My Fault (Culpable Book 1)

I got up later than normal that morning. I didn’t know if it was all the contradictory thoughts I’d gone to bed with or the knowledge that I had a hard day ahead of me, but when I saw the clouds in the sky, I knew I’d made a mistake asking for a favor from Nicholas and that nothing good would come of my ex staying at my home. I put on a swimsuit and a sundress, telling myself I’d just have to hang on till seven, when I could go to my new job and avoid whatever problems Dan had in store for me.

I’d thought it over a long time before falling asleep, and the only feelings I still had for the guy who’d been everything for me were rage and resentment. I was angry. I didn’t want to see him. I felt stupid for ever letting him kiss me. Maybe that was just because he wasn’t in front of me to stir up old memories. But I hoped it stayed that way that morning. I didn’t even want to see his face.

When I went to the kitchen and saw Dan sitting at the table with a cup of coffee staring at his phone, I couldn’t keep myself from scowling at him. I walked straight past him to the fridge and got out the orange juice.

“I was waiting for you to come down,” he said, standing up and leaning on the counter. I ignored him as I sliced the bread and put it in the toaster. “Your parents are gone.”

“My mother’s gone,” I corrected him. “William is not my parent.”

Dan sighed, and finally I looked over at him. His hair was well combed, and he’d put on jeans and a T-shirt with a stupid phrase on it.

“You don’t want to talk to me?” he asked. “I want you back, Noah. I didn’t come here from another country just for a vacation. I came here to get you to forgive me.”

“I can’t forgive you, Dan. You cheated on me, and not just once. I’ve got photos, I don’t know who sent them, but I’d assume it’s one of your little girlfriends. They never liked you and me going out, and I guess they don’t like you going out with my best friend, either.”

Before Dan could respond, Nick came in with no shirt on, wearing pajama pants that hung low on his hips. His hair was scruffy, his feet bare…and he made my heart start pounding. Dan looked over at the young man who had immediately entranced me.

Nick stopped in the doorway and analyzed the situation. I bit my lip. What would he do now?

“Hi, we haven’t been introduced,” Nick said, stretching out his hand. Dan reacted a second late. I could see the veins in my stepbrother’s arm tense as he squeezed Dan’s hand. Dan visibly tried as hard as possible to pretend it didn’t hurt while I stood there fidgeting. “I’m Nicholas.”

“Dan,” my ex said.

The next thing that happened must have shaken him to the core: Nick walked over and bent down to kiss me lovingly on the lips.

“Morning, Precious,” he said, eyes glimmering in a way I couldn’t quite decipher. Then he poured himself a coffee and walked out into the yard.

Wow, Nick. Thanks for putting me on the spot.

“What’s this all about, Noah?” Dan asked, seething.

I shrugged, trying to ignore him.

“It means that I’ve moved on,” I said, sitting down and taking a sip of my juice.

“You didn’t even need two weeks to find that meathead to replace me?”

“You didn’t even need twenty-four hours.”

Dan walked over and grabbed the back of my chair.

“I know what you’re doing. I get it. You’re trying to give me a taste of my own medicine. But that doesn’t change anything, Noah. You and I have a relationship.”

“Had. We had a relationship,” I said, getting up and raising my voice.

“What else do I have to do for you to forgive me?”

I laughed. “What else? What the hell have you done? Let my mom buy you a plane ticket? My God, you’re pathetic.”

I walked out the door into the yard. Nick was lying on a deck chair. I sat down beside him. He took off his sunglasses and looked at me impassively.

“Can I break his face now?” he asked.

“I don’t think we’ve fooled anyone,” I replied.

“I called you Precious. For me, Freckles, that’s tantamount to asking for your hand in marriage.” He slid a lock of hair back behind my ear. “Your ex is looking out the window, by the way.”

“What should I do then?”

“Just do whatever I tell you,” he said, bending over to whisper in my ear. “Like now—touch me.”

What?

“Come on, do it.”

I reached up and did as he asked. His skin was warm, almost feverish beneath my cold hands. He tensed up as my fingers followed the lines of his abs, and he buried his face in my neck, nibbling softly.

“Now you lean in and do exactly what I’m doing now.” My hand had already reached the soft hair around his belly button, but he had grabbed me, stopping me from going farther.

“You mean I should kiss your neck?”

“That’s right, Freckles.”

I put my hand on the nape of his neck and planted my lips in the hollow between his shoulder and collarbone. He reached under my shirt and stroked my back. I bit his ear, tugging softly at the lobe. I was enjoying this too much for it to just be playacting.

