Nocticadia: A Dark Academia Gothic Romance

I turn to see my mother laughing, as she glances back at me from the swing that overlooks the sea.

I smile, as she stares back out over the endless blue beyond.

The swing slows to a stop, and she hops off.

“C’mon,” she says, grabbing my hand. “Come with me.”

She pulls me toward the cliff, and when we reach the lip of it, I stare down at my feet, toeing the edge. “Come, Lilia. Jump.”

A ballooning tickle expands in my belly as I leap toward the water below. Wind blows through my hair. The sun heats my face. Down, down, down, I fall.

I open my eyes to the expanse of open sea. My mother is nowhere in sight.

Frowning, I look around, the waves bobbing me up and down. An ice cold fear settles over me, sucking the heat from my muscles. “Mama?”

Something tugs at my foot, and panic spirals through my bones. I peer down through the water, to below the surface, where my mother reaches for me.

“Come, Lilia. It’s so peaceful,” she whispers through the water. “Come stay with me.”

I flap my arms, smacking them against the water to keep her from pulling me under. “No!”

“Lilia!”

She pulls harder.

An invisible force presses against my shoulder.

“Lilia! Lilia!”

I snapped my eyes open to a dark room and a hard clutching of my arm. On a gasp, I jerked away, but the grip tightened, and I turned to find Devryck reaching out for me. Fear panted out of me on shallow breaths, as I trailed my gaze over the unfamiliar room. The long dark drapes, furniture covered in white sheets, excessively ornate wall trim, and a fireplace mantle. Confusion lingered on my brain like a heavy fog, and I frowned, desperate to figure out where the hell I was and how I’d gotten there.

I’d gone home. Fell asleep in my room. Woke up to Conner.

An intense burn throbbed at my face. Memories snapped into place, and I gasped and touched my cheek, fingertips running over a rough, contractured surface. I shifted my jaw, flinching at the pain of having stretched it.

I turned away from him, hiding what must’ve been a hideous gash.

“You’ve been out for two days,” he said in a calm and level voice, taking a seat beside me on the bed. “I did my best with the stitches.”

Through a wobble of tears, I touched the scorching ache again, the puckered skin that extended from my eye down to my jaw.

“I wouldn’t touch it too much.”

The horrible memories that Angelo had dredged floated through my head, and on a sharp inhale, I remembered. I stared up at Devryck, silently pleading. As if he could take it all away. As if he could destroy and erase the monster that lived inside of me.

“What is it?” he asked, and as he reached to brush a stray hair from my face, I winced, kicking myself away. “Lilia?”

“My mom …” Something inside of me begged not to say it aloud, because if I didn’t say it aloud, maybe it would remain a lie. It would exist at the back of my head and return to the blackness where it’d come from. That was how I survived, after all. I’d practiced telling everyone she’d killed herself over and over in my head, until it became reality. Until I could say the words without the flinch, or a hint of guilt. While I now knew that Angelo had ultimately been the one to kill her, one horrifying fact remained.

I’d held her under water. I’d almost killed her first.

“I suspect I may already know.” Lips forming a hard line, he lowered his gaze. “You talked in your sleep on the way back to Dracadia.”

Silent in my thoughts, I stared down at my hands, trying to wrap my head around how I’d explain such a thing. What kind of child tried to kill her mother? It was a question I couldn’t answer. I loved my mother. She’d always been my best friend. My home. She was my whole life.

But what kind of mother tried to drown her own child?

She was sick. So sick that she hadn’t looked at Bee as the lovable teenager we’d known all her life. My mother had seen her as a threat, somehow. The look of terror in her eyes, when I’d caught her trying to drown my sister in the bathtub, was a vision that would haunt me in the afterlife.

And I’d desperately tried to stop her from hurting Bee that night. I’d done my best to hold her back, but she wouldn’t stop. She’d bitten and pushed and fought like a wild animal, in her determination to eliminate what she’d considered the enemy in her head.

The monster.

Why she’d set her sights on Bee to begin was the tragic mystery of it all.

“She tried to drown your sister, yes?” Devryck’s question broke through my thoughts.

I felt numb. Heartless. I nodded in response, a tear streaking down my cheek that I quickly wiped away.

“Then, it’s not your fault, Lilia.”

“This isn’t the same as you and your brother. I fucking held my mother underwater.” Even if I hadn’t been the one to end her life, I’d tried. I would have. Even then, I could practically taste the adrenaline that’d coursed through me that night. The determination to make her stop.

“You’re right. It’s not. But the fact remains, it’s not your fault. You were trying to save your sister’s life, and believe me, your mother would’ve killed her. I’ve studied these patients enough to know the way their minds work. What this parasite does to their brains. You saved Bee. Don’t doubt that.” He reached for me, but I pushed his arm away.

