SWNOVELS My Rules: Chapter 22
Seven months later
Ring, ring . . . ring, ring . . .
“Hello,” Blake grumbles from beside me in bed.
I squint at the clock. “What time is it?”
3:00 a.m.
“That’s great, man.” Blake smiles. “Can I do anything?” He listens for a moment. “Just stay fucking calm, okay? Juliet needs you to be calm.”
I sit up. “Is Juliet in labor?” I mouth.
He nods with a smile.
“Ahhhh.” I jump out of bed, run to the bathroom to get my robe on, and race downstairs to get my phone. I accidentally left it charging.
I see three messages in my group chat with the girls. The first message is from Juliet.
It’s happening.
Contractions are five minutes apart.
My water just broke.
See you on the other side.
xoxo
Chloe replies.
Ahhhh, I’m so excited.
Good luck baby.
I quickly reply.
You’re going to be such a great mom.
It’s your baby’s birthday.
Ahhhhhh!
I wait for the reply. It doesn’t come.
I take the stairs two at a time and run into the bedroom to find Blake lying down peacefully with his eyes closed. “What are you doing?” I stammer.
“What does it look like? I’m going back to sleep.”
“How can you sleep at a time like this?” I gasp.
“I close my eyes.” He snuggles in to get comfortable.
“Shouldn’t we do something?”
“Yes, come to think of it.” He flicks back the blankets. “We should have sex.”
“Oh my god, how can you think of sex at a time like this?” I splutter.
“Because tonight we are celebrating vaginas. Let’s go.” He smiles sleepily and pulls me down on top of him.
“But Juliet . . .”
“Is fine.” His teeth go to my neck, and he smiles against my skin. “Now, where were we?”
Blake and I sit at the table and sip our coffee in silence. It’s 8:00 a.m., and the night has felt never ending.
We haven’t slept a wink and haven’t heard from Henley and Juliet either.
“What if something’s wrong?” I frown.
“Nothing’s wrong.” He takes my hand over the table. “These things take time.”
My heart is racing, and I have that sick nervous feeling in my stomach. “Poor Juliet . . . this is too long.”
Blake’s phone rings. “Hello.” He smiles. “Okay, hang on.” He hits the speaker button.
“Hi, guys,” Henley’s voice says.
“Hi.” I screw up my face. “The anticipation is killing me.”
“We have a little girl.”
“Ahhhh,” Blake and I gasp.
“Everything go okay?” Blake asks.
“Textbook. Juliet was incredible,” Henley replies proudly.
“Do we have a name yet?” Blake asks.
“Hannah Juliet James,” he says. “She’s so . . . perfect.”
My eyes well with tears, and even Blake is overcome.
“Tiny. Five pounds, nine ounces.”
“Oh, congratulations.” I smile.
“I’ve got to go, but I’ll see you both later?”
“Yeah, we’ll be in tonight,” Blake replies. “Well done, guys.”
We hang up the phone and hug in joy.
Hannah Juliet James . . . I’m in love already.
I stare at my reflection as I brush my teeth. My hair is up in a messy topknot. I have a towel wrapped around me, and I’ve just gotten out of the shower. My body throbs from the pounding it’s just received, and I glance over at the perpetrator.
Blake has his eyes closed as he washes his hair, and my eyes drop down his body that only moments ago was deep inside mine.
He’s so perfect that I can’t stand it.
I wouldn’t change a thing from my past because it’s brought me to where I am now, to who I’m with now.
There isn’t a doubt in my mind that Blake is the love of my life, and if I’m being honest, I can let you in on something that I never thought I would feel: I’m glad my marriage crumbled.
Because it brought me to him.
And even when I was happy with John, it was never like this.
The love we have is like a fairy tale.
Blake is besotted with me. Our time together has been the best months of my life.
We laugh, we make sweet love and fuck like strangers, but more than that, we adore each other. Our love is based on friendship and a deep understanding.
This life with this man is where I’m meant to be.
Blake hops out of the shower and dries himself with a towel. He comes up behind me, pushes my hair to the side of my neck, and kisses me. “Round two.” He smirks up against my skin.
“Are you kidding?” I mumble around my toothbrush. “We were just hard at it for forty minutes in the shower. You cannot want more.”
