SWNOVELS Nectar of War: Part 3 – Chapter 46
ROANER KORSANA
DOES THIS END?’ LEVORA asks as we sit on the swing that hangs between the two trees hovering above the river.
I reach across to move a long wavy curl dangling in her face. ‘Does what end?’
She is lost in a trance as she stares down at the water just barely touching her feet but encompasses mine.
‘Us,’ she whispers. ‘This feeling. We are not mates; you would know by now. It is said that mates always tend to stay together unless drastic measures occur to make them drift apart. What will happen when one of us finds that person.’
I scoot closer to her and she leisurely looks up.
‘Do you really believe I would allow anything to come between us?’
‘No, that is not what I meant. I know you would not, I am only thinking hypothetically.’
‘Even hypothetically, the answer is no. We built our connection together, that does not so easily die. I see a great difference between building a connection and having a fated connection. Most fated pairs do not put in the effort to build what we have, and that is where we always win. What we have will never see an end.’
EIGHT SEASONS LATER
‘I know what a Snapdragon means, Roaner.’ Laven sits across from me in the dining room as we have finally made it home from searching for Levora through night and day.
He waits for a response but I cannot give him one.
‘You proposed.’
‘No,’ I shake my head. ‘We collectively agreed that marriage is what we wanted and to keep tradition alive she was going to respond with the Snapdragon and then–’ I stop and look at him. ‘I believe I have loved her since the day we met at the academy, and–’
‘And you did not think you could ever imagine a life without her existing in it,’ Laven’s eyes fall as he speaks, as if he has experienced exactly what I am feeling.
‘However long it takes.’
Laven nods. ‘However long it takes.’
“Heshy,” I request as I hesitantly fold the letter in my hands. “I need you to deliver this. I will be in the Ryverian House if you need me.”
Taking the letter, he observes the name, and still stands in front of me.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
Before he can question me any further I ascend from my study and to the Ryverian.
* * *
The door to the Ryverian House opens and I lean against the balcony of the stairs.
“Hello friend.”
Levora stares upward.
“Hello.”
I travel down the stairs and her hands gather together in front of her.
“How have you been settling in?”
Levora is hesitant to answer, I see the fury building in her. “I have settled fine.”
I walk towards the drawing room where I see the mural painted of me, Laven, Morano, Amias, Hua, and Levora. It was strung pristinely on the wall by Apolla herself. Levora does not speak as she stands a distance behind me looking at the mural as well.
“You know, I always thought I had everything under control. I could never be miscalculated. I knew my occupation, I knew who I would love, I knew how I would love, I knew down to the final coin how much money I would obtain.” I look at her over my shoulder. “You would not recognize who I am now.”
“I do not.”
“Years of separation does that.”
“No it does not,” she retaliates.
I wait for her to continue. No matter what this conversation will turn into an argument.
“It is true, Roaner, that distance makes the heart grow fonder.”
It was not true for us.
“But your fondness for me has died?”
“Fondness has many forms, and I will not answer this without knowing exactly what fondness you are speaking of.”
“Love!” She shouts. “Love, romance, the dying need to be with someone. And that someone is no longer me, is it?”
I will not lie to her. “It is not.”
Her chest slightly caves in hearing the words. “You could not even wait until I returned before searching for someone else?”
“You speak as if you know any of what I have gone through while you have been gone all these years.”
“I speak this way because you have not spoken to me at all since I have returned home! You do not even look at me and you avoid me as if I am one of the rogues you all speak of!”
“Because I am avoiding this!” I shout back at her as her eyes fill. “I am avoiding your hurt and pain due to the realization that I do not love you like I once did.”
“I am done with everyone trying to protect me from everything! I am a woman, and I can handle all emotions that swarm me. I do not need you nor anyone to hide something from me out of what you call avoidance of my hurt and pain. It is my hurt and pain and I choose when and where I wish to feel it. If you loved me at all, you would have spoken to me of how you have been feeling the moment I came home.”