Arms wrapped around my stomach, I bent forward, as the pain tore me apart inside. “I loved my mom,” I said on a choked sob. “She wouldn’t stop, though. I begged her to stop, and she wouldn’t.”

“She wasn’t your mother. Something else had commandeered her mind that night, and your sister got in the way of it.”

I shook my head, refusing to accept this unwanted exchange–his clemency for what I’d done to her.

“Listen to me. Was she the kind of mother who’d have willingly given her life to protect you from harm?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Yes. You did the right thing protecting your sister. Your mother would’ve wanted that.”

No matter what semblance of truth that might’ve held, I would never pardon myself for what I’d done. He was right on one point, though. My mother was the kind who’d have done whatever she had to do to protect us.

Even fleeing her home with nothing more than the clothes on her back.

The fact was, the world didn’t always play fairly, and sometimes we were placed in shitty positions we didn’t want to be in. Forced into decisions we didn’t want to have to make.

I’d had the choice that night. To watch my mother drown my sister, or do what I had to do to save Bee.

As I compelled my head to relinquish some of the guilt, and push those thoughts back inside their compartment, a new anguish surfaced. I raised my hand, retouching the lower portion of the wound that ended at my jawline.

“Angelo … he … tried to …” My words were broken by the shame and panic clogging my throat. Through tears, I stared back at him. “Can I see?”

“It’s early yet, Lilia. It’s going to heal.”

“Please.”

With a sigh, he pushed to his feet and opened the drapes a bit more, then plucked a sheet-covered object from what must’ve been a dresser across the room. He slipped the covering off to reveal a tabletop mirror and handed it to me. In the reflection, I took in the horrific line of tight stitches, perfectly spaced apart. The memory of Angelo holding me down as he’d carved it into my skin played back inside my head, and eyes closing over tears, I lowered the mirror and turned away.

“It will heal.” Devryck reached out, and again, I flinched away. Why? He hadn’t been the one to hurt me, after all. Sympathy and understanding flashed across his face, which only made me feel worse, as he lowered his hand. “It’s going to take some time.”

“I’m not …. I’m not afraid of you.” In spite of myself, I reached for his hand, holding it in mine. “I was so scared. He told me that …” Tears choked my words again. “He planned to–”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to say.” It seemed he’d said that for his benefit, as his brows came together in a troubled frown. “You were brave to fight him. My brave Little Moth.” He brushed his thumb over my temple.

“Is he … dead?”

A terrifying vacancy swirled in his expression, something feral and uncivilized—the way I imagined a shark might look upon its kill just before sinking its teeth into it. A cold and lethal glint that curled the hairs on my nape. “He won’t hurt you again.”

The words imprinted themselves in my head, as I tried to imagine what he’d done to ensure such a thing, and I dared myself to push forward and hug him.

Do it, Lilia.

An inexplicable wall of shame stood between us, though. For reasons I couldn’t explain, I somehow felt at fault. Like I’d taunted Angelo into hurting me. It didn’t make sense. Nothing made sense. I felt like an empty husk, absent of the emotion I should’ve felt right then. The problem was, there was too much at once, so much that I couldn’t feel anything, at all.

Desperate for distraction, I trailed my gaze over the room again. “This is your old home? The mansion you showed me?”

“Yes. I couldn’t take you to my campus apartment, or the lab. There really was nowhere else. You’ll be safe here, though.”

“I don’t feel safe anywhere anymore.”

“You’re safe with me, Lilia.”

Tears slipped down my cheeks, and on a bold breath, I pushed forward, wrapping my arms around him. He held me against him, shifting my body so my legs wrapped around him. Strong arms enveloped me in warmth. Safety.

We embraced for what seemed like an eternity, and with my head tucked into the crook of his neck, I lay staring, absorbing, processing everything.

“I need to know what Gilchrist told you about your father. And please, be honest with me.” The question spun within the mire of thoughts inside my head. The weight of all the emotions pressing down on me.

“She told me my father was Lippincott. I found a letter from my mother that somewhat confirmed it, and then Angelo told me someone at the school had it in for me. I think he might’ve been the one to hire him.”

His brows came together in a mask of contemplation. “He hasn’t trusted you from the beginning. Not since he first saw you and realized who you were.”

“So, what do I do?” It wasn’t like I had proof he’d tried to kill me.

“You don’t do anything. At the moment, he likely thinks you’re dead.”

“How?”

“Before I excised his tongue, I had Angelo make a very convincing call to his contact.”

The confusion must’ve been written all over my face. The Angelo I knew wouldn’t have done anyone any favors.