But I know that he will. The man’s insatiable.
“Behave yourself and go to bed.”
“Or what?” His eyes glow with mischief.
“Or you are grounded.”
“In my bedroom?” He gives me the look, the one that he does so well. Fuck me, it says, and do it hard.
I point to the bed as I keep brushing my teeth. He ambles into the bedroom, and I smile to myself in the mirror. Being the object of Blake’s affection will never grow old.
I’m the luckiest girl in the world.
A million thoughts and no direction.
Tomorrow I’ve got the vet appointment, and then I’ll drop by the market and get some groceries. I want to try that new recipe this weekend. I mean, I might do it with chicken instead of beef. Yeah, I think I’ll do that.
And then I want to do some meal prepping. Do I have enough containers? I don’t want to use plastic anymore. I’m moving to glass. I’ll put those on the grocery list too.
Ugh, why am I thinking of all this random bullshit?
I stare up at the ceiling in the dark. I shouldn’t have had that afternoon nap today. It’s 3:00 a.m., and I’ve been wide awake for two hours. Blake is fast asleep beside me. His gentle breathing is a calming sound. Who knew that someone breathing beside you could be comforting?
I roll onto my side and face the wall with my back to him and hear his phone as it vibrates on his side table. I roll over and frown into the darkness.
Who would be texting him at this hour?
I lie back down and close my eyes. What if something’s wrong?
It could be an emergency.
I get up and walk around to his side of the table and pick up his phone. I walk out into the hallway with it so that I don’t wake him up. I go to swipe it on and put in his code, and it rejects it. I put his code in again.
Wrong passcode.
Huh?
I screw up my face in question and put the passcode in again.
Wrong passcode.
That’s weird.
I try it again.
Wrong passcode.
He’s changed his passcode on his phone. Why would he do that?
Hmm.
I make my way downstairs and flick the kettle on as my mind begins to go over the last few weeks. Come to think about it, he has been working late a lot recently . . . my stomach rolls as an all-too-familiar feeling falls over me.
Blake’s hiding something.
Two weeks is a long time to feel sick in the stomach.
It’s a long time to feel scared every time he picks up his phone; it’s even longer to have thoughts so dark in your head that you wonder why you even bother.
At first I thought it was in my head, and maybe it is. I hope to god it is.
But Blake’s phone is still locked, which can only mean one thing: he’s messaging someone he doesn’t want me to know about.
I’ll never be that woman who demands to know everything. I’m not jealous; I’m sad, because I thought maybe I’d just gotten a bad egg with the first one.
But maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the one that’s not enough.
I stir the spaghetti Bolognese that I’m making as my mind races off on another tangent. It’s like I’ve become this superdetective again, analyzing everything that comes out of his mouth.
I want to believe that nothing is happening. I want this just to be a scar from my past relationship. But the reality is that things aren’t adding up.
And I hate feeling like this and being insecure.
I would rather be single.
I don’t want to ask him why he changed his passcode because then it will only give him a chance to lie to me, and I know as soon as he does that, our relationship is over.
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. My phone vibrates on the bench, and I pick it up.
“Hi, babe,” Blake’s happy voice sounds down the phone.
“Hi.” My heart goes into my throat. Don’t say it; please don’t say it.
“I’ve got to work late tonight. The children’s ward is swamped. I’ll be late.”
“Okay.” I force the words out.
“Don’t wait up, okay?”
My eyes well with tears. “Sure.”
“You okay?”
“Yep. Good night,” I whisper through the lump in my throat.
“I love you,” he says.
I hang up before he has a chance to hear my tears or feel my heartbreak through the phone.
It’s happening again.
My stomach rolls, and I heave and run for the bathroom. I fall to my knees and throw up violently into the toilet as the tears run down my face.
Dear god, it’s happening again.
I sip my coffee and stare across the table at my friends as I contemplate telling them my deepest fear.
It doesn’t feel like that long ago that we were having this exact same conversation about another man in my life, and I’m embarrassed that I’m the only one who seems to bring these conversations to the table.
Chloe and Juliet chat away happily, but I feel like I’m hovering way above, watching their perfect lives unfold. Oliver and Chloe have just moved in together, and Henley and Juliet are in bliss with their bundle of joy.
