My Fault (Culpable Book 1)

After what had happened with Nick, I decided to stay away from him tonight. That was what he’d asked for, after all. What had happened between us was weird, but it was pleasant. Then he’d opened his mouth and I’d remembered who I was dealing with.

Still, I’d gotten what I wanted. I’d gotten my revenge on Dan, even if deep down I realized that nothing could make me feel better after the two people who mattered most to me had betrayed me behind my back.

The photo Nick had taken had shaken me. I’d never taken photos of Dan and me kissing. For that matter, Dan had never kissed me like that. When I looked at the picture, I got goose bumps. You could see us in it in profile, his lips half-open and pressed into mine, our eyes closed, enjoying the moment. My cheeks were bright red, Nick’s face was hard, cold, irresistible. He really was attractive. Dan would be climbing the walls. I knew it. He was just that egotistical, even if normally he saved his self-centered attitude for other people and didn’t make me a victim of it. I sent him the picture of him cheating, so he’d know I had it.

Then I wrote a text under the photo of Nick and me before sending it.

All I needed was four hours to find a bigger man than you. Thanks for opening my eyes. By the way, in your picture you look like a fish sucking air. Learn to kiss, douchebag!

I looked at the photo of him and Beth kissing.

His face still drew me in, but I knew that with that message, our relationship was over. I would never see him again, and for the first time, I was happy there was a border between us. As for Beth, I just wrote her a two-word message that I sent along with the photo of her and Dan kissing:

We’re done.

I exhaled all the air I’d been holding in. That was it. With that, nine months of romance and seven years of friendship were finished. I felt my eyes grow damp, but I didn’t spill a single tear. To hell with them. They didn’t deserve it.

I put my phone in my back pocket and tried to find Nick. Last I saw him, he was leaning against his black Ferrari and drinking a beer. I turned around and walked straight over to Jenna.

We danced, laughed, entertained ourselves. My new friend was crazy. Now and then she’d run off to make out with her boyfriend, and I’d remember what had happened and feel depressed. I tried to distract myself watching the races; I loved the sport, and it brought back some of my favorite memories from back when going to the races was an everyday thing for me. I noted the techniques of all the different drivers. Nick’s friend was pretty good, but Nick was better. His first race impressed me.

As the night went on, I found myself analyzing the different strategies and asking myself what was missing, how to increase our side’s advantage. The problem was the second curve. If you hit it too slow, you fell behind; if you took it too fast, you risked spinning out.

I was dying to get on the track. I felt like I could do it better. I wanted to feel the wind in my face, the adrenaline in my body that speed always brought with it, feel that control over the car, knowing I was the one telling it where to go.

These thoughts were swirling in my head when I realized the last race was about to begin. This guy Ronnie was racing against Nicholas. If I had the chance, I thought, I could smoke him with my eyes closed.

Everyone had gotten in their cars and driven over to the finish line. Jenna, Lion, and I had to stay behind, but they left for a second to get her car. Nicholas had vanished, too, taking off toward his SUV with that dark-haired bimbo. So there I was, alone, with a rocket ship just waiting for someone to get behind the wheel.

I saw Ronnie walk over to his tuner and glance over at me. He was a scary dude. He was ripped like a gladiator and had hundreds of tattoos all over his arms and back.

“Yo, bae,” he said, leaning his forearms on the hood. “Who are you?”

I was intimidated, but I thought it was smart to answer him.

“Noah,” I said.

“I’ve been watching you,” he admitted. “I know how to tell a chick who knows this game from one who’s just standing around. And you know this game,” he said, slapping the hood.

“I might have raced a time or two,” I said, wondering where everyone else was. I didn’t like the way that dude was looking at me; he gave me the creeps.

“I can imagine,” he replied. “Why don’t you race me then?”

Was he really proposing what I thought he was proposing?

“You’re supposed to race Nicholas,” I said doubtfully.

“Yeah, but Nicholas ain’t here, is he?”

I felt the adrenaline coursing through my veins. Racing again. That was what I wanted. What I needed. And it was true—Nicholas wasn’t there to tell me no.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” I said, biting my lip but seeing the keys of the Ferrari in the ignition.

