No Tomorrow: An Angsty Love Story

As soon as I’m home I call Blue’s cell phone, and it goes directly to his voicemail.

Shit. He always forgets to charge his phone, so it must be dead.

I leave him a message: “Hi hon, it’s me. Give me a call when you can. I miss you, and I love you.”

I dig my cell phone out of my purse and plug it in, waiting for it to have enough power to turn on. When the screen finally lights up, I’m shocked at the notifications I see on my screen.

One hundred and twenty-eight missed calls.

Twenty-five voice messages.

Ten text messages.

Holy hell.

All but four of the voice messages are him breathing, or the sound of the phone clicking with a disconnect.

The four actual messages range from sweet to what sounds like an all-out meltdown.

I’m better. Please come back.

Those familiar words he used to say so often when things were bad between us and he was fighting his demons. Somehow he got there without even knowing the truth yet, and now I’m petrified. What happened? Did he freak out when he couldn’t reach me and just assumed I left him?

I hunt down the hotel information saved in my phone and call his room, but there’s no answer. According to the email he sent me a few days ago, he should still be staying at this hotel. Immediately I call the front desk.

“Hello, can you tell me if Mr. Von Bleu in room 4032 has checked out? I’ve called his room and there’s no answer. This is Piper Karel, his fiancée.”

“One moment.” I hear the receptionist clicking a keyboard on the other end. “I am showing that Mr. Von Bleu is still checked in. Would you like to leave us a message at the front desk to forward to him?”

My heart sinks even lower. “No, thank you.”

I chew my fingernail with worry and sit on the chest at the end of my bed. I’m still bleeding and cramping, and feel groggy from the anesthesia yesterday and the painkillers I took this morning. I was given instruction by the doctor to rest and give myself time to heal mentally and physically. I’ve already spoken to Human Resources and requested a week of my vacation time.

Resting is simply not going to happen until I find Blue and get the chance to have a heart-to-heart talk with him about everything that’s happened over the past twenty-four hours and to assure him that I most definitely have not left him.

I can’t imagine why he would even think that when we’ve been so happy.

I pull up Reece’s number on my phone, and he picks up on the second ring. Reece’s phone is always charged.

“Hello?”

“Reece…hi…it’s Piper.”

“Hey…um…I was actually just about to call you—’

“Is Blue okay? I can’t get in touch with him and I’m worried.”

“Shit. That’s why I was calling you. He’s gone.”

My heart jolts and my head spins with dizziness. How can he be gone? Blue doesn’t do gone anymore.

“Wh-what are you talking about?”

“We can’t find him. All his stuff is in his room except for his favorite guitar. His phone is going straight to voicemail so I guess as usual his battery is dead.”

Everything just keeps getting worse. Blue could be traipsing around London right now with a dead cell phone and no way to charge it, which means there’s no way for me to get in touch with him when I need him now more than I ever have.

As if that’s not bad enough, while I was losing our baby he somehow jumped to the conclusion I had left him.

“Oh my God… I can’t believe this… did he say anything to any of you? Yesterday?”

“No, it was a quiet day, we were all kinda hanging out in our rooms alone trying to catch up on sleep. Everything was great. We had an interview this morning and he didn’t show. We told them he was sick and we had to do it without him. I have no fucking idea where he could be. I’ve looked everywhere. This is a big city, though, and he knows how to not be found.”

That’s an understatement.

“Reece.” I gulp for air and exhale in shaky breaths. “We have to find him. I have to talk to him as soon as possible.” Choking sobs start and I’m powerless to stop them.

“Whoa, Piper. Don’t cry. I’m sure he’s okay. I’ll keep looking for him, I promise. You know how he gets…he always turns up.”

“You don’t understand…something did happen…I think he freaked out because he couldn’t get in touch with me at all yesterday. I was in the hospital, and I wasn’t able to call him right away.”

“Wait—what? Are you okay? Please don’t cry, I can’t deal with it when women cry.”

“I’m sorry,” I sob, wiping at my face. “I’m just so scared.”

“Where are you now? Are you still in the hospital?”

“No…I’m home now. My best friend drove me home earlier.”

“So you’re all right?”

Am I all right? I don’t feel all right at all.

“I was twelve weeks pregnant,” I say softly. “And I lost the baby.”

He lets out a pained sound. “Ohh, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.”

“Blue didn’t even know I was pregnant. I was waiting for him to come home to tell him about the baby, but then you guys ended up staying out there longer and I just didn’t want to tell him over the phone, I wanted to surprise him and….” Tears take over and my voice cracks and dies.

Reece breathes heavily into the phone. “Shit. I have to find him and get him home to you.”

“Do you really think he took off again?” I ask weakly. “Do you think he’s doing drugs again?”

“I don’t know, Piper. Blue does weird things. I’ve been keeping an eye on him and haven’t seen him do anything. Not a drop of alcohol, not even a joint. No bullshit, he was glad to be straight. He knows he can come to me about anything and I’ll be there for him. He promised if he ever felt like using again he’d come to me and let me handcuff his ass to me so I could watch him. That’s how bad he wanted to stay clean.”

“I’m so worried about him… I can’t even think straight. I’m sitting here shaking.”

“Look, my sister went through this a few years ago. You should be resting and not getting all worked up.”

Is he crazy?

“How can I rest when I don’t know where he is or if he’s okay or what’s going on? I’m afraid he’s going to disappear for months or years and I can’t live through that.”

“I get it, but you have to take care of you, too. He’s a big boy, and he’ll be okay. He’s probably just walking around like he does and believe me, I know that’s not helping you a fuckin’ bit, but what I’m saying is that I’m sure he’s fine, and I’m sure he won’t be gone for long. Right now you need to do your best to stay calm and take care of yourself until I can find his ass and get him to you.”

“I’m just so scared, Reece. I didn’t think he’d ever do this again, especially now when I need him the most. He left me a bunch of messages and for some crazy reason he thinks I left him. Why would he think that? He knows I would never, ever do that to him.”

“It’s just how his mind works. It’s not you. It’s his way of coping, as fucked up as it is.”

“I don’t know what to think,” I mutter, putting my face in my hand. “I just need him here.”

“I’ll find him, and I’ll make him call you as soon as I do. I’m gonna shove the phone right in his hand. I promise.”

“Okay.” I feel utterly hopeless. “I guess all I can do is just wait, then.”

“And rest. Rest, Piper.”

“I’ll try.”

“I’m really sorry about the baby. And I know if he had any clue about this, he never would have done this. He loves you.”

After we say goodbye, I change into my softest sweatpants and Blue’s T-shirt before crawling into bed to rest. Ditra will be picking up Lyric at school and keeping her overnight so I can have some alone time to get my head together.

I try to focus on as many of the positives as I can so I don’t get pulled under the wave of depression that’s looming at the edges of my mind and heart. Blue loves Lyric and me. He wouldn’t leave us. He probably just needed to think.

We’re all going to be okay.