“If I love you?” My voice raises higher than hers. “I am the one who opened that fucking portal, Levora! It was not opening by itself. Not anyone else but me. I had to plead for help from a source I had no right to be working with behind my brother’s back, only to ensure you came home in return for what they wanted!”
She flinches at my words.
She does not speak.
“Every day I went to that portal and saw it opening, that was you?” She asks in disbelief.
I nod.
“Then if you were so diligently looking for me that it caused you to hide your bargain with whoever it is, why did you not continue to wait for me given I would be returning shortly?”
“I–” the words trap in my throat. “I do not know how it happened. One moment I am looking for you, and the next I meet her, and I lose all rational thought. The love you and I share now may not be the same as it once was, but I love you, Levora, and that is undeniable.
“I knew you in a time of my life where I needed someone to cling to and so did you. You and I both know that what we shared was not love; it was comfort. We allowed one another to be who we thought we were at the time when we were just children still trying to understand what our purpose was. Even now we are still understanding our purpose. I love you deeply for all that you acquired for me when we were just teenagers. But young love is not all that we will ever be. We will grow to have a strongly bonded friendship like I have never known. But that is all we will be,” my chest tightens as I watch the tears fall down her face, but I must continue. “You were my heart, but I feel her in my soul. I touched you and I saw everything gentle about the world, I touched her, and I saw a home. And to continue pursuing you when we could love someone else more would be torment.”
She stares at the floor between us. “Just children trying to build a safe space when neither of them were the right safe space for each other to begin with.” Her eyes lift and I see all the peace I once thought was mine.
“We had too much growth to go through before we should have thought of marriage at such a young age. I was not looking for someone when I was seeking you out. She fell upon me twice at the most inopportune moments, then by the force of bargain we had to work together.”
“What was the bargain? Find me in return for what?”
I shake my head. “I cannot tell you that, I cannot discuss those matters with anyone. If I could, I would tell you.”
“Then can you tell me if this woman is your mate?”
The burning question that strangles me. “No, I do not know what she is to me.”
“When did you meet her?”
“On the battlefield of the second war between us and New Quamfasi.”
Levora’s eyebrows furrow. “She is not a person of Vaigon?”
“No, she is from Old Quamfasi.”
“Her name?” Levora asks as she fiddles with her fingers.
“Esme Fondali.”
Her eyes widen. “Queen Penelope’s Right Hand?”
“Yes, and she is the cousin of Ivella.”
“Strong women.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly what I said. Men here crave women who thrive in all areas of life. Esme and Ivella are both one of those women to be held in high demand.”
“Levora,” I exhale heavily. “You will find someone who will hold you in high regard for exactly who you are now and who you will grow to be. Do not force yourself to be something you are not, the fates do not align with those who try to be someone else other than who they intended you to be. The Fondali cousins are very different from you solely given their past and upbringing. Esme and Ivella had to fight all their life to be who they are now; you have lived life softly whereas they lived in a hell that felt inescapable. And you know something?” I take a step toward her. “There is nothing wrong with either. Live as you are supposed to, just as they do.”
“I did not want to come home,” she admits. “Well, I did. I wanted to come home to my family, but I did not wish to stay here nor to live here again. I developed fine amongst the humans since I am practically just as they are. Average, a normal being that walks their earth. Yet, here, I am not that. I am high in royalty but low in power. That is the most belittling aspect of being here, although I do not hate it. I came home for the relief of the people I love, as they lived in a small world with me for my own relief.”
“There has never been anything wrong with that, Levora. You are not an unwanted woman in this universe because you do not possess gifts. You have a way of showing your strength without needing to flaunt power and magic. You are more than what the God’s have given us.”
Our family has expressed this to her in many ways, there are only so many ways you can tell someone something before they hear it.
“I should have spoken to you sooner,” I continue when she does not respond. “And I did not speak to you, and for that I am sorry.”
“I love you too,” she finally says.
I rest my hands on her shoulders and she gazes upward. “I hold you in high regard, it may not be in the way you once knew it, but I will always hold you highly in my life. Nothing is changing that.”