And me . . . it seems as though I’m just about to go back to square one.
Juliet looks over and frowns. “Are you okay, Bec? You’re very quiet today.”
I force a smile. “Just got a lot on my mind, that’s all.”
“Like what?” Chloe asks.
“I think Blake is seeing somebody else on the side.” I sip my coffee casually, as if this is not the end of the world for me.
The girls’ faces fall. “What do you mean?” Juliet whispers. “What’s happened?”
“Lots of things, and yet . . .” I shrug. “Nothing at all.”
“Well?” Chloe prompts. “Details.”
“Let’s see, where do I start?” I roll my eyes in a dramatic fashion. “He’s changed the passcode on his phone. He’s working late all the time, and suddenly he’s talking softly on the phone in another room.” I sip my coffee again. “It is what it is, I guess.”
“What did he say when you asked about it?” Juliet asks.
“I haven’t brought it up. I mean, what’s the point? He’ll only lie.”
“No. I don’t believe it,” Juliet snaps. “Blake is so in love with you that it’s pathetic. I’m sure there’s a logical reason.”
“I agree,” Chloe says. “It’s not what you think.”
“I wish I had your optimism.” I sigh. “Unfortunately for me, I have been here before, and I know the signs.”
“But this is Blake.” Juliet takes my hand over the table. “He wouldn’t do this to you.”
“John was a good man too.” I sigh sadly with a shrug. “Maybe it’s me? Maybe I’m just not enough to hold a man.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Chloe snaps.
“I really don’t think this is what you think it is. You need to talk to him,” Juliet says. “Maybe he’s just working late more for extra cash.”
“Maybe.” I sip my coffee. “When this all started with John, I ignored every gut instinct about it and was constantly defending him to myself. I can’t do it this time. My gut tells me that something is off, and I have to trust it.”
“How long has this been going on?” Juliet frowns.
“A few weeks.”
“Why haven’t you said something to us?”
“I haven’t seen you alone without the boys, and besides, in the beginning I just thought that maybe this was just my problem and in my head. But as the days tick over, I know that there really is something going on.”
“What are you going to do?” Chloe asks.
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “I guess I’ll just wait for confirmation of some sort. He’ll catch himself out. They always do. I knew long before I caught John, but I just had to wait for the proof.”
“How did you know that John was having an affair? Like, what was the main thing that made you think that he would do that?”
I think for a minute. “It was the hiding of the phone, the whispered conversations, working late all the time, and then the work trips away. But I guess the biggest clue was when he completely changed his entire personality.”
“Like how?”
“John was tight, never spent a cent on us, and then out of the blue, he started booking romantic weekends away for me and him.”
“What do you mean?” Juliet frowns. “How is that a clue? I’m confused.”
“He began to book these elaborate weekends away. Random off-the-grid places, and he would spoil me, make me feel like I was a princess . . . actually, he made me feel like I was his queen.”
Juliet frowns again. “But I don’t understand. Why would him booking a weekend for the two of you make you think that he was cheating with someone else?”
“Guilt. Don’t you see? It wasn’t who he was. For so long, he wouldn’t spend a cent on me, and then suddenly he started with the over-the-top grand gestures of love.”
The girls stare at me as they listen intently.
“John loved me, there was no doubt in my mind that he loved me, but he felt guilty. I had been with him for years, and I knew him better than he knew himself. All of a sudden, his behaviors changed: bringing me flowers. Overwhelming me with affection.” I take a long, shaky breath as the dark memory lingers. “It was as if every time he slept with another woman, he knew it was wrong, and he had to make it up to me.”
“Fucker,” Chloe whispers.
“I knew him. I had known him for years, and the man that I married wasn’t the same anymore. He had become more attentive than he’d ever been. I guess that’s what made it even more painful, because even though I had that bad feeling in my gut, I felt as though I was being ungrateful and that he was just making it up to me for working all the extra hours.”
“What a nightmare,” Juliet whispers. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”
“Thankfully I’m not married this time.” I shrug with a sad smile. “And I have my house. I’ll be fine, whatever happens.”
“You will.” Juliet squeezes my hand. “But I honestly don’t believe that Blake would do this to you.”
“You really need to talk to him,” Chloe tells me.