The next thing I knew, Nick was pulling on my ponytail, and when my head jerked back, he pressed his lips into mine. I arched my back until our bellies touched, desperate for contact, and when his tongue pushed into my mouth, I thought I would melt on the spot.

He held my head firmly, immobilizing me while his tongue moved tirelessly in circles around mine. I needed to touch him again—not because he’d ordered me to, not to make Dan jealous; I just needed it, the same way I needed oxygen to breathe. I felt Nick’s arms, his hard pecs, and when he pulled me on top of him in the deck chair, his erection pressed into my stomach.

Nick opened his eyes. His pupils were dilated. A savagery filled his blue eyes that seemed to hint at danger.

“Is he still watching?” I asked with labored breathing.

Nick smiled.

“Who said he was watching?”

I looked over at the kitchen window. There was no one there.

“You said he was looking out the window!”

“Did I?” he replied in a mock-naive tone.

I stood up, pissed.

“That’s enough!” I shouted.

“Not for me it isn’t, Precious.”

“You can stop faking, Nicholas. No one’s here to see us.”

“Who said I was faking?”

That surprised me, threw me off-kilter.

Fuck. What was I getting into?

I didn’t know what to do. The house was big, but I couldn’t just forget Dan and Nicholas were there. I needed to escape, kill time until work started, so I put on a pair of shorts, a tank top, and my Nikes and walked out in the hall, ready for a run on the beach.

Just then, the guest bedroom door opened, and Dan came to join me. I ignored him, heading for the stairs.

“Dammit, Noah, just wait,” he said as he reached me on the landing.

“What do you want, Dan?” I asked, exasperated.

“If you’re not even going to talk to me, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here.”

“Maybe you should have thought of that before you showed up here and put me in this awkward position,” I said, turning around and walking the rest of the way downstairs. He followed me, obviously.

“So what should I do then?”

“Honestly? You should leave.”

“I guess I thought after nine months together, we could at least try to fix things,” he said.

Was he really trying to pretend I’d hurt him? Him?

“I’m not that kind of girl, Dan. And I don’t want to be.”

“What kind of girl?”

“The kind of girl who lets her boyfriend cheat on her and then just because he says ‘I’m sorry’ a couple of times decides to act like nothing ever happened. I thought you knew me well enough to realize that, but I guess I was wrong.”

“What the hell did you think would happen?” he screamed. “That things would just go on like before? You fucking left!”

My lip started trembling. I knew I’d left. I didn’t need him to shout and remind me of it.

“Right, I left. So the question is, what the hell are you doing here?”

“I didn’t want things to turn out this way. You hooking up with the first dude who came along just to hurt me. But I see you’ve done that. I can take the hint.”

I laughed scornfully.

“Is it really so hard for you to believe that I’m actually with Nick because I want to be with him?”

Dan’s expression was condescending.

“Come on, Noah. I’m not an idiot. That whole act you’re putting on, the kiss in the kitchen—you don’t think I know what you’re up to?”

I felt myself blushing, and that only made me angrier.

“You want to know what I’m up to?” I said, stepping toward him. “All the stuff you and I never did—that’s what I’m up to with him.”

I knew I was on shaky ground. Dan was very jealous, and I was sure the only reason he’d come here was to make sure I was still eating out of his hand. He couldn’t stand the thought that I’d turned the page that quickly; it was a blow to his fragile masculine ego.

By his expression, I could tell I’d hit him where it hurt.

He must have wanted to strike back, but before he could, Nick appeared in the entryway, walked over, and stood between us.

“How about you fuck off?” he asked Dan icily.

“You sleeping with my girlfriend?” Dan asked, squaring off. His muscles were tense, and the vein in his neck twitched.

“Whatever I do with Noah is none of your business.”

Dan seemed to be thinking over what to do next. I understood his hesitation. Nick was scary, especially when he talked calmly and coolly, as he was doing just then. Plus he was older, bigger, stronger. I even felt a little bad for Dan…but not much.

“Dan, you should go,” I said, walking around to Nick’s side.

There was nothing else to talk about. The situation was ridiculous and uncomfortable for both of us. Not just because I was pretending Nicholas and I had something that we didn’t but also because Dan and I had passed the point of no return. He’d told me that himself when he’d admitted he’d cheated on me after I left. So what more was there to say?

“I’m sorry for all this, Noah,” he said, ignoring my stepbrother’s presence.

I bit my lip. I never thought things could end up like this between us.

“I guess we’re just a perfect example of how long-distance relationships don’t work.”

Dan nodded and walked up the stairs, to get his things, I assumed.

