobs aside from modeling. My body is already broken, so I have no choice but to reveal some skin. Appear in some sexy magazines wearing swimsuits and sexy outfits, attending commercials, and maybe joining indie films. Indie films were opened to me by Ms. Roa the other day. He wanted me to accept the offer just to make a brand new name in the celebrity industry. But if I have the chance, I wanted a woman as a partner instead of a man.

I put all the grocery items I bought in the trunk and started the car's engine. I used a phone application to check where should I be heading going to the bank.

It's only thirty minutes away because there's not much traffic yet. When I got to the bank, I took all my money. I didn't inform anyone that I'm going to transfer the money. It would be safe if no one will know about what I'm doing, especially Bellevera. Not him, nor my mom.

The bank manager kindly approved my withdrawals. They put it in two attaché cases. When I boarded, the car had a secret compartment which is under the passenger's seat. There, I first temporarily placed the two attaché cases. I need to take out the two million cash for the reward I will give in case she agrees to our agreement. I even need to print a contract for us to sign.

I just passed a bank nearby. It was close to the village. That's where I decided to put the rest of my money. Like my current bank, the manager is very accommodating. Being male, I easily got his tickle. I mean, he easily agreed to whatever I asked for.

One of the staff is kind and approachable, that is possible for me to ask her a favor which is to print the document in six copies. I have also included my resignation letter in two copies. And I ask her if she can make it discreet. He was kind and quick to learn; I mean she agreed with what I said. This is more convenient than passing by a printing shop.

When I got out of the bank, my stomach just growl so I hurried to go back to the rest house to eat. I will try to cook my breakfast today. I've already bought plenty of food that might be good for a week or five days, depending on how much I'm going to enjoy the food.

Entering inside the gate. The walls are high and the inside of the house cannot be seen at the gate or cannot be seen outside, safe no matter what else I do inside. This is the kind of house I wanted. When I have saved up, I may buy my house and land. Depends if I can settle down into someone else. My life was never been this mess. So I no longer hope that someone will accept me or find someone worthy of love and cherish me. I am broke. When I was born, it was my biggest mistake. Because I grew up like this and not in line with the things I wanted to reach.

I JUST cooked sausage and fried rice with instant frying seasoning in the meantime. I laid everything on the table.

I removed my brassiere first; I feel like they are choking. I just hung it on the jamb of the chair because I am starving now. I start to eat alone. It's so delicious when alone and without a fuss. I stood for a moment to get the orange juice from the fridge. I just turned over my glass and drank it.

This is the life I want. Free from the toxic word and poisonous Bellevera. Running away from the real world. Getting the life I wanted was never been this hard. Not like when they were mom and dad are together. I never think of hardship. Yes, life was hard than I imagine. But at least my personality isn't dirty, unlike now when I feel so hopeless and dirty. That any bath cannot afford to remove.

I admit that I am dirty, but I did not want this life. I never dream of something like this just because I have a voluptuous, curvy body. And it was never a blessing for me. It was a curse. This is a curse that no matter what escape I make, I can never escape again. Many want a good body, sexy, enormous chest, buttocks, big hips with a small waist, white, smooth complexion, and tall. Many women dream of this kind of body.

But not the kind like me. I never dreamed. I don't and I don't like this kind of body and life I have. I will admit I am smooth, without even any blemishes, no cellulite, pinkish hidden ones. And the skin becomes reddish or pinkish when exposed to sunlight. My hair is naturally colored like corn silk which I dye it change the color that will not stay the permanent corn silk color and will have another color.

I ended eating without realizing it because of how long I thought was. I have to leave again to go to the office. I need to submit personally my resignation letter. In my work, I found their eyes staring at me whenever I passed by. As if the director is favoring me because I'm a celebrity model or a sexy star. I don't think I beg for someone just to sell my body just because I wanted to fulfill my dreams. If they don't want me to be a flight attendant and to work, then fine to stay out of it. I will leave with my head up high than begging for someone just because I am popular. I will not squeeze myself into the company the employees think badly of me. I have never been tempted by men just because I want to reach my dream in life and exchange something. I can do it on my own without the help of anyone.

I got up and put the plates and glasses I had used on the sink. I put the rubber gloves in my hands and wash the plates.

After being done with everything, I had no choice but to return to the brassiere I had removed. Maybe I need to change my dress too. I really need to do a dry clean. I don't think I can make it hand wash or yeah, I should use the washing machine. It looks like I need to save money now because I have a hunch that I might spend a lot.

I left the house taking the resignation letter that I had already signed. I don't think our HR manager will reject me. I knew she was so itchy that I left that job. I overheard her saying, I'm not fit with the work. Yes, she may be right that I'm not fit to work there because I know I deserving better than that. I know something I can be rich.

I felt the traffic when I reached the tall building where the office was. I parked the car, and it looks like I arrived just in time. When I reached the twenty-fifth floor, I found our manager busy at her desk. She loves to become busy with her desktop-busy chatting about unrelated business.

"Good morning," I greeted her, even though I didn't notice what time it was. I had a late breakfast, so it was probably afternoon.

"What brings you here?" our manager asks.

This is what brings me here. I handed her the paper storm folded in two like a letter. "This is my resignation letter, effective immediately."

She accepted with a hidden smile on her face. "Good luck with your new journey," she said, as if out of her nose. She stood up and turned her back on me. But then she turned to me again and nodded. "You don't need to find a replacement or a month to teach your replacement. We can deal with that." I roll my eyes in the back of my mind. Sure. I have no plan of staying here longer. If there is a place with a better opportunity where I might grow, I will grab it.

I nodded at what she said. "Well. That's good. Thanks for everything," I said, even more out of my nose. I've also known for a long time that we just plasticized each other than I'll do it completely right now since it's not her thing to be kind towards me.

I walk and try to pass by her going out of her office.

"By the way, red lipstick is not for you. Nude or orangey is better. Just a tip." Then I walk as nothing happens. I no longer care if she frowns or what reaction her face has.

Before I could even leave the building, my phone rang. An unregistered number. I don't know if I should answer that call or not. Maybe it's the annoying one again.