“So that what . . . he can lie to me?” I give a subtle shake of my head in disgust. “I’d rather him not know that I’m onto him so that I can at least catch him out.”
I stand at the window and watch Antony and Henley putt the golf ball into the hole. It’s late, nearly 9:00 p.m.
I can’t hear what they’re saying, but they’re talking with Winston, and it seems to be a very in-depth conversation. I wonder, What are they talking about?
Blake is lying on the couch watching the game, and his phone vibrates on the coffee table. “Hello,” he answers. He stands and walks into the kitchen with his phone as he begins talking. I walk to the door to try and listen, but he’s talking in a hushed voice, so I go back to the window and keep watching the boys play golf.
I contemplate what I should say. What could I ask that would get me a straight answer?
Would he lie about who he’s talking to?
Blake walks back out into the living room and lies back down on the couch.
“Who was that you were talking to?” I ask innocently.
He holds the remote up to the television and flicks the game back on. “Antony.”
My eyes linger on Antony out on the street, and my heart sinks with an overwhelming sadness.
I wanted the proof, and now I have it. Confirmation in black and white.
That hurt more than I thought it would.
“I’m going to bed,” I say softly.
“I’ll be up soon, babe,” he says as he keeps watching the television.
“Don’t rush, I’m tired.” I walk past him, and he holds out his hand.
“Hey, where’s my kiss good night?”
I turn back to see him lying there on the couch, and I get a vision of me picking up the lampshade and beating him with it. Hurting him half as much as he’s hurting me.
I hate him.
But more than that, I hate myself for loving him, for believing he was different.
Men are all the same.
“I’ll see you upstairs,” I say softly.
“No kiss?” He frowns.
I don’t feel strong enough to have this argument today. I wonder, will I ever be strong enough to have this argument?
Tomorrow . . . I’ll be stronger tomorrow.
I quickly peck him on the cheek. “Good night.”
“I love you.” He smiles.
Sure you do.
I walk upstairs like a zombie, get into the shower . . . and like the pathetic, jilted woman I am, I sob in silence.
Daisy pulls me along as she rushes to get to Juliet and Barry as they wait on the curb outside their house. “Morning.” Juliet smiles.
“Morning.” I bend and pat Barry. “How’s my little man this morning?” I ask him. I bend and peer into the stroller at the cuteness overload. “Good morning, sweetness.” I smile.
“Are we doing the short walk or the long walk today?” Juliet asks.
“Long. I have some extra energy.”
We start walking, and I just have to tell her. It’s eating a hole inside of me. “So last night, I got proof.”
“Of what?” Juliet stops walking and stands on the spot.
“Blake was watching television, and his phone rang, and when he answered it, he went into the kitchen and was talking in a whispered voice.”
“Right,” she says, listening.
“I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but when he got back, I asked him who was on the phone, and he said Antony.”
“Okay.” She frowns. “Hang on, I’m lost. Why is that a bad thing?”
“The whole time he was on the phone in the kitchen, I was watching Antony talk to Winston and Henley as they were putting on the green.”
Her face falls.
“Antony wasn’t on the phone at all.”
“Why would he say he was on the phone with Antony if he wasn’t on the phone with Antony?”
My eyes hold hers.
“Babe,” she whispers as she pulls me into a hug. “I can’t believe this. What did you say to him?”
“Nothing, I went to bed.” We continue walking.
“What?” She screws up her face. “Why didn’t you say anything to him?”
“I couldn’t . . .” I shrug, embarrassed. “I’m just going to get through the next two weeks of lessons, and then I’m going to have it out with him and end it.”
“Why are you waiting two weeks?”
“Because I have two weeks of summer school left, and I want to not have to go to work and be happy in front of children with a broken heart.”
And the masochist in me doesn’t want to say goodbye.
“I can’t believe he lied. He blatantly lied.”
“I know.” We walk in silence for a while.
“Are you okay?”
“It’s weird, you know. I just . . .” I pause as I try and get the wording right in my head. “It kind of feels like I’m dead inside.”
“Like how?”
“Like I’m heartbroken and devastated . . . but not surprised.”
“Well . . . I’m fucking surprised,” Juliet snaps. “Not just surprised, I’m absolutely infuriated.”