“I’ll make sure he gets on the plane,” Nick said. I had forgotten he was there, observing me. I tried to pull myself together. I didn’t want him to see me this way, feeling sorry for someone who didn’t deserve it.

“I’ve got to run,” I said.

I needed that just then—to get away from him, from Dan, from that house, from everything.

As I turned around, he grabbed my arm.

“You okay?” he asked.

Was Nick actually worried about me?

“I will be,” I said, walking off.

I spent the next hour and a half walking on the beach, thinking—or, rather, trying not to think. I couldn’t deny how much it hurt that I’d probably never see Dan or Beth again or anyone else from my old life. I had no reason to go back to my old city, and that shattered me inside. My boyfriend, my friends, they would have been a reason to, but now…

I ran and ran until my body forced me to throw myself on the sand, exhausted. I looked at the clouded-over sky and asked myself how everything could change so fast. One minute you were one person, the next minute you were a different one.

Without even meaning to, I thought back to the kiss Nick and I had shared that morning. I could almost feel his lips against mine still. It had been so intense. I was scared of what I was getting into, and I had to be careful: I didn’t want to fall into anyone’s trap, and especially not into Nicholas Leister’s.

I had to protect my heart, and the best way to do that was to stay away from anything that made me feel so much when he’d given me so little.

I couldn’t give that power to Nicholas. If I did, he’d be the one person who could destroy me.

On my way home, I got in the water to cool down. My body was burning from the exercise. As I walked along the shore drying off, I ran into Mario, the bartender from Nick’s gang who had taken me to the races.

“Hey, Nick’s little sister,” he said with a perfect smile, pulling on a leash until his dog, a beautiful German shepherd, walked up by his side.

“Hey!” I said, actually happy to see him, and bent over to scratch his dog behind the ears.

“You over the Leister family yet?” he asked. He had a contagious smile and very white teeth.

“More like over everything in general, but I’m still trying to get used to it all.” I tried to hold something back. I didn’t want to weigh the poor guy down with my problems.

We started walking together.

“If you ever want me to show you the town, just say the word. There are places I think you’d love.”

I was thankful for the offer but a little worried Mario might have had other plans for me. I liked him, sure, but I wasn’t trying to get wrapped up in anything. I had enough problems with guys as things were.

“I mean, I haven’t had much time to see the sights, and I don’t know that I will now that I need to start my job.”

“You got a job! Cool! Where?”

“At Bar 48, by the boardwalk. Today’s my first day.”

Mario seemed to be searching for something in the back of his mind, but then he said, “Yeah, I know people there. It’s a nice spot.” But he seemed not to be telling me something.

Just then, we reached the cliffside and the stone steps that led straight up to my yard.

“Come see me when you want. I can’t buy you a drink, but I don’t think they’ll mind if I throw a free Coke your way,” I said.

He laughed.

“I’ll be there. And remember—if you feel like hanging out, my offer still stands.”

I nodded, but without committing myself to anything, and waved goodbye.

When I climbed the stairs to my room, I couldn’t help but peek into the guest room. There wasn’t a trace of Dan or of his things.

Was I an idiot for feeling sad at the absence of a person who’d hurt me so badly? Whatever. I didn’t want to think about it anymore, so I went to my room, showered, and dressed for work.

When I got to Bar 48, I parked in the lot out front and walked inside. It was a nice place; there were pictures of rock singers on the wall and a stage in the corner where they sometimes had live music. All around were tables with black chairs and a huge bar with all the bottles behind it. When I walked in, the manager, a round woman, told me what my duties would be.

“We all change here. I’ll give you a T-shirt in a sec,” she said, showing me a door in the back that led to dry storage, which doubled as a changing room. “You punch in when you get here and punch out when you leave. If anyone orders alcohol, just ask me or one of your coworkers.”

I nodded eagerly. The job was very similar to the one I’d had before in Canada. I introduced myself to the other three waitresses working my shift, which ran from seven to ten at night. It wasn’t many hours, but with my tips, it would be enough to get by.

The time passed quickly, and I was glad to have something to distract me for a few hours. I got to work right away, taking orders and waiting on customers. Before I realized it, it was ten to ten. That was when Mario walked through the door.

I smiled, surprised he’d decided to show up.

“You look good,” he said, referring to my uniform: a black shirt with the bar’s logo and a white apron tied around my waist.

“Thanks. You want something?” I asked.

“I’ll take a Coke.”

“Something funny?” I asked when I opened the bottle and poured it into a glass for him. His smile was almost awkwardly wide.

“I’m just asking myself why you’re waiting tables when we both know perfectly well you don’t need to.”

