My Hot Alpha

We didn't stay at the cabin. We hit the road back home as soon as I told him I was willing to work things out. It was still a little awkward and the drive home wasn't exactly comfortable.

The tension between us was wild and not exactly in a good way. But I said I was willing to give it another go and I was going to try. The only thing I was hesitant about was not being able to go back to the way we were. "Leah?".

"Yeah?".

"You do know how sorry I am don't you?". He placed his hand on my knee squeezing gently.

"I know". I didn't want to keep talking about it. The more he brought it up the more I struggled to move past it. I knew he was sorry but he still had to gain back my trust. "She meant nothing to me, you're the only-....".

"Can we please not". I sighed. "I've told you I'm willing to try again but please stop talking about it".

His hand fell from my knee as he gripped the steering wheel and drove the rest of the way home.

It was horrible. The awkwardness, the tension. I couldn't help but feel like we had lost what we had. He pulled up outside my house cutting the engine.

"I'll see you tomorrow". Unclipping my seat belt I jumped when he grabbed my hand.

"I feel like I've lost you".

"Same". I whispered.

"Are we ever going to get back what we had?".

I hated it, I hated how much our relationship had changed in so little time.

I shrugged because right now I wasn't so sure. Was I always going to have that little voice in the back of my head telling me he was up to no good? "You're not really filling me with confidence Leah".

"Can you blame me?". Dammit I shouldn't have said that. He ran a hand down his face a sigh falling from his lips. "I'm sorry". I whispered. "I just-... I'll see you tomorrow".

He didn't say anything else as I got out but he didn't leave until I was safely inside. Leaning against the front door I burst out crying.

I had no idea how to handle this.

"Oh sweetheart". My gran pulled me towards her gripping me tightly. That only made my tears fall harder. "Let it all out honey".

"I-I don't know what to do". I cried.

"Only you can make that decision Leah". Her grip loosened as she took hold of my hand leading me into the kitchen. "Sit sweetheart, I'll fix you some hot coco".

"I want to give him another chance but the doubts I have are driving me crazy. I can't switch it off, how do I get past what he did?".

"Do you want to be with him?".

"Yes". And that was the truth. Nothing about the way I felt had changed. He still made me feel all fuzzy inside.

"Then picture life without him". She placed the cup of hot coco on the table as she sat across from me. "The balls in your corner sweetheart. You make the decision, you decide how fast or slow this goes".

"I just want things to go back to the way they were". I took a sip of my drink burning my tongue in the process. "But that's not going to happen".

"Says who?" She frowned. "If you want things to go back to the way they were then make it happen. Jake made a mistake sweetheart and he'll pay for it for the rest of his life. What he did will live with him forever". "Why did he have to ruin everything". I whispered.

"I'm not sure honey but he's a damn fool if you ask me. All I want is for you to be happy and whatever you decide I'll support you".

"I thought he was different. At the start I was hesitant because of his past but he proved me wrong. I trusted him and he broke my heart".

"Hearts can be mended Leah. This time round you show him who's boss". The knock at the back door made my stomach drop. Please don't be him.

"Take yourself upstairs. I'll deal with whoever that is". She kissed the top of my head. "I'll bring you some dinner shortly". "Thanks gran".

I collapsed onto my bed tv remote in hand. I couldn't explain how I felt. I wasn't angry my head was just pickled. I wanted to be with him but I wasn't sure if that was because of the bond. Maybe all of it was because of the bond. I know deep down I wouldn't stand for it if this was a normal relationship but I couldn't picture my life without him in it.

..

I was sitting by my window watching the world go by. I liked when it got dark here. Everything was so peaceful and quiet.

I tried to occupy myself with binge watching the vampire diaries but nothing was taking my mind off him. I was sat in darkness, the only light coming from the moon. She wasn't full just yet but she would be soon. Sooner than I would like. I knew it was going to hit me like a train and I had no idea how I was going to handle it. Leaning my head against the window I watched the little drops of rain fall. When the time came I knew I would need him. He was the only one that could make it better. Was I making the right decision?

Was I weak for giving him another chance?

Was he going to hurt me again?

Groaning I squeezed my eyes shut tight. I couldn't stay out of my own head. It was like I was trapped with the not knowing, the doubts, the what ifs. I wanted to scream. Would I be better off without him?

I already knew the answer to that one. The thought of not having him in my life made my heart hurt. I didn't want to think of life without him.

Surely that alone was enough for me to get past this?

I knew I wanted him, needed him but right now it was a fight between my heart and my head. The knock on my door pulled me out of my thoughts, my gran sticking her head inside. "I know your not feeling yourself right now but George wants to take us to dinner. Claire and Zac will be joining us too".