“Let’s face it. I have a type, and I should have known better. Two more weeks and I’m going to end it, and then I’ll go and stay with my parents for a couple of weeks, and by the time I get back, I’ll be stronger. This entire thing is a magnified nightmare because I have to live across the road from him. It’s not like I can never see him again. It needs to be amicable.”
“I can’t believe he lied. I’m honestly so shocked. I wonder, does Henley know?”
“Don’t say anything to Henley,” I say. “Promise me.”
“I wouldn’t, but I can’t believe it still. I’m just so shocked.”
“Jules, why would he lie if he had nothing to hide? Why would he lie?”
“You’re right. I know you’re right.” She puts her arm around me. “Fucking asshole.”
We walk in silence for a little bit longer. “So, two weeks, huh? How are you going to hold it together for two weeks?”
“I’ll be fine.” I smile sadly. “I’m going to be very busy so that I don’t have to see him, and then I might go away for the weekend with Daisy.”
“Maybe we could come too?” She smiles hopefully.
“Thanks, but I just kind of want to get away from everything and read a book with a glass of wine.”
“You’re going to be okay, Bec.” She links her arm through mine. “Whatever happens, you will be okay.”
“I know.”
“Okay, class, let’s pack up our pencils and get ready for this afternoon. The bell is just about to ring.”
The class gets to packing up their equipment. It’s Friday afternoon, and thank god for that. It’s been a long week. “Remember, Monday morning we’ve got the farm animals coming in to meet us. Don’t be late because I hear there are baby sheep.”
The class chatters with excitement.
“Dr. Grayson,” someone yells. “Dr. Grayson is here.”
I glance out the window to see Blake with Daisy on a leash. He’s still dressed in his suit, so he must have come straight from work. What the hell is he doing here?
I walk out the front door of the classroom. “What’s going on?” I call out to him.
He smiles and waves, then walks over to me. “Daisy and I are here to sweep you away for the weekend.”
What?
“I don’t want to go away this weekend.”
“You will when you get there.” He smiles.
Damn it, this is the last thing I feel like doing.
All I know is that if I’m trapped away with him for the whole weekend, we are going to fight. It’s already on the tip of my tongue.
“I’ve got some more things to do. I’ll just be a minute.” I bend down and pat Daisy as she jumps around on the leash. Great, now he brings my fur baby into it too.
“Okay, we’ll be waiting.” He gives me a playful wink.
Ugh . . .
I go back into my classroom and wait as my class packs up their things, and I glance out the window at him standing there in his suit with my dog.
A sense of déjà vu comes over me.
The exotic weekend away.
Exactly like I predicted, exactly like I’ve lived before.
Indigestion burns my chest as the stress takes a physical hold.
My heart begins to seep into the bottom of my shoe, and I know that I can’t do this anymore. I have to talk to him today. As much as I’ve been dreading doing it and hoping that it wasn’t going to come to this because he was going to prove me wrong, I can’t hold it in anymore. I can’t act like I’m not dying inside.
Because I am.
Every single second that he lies to me, it’s like a knife through my heart.
I thought Blake was my forever man, my one true love.
“Once you have packed everything away, can you all come and sit on the mat as we wait for the bell, please?” I call to my class.
They run around and hurriedly pack everything away, then dive for the mat. They sit with their legs crossed and their backs straight.
I smile as I look around. Oh, to be so young and innocent and so excited to sit on the mat before you get to go home.
I wish my life was so simple.
“Good afternoon, class.” I smile.
“Good afternoon, Miss Dalton,” they reply in their singsong voices.
The bell rings, and they leave the classroom. I take my time to try and prepare myself.
Blake waits patiently outside with Daisy, and I feel like I’m walking to the gallows. I’m probably about to hear something that I don’t want to and then be forced to talk about my worst nightmares.
Finally, when I can’t delay anymore, I grab my bag and walk out.
Daisy dances around, excited to see me, and Blake smiles softly and gives me a kiss on the cheek. “Took your time,” he teases.
“Well, if I had been given some notice, I would’ve been prepared.”
“Well, if I had given you notice, it wouldn’t be a surprise, would it?”
“I don’t have anything packed.”
“I packed a bag for you.”
“I just really don’t want to go away this weekend.”
Blake smiles. “That is until you get there. Trust me, this weekend is going to be the bomb.”