Ronnie clicked his tongue and walked over slowly.

It’s actually a great idea, I thought. But I kept that to myself.

“Nick already got behind the wheel tonight. And it’s about time he lets a woman try, no?”

Guys like Nick were the reason nobody took girls like me seriously.

“Or are you scared?” Ronnie added. He knew how to hit me where it hurt.

That infuriated me, and I was sure he could see my answer on my face before I opened my mouth.

“You’re on,” I said with a smirk. He grinned back at me.

“Good job, Precious. See you at the starting line.”

I knew what he was thinking: that he could beat me like a cheap rug. Well, I hate to tell you, Ronnie, but I forgot to mention that you’re racing against the daughter of a NASCAR champ.

The car was dope. Leather seats, impeccable body, and the roar of that motor…what a pleasure, what memories. I slid it into gear and rolled slowly to the starting line. No one knew who was inside. No one but my adversary.

I smiled like a little kid. I didn’t want to think about the consequences, didn’t want to think of how Nick would probably kill me; I just wanted to have fun.

Come on, Ronnie, you hard-ass.

When the flags gave the signal, I stomped the accelerator, and in under a second, I was off. It was moving, liberating, relaxing, scary… Nothing could have been better. I hadn’t done anything like that in years. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d done something for me, something I liked, something that didn’t have to do with my mom or her husband or my ex-boyfriend or ex-best friend. I was free, free as a bird, and in a state of pure ecstasy.

Ronnie was gunning it next to me. I stepped down harder and shouted like crazy as I glided past the first curve, leaving him behind.

“Hell yes!” I shouted.

But the second curve was fast approaching, and that was the tough one. So I asked myself the million-dollar question: slow down and avoid danger or push it to the limit and risk running off the track?

Needless to say, I chose the second.

I accelerated while calculating the absolute minimum I could slow down at the key moment to round the curve in safety.

When I saw it up close, I realized it was tighter than I’d thought at first. Shit. I was going to start spinning out. I braked and jerked the wheel with all my strength, heard the sand hitting the car, the tires squealing under the abuse.

I clenched my jaw and shouted when I made it through without killing myself. The motor growled, telling me to go faster, and who was I to say no?

“Yes!” I shrieked, seeing Ronnie behind me, almost on my bumper. In his reflection in the mirror, his face was enraged. He knew he was losing.

“Suck it!” I shouted in bliss. “All you big-shot macho dickheads can suck it!”

I’d made it through the hard part. The rest was a cakewalk. I sped up toward the finish line. Another mile or two and I had him. My heart was racing, I was thrilled… =and then Ronnie hit me from behind. I lurched forward, and the seat belt dug into my chest.

“You fucker!” I said and gripped the wheel tighter. Ronnie was a maniac; he kept slowing down and speeding up, trying to ram me again. I rocked to one side to avoid a third attempt, but he followed me, this time striking me to the right. That son of a bitch was destroying my car!

I pulled right quickly and gave him a taste of his own medicine, almost breaking off his side mirror, and when I saw he was distracted and more pissed off than ever, I put the pedal to the floor, ready to reach my destination.

Just a few feet more, three, two…then it was over. I’d crossed the finished line.

The screams were deafening; people were waving their hands and their fluorescent bandanas in the air. It was wild, the feeling of winning, knowing I’d left that thug in the dust.

I braked next to the mass of spectators, looked in the rearview, and saw Ronnie getting out of the car in fury. He kicked the door of my car. I just laughed.

Then someone appeared in my window, opened the door, and pulled me out of the interior, almost lifting me in the air.

“Are you out of your fucking mind?!” Nicholas said. He looked rabid.

“Jesus, Nicholas!”

I’d never seen him so mad. Not even when we’d fought at the party the night before and he’d been handing out beatings like they were candy. His hair was messy, it looked like he’d been pulling on it, and his gaze told me he wished I was dead and buried and he’d never have to lay eyes on me again.

I was so scared, I blurted out the first thing that came into my head: “I won, though.”

Face almost touching mine, he asked, “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?!” I was terrified, but I wasn’t going to let him cow me, so I shook and shook until he had to let me go.

“Don’t you dare yell at me.”

