SWNOVELS Nicoli: Chapter 11
“No.” Alexius’ expression is as plain as day—he doesn’t feel the need to explain his one-word answer at all. It’s as final as yesterday’s weather. Unchangeable.
I grit my teeth, fighting the urge to beat a yes out of his ass. “Why not?”
“Because I need you here.”
“I know no one has ever told you this before, and it might come as a shock, so brace yourself…but you have two other brothers. I know.” I shrug dismissively. “It’s unbelievable that our parents had two more sons and never told you about it, given that you’re the heir and all.”
“Stop.”
“Their names are Caelian and Isaia. Now Caelian, he’s not too bad. He’s easily manipulated, like a puppet on strings. Isaia, however, his attitude sucks. If you ask me, he’s still stuck in puberty because tell him not to do something, and he will do it with so much passion it would set the rain on fucking fire. Sure, he has some redeeming qualities, but it’s not worth fighting through all that shitty attitude to get them. So, I’d suggest you steer clear of giving him any kind of responsibility around here.”
“Are you done?”
“Nope.” I light a cigarette, plumes of smoke coming out the sides of my mouth. “In fact, I haven’t even started yet. Wait until I get to Rome, our long-lost cousin, who I’ve recently discovered has a thing for bondage.”
Alexius’ eyes widen, and I smirk. “Oh no, brother. I know exactly what you’re imagining right now, and you can’t have it more wrong.”
“I’d ask you to draw me a picture, but I’m afraid you’ll see it as a challenge and use my Montblanc fountain pen to draw Rome’s dick on my mahogany desk.”
“There’s no need to draw you a picture. Just swap the positions of the participants.”
“What the fuck are you saying?”
“Like, take the girl in the picture inside your head, and put her in Rome’s position. Then take Rome and put him in the woman’s position.” I twirl my fingers around. “You know, Shibari his ass.”
Alexius’ frown goes from questioning to sheer horror in zero-point-two seconds. “Are you serious?”
“Very.”
“Jesus. Now I can’t get that image out of my head.”
“I know.” I chuckle darkly, remembering how horrified I was after I walked in on a scene where the woman was holding the whip, and Rome’s the one ball-gagged. “I was unable to get that picture out of my head for weeks.”
My brother shakes his head. “I could have gone my entire life without knowing that. Fuck you very much.”
I lift my glass in a mocking cheers. “You’re welcome.”
“Bullshit aside, you can’t leave. I need you here handling the Myth side of things. Shipments. Deals. Memberships. It’s all you.”
“I’m no body language expert, brother, but your flat expression tells me this issue is not up for debate or discussion.”
“Damn right.” He sits back in his seat, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “There’s not a chance in hell you’re leaving, especially not because of her.”
My spine goes rigid, and there’s no more sarcasm teetering on the tip of my tongue. “Why do you think it’s about her?”
“What else can it be?”
I cock a brow. “I hate the weather this time of year.”
Alexius snorts.
“I like that whole daylight saving time bullshit. It mindfucks me into thinking I’m getting older faster.”
“Why do you want to die faster?”
“Reincarnation,” I say slowly. “It means I get to do shit differently next time around.”
“Differently when it comes to her?”
“Differently when it comes to letting you go through the birth canal first. Next time I’ll wrestle your baby-ass and be the firstborn, so I don’t need your permission when I want to fuck-off to Tuscany.” I slam back a mouthful of whiskey, get up, and pour myself another one.
I want to leave this house. Leave this city. Leave this goddamn continent. I want to get a million miles of distance between her and me. It’s the only way I know how to fight this.
I sigh. “Alexius, I don’t need twin telepathy to know you’re staring a hole in the back of my skull right now.”
“I get why you would want to go, but this goes beyond your pride or heartbreak.”
I turn to face him, and he sits up a little straighter in his chair.
“You leaving is not going to fix anything.”
“I beg to differ.”
“It’s not going to make you love her less, brother.”
My nostrils flare, my insides turning at the mention of love. “I don’t love her.”
“Then what would you call it?”
Obsession. “Nothing,” I reply flatly. “That’s exactly what it is. Nothing.”
“Then why leave?”
“I’m bored.”
“You’re full of shit.”
“And you’re a dick.”
Alexius stands, leaning with his palms on his desk. “You’re not leaving, Nicoli. I need you here to help me protect this family.”
“Asking you was a mere courtesy, brother. I’ve made up my mind, and I’m leaving, with or without your permission.”
“No, you’re not. You are staying right here, and you are going to do what you’ve always done.”
“And what’s that?”
His expression is stern, yet his eyes show the gentle hue of compassion. “Protect her.”
Reality slams into my chest with all its fury, like a tidal wave dragging me under the surface, its ice-cold claws digging into my flesh as it drowns me. There’s no use denying it. No use trying to run away from it. I’m destined to suffer bound to the one person I can never have.
“Your first, most profound instinct has always been to protect her, Nicoli. And it’s been like that since the moment that little girl walked into our lives. It’s always been you and her. I dunno.” Alexius throws his hands in his air, exasperated. “Since day one, you two just gravitated toward one another. Like,” he places his hands on his hips, shrugging, “you’re two people with one soul.”
It’s as if someone is tearing my spine out of my body, reaching through my rib cage to grab my heart and squeeze every last drop of blood from it. The lump in my throat makes it impossible to swallow, so I grit my teeth and clench my jaw, forcing it down because that seems easier to do than acknowledge that Alexius is right. We are connected by an invisible force that seems unchangeable. Unbreakable. The little girl with the yellow jacket has always been the innocence I’ve been compelled to protect.
“Fine,” I say with a sigh, resigning myself to his authoritative decline of my request. “I’ll stay. But you should know that every second I spend here in this house makes me fucking miserable.”
“I know you’re hiding something from me.” Alexius pins me with his pointed stare. “You and Maximo…and Dad. The three of you have been hiding something from me for years, and I don’t know what it is. But I’m willing to bet it has something to do with why you’re not allowing yourself to love—”
“Stop using that word,” I warn.
“What is it? What are you hiding, Nicoli?”
My stomach coils, barbed wire tearing at my insides. “I’m not hiding anything.”
“Bullshit. I’ve always known you and Maximo share a secret. And I know it’s deep because there’s no other explanation why you’d keep it from me other than you’re protecting her. That’s why I’ve never asked, never tried to figure it out.” Alexius walks around his desk to stand in front of me, his blue eyes no longer soft shades of sympathy but rather hard lines of resolve. “Do not put me in a position where I have to force that secret out in the open…because I will do it. I will not hesitate to dig up whatever it is you’ve been so desperate to hide that you’re willing to sacrifice your own happiness for it. You’re staying here, Nicoli. And that’s the end of it.”
The finality in his tone nails the end of our conversation. He won’t let me leave. And the truth is, I don’t want to leave. The only reason running off to Tuscany seems like one of the best bad ideas I’ve had is to stop the selfish prick in me from taking what I don’t deserve. After what almost happened in the hallway last night, I don’t trust myself around her. I don’t trust myself to put her needs before mine, and she needs to stay the fuck away from me. And if getting the hell away from here is not an option, then I’ll just have to try harder and do better to keep a promise I made years ago.
I put down my glass and grab the whiskey bottle. “You’re right. There’s always been this connection between Mira and me, and no matter how far away I try to run or how much time passes, it’s like an invisible bond that will always be there…whether by love or hate…it doesn’t matter which one.” I take a large swig from the bottle, turning my back on my brother as I walk out. “But I choose hate.”