“Blake.” I sigh.
He throws his arm around my shoulder as we begin to walk to the car.
“Why do you want to go away, anyway? We’ve got so much to do at home.”
“Because I want to take my girl away for a special weekend and show her how much she means to me.”
My eyes search his.
I think I’ve heard that exact sentence before. Another dagger goes through my heart, and emotion overwhelms me.
I drop my head to hide my face from him as we walk to the car. Daisy is dancing and bouncing around and thankfully distracting from my sadness.
Blake loads her into the car, and I get into the passenger seat. “Oh, so this is why you wanted to take my car today, so Daisy could come?”
“Yes, unfortunately Daisy in a two-seater Porsche doesn’t work that well.”
“So I’m not getting new tires?”
“Not today.” He smirks as he gets into the driver’s seat and pulls out of the parking lot.
“Where are we going?” I ask as we drive along.
“It’s a surprise.”
“How long does it take to get there?”
“About ninety minutes.”
I turn my attention to stare out the window. Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise so I won’t have to have a sad memory in my house.
Another sad memory in my house.
Who am I kidding? My house is a fucking nightmare for memories.
Blake chats happily about everything and anything, while I stare into space and mentally prepare myself.
This is it, the beginning of the end.
“Rebecca,” Blake says forcefully.
I glance over at him. “I’m sorry, what?”
“Have you been listening?” He frowns.
“Oh, I’m . . .” I drag my hand down my face. “Not really.”
“Are you okay?” He reaches over and takes my hand in his and puts it on his thigh. “You’ve been quiet the whole trip.”
“Just got a lot on my mind.”
“Like what?”
I can’t hold it in any longer. The poison is starting to seep into my bloodstream. “Have you got anything to tell me, Blake?”
“Like what?” His eyes glance between me and the road.
“Please just be honest with me. I thought we were friends above anything else.”
He frowns. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I know.”
“You know what?”
“Please don’t drag this out. A messy breakup is the last thing I want. Be an adult about this.”
“What are you talking about?” He screws up his face. “Why the hell would we be breaking up?”
“You are seeing other people on the side.”
“What?” he explodes as his eyes nearly bulge from his head. “What are you talking about?”
“Do not raise your voice at me,” I spit.
“Why the hell would you think I’ve been seeing other people?”
“Oh, let me count the ways,” I say sarcastically. “You’ve changed the passcode on your phone, you’re working late all the time, and now you’re fucking lying to me.”
“I have never lied to you. Not once,” he yells, infuriated.
“Oh no,” I scoff. “What a fucking joke. You’ve definitely lied to me.”
“When?”
“When you told me that you were on the phone with Antony while I was actually watching Antony out the window the whole time. You were on the phone with somebody else.”
He falters, and I know that he knows that I’ve got him.
“I can explain that.”
“Please do.”
He puts his blinker on and pulls into a driveway.
“What are you doing?” I snap.
“We’re here,” he growls.
We start driving up a hill on a sweeping driveway. “I don’t want to be here anymore. Can we just go home, please?”
“No.” His jaw ticks as he grips the steering wheel with white-knuckle force. “So let me get this straight—you think I’ve been cheating on you for . . . how long?”
“A couple of weeks.”
“And you never thought to bring this up with me fucking once?” he explodes.
“Why would I? You’ll only deny it.”
“Do you know me at all?” he spits. “What the fuck are we even doing here?”
“My point exactly. Can we turn around and go home?” I scream.
We come to a clearing, and there’s an old wood cabin. He pulls the car up in an overdramatic fashion before turning to me. “So let me get this straight—in your mind, I have been cheating on you?”
“You haven’t denied it.”
“No, no. Let’s go back to your mind here. Let’s discuss what you think I’m doing.”
“You’ve changed your passcode on your phone, you’re lying to me, and you’re working late all the time. I think we should call time on our relationship.”
His eyes hold mine. “So you want to end our relationship. Is that what you’re saying?”
“It’s for the best.”
His eyebrows flick up. “Wow.”
He’s such a fucking smart-ass.
“What does wow mean?”
“Nothing.” He gets out of the car and slams the door.
I roll my eyes. This is exactly why I didn’t say anything earlier. I knew this was going to turn into a huge, big fight, and now I’m stuck out here in the middle of nowhere with him.