“I had a blade propped at his balls.”

That might’ve been motivation enough.

If it was true that Lippincott was, in fact, my father, his malice toward me made no sense. “I know this is going to sound incredibly naive. Maybe stupid, but … I don’t understand why. I wasn’t going to ask him for anything. Not money. Certainly not any special favors. It doesn’t make sense to me.”

“Your existence is a threat to him and his position. Should his wife find out about you, I’ve no doubt she’d leave him destitute. He’s desperate to keep his position in The Rooks.”

“The Rooks … they’re a secret society, right?”

“Yes.” His brows came together in a frown, and he unraveled my arms from his neck, urging me to sit beside him on the bed. “Lilia … there’s something I need–” A buzz interrupted him, and he pulled his phone from his pocket, his frown deepening.

“What is it?”

“A notification from the security system at the lab. Someone tried to punch in the wrong code.” He kissed the top of my head, stroking his hand down my hair. “I need to find out what’s going on.”

“You’re … you’re leaving?”

“Could be students fucking around, but I want to be sure. Besides, you need more antibiotic cream for the stitches, as well. I promise no one knows you’re here.”

Exhaling a breath, I glanced around the dark room, imagining how creepy it’d look if he didn’t return until nightfall.

As if reading my mind, he said, “I’ll try to be back in an hour. And I’ll grab some food. I’m sure you’re probably starving.”

My stomach grumbled in response, as if it appreciated the acknowledgement. “Okay.”

“I gave you a sponge bath earlier, but you’re welcome to shower, if you’d like. Just don’t get your stitches wet.

I caught a glimpse of my suitcase propped in the corner, which he must’ve grabbed from the apartment. “Oh, God. Conner’s going to freak.”

“I sent him a text from your phone, telling him you decided to stay with a friend.”

“Where’s Angelo?”

A look of vexation knitted his brows as he turned away. “When I entered that room and saw you practically naked on the floor and blood everywhere …” A muscle ticced in his jaw. “Believe me when I say you don’t want to know what happened to Angelo.”

The blackness from before shifted inside of me. I somehow felt less alone, less heinous. He’d hurt Angelo for hurting me. Could Devryck have been considered a murderer for something like that? Who knew what Angelo would’ve done to me when he’d eventually come to?

At the same time, I knew damn well what my mother would’ve done to Bee, had I not found her. I’d seen that glint of madness in her eyes. Had Devryck seen the same thing in Angelo?

He’d told me he was going to rape me with a fucking blade–a fact I didn’t bother to tell Devryck right then, given the way his jaw hardened to a harsh angle and those eyes blazed with a murderous gleam. Maybe it was best to count my blessings and understand there were certain justices in the world that went beyond what I considered fair and humane. Like animals. Lions who tore other predators apart for daring to threaten their prides. Was that what I was to Devryck? His pride? His untouchable thing?

For the first time since my mother’s death, I saw through the eyes of the victim. The one grateful to walk away. To be alive because someone had given a fuck, had been bold enough, to do what needed to be done.

In my ruminating over it, I didn’t notice Devryck had fallen into something of a trance, staring off at nothing. Quiet, at first. Until, at last, he cleared his throat. “There was … the briefest moment … when I was running toward that room. Your screams had silenced. And I thought—“ Lips pressed to a hard line, he flashed me a sullen scowl that tore at my heart. He shook his head, refusing to say it. “That was the first time I truly felt that something could hurt me. That I could be brought to my knees. I don’t ever want to feel that again, Lilia.”

Through another shield of tears, I nodded. “I know that feeling well,” I said, recalling the day at the cove when I thought I’d lost him.

I decided to leave it at that, with the understanding that Angelo had chosen his path, his fate. He was a predator who’d happened to be cut down by a bigger predator, and in the case of my mother, she had challenged my love for her, my loyalties, by harming my sister.

He pressed another careful kiss to my lips, urging me back onto the pillow beneath me. “Are you okay?”

“No. But I hope to be.” As he stared down at me, the pain at my cheek flared with the memory of Angelo’s words. Now you’re a monster. Nothing but a used-up whore. Biting back another round of tears, I turned away from him.

His finger hooked beneath my chin, drawing me back to him. “Don’t hide from me, Lilia. You are no less beautiful than that day you walked into my classroom and stole my fucking breath.”

“It’ll scar.” I said, not only referring to the wound on my face.

“It might. But it’ll also serve as a reminder that you fought a professional killer and survived. You’re stronger than you realize.”

His words tunneled through me, and I gave a small nod, letting them smother Angelo’s relentless whispers that looped through my head.

He planted another kiss to my lips. “I’ll return soon.” With that, he strode across the room and closed the door behind him.