Nadir

Ems has finished talking and I have this thing stuck on my throat that makes my head start to spin. I would have loved the closure, I would have wanted to hear it all from Joshua. What exactly was going on and what made him behave the way he did.

‘I am sorry Nandy. For not telling you the truth when I had the chance but for some reason I thought I needed to stay loyal to my family.’

‘And yet here you are. How convenient.’

‘I understand your pain. I understand that you don’t even need me right now but I wanted to come and apologize in person because you deserve it.’

I stand up and walk towards the barrier for the balcony.

‘Ems I wish we didn’t get here. Jackie and I have had so many drunk moments, moments where we couldn’t even remember where home was but not once in my life time did I ever drink alone whilst she was sober. And I am probably the biggest fool for still seeing good in her even when she has hurt me but I can’t help it, at the end of the day we were best friends for a long time I just can’t wake up and decide that we are not friends any more. If we have to end whatever friendship there once was I would love to believe that I gave her enough rope to hang herself with and she did.’

He smiles joining me.

‘Joshua was happy with you.’

‘Bullshit.’

‘There were times I wanted to tell you that he was playing you but I couldn’t because for the first time I saw my brother in a different light. For the first time I looked at him and he looked genuinely happy.’

‘Even though it was at the expense of hurting me?’

He sighs deeply.

‘Again I am deeply sorry for hurting you the way I did. I wish the choices I made were different but here we are.’

‘So you have come to carry the cross that your family handed out as your own right?’

‘You knew what happened that night, you knew Jackie and Joshua got together but you still went ahead and dated her. Why?’

‘I was going to do anything and everything just to be close to you Nandy. I knew he poisoned you and if the only way to have access to you was through your bestfriend then I was going to do it.’

‘Even though she slept with your brother?’

He opens his mouth to say something but I stop him.

‘I appreciate your honesty Emmanuel, but you and Joshua are no different. You thought you were doing me a favor by leaving me to be devoured by your brother and yet you were also killing me. You say it wasn’t in your place to tell me the truth and yet you befriended me. You made me remain close to you and also became friends with my little sister and when my babies died you remained constantly present in my life. Now here you are telling me things that your brother can’t gather the balls to tell me yet you still look me in the face and tell me that it wasn’t in your place? Isn’t that some twisted fuckery Emmanuel?’

‘I am sorry okay. I should have told you. I should have opened up.’

‘Yet you didn’t.’

He is now in tears.

‘Emmanuel I wasn’t just dating your brother for the sex! I was dating him because I fell in love with him, because I wanted to do life with him! I was dating him because I was ready to change my last name to his, to be the one he grows old with, to be the one he raises kids with and builds an empire with! I am not one of those girls you just meet on the street and have a good time with. I have a set of laid out standards and morals, I come from a decent home and I have grown up with an unshakable character that requires me to uphold myself a certain way. I loved Joshua with everything in me and I accepted to carry parts of him with me. I was going to bring to life pieces of the good man he was and pieces of the woman I am and we would call those pieces our children. Our boys. And we were not going to do that alone, we were going to do it with all of you. My family and his. And yet you all looked me in the face and lied like it was something small forgetting that was my life you were messing with. Emmanuel I will never be the same. I might be okay and heal physically but there are parts of me that have been broken that will never be healed and I hate that all of you contributed to all this.’

I pause. His tears are still running and yet my eyes are dry.

‘All of you have made me cry a river and just because I am a good person doesn’t mean that it will go unpunished.’

He looks at me.

‘Your time is coming Emmanuel. All of you.’

‘Nandy I love you.’

‘I know.’ I say stating the facts.

‘I know that you love me Emmanuel. I have always known and at some point I thought you and I could be a thing, but I guess one brother hurting me was enough. Now all of you will feel my pain because hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.’

‘You don’t have to do this Nandy.’

‘For those boys whose bodies lie in the soil, I will do it. And maybe it won’t make me feel better, but at least I will know that their death wasn’t in vain.’

He swallows hard.

‘And since you are here, inform your people that my people will be bringing their daughter. Last I checked we are bound by tradition. Tell Joshua I would be damned if he thinks he is getting away scot-free.’

..

Kwenje’s Girl

Winnie

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