“I don’t like other people paying for my shit. I’d rather do it myself,” I said, glancing around to see if anyone needed me. But we weren’t busy, and I could stand there for a while and talk.

I liked this Mario.

“When do you finish?” he asked after a few minutes’ joking around.

I looked at the clock.

“Now,” I said, picking up his glass and setting it on the bar.

“How about I invite you to the movies?”

All I really wanted to do was go home and get into bed. But Mario was handsome and nice, and it would be fun to go out with someone who wouldn’t be a pain. Not my ex, not my stepbrother…

“Today’s not a great day for it, but I could do the weekend if you’re into it?”

Getting down from his stool, he replied, “I’m going to hold you to it.”

We walked out together. I was holding my keys; he had his motorcycle helmet in his hand. I looked up to see the last person I ever expected to find leaning on the hood of my car: Nick.

I stopped and noticed how his eyes went from me to the guy next to me. His whole body seemed to stiffen, and in his eyes I could see a growing rage that I knew he had no problem unleashing. But he forced a smile and walked over. Before I could say anything, he wrapped an arm over my shoulders and pulled me in, so tight I couldn’t move.

“Hey, Precious,” he said. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.

“Nick,” Mario greeted him, but without looking over.

I tried to say this wasn’t what it looked like, not by a long shot, but Nick pulled me off toward his car, waving a curt goodbye to Mario.

“Sorry, big guy, but d my girl and I have plans.”

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked, wriggling away only to find that Mario was already walking off. “Are you crazy?”

“Crazy about you, Precious,” he said, lighting a cigarette as if nothing were out of the ordinary.

“You can drop the Precious. It doesn’t suit you,” I said, crossing my arms.

“It doesn’t, right?” He laughed. “Babe, that’s more my style, I think.”

“Why’d you do that?”

“Didn’t you want that? For me to pretend to be your boyfriend?”

“I meant in front of Dan, Nicholas.”

“Ah!” He clicked his tongue. “Help me out, Freckles, you’re confusing me.”

“Now he’s gonna think there’s something going on that isn’t,” I said, unable to ignore the electricity that crackled every time we were together.

“By which you mean…”

“By which I mean us being together.”

“What do you care what that idiot thinks?”

His voice turned gravelly, harsh. We both noticed.

“I don’t want anyone to think you and I are hooking up. With Dan, it was necessary. But now that he’s gone…”

“He’s not gone yet,” Nick replied, throwing his cigarette to the ground. “I bought him a plane ticket, but he doesn’t leave for thirteen more hours. It’s going to be the longest trip in history!”

I felt bad for Dan. Thirteen hours in the airport and another five in the air…

“You think I shouldn’t have done that? I can go pick him up if you want. We can all go get dinner together.”

I had to admit, I liked his sarcasm.

“Thanks for helping get him off my back,” I said, still struggling to believe Nicholas had gone out of his way on my behalf. “You didn’t have to.”

“I’m keeping track,” he responded. “At this rate, you’ll be my indentured servant before my twenty-second birthday.”

I didn’t exactly like what he’d just said, but it did remind me of what it felt like to have his lips against mine, and I thought, You can make me pay you back for as many favors as you like.

Damn his attractiveness…

“So you’re saying you can’t just do something from the goodness of your heart?” I was getting nervous. He was so close to me, I had to lean back to look him in the eyes.

“I don’t do anything out of the goodness of my heart, love.”

That last word almost made my heart stop, but it was even worse when he bent over, grabbed my neck, and kissed me hard. I couldn’t speak, couldn’t think, couldn’t do anything…

I saw myself reach up and pull him in. There I was again, trapped between him and the car. He reached for my waist with his other hand, and his muscles felt so hard against the softness of my body. Our breathing grew labored. I wanted more, needed more. Nick awakened sensations in me that had been asleep my whole life.

His knee pressed between my legs, and an exquisite heat suffused my body.

Just when I thought I’d been teleported to another world, Nick’s phone rang, waking us from the trance that simple kiss had become.

He stood back a bit and brought it up to his ear. Looking away, I realized how easily he could seduce me with just a single touch—and right there in public, in the middle of a parking lot!

“I’ll be there in a minute,” he said in a tone of voice as distinct as possible from the one he’d used with me just before.

He hung up and told me, “I’ve got to go. I’ve got something to do.”

I nodded.

“I’ll see you at home,” he added.

What had happened to make him seem so distant?

“See you, Nicholas,” I said, climbing into my car.

What I couldn’t understand, after all that had happened that day, was that his attitude was the only thing that had pissed me off.