That rich fucker. It wasn’t like I’d wrecked his car; I’d taken perfect care of it. Whatever damage it had received was the fault of that dumbass, Ronnie. Plus, I’d won the race! I’d won!

That was when Jenna and Lion came over, leaving behind the chaos. As I pricked up my ears, I heard screaming and whistling coming from all around.

“Cheater! Cheater!”

That meant the public was on my side. They’d seen Ronnie playing dirty; he’d broken the rules and rear-ended me; that was strictly illegal, especially in a car like that, which wasn’t made for harsh impact.

“Let her go, Nicholas,” Lion said, but his face was no friendlier than Nick’s.

Jenna’s expression was nasty, too, and that surprised as well as hurt me.

“Here comes Ronnie,” she said, and Nicholas released me so abruptly that I hit my back against the car.

What the hell was going on? Why was everyone so pissed off?

Nicholas turned around with his fists clenched.

“You broke the rules, Leister, and you know exactly what that means,” Ronnie said, clearly furious, but with a grin across that face full of piercings and tattoos.

“Bullshit,” Nicholas said. Lion was next to him, and the other guys in his gang approached to give him support. Ronnie’s crew did the same. Less than a minute had passed, and I still had no idea what was going on. “It’s not my fault if someone else gets in my car and drives on the track. There’s no way you’re pinning that on me.”

Now I started to see what was going on.

“She’s a member of your gang, Leister. That makes her your responsibility.”

“No, she’s not,” Nicholas said, but then he turned and looked at me. I saw surprise in his eyes and anger again, or, rather, a new anger, three times as fierce as the old one.

“She’s got the bandana on. That means she’s in the gang,” Ronnie blustered.

Now I got it. The bandana made me a member. But if I was, then what was the problem with me racing in Nicholas’s place?

“You broke the rules, Leister. The final was between you and me. So that makes me the winner.” All those behind him howled in agreement, and his eyes seemed to dare us to say otherwise.

“This is bullshit,” Nicholas said, stepping forward. Lion did the same, his fists pressed into his hips.

With that dumbass smile of his, Ronnie started shaking his head even as Nicholas was speaking.

“You can go ahead and hand over the fifteen thousand and that baby right there,” he said, looking at Nick’s black Ferrari.

What the…?

I stepped forward; I didn’t care who was standing across from me. I could feel Nick getting tenser, but before he could push me back, I spoke:

“You were the one who told me to race you,” I shouted. “And I beat you. A seventeen-year-old girl beat you.” Ronnie’s face twisted into an expression of wrath. I thought he’d kill me. But that wouldn’t stop me from saying what I had to say. “I wounded your puny little masculine ego, and now you want to try to make everyone think you’ve got some right to the money and the car.” I would have continued, but Nicholas got in front of me.

“Shut your mouth and get in my car,” he said through clenched teeth. “Now!”

“Fuck that!” I shouted, looking past him to Ronnie. I wasn’t going to let that fuckhead manipulate the situation to his benefit, and there was no way in hell I was letting him take the car. I won the race; he never even took the lead. “You should learn to race, dumbass!”

Nick’s gang shouted their agreement. That made me feel better.

Someone pulled me back as Nick turned to Ronnie with the veins in his neck ready to explode. I saw Ronnie’s face and thought they might beat each other to death.

“Shut up, Noah, now,” Jenna said in my ear. “You’re going to make this way worse than you can imagine.”

I didn’t respond. Nick and Ronnie were staring each other down. A fight seemed inevitable. But then Nick grabbed the keys from me and handed them over.

No!

“I’ll send you the cash tomorrow,” he said, feigning calm.

All around us was silence. Ronnie smiled, took the keys, and started spinning them around his finger. Nicholas was struggling to breathe, and I could tell he was seething, ready to explode.

“Yo, try to keep that bitch at home,” Ronnie said. That was when Nicholas lost it.

It happened so quickly, no one saw it coming. His fist struck Ronnie’s jaw with such force, he laid him out over the hood of his car.

Fists started flying all around me. The two gangs were going at it, and now I was in the middle of that inferno. Someone hit me from behind, and I fell face-first on the ground, scratching my knees and hands.

“Noah!” Jenna shouted, kneeling to help me get up.