He opens the door of the log cabin while I get out of the car. “Come on, Daisy.” I lead her into the house, and as I look around, my heart drops.
The cabin is filled with roses and a huge sign.
WILL YOU MARRY ME?
Oh no.
My eyes flick to Blake. “What are you doing?”
“Asking myself the same question,” he growls.
“Blake.”
“You want to know why my fucking phone’s code has been changed? It’s because I was planning a weekend away to propose to the person who I thought was the love of my life. I’ve been talking to a diamond trader from Mexico to buy her dream fucking ring.” He throws a ring box at me from out of his pocket. “Now I find out that she wants to break up with me and that she doesn’t know me at all.”
Fuck.
“I . . . I mean . . . what . . .” I’m tongue tied and have no idea what to say as my eyes flick around at the grand gesture.
“So you would happily walk away from me without asking me a question?” His eyes search mine.
“Blake . . . why would you want to get married?” I whisper.
He screws up his face as if I’m crazy. “Because I love you,” he bellows.
“We don’t need to get married to be happy.”
“I want to get married, Rebecca. I love you, and up until ten seconds ago, I thought that you loved me.”
“I’m not getting married again, Blake. I’m sorry, I just can’t do that,” I stammer. “It’s . . . it’s just a piece of paper. It means nothing.”
He puts his weight onto his back foot, as if I’ve just dealt him a physical blow.
“We’ve never even talked about getting married. Why would . . . why would you think that I want to get married?” I’m talking fast and spluttering, trying to get my words out.
“I want a family, Rebecca.”
“We can have a baby. We don’t have to be married to have a baby.”
“We have bigger fucking issues than a baby right now,” he screams. “You just ended it with me because you thought I was lying. You are the one who told me I was ready to settle down. You assured me that I could be that person, and like the Rebecca disciple I am, I believed you. I have done everything in my power to be the man that you deserve. And now I find out that everything you have said to me is a complete lie. You actually thought I was sleeping with other women? You’re supposed to be my best friend, and now I find out that you have no idea who I fucking even am?” He seemingly remembers something. “If anything, you’ve been lying to me all along!”
“I have never lied to you.”
“You knew that we were together after Carol’s, and you didn’t say a single fucking word. I was freaking out that I had been with someone else, and you didn’t once think to let me in on your secret?”
“With my history, I just . . .”
“You know what?” He throws up his hands. “You don’t deserve me.”
My face falls as my greatest fear leaves his lips.
“If marriage is just a piece of paper to you, then you really should go back to your husband, because that’s exactly what it was to him. And I deserve fucking better than this secondhand love that you’re dishing out.”
His words cut me like a knife. “I just . . .”
“You just fucking blew it with me; that’s what you just did.”
“Blake, don’t be angry. I want you to think about this from my side. We’re happy; we’re content. We don’t need to be married.”
His eyes hold mine for a beat. “You’re wrong. Let’s be real, Rebecca. You’re wrong.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I was happy. I was content. You’re still thinking about your ex-husband.” His eyes fill with tears. “I went through all the trouble to get a yellow diamond from Cancún. I’ve been working extra hours to help pay for it,” he whispers. “I wanted you to wear your dream ring.” He angrily wipes his eyes. “But it turns out, it was never your dream. It was only mine.”
Oh . . .
“Blake,” I whisper.
“You let his love taint mine,” he murmurs.
I screw up my face in tears.
“And I’ll never forgive you for it.” He turns and walks to the door.
“No, Blake, don’t go,” I stammer as I run after him. I grab his arm to try and stop him from leaving. “Stay. We need to talk about this.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. You’ve said all I need to hear.” He pushes past me out through the door.
“Blake, talk to me. Stop,” I call.
He’s visibly upset as he gets into the car, and I stand in front of it to try and stop him from leaving. “Blake. Calm down. I don’t want you driving like this.”
“Get the fuck out of my way!” he screams as his anger takes him over the edge. He begins to drive, pushing me backward. He’s going to run me over, he’s so angry.
“Blake, don’t.” I bang on his side window as he drives past me, but he doesn’t stop and he doesn’t look back as the car careens back down the driveway. The tears roll down my face as I watch it disappear into the distance.
Fuck.
What have I done?