They were fighting like their lives depended on it. I was in a panic. There were more than fifty muscular, scary guys there throwing blows.

Someone grabbed my arm and pulled Jenna and me away at the same time. It was Lion. His face looked stony and determined. His lip was bleeding. He spit on the ground as he struggled to get us out.

“Get in there and lock your doors,” he said, pointing at Nick’s SUV.

Lion hopped in the driver’s seat and pulled out, coming to a stop where Nick was beating on a now-disoriented Ronnie.

“Nick!” he shouted as loudly as possible, making himself heard over the group of men fighting and falling.

Nick punched Ronnie one more time in the stomach and ran toward us. His lip was busted, his cheek bruised. He’d barely hit the passenger door when Lion turned the wheel and hit the gas.

That was when I turned around.

My heart froze. Ronnie was lifting up a handgun and pointing it at the back of the car.

“Get down!” I shouted as the rear windshield shattered into a million pieces, and then we started racing away, and I thought I’d lose my mind.

“Fuck!” Nicholas and Lion screamed. Jenna and I were shouting as well.

“Son of a,” Nicholas said while Lion pulled out onto the highway. At this hour of the night, there wasn’t a single car on the road, and I was grateful to see Lion wasn’t worried about the speed limit. I turned back and saw several other cars doing the same, but as long as I didn’t see Ronnie, I could breathe easy.

“Are you okay?” Nicholas asked, looking first at me, then at Jenna.

“Jenna, talk to me,” Lion said, looking into the rearview, face heavy with worry.

“That goddamn son of a bitch!” she shouted hysterically. I was trembling from head to toe.

“I see you’re good as ever,” Lion said, laughing despite his nerves.

“Find a gas station,” Nick said.

I was petrified, scared to even breathe too loudly. No one had ever pointed a gun at me in my life. Ronnie had looked me in the eyes before shooting. I’d have that image of his face in my head for a long time.

I couldn’t take it all in. How had things gotten so out of control?

I was on the verge of a breakdown. First there had been Dan and Beth, then the adrenaline that had run through me for the first time in years, the good and bad memories it had awakened, the weakness and guilt I’d felt when Nick had to give his car to that asshole, the pain in my knees and hands, which were bleeding from the fall. As the rush faded away, I started to grasp all that had happened.

Ten minutes later, in uncomfortable silence, we arrived at a gas station that was open all night.

Lion cut the engine and got out to open the door for Jenna and give her a long, passionate hug. Nick got out at the same time and walked inside. I didn’t move. I couldn’t watch him. I didn’t want to.

I felt guilty; everything that had happened had been my fault, and that fight could have been a thousand times worse. I had no idea what Ronnie was doing with a gun, but I’d at least figured out that those races were nothing like the ones I’d seen as a girl, and the people here were nothing like the people back there. This was dangerous, there was a lot of money on the line, and the drivers were all criminals. I’d left a gang member looking ridiculous and forced my newly acquired stepbrother into a fight.

The situation had been bad to start with, but now it was worse than I could imagine.

Nicholas emerged from the gas station with a full bag and handed bandages, alcohol, and a bottle of pain reliever to Jenna and Lion. One of the guys fighting had split open her forehead. Lion cleaned her up and made sure she was all right.

Nicholas came around to the other side of the car. He took out alcohol and a bandage without bothering to look at me. He emptied a bottle of water on his head, shook out his hair, and then opened my door. I tried to get out. I could take care of my own wounds. But he wouldn’t let me.

“Give me your hands,” he said in an inexpressive tone. His lip was destroyed, the bruise on his cheek awful. And all of it had been my fault. I felt a knot in my stomach.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered so softly I didn’t even know whether he’d heard.

He took one of my hands and delicately cleansed the wound, which was full of blood and dirt.

I didn’t know what to say. I’d have preferred he yell at me or tell me how stupid and terrible I was, but instead, he just tended to my injuries. Behind us, Jenna and Lion were talking softly, sweetly. She was now looking after him. Nicholas looked at me only once before walking around to the driver’s seat. Minutes later, we were back on the road. No one said a word, not even Jenna or Lion.

It was then that I realized I had fucked up bad.